SO, this was originally a one shot story but I reckon I can try to continue this when I have more time. The main plot really is to alternate Naya and Heather's POV to show how they're coping with their attraction to one another despite not being able to get together properly. I hope you like it and comments and reviews are very much appreciated!

Under the darkness of my room I lay beside a familiar figure. I try to hold back the tears caused by the sadness and guilt that envelops me every time I try to close my eyes. This feeling gets me whenever the euphoria ends; when she dozes off to sleep leaving me crippled by my own insecurities.

Ultimately, I think it's my fault; for letting my guard down and submitting myself to the feelings I developed for her earlier in our friendship. I knew well enough that she was in a stable relationship; that she was contented with what she had and yet I chose to be closer to her. I couldn't fight the invisible force that keeps pulling me to her; everything about her was fascinating to me. She's simply intoxicating and mesmerizing.

I would never fully understand why she kissed me that night. For almost a year, I had to fight the urge to kiss her in so many different occasions and there she stood on my front door; during an icy December night; her eyes searched mine for some answers; they flickered to my lips and still I stood there completely frozen, confused by what was happening right before my eyes. I was too scared to move; too cowardly to say anything and yet she kept looking at me with intense blue eyes; as if she was waiting for me to say something. I opened my mouth to finally ask her what she was doing but nothing came out; I felt her lips crash into mine with such gentle force only she could pull off. I wanted to push her away; to tell her she was making a huge mistake but my selfish needs got the best of me and I marvelled in her presence. I gave her everything I had in that kiss. All the words that I forcefully kept to myself came out with every stroke of my tongue against hers. The kiss was fervent, desperate and pleading; I felt a drop of tear escape my eye but I didn't stop. I made sure she understood how I felt about her; about us. With one last contact, she pulled away. Her blue eyes were exceptionally dark, her flushed face looked breath taking under the clear moonlit sky. She smiled, so I smiled back, still too shaken by the events that just occurred. Without a word, she turned around and started walking away; I wanted to stop her, tell her to stay but my feet were planted on the floor and I bit my tongue. I watched her leave because I knew I didn't have a hold on her; she wasn't mine to keep.

Days turned to weeks; weeks turned to months and the intimacy became a recurring part of our relationship. I never questioned what we were doing; too afraid that she'd stop; too selfish to think about the consequences. I was enjoying myself and I could simply say the same for her. We both knew the secrecy of it all was thrilling. The warmth of her skin on mine was exhilarating; I could feel every nerve in my being tingle with every touch that lingered. For these times, my mind goes blank; unable to think about anything or anyone else besides her and how sweet she tastes. How good she was at counteracting all my actions as if we rehearsed every move before. And then like every other great moments, it all goes to an end. She pulls back; fixes herself and walks away with a smile that says "we'll be okay", leaving me in solitude. She goes back to him, every night, and I am left to drown in my own guilt and addiction to her existence.

Tonight felt different though. She stayed over. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes when she appeared on my doorstep. I never dared ask her why; we don't really talk about him, them. She didn't need to say anything; I could see what she wanted in her blue eyes. Sometimes I think she only wants me for one reason and eventually, she would get jaded and stop coming around but once her hands brushes up and down my arms, the thought is lost within me and I focus on how close her lips are to mine. This occasion was no exception; we kissed, we touched. Our limbs tangled in a bed full of hope, desperation, lies and guilt but also, at least on my part, I knew what I felt was nothing short of love. It was clear to me that what I felt was stronger than lust; my heart ached every time she stood up to put back her clothes and quietly sneak away in the middle of the night thinking I was asleep. I desperately want her all for myself; I want her to be mine but I didn't want to force her to do anything; she seems happy with our little arrangement and so, I put my expectations behind and try to please her.

"Nay—"she quietly says under the still darkness. I could feel her eyes on me; making my skin burning with mixed emotions.

"Heather, don't." I knew what she was going to say; she needs to go back to him before he wakes up in the morning and realize she wasn't beside him.

Her fingers brushed my arm and I could feel the steam of her warm breath on the crook of my neck. She placed a wet kiss on the hollow of my collar bone; sending chills down my spine. "You know I don't want to leave."

"So don't leave. Stop leaving me." I pleaded; trying not to let the tears escape from my eyes. My voice sounded meek and desperate.

"You'll always have me, Naya." She comforted, her tone was sure and genuine.

"As long as you're with him; I'll never have you, Heather. As long as you keep leaving before dawn; this, what we have, will never be real." I replied trying not sound hurt; but my throat felt dry, I wanted to cry, and it would be easier if I could at least cry.

"Don't be like that, Nay, please." Her own pleading tone was audible. I could tell she didn't want to discuss this.

"Like what, Heather?" I broke away from her embrace; trying to search her eyes in the middle of the blackness that enveloped my room. "I love you."

She stayed silent; the atmosphere in the room made me feel uneasy. It was as if something was sucking out all the oxygen left and suddenly I couldn't breathe properly. I have never uttered those three words to her ever since she kissed me the first time. I thought it would give away all my secrets; all my deepest hopes. I didn't want her to think I was emotionally attached. We are best friends and that was that.

"Naya, I—"

"You don't have to say anything." I interrupted abruptly.

"I love you too." She whispered, enough for me to hear; enough for me to let my guard down and stop holding back the tears.

I looked at her through the shadows, urging her on to continue.

"But—"she started and I felt all the walls I built around me slowly crumbling down into a pile of rubble.

"You can't leave him." It wasn't a question; it was a statement that I had to say on her behalf.

She broke away from my gaze and bowed down in shame; in guilt; in sadness. I didn't even bother waiting for her reply, I just turned away from her; sinking myself into the bed covers, trying not to tremble while I let the tears overflow me. I could hear her silent sobs past my own and I felt her leaving the bed; the coldness immediately replaced the warmth of her body. I didn't dare look up; didn't want to beg her. I still had my pride left so I listened as she slowly walked away; the door quietly shut and I let my emotions take over me. The pain was unbearable; it was suffocating and all I wanted was to feel numb but I couldn't. She's such a big part of my life that ignoring these feelings was not an option. Tomorrow, I have to put a brave face on; for her to see that I can make it through. Maybe it's for me too; to make myself believe that I don't need her; not at all.