I've always wondered how I would feel in this moment. How would I feel when I'm so close to it? One step away, so close I can touch it if I just outstretch my arm… and I feel [I]nothing[/I].
[I]Nothing at all.[/I]
It's ironic really. All my life I've had a goal- a purpose. My priorities have always been set straight. And I dedicated everything I had to reaching the next gym, the next League, the next title… the next stepping stone.
Like a shooting star, cutting the soft dark veil of the night sky, my goal has always showed me the way. And following its sparkling, luring trail, I had eyes only for it… blind for the countless opportunities for a better life I've missed.
It's neither money nor riches I'm talking about. No, these things were always too… trivial for me. It was always about the recognition. [I]About the battle.[/I]
The dark stifling room around me is like a trap. The freshly-painted silver walls seem to be crawling closer and closer, and I see the faces again…every single one I've caught. They lean towards me with sinister smiles, revealing their razor sharp teeth… and their eyes! Like thousands of burning crimson knives stabbing me again, and again…and again. They were always my greatest fear- those blood red eyes…a never-ending inferno, a twisted vortex of hate and fire, an eternal storm of fear… and in the eye of the storm- darkness…
[I]And the darkest night paled in comparison…[/I]
I'm alone again… and the twisted abominations- born by my own sick mind, by my own actions- start to whisper… And their lisping- like a hundred whips of fire, like a thousand thorns of revenge- pierce my flesh…slowly. They know I have nowhere to run…Not that I want to, for that matter. I'm sick of running…but I fear death.
Their deranged whispers crawl under my skin, reminding me of what I have become. As the faces lean closer, their lisping turns into cries… into curses. The banshees swirl around me, their cries resonating in my body… and the old scars on my back, the wounds I have long forgotten, open… and they remind me of the debt I have failed to repay.
As the screams get louder and louder, my torturers- my Erinyes- dance their blood-chilling dance around me. Faster, and faster… and faster. Until only one thing remain- the eyes. And from these dreadful bloody rubies, piercing my very soul, erupts an inferno… Beautiful and terrifying at the same time, the flames soon become a vortex… and as the raging maelstrom of fire engulfs me, I fall…
And only darkness remains…
[I]Self removed from oneself.[/I]
It's finally over, I guess… but as I prepare for the eternity that awaits me, for the prison of nothingness and darkness that surrounds the wretched remains of my soul…
I find her hand. She too is asleep, of course. But despite that, her gentle fingers tighten around mine, and following her gentle touch, I, once again, surface from the dark void around me. As my eyes shot open, my first reaction is to look for her. And here she is- tightly holding my hand, sleeping peacefully…if only she knew. I fling aside some strings of her auburn hair. Sensing my touch, her eyelashes tremble…and she smiles in her sleep.
Disgusted of myself, I carefully fling aside the wet pearl-white sheets. Wiping the sweat out of my face I look around. The room is much brighter now- the full moon shares some of her light with me through the regal beige curtains. Accompanied by the annoying screech of the mattress I slowly get up. Maneuvering around the silhouettes of the Renaissance-era furniture, careful not to wake her up, I reach the terrace and open the sliding glass doors with one swift swing.
The gentle night air welcomes me as I take my first steps out. Thankful for the refreshing wind, I remove some wet strings of hair from my face. My tired gaze soars above the city. I've always liked these kinds of views. Seeing a city at night, from some high place where the constant noises of civilizations can't reach me, has always helped me think. And the majestic city of Alto Mare- basking under the gentle moon-beams, the crystal clear waters of its canals reflecting them with an almost magical blue tint- was no exception.
The cool night air surrounding the city is marked by thousands of the city's own stars- the windows of the people who, for some reason or another, were still awake- mirroring their brothers and sisters high in the night sky.
I hear hushing and children laughing. With a semi-curious look I inspect the canals nine stories below me. Hiding behind a corner, there is a small group of kids. Careful not to be spotted by someone, they sneak through the city. Their cheerful voices and the small Pokémon accompanying them clearly indicate they are off to another adventure. With a bitter smile I remember the times when I was one of the kids sneaking across some dark city or forest.
