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somewhere between the red and green
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[Chances to Slip]
Okuyukashii
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I don't own Naruto.
Dedicated to ACHK, who loves the Neji/Gaara pairing (or any Neji/guy pairing—sorry for the lack of cracky romance) and to Neji himself, 'cause it's his birthday today. Happy birthday, Neji!
I never thought I could write something of this quality in about...two hours? Today and yesterday. It's better than the fluffy one-shot I wrote for Gaara's birthday, which is sad, because I like Gaara. A lot.
[MINOR EDITS]
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"Tsunade-sama? I wish to request a break from missions and the like for today."
Tsunade, who had been trying to catch on the never-ending piles of paperwork on her desk, sat up straight and looked up at Neji with wide eyes.
"Are you alright, Hyuuga? Do you feel sick? Perhaps you should see Shizune or Sakura, or get your mental health checked—"
Neji interrupted the Hokage, more than a little irritated.
"I am fine. May I have a break tomorrow?"
Tsunade got over her spasm and smiled wryly. "You've skipped enough breaks over the years to warrant an entire month off, Hyuuga."
"I would like to take tomorrow off," Neji repeated again like a broken record.
"Alright, your request is granted," Tsunade sighed. She noted to herself that Hyuuga were really no fun.
"Lee! Neji! Tenten!" shouted Naruto loudly as a greeting. "Did you hear? Gaara and the others are coming from Suna tomorrow! I can't wait to see Gaara again..."
He continued illustrating to his teammates the things he wanted to do with Gaara, like see if he wanted to participate in a prank with him, to 'get the stick out of his ass'. Lee joined in the conversation at one point, and Tenten spoke with Sakura about irrelevant daily events. Wisps of their gossip occasionally reached Neji's ears, but he didn't care for the conversations his teammates were having.
Sitting down at a spare seat, he stared into space to kill time before he would inevitably be dragged to some other location by his overexcited peers. He began to lose himself in his thoughts, hardly noticing when a loud shout rang out inches from his ear or when the sound of breaking china filled the room.
Somewhere between his self-reminders to buy groceries before one of the older branch house members was given the task and forgot Hiashi's favourite tea again and his self-deprecating thoughts of how hopeless his wishes for freedom were, he remembered why he had asked to have no tasks given to him today.
He glanced sideways at his friends. After observing them for a while, he allowed the corners of his lips to lift in a tiny, bitter smile.
Of course. No one said anything. And no one would. He didn't even entertain the thought that there was some sort of annoying surprise later, because ninja soon learned to say things when they thought it or forever stay silent.
Chances were things that needed to be taken.
"Aw! Do you really have to go?" This, too, was said by Naruto. Lee and Tenten had just announced that Guy would be waiting for them, but they would explain about the ninja coming from Suna, and they would come to meet Gaara and the others as soon as possible.
Waving goodbye to the rookie nine, Tenten and Lee dragged Neji out by his arms, just as he predicted.
He vaguely wondered why Tenten bothered to use the Body Flicker Jutsu to move them such a short distance, to their training spot. Neji supposed it was so that they could meet the sand ninja—who they had not had the chance to see outside of missions for quite a while—sooner.
Neji then wondered if he needed to ask Nara so that he could borrow his signature phrase.
"They're here!" This time, it was not Uzumaki, Neji noted, but rather his female teammate who noticed their presence first.
"Sorry for the wait, Guy started lecturing us on something like support for our friends, and—whatever. Hi guys!" chirped Tenten. It seemed that she harboured no ill wishes for Temari. They became friends over the years, as kunoichi who have survived tend to do. People are always drawn to those similar to them.
Finally tearing his gaze off the ground, Neji looked upwards at the Suna nin with the intention of muttering a quick greeting and then disappearing to some secluded area to drown in his thoughts.
Instead, his eyes locked on pale green ones and stayed there. Neji noticed the quality those eyes had—the ones like his. But someone spoke, and the bond was broken, to be forgotten for the moment.
"Neji." Tenten elbowed him. "Say hi at least."
Neji bowed, "Hello, Kazekage-sama, Temari-san, Kankurou-san."
When the group separated into little groups, each with their own different discussions, he noticed that only he and Gaara were not talking. He wasn't needed there anymore, so he vanished before someone could demand otherwise.
