DISCLAIMER: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, unfortunately. If I did, Bakura would have more screen time, Anzu would have less, Honda and Duke would be a couple, and there would be alcohol.

ENJOY!

Ω

"Look, I don't understand all the fuss. How hard can it be? You just get behind the wheel and go." The Tomb Robber crossed his arms and leaned against the refrigerator, staring at me like I was the one who had something wrong with them. That was rich.

"Well, there's a bit more to it than that," I explained. "There are rules, after all…"

"Since when have I cared about rules?"

That about did it.

"You're going to be using MY driver's license!" I screamed at my Yami. "If you start going around killing innocent people because you ignore road signs, it's going to be MY ass because legally you don't exist!"

Ye gods. He actually looked taken aback. Well, it's not often I let myself get this pissed off.

"And that," I finished, panting, "Is why. The Pharaoh. Is going to teach you how to drive." I turned and began to walk out of the apartment.

"Wait," he screeched. "You never said anything about that. Weren't you going to teach me?"

"Yes," I retorted. "Up until five minutes ago. I think if I have to be in a moving vehicle with you for any kind of extended period of time, I'll start killing pedestrians myself, and I'd rather not have that on my conscience."

"You know, I'm almost proud of you sometimes," he said, staring at me wistfully and sounding for all the world like a mother hen. "Wait, where are you going?? You were kidding about the Pharaoh thing, right?"

I slammed the door behind me and left the building, wondering if I'd gotten myself into even more trouble.

Ω

"Absolutely not."

"I haven't even told you what I wanted yet."

"You started off by saying, 'I know you don't like the Tomb Robber but' and I already know I want no part of it."

The Pharaoh sat across from me. I'd invited him out for a cup of tea, hoping to soften him up before asking him for a favor. I was generally oblivious to these sort of things, but Bakura had noted on more than one occasion that "the baka Pharaoh was staring at your ass again" so I was hoping to use his…crush…on me as leverage. If you could call it that. Didn't look like it was working.

Blast.

"The thing is, you see, he's gotten a job with the Archaeology department at the university, delivering papers, manuscripts and so forth. It's the sort of thing they don't like just putting in the mail, apparently."

"Mm-hmm." He took a sip of his soy latte.

"He thinks he's infiltrating confidential top-secret archaeological discoveries that will aid him in his plan for world domination."

"Fascinating."

"And in order to do this, he's going to have to learn how to drive."

"Delightful. Where do I come in?"

Right then, a clap of thunder boomed. "Well…I was hoping you'd teach him."

The Pharaoh just looked at me with utter, abysmal horror.

I tried to do the big doe eyes and quivery voice that seem to work on most people. "You see, I don't think I have it in me to teach him. You know what he's like. But you…you're just so kind, and good, and patient, and intelligent, and handsome, and…"

"Look," he mumbled, blushing a bit, "you know how much I hate that son of a bitch. And it probably pales in comparison to how much he hates me."

"Nonetheless, you do happen to be possibly one of the only people he actually respects." I gave him my best sales grin, praying it was convincing.

"That would surprise me no end," he muttered. He glanced up at me. "If I do this, I'm gonna need a damn good reason."

Oh great. I was so hoping he would just agree to do it because he liked me. I guess living for 5,000 years makes you a bit shrewd when it comes to negotiation. But I didn't really have anything to bargain with. I don't have any money, and besides I'm not sure what he would need that for. I could offer to cook for him, except he doesn't seem to eat. I could clean his house and do the chores for him, but for God's sake, the man spent five millenia in a tomb. I doubt he cares about a bit of dust. What the hell was I gonna give him, a manicure? I brainstormed. Nothing came up.

"Like what?" I asked tentatively.

"You tell me."

I squirmed. I really didn't want to pursue this further. However, I knew that the combination of me, Bakura, and two tons of metal would send me straight to Bellevue.

"If you help me out, I'll do anything you want, Pharaoh," I said, and immediately wished I hadn't. Oh bugger. I hoped I hadn't just screwed myself over. I wasn't hesitating because I didn't find him attractive (because you'd have to be blind not to find him attractive) but because I was certain beyond doubt the Pharoah's the kind of guy who's into whips and handcuffs and all kinds of bizarre and horrifying stuff in the bedroom. You can pretty much tell by just looking at him. Maybe he'd ask me to do his laundry, or his grocery shopping, or reorganize his file cabinets, or feed his cat...if he had a cat…aaaand judging from the look on his face, that was all just a beautiful dream I could kiss goodbye.

"Oh really now?" he asked quietly, sounding interested for the first time. He raised an eyebrow at me, smirking. "You mean that?"

Too late to back out now. "Within reason, yes," I stammered, looking away, hoping I wasn't turning pink.

"You're turning pink, you know."

Blast.

"And what would 'within reason' mean, precisely?"

Oh goodness gracious. "Er, well, nothing illegal. And, well, you know…"

"That leaves plenty of room for improvisation." He stood up, looking very self-satisfied. "I'll come by to pick him up first thing tomorrow morning."

"Wait," I said, trying not to panic. "What do you want me to do in return? I'd be more than happy to reorganize your file cabinets, or – or pick up your dry cleaning, or feed your cat, or…"

"I don't have a cat." He looked at me like I'd just sprouted a second head.

"Well," I managed, rather lamely, "you know what I mean."

"Come to think of it I don't have file cabinets either." He pulled on his jacket.

"Well, what should I do then?"

"I'm still figuring it out. Don't worry," he said, ruffling my hair, "I'll think up something good."

And with that, he was out the door. I heard him laughing to himself as he walked away. I berated myself for my stupidity. Well, at the very least I wouldn't have to risk my mental health. Maybe driving with Bakura would drive the Pharaoh insane and he'd forget he'd asked me to do anything.

It was then I realized the bastard had left me to pay for his soy latte.

Ω

A/N: In case anyone is wondering, Yugi's grandpa taught Yami how to drive so he could have a chauffeur.

And for the purposes of this story, everybody has their own bodies. It's due to a bit of white magic that Isis performed a while back to stop everybody fighting. Its amazing how everybody is less tense when they have their own bodies.

Next chapter: a recap of Bakura's job interview, and his first driving lesson. Buckle your seatbelts! Mwahaha. Oh yes, and would you be so kind as to review?

Bakura: Yes, you'd better. Shantih put a lot of effort into this thing, you know. She wrote a whole other story about me, Snow in the Sahara" and it didn't get any reviews! It was wonderfully pretentious and atmospheric. You people just don't recognize true literature when you see it.

Shantih: Wait, but you were bitching at me the whole time I was writing this because you didn't have enough screen time and you didn't like the way I portrayed you.

Bakura: Well, you agreed to change that, right? According to our plan, by the fifth chapter I'll have been elected dictator of the European Union, for starters, and have my own private palace with a harem and mini-bar.

Shantih: Right. Yes. Of course. *sweatdrops*

Yami: Shantih! What is this madness? We're all out of ramen, AGAIN!

Shantih: Well, I didn't have time to get to the store because I was working on this story. And it's almost 1 in the morning, I can't go get it now.

Ryou: I thought you didn't eat.

Yami: I don't. Except for ramen and soy lattes. Don't even think about getting me ramen, I'm perfectly capable of making it myself and you won't get off that easily.

Bakura: Oh yes, I almost forgot about the part where I get to execute all the dissidents in Central Asia. That's gonna be Chapter Six, right?

*Shantih and Ryou edge towards the door*