I lay in bed, starring at the ceiling of my small room in Hogsmede. I shared the apartment with three other aurors- Dawlish, Savage, and Proudfoot. Savage and Proudfoot were okay, but Dawlish was- and always had been- a prick. This, needless to say, made my stay a lot less enjoyable. Not that it would have been anyway. The only reason I'd volunteered to be posted here was because it was as far away as I could get from the order- and Remus. I scowled in the darkness. I had been trying not to think about him- even though he was the reason I wasn't sleeping tonight.
I rolled onto my side, looking at the full moon glowing in the dark sky. I missed the days when Sirius or I could stay with him during his transformations- even if he did make me leave so I never saw him transform. I understood why he didn't want me to see him go through that- when he was at his weakest. But I hated the thought of him being all alone now, with no one to spend the night with… I never could sleep at the full moon anymore. I worried too much- I knew he would probably be fine, and I couldn't do anything to help if he wasn't fine anyway. Kingsley came over sometimes- he didn't seem to need to sleep, which I was jealous of- I was always completely out of it when I didn't sleep. Dawlish was always making snide comments about that when it happened, but so far I had managed to refrain from punching him in the face. It was taking more effort though, and I found myself thinking he'd look better with a broken nose. I smirked in the dark.
Sighing, I got out of bed. There was a muggle TV in the sitting room, and I thought I might try my luck with that. I wrapped myself up on the sofa with a thick fleece blanket, a small jar filled with bluebell flames on the coffee table at my feet. Flicking through the channels, I stopped on the music videos, zoning out to the beat. Muggle music videos were quite amusing sometimes, and most of the time there was something I would find myself bobbing along to.
The door to the other bedrooms opened and Dawlish came out in his boxers, smirking at me. I rolled my eyes, concentrating on the dancers on the TV.
"Cant sleep again, huh?"
I shrugged, watching him pour a glass of water out of the corner of my eye.
"I'm sure I could find something better for you to do, if you're going to be awake for a while."
My jaw tightened. "Keep going, and I'll give you a reason to stay awake… you'll be in too much pain to sleep." I muttered venomously.
"Like it rough, huh? You know, I don't have a problem with that…"
My hand tightened around the remote. I could hit him in the face from here… did he ever think of anything other than sex? I had to wonder…
"In fact, I think you'll find I'm a bit rough myself. So if you have nothing better to do, you can come this way…" he shoved his hand in front of my face. As if I was going to let him lead me to his bed.
"Sorry, but this rap video is much better than anything you have to offer." It was my turn to smirk- he knew I hated rap.
"Fine. Guess its better than anything your half-breed can do as well then." He turned to leave.
"Excuse me?" I could feel the heat rising to my face- how the hell did he know about Remus?
He shrugged, facing me again. "Did you forget the ministry's been keeping tags on werewolves… that Lupin-" he spat his name- "has been visiting you frequently. I can't help but wonder-"
My eyes narrowed. "That is none of your business. I can be friends with who ever I want." My heart twinged at the word friend.
"So you're only friends then?" He leaned against the door frame.
"Like I said, none of your business." I returned my gaze to the TV. The song had changed to some girl group walking up the street.
"So if you're only friends, why don't you come-"
"Because I really have no interest in shagging you, Dawlish. I have standards." I grinned as he flinched.
"You filthy little-" His face was red with furry, although I would have laughed if it hadn't been for his little comment. I knew exactly what he was getting at… and he was asking for it.
Thankfully, the doorbell rung at that moment, saving him from the black eye and bloody nose I was planning on giving him.
Still scowling he pulled the door open. "Kingsley! Its… 3am… what are you doing here?"
But Kingsley pushed straight past him, his face worried.
"Kingsley… what's wrong?" my voice was an octave higher than usual. He wasn't supposed to visit tonight…
"Tonks, its Remus. He turned up at my place… he's been through Hell. He won't let me touch him, I could only just get him through the door…"
I was up in a second, switching the TV off and throwing the remote on the table. I ran to my room, Kingsley following. My heart was beating faster than usual, as I flung on trackies and an old sweater I suspected had belonged to Remus, shoving my feet into my Chuck Taylors as I went.
"But he's had his wolfsbane? So he's safe?"
Kingsley nodded, running his hand over his smooth head. "Tonks, he was supposed to be at the colony. They… they must have found out…"
I paled. His cover was blown… "But… how did he get to yours? Can he Aparate in that state?"
"I wouldn't have thought so… maybe he managed it."
"Right, well, let's go then…" my head was clearing, as I thought about what this meant. If Remus' cover was blown, that lessened the information we were getting from the other side- our only real source left would be Snape, and he didn't know what the lesser followers were up to. We needed to keep track of the werewolves… I shuddered as I remembered what Dawlish had said before, about the same thing. We couldn't sink to that level. I refused to follow them all round like that.
