He turned over in the bed carefully, as to not wake her up. N stretched his body upwards, looking over her shoulder towards the alarm clock on the nightstand. It read eight twenty eight a.m.
Sighing, he snaked his arm under the pillow and laid back down. To him and her, that was extremely early. They usually didn't wake up until at least ten, and even then, they'd lie in the bed for another half hour before getting up.
That half hour or so was one of his favorite parts of his day with her. Just lying down with her was enough to make him blissful, but that wasn't the whole thing. The mornings were the rare instances where Touko wasn't being smart and witty. He enjoyed watching her as she pulled confused expressions and struggled to make up a decent thought.
He smiled softly as he stared at her face. This was also a good part of his morning. If he watched her during the day, she'd get annoyed and flustered and leave the room. He saw through her, though. He noticed every time that she would try to hide her blush, and when she would put her hand in front of her mouth, she was actually trying to cover her smile.
He loved that she still acted like a crushing teenager despite the fact that they have been together for three years.
Her eyes shot open. He sucked in a quick breath and smiled, reaching to stroke her cheek.
"Hi," he said quietly.
She blinked, a blank look on her face. "S-staring." She mumbled, knitting her eyebrows together.
"Yeah?" He asked. He bit his bottom lip, only to release it a few seconds later. "I'm staring at you."
"Stop," she protested stubbornly, pulling out a pillow lazily from under her head. She shoved it towards his face weakly, grumbling something unintelligible.
He raised his chin and set it on the pillow, kissing the hand that still gripped the top. She moaned and pulled her hand back, shoving it under her chest.
He grabbed the pillow and flung it behind him, moving in. He threw his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him. She groaned and tried batting him away, but he was unperturbed. He lied on his side as he moved his other arm under her chest, grabbing her hand.
"What made you think putting your hand under these," he moved his hand around, pushing against her breasts, "would stop me?" He chuckled. "I think you're just teasing me with them."
She squirmed, but she held him in place. "Sexual harassment," she accused, shutting her eyes tight.
"You asked for it," he murmured, wiggling his fingers.
She sighed and stopped resisting, falling into his chest. The corner of his mouth curled up into half of a smile as he pulled his hand out from under her and to her face. He placed the tip of his index finger to her nose, tapping it a few times.
"What the hell?" She growled, turning her head away. "Stop… allergies."
"I know," he stated simply. "I want to make you sneeze."
"Freak," She murmured, nuzzling her face into his neck.
He held her to him for a few minutes, his chin tucking her in. He could be like this all day. There was something about holding her that made him feel needed, wanted.
He slid his arms up and grabbed her face, pushing her away from his throat. She stared at him in surprise as he leaned towards her, kissing her fiercely. Her squeak was muffled by his lips as he opened her mouth. She complied easily, melting into his kiss, if not a bit lazily.
His hand dropped from her face and slithered up her shirt, stopping short just below her chest. The tips of his fingers grazed her breast just barely. She let out a little gasp, her groin bucking into his.
He stopped kissing her and growled, crossing his legs together. "Are you doing this on purpose, or are your hormones betraying you?" He whispered, fighting back his feeling. He would have loved to take her right there, but something was stopping him.
"They're traitors," she breathed. Her head rolled back, causing her chest to push out and press against his.
His teeth dug into his bottom lip as he avoided looking at her, extremely frustrated. Carefully, he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away before turning over and glaring at the wall. He closed his legs together tightly while lying on his side, cursing himself for being so forgetful and stupid.
Touko sat beside him for a few seconds, confused. N never pushed her away before. He was the one always tailing after her, and she was amazed at his control.
How could he just turn away? She thought, disgruntled. She put her hand on his shoulder and pulled the top half of herself on top of him. She peered over at his face.
"What's wrong?" She asked, pouting.
"Nothing," he muttered, averting his eyes to the bedspread.
She pursed her lips and fell back beside him. She knew she was being irrational, but she couldn't help the tears that sprung to her eyes. Rejection was the one thing that she feared most of all, and whenever it happened, the insecurities they had worked so hard to get rid of came back with a vengeance.
Pressing her lips together, she pulled the blanket over her shoulder and turned her back to him. She fought back any sobs that tried to break through as she cried silently.
N was still glaring at the bedspread, unaware of his partner's suffering. He was mostly mad at himself, knowing full well he had forgotten to do something that she was reminding him to do for days. He rolled his hand into a fist and sighed, feeling bad for getting her hopes up.
He rolled towards her and pressed his face against the back of her neck, kissing it softly.
"Sorry," he whispered into her skin.
She didn't say anything.
He narrowed his eyes and tapped her shoulder. She didn't move or respond.
She can't be asleep already, could she? He wondered, a bit disgruntled. Am I that boring?
"Hey," he murmured, pulling himself on top of her like she had done a few minutes before. He tried to get a glimpse of her face, but she stubbornly moved it away.
"Come on, don't be like that." He pleaded, struggling to plant a kiss on her cheek. She snorted and buried her face into the pillow. He was about to give up when he heard her sniff.
He furrowed his eyebrows and put his hands on the sides of her head, "Are you crying?"
A chill ran through her body. She knew that if she didn't answer, that would only confirm his suspicions. She took in a deep breath.
"No," she mumbled.
"Really? Show me your face." He demanded, his weight pinning down on her.
"No."
"Why?" He challenged.
"Because you're an asshole." She shot back.
There was no reply. N's mouth hung open slightly, shocked. They never cussed at each other. He was at a loss for what to say, so he said the only thing he thought would help.
"I love you," he said, hoping it would have some affect.
She laughed without any humor. Well, seeing that her face was in the pillow, it was muffled. But, N still got the message.
"I said sorry," he whined weakly, kissing the back of her head repeatedly. "I didn't mean to tease you, it's just that-"
"You don't want me," she finished flatly.
Her words surprised him so much that his mind went completely blank. He just hung over her, his eyes shooting daggers at the sheets as his anger reached a boiling point. He didn't understand where she got such horrible self confidence from; she was the most beautiful, amazing woman in his life.
He bit the inside of his cheek and jumped over her so her back wasn't facing him anymore. Digging his fingers into the pillow, he managed to force her face up. She resisted, but before she could get away, N smashed his lips into hers.
She tried to shout, but he didn't allow their lips to break apart. He held the back of her head as he attacked her mouth hungrily, feeling her tears slide across his own face.
He abruptly released her, gasping for air. Her hands flew to her mouth as she blushed profusely, not quite as upset anymore. Her heart skipped a beat as he grabbed her face roughly.
"You're gorgeous," he murmured, his eyes soft. "I'd be crazy not to want you, it's just…"
She felt the blush on her face get hotter as he stared at her. She pressed her lips together and fixed her eyes to his throat, waiting.
"I… forgot to buy the, you know… the condoms." He whispered. "I know you kept reminding me but I forgot, okay? I'm sorry." He hung his head in shame, biting his lip.
"Oh…" She murmured before bursting into a fit of laughter.
N's head shot up in confusion as she pulled away from him and rolled over towards her nightstand. She pulled open the drawer and threw an undeniable wrapper at him. He caught it, staring at it in his hands.
"I thought we were out," he mumbled pathetically.
She put her hand on his chest and pushed him down onto his back slowly, "Touya insists on giving them to me every time I go over."
He smiled, "Thank God for Touya, then."
She pressed her stomach against his and kissed him.
"Now where were we?" He asked smoothly, flipping her over and pinning her on the bed. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling his groin towards hers.
She growled playfully into his ear, "I think we were about right here."