Memories flash one after another in my mind. I remember vividly every second with my friends. I remember the jokes, the adventures, the teasing…the departure. One by one they left my life… disgusted of what I have become. What was once an inseparable bond was now a quick call or a postcard for Christmas. Well, at least he stayed for a while longer. He has always been a fine friend… but even his optimism I'd stop my senseless quest ran out eventually.
And my Pokémon? I can sense it in them, too. Even he-my first one, my starter- despises me. When I look in his- now blind- eyes, I realize that our bond…the bond we thought was eternal, is long broken. The only thing that connects us, that forces him to obey me, is the poke ball he is trapped in.
He saved my life on the first day I met him…and I repaid by forcing him to battle the Original One.
I don't remember how, or when, I started slipping. Maybe it was since day one, or since I started needlessly prolonging the battles. I've always loved battling…the thrill is- or was- intoxicating. I always found flaws in my victories, always thought I could be better, stronger, smarter. It was just a game at first- the ultimate game- that every trainer played.
Through the years, I sensed how I wanted more and more. Suddenly gyms and Leagues weren't enough for me. And when even the various Elite Four and Champions fell before me, I still wanted more. I wanted to prove the old man I was the best…only then, he said, I could face him. And I proved myself time after time again… but when the ultimate tournament came, he wasn't there.
On the first day of my journey, I saw a Legendary. People say this means great destiny awaits the trainer. Some say destiny is a funny thing…I say she is a bitch. Seeing Mesprit marked the beginning of my journey…becoming Pokémon Master marked the start of my downfall.
Maybe the old man wasn't even alive when I earned the title. When I was little I always questioned myself why would he go on a journey at his age. But now I understand. We were the same in many ways. Including our hunger for challenges. The old man ran away in search for the greatest challenge- to capture a Legendary. And when I won the title, when I realized that no Tournament, League or Battle Frontier could satisfy me anymore, I decided to follow in his footsteps once again.
The last fifteen years are a blur. All I remember brightly are the battles. The first one to fall was the great dragon- Lugia. He promised to battle me once…but when I returned, the battle wasn't quite what he expected. The first few times it was thrilling…but even the hunt got dull. One after another, the Legendaries fell. You probably wonder how someone could-even if he is the best in the world- capture even one of them. Well, I found their weakness.
Every single one of them has a poke ball designed especially for him or her in ancient times. They are… works of art. They are made from gold, silver, rubies and emeralds, diamonds and pearls… encrusted with some symbol related to their corresponding Legendary.
Finding all of the poke balls was bitter work. But with the help of an old poke ball master, desperately wanting to study them, I got in touch with some…Collectors. Never got along with any of them. They preferred capturing Legendaries using weapons made by mankind. I always gave my [I]prey[/I] a fair chance…one on one.
It was a good adventure for the first few years, I admit it. My friends were still with me-at least most of them- and I visited a lot of beautiful and exotic places. I enjoyed the tricky part of summoning many of the Legendaries. There were many… special conditions.
But eventually, as any other thing, even the hunt ended. And I spent the last years alone. I captured ordinary Pokémon from time to time. But they always ended up trapped in their poke balls on some shelf, never to be seen or used again. And as I walked the corridors of my needless mansions, full of faceless servants whose names I don't even know…they came. The eyes. But I already told you about them, didn't I?
Once again, I here laughing below. Maybe it's those kids again? No… an elongated gondola slowly sales along one of the canals. The gondolier rigidly stares at the sparkling waters. He tries not to look back at the happy couple on the other end of the gondola. As the man passionately hugs his lady and she replies with a shy kiss… my thoughts drift back in the past again.
Would it have been different if I had listened to her? Of course it would. Her ultimatum was simple: she or my quest for the title… It was the night before the Mastership match. What would have you done? No, wait… you'd have probably chosen her, am I right? And I'm a fool for not doing it. Sometimes I dream of her. I dream of those bright blue eyes of hers… but they always change.
And as her eyes turn blood-red, fire swirls around me and blood rains from the crimson sky… She…she is my greatest torturer, my greatest Erinye. But I can't change the past… albeit they obey me, they refuse to do it. But maybe it's better this way. I was warned back then. And by not heeding the warning, I sealed my destiny. I deserve it.
I am what I am and I can't change it. It's too late. But how much I want this not to be true! Two months ago, when I learnt there is one more Legendary, the spark of life in me awakened again. Awakened along the predator that hid within. Fate had given me one last hunt. And I was determined to make the most of it.