I found my way blocked. Dawlish was standing in the doorway, scowling furiously at me.
"Move." I told him. His jaw tightened.
"You are here to protect the school, you can't leave!" he said angrily.
I pulled my wand. "Watch me."
He pulled his out as well. "If you leave this house, I swear, Ill-"
"You'll what? You can't do anything- I'm well overdue for a day off. I'm taking it now. So move, before I make you."
Still scowling, he stood aside, muttering darkly to himself. I distinctly heard the words "Bitch" and "telling Scrimegour" as I walked past him. He really was a jealous asshole.
Grasping Kingsley's arm, I let him take me along as he apparated to his house; I wasn't in the right state of mind to concentrate on apparating at the moment. As soon as we passed his wards, I pulled the door open. A pathetic, whining growl echoed through the quiet house.
I crossed to the sitting room, taking a sudden breath when I saw him lying on the couch, on top of a pile of towels. They were all stained red. I could smell the blood in the air- a metallic tinge that hurt my nose. Turning, I made for Kingsley's alcohol cupboard. Catching on, he bet me there, pulling out a bottle. I grabbed a clean cloth from his kitchen, and sat gingerly on the edge of the sofa. Remus opened one amber eye, snarling. I ignored him, taking deep breaths through my mouth. Kingsley perched on the edge of an armchair, watching my shaking hands as I poured the drink onto the cloth. I pushed it gently against a deep cut on Remus' haunch.
His tail flicked into my face, and he growled again. "Kingsley, go see Molly. Ask if she has anything better, this'll really only clean them… they're too deep for it to do anything else…" Nodding, Kingsley walked out the door. I think we were both surprised by how calm I was now.
Remus flicked his tail at me in annoyance. I glared at him. Sighing, I muttered "what have you been up to, huh? Don't you see how much blood you've lost?" it was like telling off a toddler- Remus just turned his head defiantly from me. I scowled.
"Fine, be that way. But I don't plan on letting you bleed to death." Frowning, I moved along his back, searching through the thick fur for cuts or bites I had missed. There was a particularly nasty one on his muzzle- he kept licking at it, trying to hide it from me. I perched on the other arm of the sofa, pouring more alcohol onto the cloth. Gingerly, I pressed it to the cut.
He snapped. Snarling, his teeth flashed in the lamps glow, as he bit my hand. I pulled away, falling backwards. I couldn't believe it. He bit me. After all his lecturing… scowling, I stood and picked up the cloth I had dropped. I wasn't giving up that easily. Angrily, I wrapped my bleeding hand around his muzzle so he couldn't open his mouth, and cleaned the cut, ignoring his whines and jerks of pain. When I finally let him go, he tucked his head into his side, whining. I rolled my eyes.
The door opened, and I stiffened. I only relaxed when Kingsley appeared, carrying a large bottle, still looking harried. Grabbing the bottle, I poured the foul smelling liquid into the cloth, wiping my hand first.
"Shit! That stuff stings!"
Remus untucked his head, and Kingsley starred at me. "Why the hell are you putting it on your hand?"
"Remus thought it would be fun to bite me." I glared at him, and he put a paw over his face. I snorted. "Come on, you big puppy. This'll only take a minute."
Meekly, Remus poked his nose into my hand- an apology, I suppose. Grinning, I put the foul smelling stuff into his wounds, glad it over powered the smell of blood. When I was finished, I picked him up, putting him over my shoulder- he was heavy, and he squirmed like a baby- and carried him to the spare bedroom. He jumped onto the bed, limping as he curled up comfortably. I lay next to him, running a hand through his greying fur. Kingsley poked his head round the door.
"You'll be fine, then?"
"Yeah, I reckon I've got it under control. And Kingsley?" he popped back round, as he had been leaving.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for coming and getting me."
"No problem." He grinned. "You can both stay as long as you like, I don't mind."
"Thanks." He shut the door behind him, and I turned back to Remus. He wasn't bleeding anymore, which I supposed was a good sign. Wrapping an arm under his head and around his neck, I fell back into the pillow, staring at the ceiling. This was much nicer than watching muggle music videos while Dawlish tried to get me to shag him, no doubt about it. That was something I never hoped to do. I laughed to myself, and Remus starred at me. Shaking my head, I closed my eyes.
I fell into a light sleep for a few hours then, something I didn't usually do. I didn't dream either, which was nice- my dreams hadn't been too pleasant as of late, so I enjoyed the break. I only woke when the sun began to rise- not that that had been what had woken me.
