A/N: I know I haven't posted in a long time, and I apologize. Life has been hectic, and I don't want to bore you with the boring details. Important note at the bottom!
Summery: Elijah Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards are broken up, yes. That doesn't mean that they have to be out of each others lives for good.
Notes: PLEASE READ! Eli never crashed Morty. The "end of the summer party" held by Jake, was more of an "end of the school year party" So, they had the whole summer ahead of them after that. Begins from Drop the World Part 2, to the mid-season finale of season 11, and plus what I added on. :)
Disclaimer: I do not, in any shape or form, own Degrassi or Eclare.
I hope you like it!
"We need to break up."
There they were. The four words he's always dreaded, but expected, to hear. This is the moment that he saw coming, but he didn't think it would be so soon.
He mentally and physically prepared for this moment. He's been prepared since the day he kissed her in the library. He was fully prepared for her to leave him one day, but he got attached. So attached, apparently, that she was doing the deed now and discarding him from her life. Permanently.
Breaking his heart into a million pieces, one word at a time.
He guessed that he was thankful that they were on the phone and in different places. She didn't need to see him break down and see his pathetic tears. He also didn't want to see her pretty blue eyes look at him with disgrace and earnest. He doesn't think he could handle that.
Why did I have to get so attached? He asked himself. Why couldn't I be like any other guy in the world and just give her space when she asked?
Oh, that's right. Because I'm a paranoid freak. Face it, Eli. You were never just a normal guy in the world.
Maybe that's why Clare could only handle being in a relationship with me for 3 months, he wondered. Because I'm an obsessed freak. I pushed her away with my stupid paranoia. Way to go. Good one.
He tried to tell himself that Clare was no Julia. Julia was Julia. Clare was Clare. They were both beautiful, but in their unique and special way. But his mind couldn't fathom to stop replacing Julia's body with Clare's in his daily nightmares.
Stupid, stupid paranoia.
Damn it.
Fuck my life.
"Okay," He whispered into the phone. So she couldn't hear the child like sobs that he knew would be escaping his mouth, he quickly shut his phone and tossed it somewhere behind him, it landing with a silent thud somewhere in the back of Morty.
He contemplated just leaving and never coming back. Ever. It was a tempting offer, but he knew he couldn't do that to Cece and Bullfrog. Not after how they've been there for him throughout everything he's been through. He knew he was probably in enough trouble as it is, for taking Morty and plotting to leave with Clare without even telling them.
At this moment, he could care less about the punishment he knew was coming his way. Right now, he needed his parents.
His vision blurred as he turned away from Queen Street. He tried to keep the tears from falling so that he could focus on driving, but he knew that that most likely won't happen. His house could be seen in the distance, and he sighed in relief when he saw Bullfrogs familiar MGB parked in front of it.
Eli pulled into his parking spot and yanked the screw diver out of the ignition. Stumbling and mumbling incoherent words, he opened the front door to his house faster then he could handle and ended up tumbling to the floor.
"Elijah Goldsworthy! Where have you been?"
He glanced up in his mumbling mess and saw Bullfrog and Cece standing in front of him in raging fury, which was odd. They were never like that.
He buried his head in his knees, suddenly not so in the mood for seeing his parents' pitiful faces. He's seen that so much in his life time, he didn't need to see them again.
Stop crying. Stop it. Stop crying, He kept telling it's useless. He was used to it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry," He mumbled, squeezing his knees together and burying his face deeper and deeper into them, his entire body racked in sorrowful sobs.
Cece then glanced at her husband, and sat down next to her son, aligning her back against the wall and placing her hand on his shoulder. Bullfrog slowly shut the door and joined her, without a word.
"Baby boy, what happened?" Cece asked him gently, stroking his back.
"It's over. It's gone. She'sgone." He whispered groggily, lifting his face up from his knees and casting his eyes to the floor, suddenly finding a little black scruff mark very interesting.
"Who's gone, son?" Bullfrog asked, finding his place here severely awkward. He was never good at comforting people.
"Clare. I pushed her way with my s-s-" Eli took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip, before whispering out in a barley audible,"With my stupid paranoia."
Bullfrog and Cece looked at each other, suddenly overwhelmed by their son's sadness. He was always sad, it seemed. He never got a break and was just happy. He never got a restless sleep at night, let alone a full night's sleep. When he first met Clare, when he became her English partner that was the happiest he's ever been since the night April 22nd, 2009, and his parents knew that.
"Clare broke up with me."
Those were the last words that were said. The rest of the night consisted of crying and comforting, before Eli finally fell asleep in his mothers arms.
XXX
She was beautiful.
