Please note that my initials are not J.K.R...
Cuz well if they were I would so own Harry Potter
but sadly I got suck with three other initials... so well...
CURSE YOU PARENTS FOR NAMING ME!
That is all.
There was a time when you could not trust me.
And there was a time when darkness was all I could see.
But now there are no layers of evil left to shed.
Severus Snape, greasy black hair, sallow skinned, black dungeon bat, and potions master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry sat in his office. It was late and he should be in bed, but earlier events were still running amuck in his mind. Earlier that day in his sixth year potions class a Slytherin and Gryffindor had gotten into an argument.
The Slytherin was related to an un-convicted Death Eater and the Gryffindor, well their relative was dead. But that wasn't what was troubling the potions master it was what the Gryffindor had shouted, "Once a Death Eater always one."
People don't change.
People don't change.
Once a Death Eater, you're always one.
People can change.
People can change.
They can turn their back and run.
Those words rang and rang through his head. He touched his left forearm where the Dark Mark was engraved into his skin. True he had once been a Death Eater. He had served the Dark Lord, till he decided to go after Lily Evans. She may have been married to that pompous ass Potter, but she would always be Lily Evans in his mind, the little girl who would keep him company. Sometimes he wished he never grew up, he wanted to be ten forever. But that was neither here or there.
What was, were the words of a Gryffindor, "once a Death Eater always one."
People changed did they not. Years passed and people grew, learn, and changed. So why not a Death Eater? He had changed. He had become Dumbledore's spy. He had protected that little brat, Potter. It was all for her, he changed because of her. He had changed.
"People don't change, once a Death Eater always one."
God he wished that stupid Gryffindor's voice would get out of his head. He had change, he was no longer a Death Eater, he was…
He was…
He was…
Well he didn't know what he was. He wasn't a Death Eater; he was in the Order of the Phoenix. But Death Eaters whisper behind his back, how he had betrayed the Dark Lord; The Phoenix bunch were just the same, uncertain if he really was on their side and not truly the Dark Lords.
So who was he? Neither side trusted him. Where did he belong?
"Once a Death Eater always one."
Snape got up and paced his office. He shook his head desperate to get the Gryffindors' voice out of his head. For whenever it roared another voice came into his head, "No, no I've changed; I'm not a true Death Eater."
Still more voices. "Yes you are," one would hiss. "People don't change; you will always be a Death Eater."
A roar. a hiss, and his voice...but which was right?
"Once a Death Eater always one."
"I've changed, I have."
"You will always be a Death Eater."
He growled to himself. How in the world could the words of a simple Gryffindor get into his head so much? He swore.
More hissing: "You'll always be a Death Eater Severus Snape. Forever a servant of the Dark Lord."
"People don't change. Once a Death Eater always one."
He stared down at his Dark Mark.
Now the Dark Mark it as appeared on me.
Lord Voldemort he calls but I want to be free.
From all the evil I have seen and I have done.
So please believe it's over the good in me has won.
Dumbledore believed in him. Dumbledore knew the truth. But was that enough. Could Dumbledores trust be enough to sustain him. He was the one who told him not to tell anyone what he did. So was it his own fault that doubts ran through his mind. Could people really change, just turn their back and walk away from a dark past. Did it really work that way?
If so why did doubts run constantly through his mind. Uttering another swore he fell back in his chair. Pain was beginning to form in the back of his head. Rubbing his temple did nothing to sooth it. And what was the use of a sleeping potion, the words of a lion would still roar in his head when he awake. There was no escape.
He jerked his head and sat still.
There was no escape.
Could that really be the answer? Was there really no escape? He was forever trapped by the Dark Mark and Lord? That seriously couldn't be it.
I have changed. I know it.
"Then why don't you believe it." a voice hissed. "Who are you trying to convince Severus? Yourself perhaps?"
Maybe I can't
can't really change
I can't turn my back and run.
"Perhaps I am." he said slowly and softly to himself. Was he trying to convince himself that he had changed, when deep down in his heart he knew he hadn't? Maybe the Gryffindor was right. People don't change. He would always be tied to Lord Voldemort. He would always be a Death Eater
I won't change,
I'll never change,
L o r d
V o l d e m o r t
h a s
w o n.