I sighed. Seconds later, I sighed again. Another few seconds, another sigh. This is pretty much how my life was right now: full of sighs and loneliness.
It wasn't surprising though. I'd been deemed the bully of Duel Academy and now no one wanted anything to do with me. I was completely alone in the world, all locked up in my dark room, wanting nothing to do with anyone or anything.
I stayed in bed most of the day, and I hadn't been outside in days either. Every now and then, that little blue-haired pipsqueak Shou Marufuji would come knock on my door and beg me to come out. He was the only one who ever did this; everyone else had given up ages ago.
Every time I heard his voice, screaming and begging me to come outside, I actually felt the need to. There was something about him that just made me want to abandon my loneliness and go out for once. But I never did. Ever.
A sudden knock on the door shook me away from my usual thoughts. It's him again, here to beg me for the fifth time today.
"MANJOUME-KUN!!" He yelled. "PLEASE, COME OUT!! PLEASE!!"
He only kept yelling and screaming, but it was somewhat different this time. His screams sounded more desperate, like he really, really meant it this time. It was then that I heard a noise from him that I thought I'd never hear.
He began sobbing. Crying… and for me? But why… why? Earlier in the year, he'd always yell at me, telling me that he hated me. I knew he meant it then, but these sobs said something else. It sounded like… like he wanted me, or something like that.
A sudden wave of anger surged over me. I just couldn't take it anymore. I clenched my fist and yelled back for once: "GO AWAY, YOU DAMN NUSIANCE!!"
The sobs stopped. My words must have really gotten to him.
"I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
I heard quick footsteps as he ran away.
"Finally," I sighed.
Falling back onto my bed, eyes closed, I surrendered to sleep. My throat hurt from yelling so hard. I kind of hoped I wouldn't have to yell like that again. Especially at him.
He didn't come back the next day. Or the day after that. A week passed, and I hadn't heard his whiny little voice once. I enjoyed my days of peace and quiet, but a weird pain began to fill up inside of me. I felt a bit empty without his voice… and this new pain filled the space.
It was that one night that the pain became unbearable. I was ready to leave this world behind. I was ready to die.
For the first time in about three weeks, I left my lonely room and fled into the darkness of the night. Looking around to make sure of no one else's presence, I broke out into a run.
I reached a flowering tree in the forest and began to dig at its roots. Buried under the soil and grass was a small box I'd buried after something I went though in the past year.
Taking the top off of the box, I gazed at its contents: a small pocketknife and a picture of my brothers. I hoped I'd never have to look at this stuff again, but I had proved myself wrong.
I first held the picture close to my chest, a single tear making its way down my cheek.
The two of them had been killed in a plane crash on a flight to come and see me at the Academy, and I had blamed myself. I took refuge in my room, the pocketknife being the only thing I held close. They'd given it to me before I left home for school, telling me that it had brought them luck as duelists.
I set the pictures at my side and picked up the knife. I pushed a button on the side and watched as a blade popped out, glistening in the pale moonlight.
Holing out my arm, I placed the blade on my wrist.
"I'll see you guys soon," I whispered, my hands shaking.
I was just about to move the blade across my skin when a figure jumped out from the bushes behind me and snatched the knife away.
"I can't let you do this," The figure whispered. I suddenly recognized the voice, if it wasn't obvious who it had been before he spoke.
"I thought I told you to leave me alone," I said.
"I tried, Manjoume-kun," He replied, stepping into the light. "But I won't let you do this."
"Why," I asked. "Why won't you let me die? I thought you hated me, Shou."
"I did," Shou said quietly. "But I realized that it wasn't hate I felt for you… but love."
He moved forward, grabbing my wrists and knocking me onto my back.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing me passionately moments later.
I felt confused as I kissed him back. Did I love him too? And why? Of all people, why him? Why was the one who hated me so much, who I hated, saying that he loved me?
I felt his tongue in my mouth, and I moaned as we broke away momentarily. The air around us was hot, and it only got hotter from there.
Shou unbuttoned my jacket and practically ripped off my shirt. He licked my neck and placed his hands on my chest.
Looking around me, I spotted the pocketknife lying by his foot. With no effort at all, I shoved him off of me and grabbed it, positioning the blade on my right shoulder.
"Manjoume-kun, no!" he yelled, sitting up. "Don't do it, please!"
I slowly began to move the blade across my shoulder, felling warm blood drip down my arm. I wanted to make him suffer and watch as the one who he "loved" died.
"PLEASE, STOP!!" he screamed.
I stopped moving the blade. It was the same scream I'd heard weeks ago as he begged me to come back outside.
"Tch," I spat. "You go your wish, I'm outside. What more do you want?"
"I want…" He whispered. Shou moved closer to me, putting his arms around me. "I want you. I want you to love me. I don't want you to die."
It was then that he began to cry. He licked the blood from my cut, and I moaned fiercely as I felt his tongue on my skin.
Only after he had me on my back again did I speak, my blood staining the grass underneath us.
"You want me?" I asked.
"More than anything," He replied.
"Fine. I'm all yours."
Shou sat up and grabbed the bloodstained pocketknife. He wiped the blade off using the sleeve of his blue jacket and positioned it on his right shoulder.
"If I'm yours, then I want to feel the pain you feel," He whispered, breaking the surface of his skin and allowing the blood to flow from the cut.
My eyes widened. I realized that by giving myself up to him, he was showing me how truly devoted he was.
Tears flowed steadily from my eyes as I sat up, wrapping my arms tightly around him. I felt his arms around me as well, and we sat there for minutes, just holding each other tightly.
I then made a vow. "Shou," I whispered. "If there's anywhere I'm going to die, anywhere I want to die, it'll be in your arms."
He nodded in agreement. "Me too," He replied, his breath tickling my ear. "But Instead of dying in your arms…" He pulled away from me and placed his lips close to mine. "…I'll die kissing you."
Shou knocked me over again, his kiss causing me to go hopelessly limp beneath his body. Cold, bare chests pressed together, I felt Shou's tongue find entry into my mouth once more.
Moments later, we left to forest and made refuge in my room. I locked the door, and the two of us just lay on the bed together for hours on end.
This room was no longer a lonely place for me. It was now a paradise that I could escape to with the one I truly loved.
I remembered leaving the picture and knife back in the forest, but I didn't care. I didn't need those things anymore. I had someone new to love, and I had a new good luck charm. Every time he kisses me, every time we're together, I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
The whole time I'd been locked in my room, I thought I needed to be alone. But really, all I needed was love.