She was a pure and innocent soul that I loved so much, but I don't have anymore. Like I knew I would, I messed up our relationship; all because of my stupid dependency.
It was wrong, and I wish I realized what exactly I was doing before I put so much pressure on her.
All I wanted was to make sure she wouldn't go anywhere. Deep down inside I knew she wouldn't…but I still did it. I still depended on her.
Sometimes I wish if I just left her alone, if I would have given our relationship a few days rest, we would still be together. Or, if I didn't tell her to chose between the dance and me. If I just sat at home, maybe played video games with Adam, and let her have her fun.
I could've even gone to the dance with her, had a redo of Vegas night. We could've danced together, and everything might have been okay.
But its not; It's not okay, and it's all my fault.
Eli Goldsworthy sat still on his bed, glancing at his journal before closing it and setting it next to him on the bed. He looked around the room, the progress of the cluttered mess mocking him in every way possible. Memories flooded back from when he and Clare would spend hours in the mess, slowly getting rid of foreign objects that had nothing to do with Julia.
"If it means something, keep it." Clare had said.
He closed his eyes, his nerves getting the best of him. It's been two weeks since the dance, two weeks since he and Clare's break-up.
After the incident, his parents had demanded that he needed to talk to his therapist. He hadn't been seeing her at all, because things were going great with his hoarding issue. But, when he saw her again, she prescribed him stupid anti-anxiety pills. He hated it, feeling that numb feeling inside.
Fortunately, the pills had helped a lot. He wondered if he could see Clare with them, how he would act. He knew he couldn't get her back, it was impossible, but he wondered if they could be friends.
He had come to conclusion that Clare did the right thing. What he was doing to her wasn't right, and she didn't deserve it.
She didn't deserve him. She deserved better. She always did.
He was scared to go back to school, to face the fact that he has to see Clare everyday and seeing she wasn't his anymore. He was scared that things would never be the same between them. He was scared that Clare would find another guy who would take care of her better then he ever did.
He may not physically show he was scared, but in his mind he was.
Eli sighed, and rubbed his sleep-deprived eyes. He defiantly wasn't looking forward to school, or for lack of a better word, his own personal hell.
He glanced behind him and noticed the time.
7:03 AM.
Great, I've been staring into nothing for an hour and a half. That's normal. Eli thought, bitterly.
Standing up, Eli made his way to his computer desk and debated on taking a pill.
Yes.
No.
It wasn't a difficult decision, really. But, he was curious how he would act. No, no I can't take those chances. I need them.
Eli nodded to himself, proud of his decision, and popped a pill in his mouth before making his way to the door and into the hallway. He shut it behind him and turned around to lock it, but stopped suddenly. Eh, what the hell? The lock was a pain, anyway.
Eli smirked, proud of himself, and opened his bedroom door again quickly tossing the lock in, not bothering to see where it landed. With a quick snap of his wrist, Eli closed the door once again and walked the few steps to the stairs.
Stepping slowly down the stairs, Eli saw Bullfrog's face come into view sitting at the kitchen table, eating his usual breakfast Eli saw him eat, Waffles and Orange Juice.
"Dad? What're you doin' up so early?" Eli said groggily, reaching his hands up to scratch his eyes and yawning.
Bullfrog glanced up and put his index finger up in Elis direction, indicating him to wait until he was done chewing. This surprised Eli a little bit. Usually Bullfrog would just talk with food in his mouth when Cece wasn't around.
"I thought I would drive you to school today. Last night wasn't that hard of a night at the station, so…" Bullfrog smiled a little at Eli, then stuffed another forkful of waffle in his mouth.
Eli nodded and trudged the fridge to poor himself a glass of orange juice, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Good morning, Baby Boy. Ready for school?" Cece asked, now standing next to him. Eli pulled the carton of Orange Juice out and shut the fridge, then faced his mother.
"As ready as I'll be, I guess."
Cece smiled softly at him and watched Eli walk to the cupboard. Turning her head back, her eyes widened.
"Bullfrog! Chew your food! Don't inhale it."
xXx
Stepping out of Bullfrogs car, Eli made his way towards to opening of Degrassi before Adam caught his eye. Adam skipped a little towards him before walking next to his saddened friend.
"Hey," He said solely, smiling a little.
"Hey," Eli replied, smirking softly. He smiled in Adams direction, glad to have a friend in his time of need.
"Ready to finish off the school year? Only a month and a half left!" Adam said excitedly, as they walked inside to the familiar foyer.
Eli nodded silently but suddenly stopped. There standing at her locker, was the blue eyed beauty that Eli still couldn't get his mind off of. Everything else was a blur, and his full attention was on her. She pulled out a binder before shutting her locker and turning in Eli's direction. Their eyes locked, and she smiled softly at him before walking past him.