A small whine had come from Remus, followed by a loud crack. I sat up in horror, watching him shake. It was only then I remembered I had never seen him transform. Sirius always kicked me out if he was there, or Remus left before so he didn't wake me. I guess he didn't have the strength to move this time.
Another loud, sickening crunch followed, and I flinched. The fur was shrinking back into his body, his arms and legs lengthening. I realised the sickening cracks I was hearing were his rib bones being rearranged. I could see them as they clicked back into place. His muzzle shrunk, and his low howling turned into human moans, as his jaw clicked into place. He lay on the bed, shaking. I let out a breath, realising I hadn't breathed at all in the last minute.
He opened a bleary eye. "Dora?"
"Remus?" I whispered; I couldn't help it. I felt like I was at his death bed. "Are you okay?"
He started nodding, trying to pull himself into a sitting position. He groaned as he stretched a new scar on his back, and changed his nod to a shake. He fell back into the pillows, breathing heavily. I sat up, cross legged, watching him anxiously.
"Dora?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm naked."
"Yeah… oh!" blushing, I pulled the covers out from under him, and then threw them messily on top. He grimaced.
"Thanks."
"Any time."
He closed his eyes, and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. God knows he deserves it, after what he's just been through…
"Remus?"
His eyes opened, and once again he tried to pull himself into a sitting position. Going slower, he managed it, before answering with a muttered "what?"
"What happened to you?"
He looked away, and pursed his lips. I frowned. I wasn't going to give up until I got answers.
"Remus… did your cover get blown?"
He shook his head. A great weight lifted off my shoulders; I smiled. We were safe then.
"So what…"
"I got into a fight." He mumbled.
I raised an eyebrow.
"I can tell."
"I… I don't remember it all… the wolf had… well…"
"Taken over?" I suggested. He nodded.
"But the others… they didn't approve of my use of the wolfsbane. They got angry… and… well…I mean, that's not all there is to it, but… well, you saw what they did. They weren't exactly gentle."
"What else was it about?" I asked softly. He wasn't telling me something important; the main reason for the fight, I knew it.
He looked at his hands in his lap, and mumbled something incoherent.
"What?"
"You! Okay? They don't like the fact that I used to be around you a lot, and that I talk about you in my sleep… they don't like that I have someone on the outside who cares!"
"You talk about me in your sleep?" I was amused and touched at the same time. As well as pissed off. Lying bastard pretending not to care…
"Apparently." He said dryly.
"Aw, aren't you a cutie!" I teased.
He rubbed his temples, flinching as another one of the newly formed scabs cracked with the movement. "It's another reason we can't be together, Tonks."
I hate it when he uses my last name. It always means that a) I'm in big trouble, or b) he's preparing for his "too old, too poor" routine. And this time it was definitely option b. I scowled.
"I didn't think we were. I was under the impression you broke up with me months ago."
"I did." He muttered.
"Well, thanks for the painful reminder!" I hissed. I pulled my arms around my knees, resting my chin on them, refusing to look at him. This is what I get for saving his stupid life.
"Tonks, I was just… I don't want it to be like this!" he broke out angrily.
"Like what?" I retorted venomously.
"Like this! We're always fighting! And you're depressed, and I… you're supposed to move on!"
"To what? Bigger and better things?" I said dully. "Because there are sooo many people interested in me, gosh, they're just queuing up! I'll end up fighting off Harry and Ron if I'm not careful!" I continued sarcastically, standing. "I guess I'll have to take the offer I got earlier. Dawlish will be so pleased to know I've lowered my standards to let him in."
"You… you can't… with Dawlish!" Remus spluttered.
"No, I can't." I replied. "I'd have to throw myself off the astronomy tower afterwards, I'd be that disgusted with myself." I sat back down. "Is it really because you don't love me, Remus? Or is it just because of all this? The war? Is it just bad timing?" I thought aloud.
He shrugged. "It is bad timing… but really… you could just do so much better than me."
"Dawlish is a great improvement." I muttered darkly.
"I thought we agreed you weren't moving on in that direction."
"I'm not moving on at all. I'm stuck, right here, on you."
He seemed taken aback. Turning away, he muttered something about privacy to get dressed. But I could see the colour rising in his cheeks. I grinned, skipping out of the room. I wasn't over him. And he wasn't over me either. Good. That was they way I planned to keep it. Maybe he would come round soon. I hoped so.
A/N: so ive been getting a few reviews pointing out that as Remus bit Tonks, shouldn't she be a werewolf too? Answer: he's had his wolfsbane, hence he's just "A harmless wolf" to quote POA. So its just like being bitten by your dog. Sorry if I confused anyone, but that's what I thought when I wrote it… any who, please leave a review, I love hearing from you all!