This just popped into my head. I thought it was hilarious. I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any related characters or recognized.. things from the franchise.
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1st year Prologue
Albus Potter had a horrible pounding headache. He shouldn't have a headache; he was in the library for Merlin's sake. Yet there he was stuck listening to chatter, as the twitch in his left eye grew a little more prominent every passing minute. It was only his second week at Hogwarts, and he already wanted to murder someone. Usually it took at least a month before people started to really grate on his nerves.
'Bloody Sorting Hat! Why did it have to put me in Slytherin. Anything was better than Slytherin.' However there was nothing the ebony haired boy could do, as soon as the hat had touched his head he was sorted into Slytherin. The worst part was not being stuck in the house; no that wasn't it at all. Albus really was a Snake despite his family's obvious tendency for Gryffindor, he knew it and apparently so did the hat.
The problem was his thriced damned roommate Scorpius Malfoy. In Slytherin house, unlike Gryffindor, there were only two people to a room. He would be stuck with the blonde as a roommate for seven years. Specifically, it was Malfoy that he wanted to murder.
Albus was expecting a lot of things when he met Scorpius. A self absorbed, stuck up, pompous git was right at the top of his list, and he was. At least, in some ways. It wasn't that the boy was an awful student; Albus detested those. He wasn't always bragging about his family either, stories from his father probably pre-biased him. No, he was a bloody puppy. That was the problem.
He followed Albus around acting like they were best friends. Slinging his arm around Albus' shoulder and laughing at his comments even when they weren't meant to be funny. He tried to interest Albus in a variety of things to do together. Including, but not limited to, painting the floors in the Great Hall purple, and jousting on Roger and Gladys (Fang's grandpuppies).
Right now Albus was closer to killing himself and ending the torture than actually killing Malfoy. It would be easier to get away with. He could see his suicide note now...
'Dear Loved Ones…
Blame the blonde.
Love Albus.'
Yeah he could see that working quite. His family would blame to energetic little monster sending him away to a pianful place, and his spirit could rest in peace. Suddenly several words from Scorpius' never ending chatter caught his attention. He blinked in confudion, but the context was already gone. He jumped in when the blonde stopped to take a breath.
"What did you say," Albus asked. Unsure if what little he heard was a serious statement. Scorpius' head swivled around and he looked at Albus with bright eyes and a blinding smile. Albus wondered if his retina's would be injured by the end of the year.
"Your cousin, Rose isn't it?" he asked, Albus gave a nod of confirmation, and watched as a dreamy look pass over the blonde's face. "I'm going to go on a date with her, she's going to be my girlfriend one day." Albus' eyes grew to the size of saucers. He looked around wildly, wondering if this was a joke.
"That's insane, you know Rose already hates you. She thinks you are a stuck up jerk. Heck, I think you're a stuck up jerk!" Exclaimed Albus, Scorpius laughed, Albus was confused. How this was a laughing matter he had absolutely no clue.
"Yeah I guess you do think I'm like that. That's fine 'cause I'm your friend and nothing's changing that." Albus stared in wonder, how the Malfoy sicon wasn't a Huffelpuff was beyond him. "Anyway, someway, somehow, Rose Jane Weasley will be my girlfriend." Albus sighed in exasperation. If this is what he was going to have to deal with all the time. It would be a miracle if he survived Hogwarts with his sanity intact.
"Sure you are," he said sarcastically turning back to his Charms textbook. "Just don't let my family, Rose, Uncle Ron, or your father hear you say that." He mummbled out as warning, unfortunately his blonde roommate had already blanked out on him. Going to a place to dream up ways to capture the attention of Albus' spunky, studious red headed cousin.
'Oh boy, this is going to end in disaster.' Albus thought 'Somebody is going to end up getting hurt. Most likely me.' He rubbed his temples again. That headache was coming back with a vengance and he doubted that it would be going away anytime soon.
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End of Prologue.
Should I continue?