Finally, he received his coveted solitude. Granted, he had to journey to one of the peaks of the Hokage Mountain to get it.
Only now did he allow himself to sink to the ground like he had wanted to for the longest time. He sat there, unmoving, and closed his eyes as well.
Why? How was it possible that someone put in the spotlight so many times could be so ignored? Had it been a few years ago, give or take, Neji might say that he disliked attention. It might still be true, but attention and the simple acknowledgement from a friend were two completely different things. He couldn't remember the last time that a friend had taken the time to simply talk—about nothing at all. There were so many chances for him to try and join a light conversation today, but the act was something Neji couldn't force himself to do. Nobody else attempted to initiate a conversation.
And it was his fault.
Maybe he was just complaining, just letting out the angst that had built up inside of him, but Neji knew it was his fault. For being so unapproachable. For not giving others the chance when he could, and now—now he was paying for it.
He wondered sometimes if that was all he desired. Just a small comradeship. Something.
His consciousness started to waver, and Neji was completely prepared to fall asleep on the Hokage Mountain—maybe roll over a few times, slip a little, fall down, down, down...
The rustling of a fabric against the rock broke him out of his thoughts. Opening one eye, Neji was met with red hair and green eyes that weren't really green, but some sickly imitation of it. Gaara.
"Why are you here. Alone." It wasn't even a question, really, more of a statement that needed an answer—if such a thing were possible. Neji could almost be offended, if he himself didn't use that kind of tone regularly.
"I felt obligated to do so for myself," he said. He realized that he wasn't exactly answering the question asked, but Neji left it at that.
Gaara seemed to have realized this also. He thought it was fortunate he understood the Hyuuga, because he hated to repeat himself. "Obligated?"
"It seems to be that I deserve something special. So I am alone that I may think in peace." Without the disturbance of others—like you. Neji didn't say it aloud, but it was heard clearly in the minds of both the shinobi there.
"Shall I leave?"
Neji opened his mouth slightly to tell him, 'Yes, leave me alone, I want to think, I want to fall...'
But then he saw Gaara's eyes and said, "Stay. If you wish."
It was the loneliness in them, Neji decided. People are, after all, drawn to others similar to themselves. This made Neji decide to push his mind out of the front seat and let his heart pour out all those little thoughts he'd been having—how he hoped there was more to...this, than just waking up to do a mission, get a pat on the head, then go to sleep.
"Looking for a reason to exist," said Gaara quietly. He looked straight ahead, but he didn't see what was in front of him. He saw into the past, when a little red-headed boy once cried.
Neji blinks, because he had never thought of it that way in the longest time—he had once, though, when he still believed that the main house was to be blamed for all the wrongdoings in the world.
"I suppose."
Neji and Gaara sat there for a long time in silence. It was sunset now, and the eyes of both were riveted to the view from the tall peaks. If either of them were to turn his head, he would see the warm colours of the sky paint themselves over the skin of the other, dying his hair a reddish shade.
"It's nice, isn't it?" said Gaara, not looking away from the object of his thoughtful stare.
"The sunset?"
"The drop."
Some kind of wry smile crept onto Neji's face. It was like Neji had found a kindred spirit, one who was more alike to him than anyone else. He had just discovered that spark of insanity in Gaara that Neji found in himself.
A little whisper of you're like me tickled their ears, and somehow they both felt a little bit happier.
"Why are you here," Gaara repeated. The two of them had built a bond in the few minutes or hours they had sat there, and Gaara thought that, maybe, he would get a better answer this time.
"It's my birthday."
"Ah. I'm sorry," said Gaara, because he understood.
Once again silence reigned for a few, long moments.
"What do you want for your...today." And if ever Gaara could sound awkward, Neji thought it would be now.
Neji stared at him.
And he understood. A few seconds later, Gaara opened his mouth.
"Yesterday, when Temari and Kankurou were looking for a replacement Kazekage for this trip, a new genin came in on an errand for his jounin sensei. He looked completely terrified..."
The two of two allowed themselves a small, secret smile.
After discussing teammates, Naruto, and exchanging relaxing flavours of tea, Neji was finally ready to join the other Konoha nin. Maybe even ask them if they remembered his birthday. Something he had been so scared of doing before now seemed blessedly easy—anything was, as long as he walked proudly and had a calloused, strong hand (like his) holding his own.