Author's Note: My friend, esplin9466V3, and I created this from one to many late night conversations and not enough alcohol. So I advise to you there is a lot of insanity. But alas, enjoy the sick minds of two out of the ordinary sixteen year olds.

Chapter Uno--

Slade was sexually inactive. That was his life.

-xXx

"Ah!" Beast Boy spat, "how come I can never beat you! In the ass that is of course." Cyborg's eyes widened at the comment.

"Leave my tin can alone, you green excuse for straight!"
"Can I get you a drink my dear, Robin?" Starfire asked, her voice slightly timid.

"Yeah, of you know what." Starfire squealed at the offer. "I'll go ge—" Robin slapped her across the face.

"NOT THAT!" he bellowed.

"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA!" Robin became wide-eyed and Cyborg dropped the controller in-between the awkward silence. Beast Boy, however, was oddly excited by the news. Raven was in the opposite end of the tower, and heard a calling from Star. Her eyes snapped open and she cut her spell short. Instead of the spell working, it was cut mid way, and it ended up being a spell to see who your true love was. The result being, whoever you love, their pants fell.

(Off set, Slade's pants fall)

"Hey look. The red light." Robin said, staring at the flashing light with his mouth agape.

"Who cares? Some stupid person is raping some stupid person. Who cares?" Beast Boy replied, unenthused.

"No, this time it's Slade. Titan's HOP!" Raven flew out of the 'O' shaped Tower of the Titans. 'O' stood for not straight. Don't ask.

Raven flew here, there, anywhere. Like a Dr. Seuss book. It doesn't matter what happened, I don't want to write it. All you have to know is that they tried fighting, aaaaaaaand Slade took Raven. Yeah. He threw white stuff on her face that was sticky. She couldn't breathe and was taken.

So she stood there, blindfolded, suffocating to death.

"Gimme your communicator."

"ehs en uh ehlt"

Slade stared at her, wide-eyed. "I have no fucking clue what the hell you just said. This'll be easier: Groping." Raven inwardly groaned, as Slade took the goop off her mouth, and waited for the groping hands, but they never came.

"Umm…I thought you were gonna grope me."

"You! Oh crap…your right…I'm supposed to be groping you…not me." Raven rolls her eyes at her colleague and walked off the set disturbed.

"Hey! Where are you going!" Slade called after her.

"Nature calls, pervert," Raven said in pure monotone.

-xXx Intermission xXx-

Robin heard a beeping sound. "Hey look guys! Raven walked off set! I guess it means that this is the time when Ravens taken by Slade. Flip out!" Star, Beast Boy and Cyborg looked at him like he was insane. "Flip out! Raven's gone!"

"Oh!" Star started screaming, running in circles, Beast Boy lay down, crying, and Cyborg shut down.

-xXx

"Where could she be?" Beast Boy asked, quite frightened that Raven might be in danger. Cyborg pulled up the last couple arousing in the city. "Last time we saw her she went to go find out what was wrong with spot number three," he began figuring out where she could be, "she was last heard at the whorehouse then. By why did she permanently disconnect her communicator?"

"Slade…," Robin said under his breath.

"But what would Slade want with Raven?" asked Starfire with innocence and confusion.

"I don't know. But whatever he's planning, we're going to have to save Raven," Robin said, voice stern.

"Jeeze, I mean don't you think she's getting in trouble a lot lately. I mean, first the "end of the world", and now she just got captured by our most hated villain," Beast Boy said, comically.

"I think she has a knack for it, getting into trouble. Maybe she's getting on the adventurous side?" Cyborg said with a smirk.

"Enough with the jokes, we need to go find her. Titans, to the whorehouse!" Robin called to the team, and they were out the door and on their way in seconds.

Beast Boy piped up, " Yeah! Let's go get some action!"

xXx

Slade, and all of his sexiness, went into the kitchen to "cook" up some food for the captive.
"Heh," he smirked, "this should do it!" He laughed, and then punched himself. He then took the platter of grub down to the basement and placed it in front of her. "Eat."
"Eat what?"
"Eat this."
"Eat what?"
"Eat this."
"Eat what?"
"Eat this."
"Eat what?"
"Eat this."
"Well, what is it?"
"IT'S THIS! How many times do you want me tit, I mean….to…to say it!" Slade furiously yelled.
"I want you so bad." Raven seductively stated.
"What!"
"Psych!"

xXx

The remainder of the Titan's searched the whorehouse area top to bottom, but to their disliking, the whorehouse was deserted, and had been for what looked like a few hours now. No witnesses to cross-examine, nobody to point them in the right direction…literally.
Cyborg looked around. "Of all days to be deserted."
"Sucks." Robin glowered.
"I know…now can't get my erection down," Star said.
"What do you mean!' Robin said. "First you have no vagina apparently. And now you have…I'm lost!"

'Oh that's why she wouldn't let me touch her last night!' Robin inwardly thought.

"On Tamaran, and in every other planet, we have the opposite of your reproductive system. My self, a few others, including Superman are from other planets. To us, your reproductive systems are switched. In Tamaran, girls have what you calls penis…and boys what you call…hole?"
"WHAT THE HELL! YOU MEAN I CAN"T FUCK YOU! Of all people to want…has to be the one with a dick…"
"Sorry bud," Beast Boy said. "Your misfortune…my pleasure. I've got Raven. Haha."

xXx

Slade stood in the bathroom. He punched something earlier in the real story…I don't know why…but I'm too lazy to figure it out. So there's glass in his hand.
"Oww! Why does this hurt so much! It's like I'm pulling my hand...not the glass!'" Slade looked down and saw just the glass…no hand. "Crap...I was."
Raven called out. "Slade! Me gots to pee-pee!" She turned to the audience and said, 'Improv!"
"Piss your pants bitch."
Raven got up and walked straight into the bathroom. She sat down on the toilet and peed.

"Umm..what are you doing?"

"Stop looking! You'll see it later! Remember the script!"

"Oh yea. Sorry."

"Why does my butt feel wet?" Raven inquired with a confused look plastered on her young face.

"You…. pissed…your pants," Slade embarrassedly stated.

"I'm on the toilet! Your confoosing me!"

"You need to pull your pants down. Duh."

"Nuh uh!" Raven cried childishly.

"Fine. Whatever. We're all entitled to our opinions but…mine's just better."

"How is peeing in just the toilet better?"

Slade stared…turned and walked out.