As the plane landed in the Alto Mare airport, my thoughts focused on one thing only- to find and capture Latias. I had already captured its male counterpart…but I thought the last female had died along with its brother, protecting the city, more than twenty years ago. Apparently, I was wrong.
Somewhere in this beautiful city was hiding the last one of the Latias. And I was dead set to find her. Dead set. Day after day I roamed the streets and canals of the city, not even stopping to admire its treasures. But the true treasure of Alto Mare changed it all. My search led me to the city's museum. I was just standing in the main hall, purposelessly staring at the fossils covering the floor.
At first, she just observed me from a distance. She probably thought I couldn't notice her. Then, with a light walk, as if she levitated above the mortal world, she walked to me. For more than five minutes, I continued staring at the fossils. But she stayed. Finally succumbing to curiosity, I cast up my eyes.
I was taken aback, I admit it. Her innocent face basked in the multi-colored sun-beams shining through the stained windows. Her cheerful hazel eyes sparkled with curiosity, as if she was just a little kid. And her smile! It was so warm...so full of feelings I had long forgotten. I caught myself staring at the majestic flickers of her flowing chestnut hair. And as I outstretched my arm to her, I knew. I had met my guardian angel. My savior.
I have never heard her voice. But albeit she never spoke, I understood everything she meant. The day we met she introduced me to her "twin sister". Bianca disliked me from the beginning. I guess the world-famous painter and head of the Alto Mare Museum was a people's person after all. But her sister paid no heed…without even noticing, soon I was running around the city, holding hands with Monique. She, like Bianca, was an art's person. A poet. That's how we communicated when we were alone…and that's how I learnt her name.
Monique wanted to show me everything- museums, galleries, parks… When I was with her I felt happy, truly happy, for the first time in many years. When I met her, the nightmares were visiting me every night. I was afraid to sleep. But she drove them away. These last two months Monique was my haven. She was the beacon of hope enlightening my path. She gave me a new, different, purpose. Time after time again, our night walks around the city ended with us two beneath the whispering crown of some tree. And in her gentle caring hug, I could sleep peacefully- away from the horrors of my past, present and future.
Maybe for the first time in my life, the self-consuming hunger inside me disappeared. Monique did what I thought was impossible. She truly tamed the predator within. She showed me a new side of life. And my guardian angel didn't even know it. When we were alone under the starry night sky, I felt something new. Something different than the passion…than the lust for something more I had always felt through my life. I felt love.
And when I realized it, I was ready to throw everything away. I was ready to give up my stupid quest, my fame and my mansions. All of this, just to hold her hand under the Alto Mare's night sky forever. I thought destiny had given me a second chance. But destiny just wants to have one last sarcastic laugh before I'm annihilated completely.
I learnt the truth today. The Legendary poke balls have three unique characteristics. The first is, of course, that only they are able to catch their corresponding Legendary. The second is they can reveal the presence of their Legendary even if it's hidden. We were preparing for dinner. As she entered the room I was packing up the steel chest where I kept the Legendary poke balls. I had decided to send it back home. I wanted it out of my sight.
Monique gestured to her long evening dress-she awaited my opinion. Monique made a step forward as I stared at her- more beautiful than ever in her crimson red evening gown. And Latias' poke ball awakened. My heart skipped a beat. She couldn't see the content of the chest. But I saw nothing else. The miniature red-and-white sphere, carved in the most precious minerals, beamed. The predator in me shattered its prison as I stared the glow of the sphere, flickering like a crimson heartbeat.
I tried to tame it. I complimented her, went to dinner…pretended everything was fine. But the questions burned me inside. I tried to reject the truth at first. But the cold logic spoke otherwise. Monique never talked…because she couldn't. She looked like Bianca…because she had taken her form. And the poke ball? Kurt's voice echoed in my head:
"[I]The poke ball never lies, my young friend. Especially the Legendary ball![/I]"
But why did Monique… why did Latias choose me? What was so different about me? Maybe… maybe she wanted to test me. To determine whether I have really become a monster. But no… she doesn't know anything. Monique or Latias, or whoever she is, she just fell in love. Like I did. But that makes me even more of a monster than I already am.