"You okay, man?" Adam interrupted Eli's fantasy of her running into his arm's and becoming his again. Eli shook the thoughts out of his head and nodded at Adam.
"Yeah, perfectly fine."
XXX
His name was Jake.
Forest loving, plaid wearing, Alli kissing Jake.
He was what she thought she loved. He cared about her, he said he loved her. But there were obviously things he said that he didn't mean. He went off and kissed her best friend the first chance he got, and Clare saw him do it.
The best part, was when he said she kissed him, and he didn't even like it.
It was obvious he liked it.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. You're just a jealous prude." He had said.
That had hurt her. A lot. He didn't love her; he just loved the attention she gave him. He loved the kissing and touching, not the girl who provided it for him.
"I suck at boyfriends," Clare said to herself, while falling back on her bed. She was all cried out, and hurt. Her best friend betrayed her, and she wasn't even sorry.
The fact that Clare now gets to live with Jake killed her. She never wanted to see him again, but now at every family dinner she gets to see his smug face stuff chicken down his throat.
She couldn't tell her best friend, she couldn't tell her mom. Adam didn't really care.
She had no one.
Clare bit her lip, her heart hurting. She didn't know what to do. Her thoughts had wondered to the all black wearing ex-boyfriend of hers.
Would he have done that? Would he have went and kissed her best friend?
No, of course not.
Would he have only been with her for his hormones?
Absolutely not.
She hated herself for breaking it off with him. She just wanted space, but he wouldn't stop pestering her about going with him on spring break. She couldn't do that, she wanted to stay and dance with her… friends.
Clare groaned, and buried her face in her pillow. She couldn't deny that she constantly wondered if he was okay. She couldn't get him out of her mind. No matter what, he was always there.
Even when she tried to sleep, her mind went back to him. It went back to the hammock, star gazing and whispering sweet nothings to each other. She remembered their first date, and how rebellion, kissing him, and Chuck Palahniuk were the only thinks on her mind.
She wonders what would happen if they got back together. Would everything be better?
Clare sighed. She would never know.
He would never take her back.
XXX
A new school year starts in less then 3 hours, and Clare and Eli are both reluctant to go. They don't want to see one another, for fear for feelings rushing back, yet again. They had both managed to forget one another during the day, when they were occupied with other things, but when the moon came out, and the summer stars shined in the sky, their minds would flutter back to 8 months prior, when they were in the highlight of their high school lives. They couldn't get each other out of their mind, and they each hated it.
Sure, their relationship wasn't perfect, everyone knows that. When they both think back to it though, they would only change one thing about it. They brought out the best of each other, and the worst. Eli realized he's bi-polar and Clare realized she couldn't handle all of the pressure Eli and their relationship put on her.
They both wished that they could've handled things better, and maybe if they did, they wouldn't be at this position that they are right now.
Clare managed to ignore Alli the rest of the summer, and tried not to let Jake crawl under her skin. Jake and Alli progressed with their relationship, much to Clare's dismay, but she didn't care. They could do whatever they want.
Clare and Eli both put on their new colored polo's, khakis, lanyard, and told their parents their goodbyes. On their walk to school, music blasting and thoughts wondering, their minds went back to each other, yet again.
They couldn't help but wonder what would happen if they did become friends again. They both know what they did wrong, and they both regretted it. They wanted to start fresh, a new year, a fresh start.
But they both wanted to know if they other were thinking the same thing as they were, or the complete opposite.
As they neared the entrance, their thoughts still scattered, they both failed to notice the beanie wearing friend who still had his cast on. Adam missed being around the both of them without it being awkward, and hell, if it meant that they would speak to one another again, he would even go back to the vomit enduing flirting that they always used to do.
Adam sighed and walked back to his brother, who was indulging the fact he was a "big bad senior," and did the same thing the other two misfits were doing.
Wishing things could go back to the way they used to be.
But I guess, everyone gets their wish sometimes.
It just so happened that they all had the same English class that first semester, and Adam smiled at the fact Eli and Clare were looking at each other, their smug smirk and shy blush both returning to their faces.
They all knew that they were going to do things right this time. Weather it being only friends, or maybe, hopefully, taking that next step somewhere along the way, they all knew that they needed one another, no matter what crazy thing that happens in their lives.
Deep down in their hearts, they knew that they would always have each other. No matter what.
What was that. I don't even know. I feel like I dragged out the end and some parts don't even make any sense. :/
It would be lovely if you reviewed, though!
Important note!: If you've read my story, Love in a Spiral, the second chapter will be posted soon! I think I have my writing groove back ;D And also, If you haven't read that, could you? :)