(A/n: All of you smart kids probably see STRONG ties and references to Wicked, which belongs to Stephen Schwartz. Whom I love like a father.)
I could feel the tears burn down my face like sweet acid as I ran away, forever away. When Lupin asked me how I'd feel about a memorial service for Sirius, I thought I could handle it. But I couldn't. Without him, I have nothing; just embitterment, and friends helpless to save me from myself. I won't have it. I paused outside the edge of the Forbidden Forest and turning to face the school, I whipped out my wand. I will stop his death, no matter what it takes.
"Eleka Nahmen Nahmen....Ah Tum Ah Tum Eleka Nahmen."
I breathed out the words, as a long silver stream flowed out of my wand. I began to shake; I did not know this spell. It poured out of me, from deep within, a well of knowledge that I did not create or build. I could the power of the spell roll over me. It pulsed against me like a warm body, one of comfort but powerful enough to crush me.
"Let his flesh not be poured, let his blood leave no stain. If they are beating him, let him feel no pain. Let his bones never break, and however they try to destroy him...let him never die, please let him never die."
I could against feel my voice lift up, and felt no response. No trumpets, no flash of light; just silence. Anger flooded me. What good is this spell-casting? Hell! I don't even know what I saying or what trick I ought to try. Damn it! Sirius, where are you? Most likely already dead and bleeding, another disaster I can add to my generous supply. I could fill the tears welling up again. Way to be a man.
"Lupin? Ron? Is anyone here," I called out, perhaps if someone was here. Maybe, just maybe, the pain would dim. He would make it go away. "Sirius.... Sirius!!" I screamed. The trees shake, birds flew in fear. My scar burned and boiled, as did the rage and hate inside me.
One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention. Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye? Yes, and that is why.... No deed will go unpunished. I will circumvent all helpful urges, sure I meant well. But look at what well meant got me. I wiped away my tears, leaving raw, red eyes. It was time. No more...mister good boy. Malfoy, The Prophecy, Sirius, even the big ol' He-who-shall-not-be-named warned me against this, even if in their own ways. That one day something might happen that pushed the great Potter over the edge.
Well, here I am world! All right, enough! So be it then: Let all the wizard world agree I'm wicked through and through. Since I could save you, Sirius. I promise no deed will I ever do again. Ever Again. No good deed will I ever do again!
(please read and review or this will be all.)