The cry of a lone Pelipper in the distance brings me back to reality. I look around. The streets and canals are finally empty. Lonely… If I want, Monique can stay with me. I can just throw the cursed chest in the canal right now…just pretend nothing ever happened. Forget about the Hunt!
But I can't make her live a lie. She doesn't deserve someone who had dedicated the last fifteen years of his life to hunting her kin. And I…don't deserve anything at all. As the wind flows around me, the last question comes:
[I]I capture her. Then what?[/I]
After I catch Latias, the last of the Legendaries, everything will be over. No challenges, no battles, no worthy opponents… no nothing. No purpose. And without a purpose, I am nothing. By dedicating my life solely to battling, a bond was forged between me and my opponents. An ironic connection- if I win, if I conquer them all…there will be no one left to fight. I can hear in my head how Jed sums it all up:
"[I]That's it, man. You've reached the level cap. There is no "level next" anymore. Game over.[/I]"
I am the architect of my own destruction. My hunger will consume everything. And when there is nothing else left, it will consume me.
And as suddenly as the question came, the answer appears before me. Once again careful not to wake her up, I walk back in the room. The number is silently dialed and not long later, I hear his voice on the other end:
"Oh, for Pete's sake! I told you already: I'm not buying that Magikarp!"
"Cracking jokes as always, huh?"
Even from this distance, I can sense how his demeanor changes. His stern reply doesn't surprise me:
"Oh…it's [I]you[/I]."
"Guess you're not happy to hear me. Trust me, I wouldn't have called if it wasn't important."
"Okay, then. What is it?"
"Tomorrow, I want you to go to my mansion. And release all the Pokémon. Every single one I've ever caught. Then, as soon as possible, fly to Alto Mare. The chest is in room 407, Alto Mare Grand Hotel. Release all the Legendaries. And by all means possible, [I]destroy their poke balls[/I]."
On the other side of the line, his voice changes. The concern could be felt through the phone:
"Whoa! Hold your Horsea, man! You ain't gonna jump from some bridge or something, right?"
"Not quite." a sad smile makes its way on my face.
"Why me?" there is such a wide range of emotions in his question…
"Because I know you'll get it done. And, Jed…tell them all I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry for everything."
I could hear his shouting from the other end as I hang up:
"Kale? Kale! Don't hang up the phone dammit!"
Like hypnotized, I unlock the dreaded chest. The Legendary balls reflect the moonlight, like stones in a river. Latias' one glows with its own inner light. As I pick it up its gentle warmth greets me. I move one of the heavy wooden chairs next to the bed.
She truly is an angel in her own right. Poetry carved in flesh. I just stare in awe as the sparkling moon-beams dance on her face. She smiles… and dreams. To me, her chestnut hair seems like a flowing sea… like a majestic corona around her. I love her… and I hate myself for this. But I have to. This is the last hunt. Tonight I come full circle…finally, the Seviper bites its tail. Tonight, I'm facing the Legendary alone. And this is the end.
You wonder what is the third characteristic of the Legendary balls? When you activate it, when you enlarge it…they sense it. Kurt calls it "The Harbinger signal". And as I press the button and activate it, her gentle eyes shoot open. The moment I meet her look, I realize. She knows. She has known it all along. But Monique…Latias, loves me. As she transforms into her true form, a single tear makes its way out of her eyes…
And as Latias' crystal tear hits the cold floor and shatters in millions of minute versions of itself, her cry echoes in the depths of my mind.
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The young boy awakened from his nightmare with a desperate cry. The small golden sphere hanging from his neck felt like an anchor, pulling him down under some cold lifeless ocean. The stifling air in the lemon-colored room burned his lungs and the trainer desperately opened the window.
There was something…someone in the shadows of the nearby trees. Right between the majestic towers of Time and Space in the distance, the figure looked like some titan who had come to conquer the world. Like an hourglass counting down your time, like a shadow of a flame-if such thing even existed- the thing slowly drowned in the shadows. Its piercing blue eyes met with the boy's hazel ones…and the creature's message echoed:
"Consider this a warning… from a friend."
A mere moment before the figure completely disappeared in the cold shadows, the trainer heard how it lisped, as if to itself:
"Debt repaid, old man. Debt repaid."