A/N: I know the crossover already aired but I haven't watched it and this has been on my computer for a while so I just needed to get it out
"I tried my best in there but he, he made her sound—" Erin trailed off at the images in her head.
"It's not on you." Hank was trying to reassure her but it wasn't going to work. Hank walked away to talk to Benson and Barba, leaving Erin standing in the lobby by herself. She zoned out for a moment, focusing on a spot on the wall while everything around her seemed to speed up. The people, the voices, everything was whizzing by her and she just stood there. She thought about the girl she saved, the girl who should still be alive. She thought about how easily that could have been her in her youth. And that thought alone made all of this seem too real. She was pulled from her mind when a hand touches her arm. Jay.
"Hey. You did great in there." His eyes had a glimmer of hope, and that was the one thing she could hold onto.
"No, I—." Erin slightly shook her head and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. "I don't feel like I'm doing her justice, you know? It's like she's being treated as any other victim. Like she isn't family. But she is, Jay. She's my family and I let her down. I let this happen and now she's gone." Her eyes quickly burned with tears until one rolled down her cheek, only to be caught by Jay's thumb.
"Look at me Erin." His hand on her cheek allowed him to guide her line of vision to meet his. "This is not your fault. Okay? You gave her a great life. You got her clean and got her a job." A few more tears rolled down her face before Jay pulled her into his chest. He felt her tense, probably thinking about Voight catching them. But Jay didn't care, she was hurting and he needed to help. He pressed a kiss into her hair while his suit coat soaked up her tears. "I'm here for you. Lean on me, talk to me, tell me when you're hurting and I'll help you."
"Right now." He felt the mumble against his chest. Erin pulled her head away from his chest to look up at him. "I need you right now. I needed you last week, hell I needed you the night we decided to cool it." Jay opened his mouth to respond, but Barba interrupted them before he could get a word out.
"Hey guys I'm sorry but Erin I need to go over a couple more things with you."
"Ya, of course. I'll meet you outside in a minute." She felt Jay's arms loosen his grip on her.
"I'll talk to you later." She could see a little bit of hope for them in his eyes, and decided to have a little of her own. Erin kissed his cheek before walking out the front doors.
9 o'clock that night, Jay was laying in his hotel room watching sports center. His eyes were beginning to glaze over from the long flight they had the night before, and he thought that the knock on his door was all in his head. Until he heard it again. He started walking to the door in only boxers but decided to grab a shirt incase if was Voight.
"Hey." There stood Erin Lindsay in his hotel doorway in New York. He thought that she was beautiful even when he knew the emotional and physical toll the past days have taken on her. He thought she was beautiful standing against his door wearing a hoodie and sweatpants and holding a grocery bag.
"Come in." He reached for the grocery bag that held her favorite ice cream while she grabbed two spoons from on top of the mini fridge. He took the ice cream out of the bag and smiled at her, watching while she made herself comfortable in his bed.
"Stop staring, it's not polite."
"You're beautiful." His comment caught her off guard, eyes wide and cheeks blushing and a small smile crept up on her face. He walked over to the bed and pulled the covers open enough for him to slide in.
"I was telling the truth earlier. I miss this, all of it. With you." She spoke as she kept her eyes glued to the television as if she was saying the most casual thing. He inched closer to her, wrapping one arm around her back allowing her to lean against his chest. Her hand covered his that held the ice cream. "Jay?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm gonna need you. When we get home and back in the groove of things I'm going to have to deal with all of her arrangements and everything and I don't want to do it alone."
"I'll be here every step of the way." He could feel her let out a breath she had been holding. "But I need you to do something for me."
"Yeah I'm going to tell Voight in the morning."
"I wasn't going to say that, but thank you." He kissed her temple before he continued. "I need you to try your hardest not to push me away. I know you Erin. You have a tendency to put up walls and I just tear them down but it will make it a lot easier on both of us if you just let me in and help."
Erin took the ice cream out of his hand and put it on the side table. She turned her body so she was sitting facing him with her legs across his lap. She put a hand against his cheek, feeling the slight stubble that would be there in the morning. She softly laughed before looking him in the eye. She moved so there was only a breath of air between their lips before she whispered to him.
"I love you Jay."