AN: I got really bored. So, what is better to do in my spare time than write a crack-shot? Also, my sister despises this pairing more than any other pairing. So, being the wonderful sister I am, wrote this to bother her.
Warning: This story may cause the following: brain damage, decrease of brain cells, wacky fanfiction ideas, creepy fanfiction parings, hallucination, anxiety, stomach aches, head aches, suicide, and heart failure. Please, if you began to feel one of these symptoms, call your doctor immediately and get your big toe amputated, as soon as possible. Please note, that NikkoleNikki is not responsible for the death of you or a loved one. Thank you and have a nice day!
James and Severus were sitting underneath the Whomping Willow, eating a picnic lunch. The Whomping Willow was calm for no apparent reason, or what James would like to claim that it: "Froze up, so that it could enjoy the view of his pure sexiness."
"Oh, James," Snape squealed like a fan-girl, so high pitched that it caused a poor Hufflepuff boy to wince. "You have the sexiest ass that I have ever seen. I would never love that mudblood over you!" Snape shuddered, thinking of that disgraceful mudblood, Lily.
See, Snape and James randomly started dating, because Snape and James both hated girls, for one. And the fact that there hate was really love in disguise or something extremely mushy along that line.
James gazed into Snape's eyes. He leaned in to kiss the black haired Slytherin, but was interrupted by that annoying Gryffindor boy, Sirius Black, and his not-as-important sidekick, Remus Lupin.
Black and Lupin were just standing there. James hated the way they just said nothing and stared. That was the main reason he hated them.
"Where's your other pet, Black." Severus stood up, obviously irritated with Sirius.
"He's at a Death Eater meeting, eating cheese… I mean, went home to see his sick mother." Black rolled his eyes, annoyed with the rat's absence.
"Wait, isn't he still too young to join the Death Eaters? And isn't that Lupin's excuse?" James asked coldly.
"Like I know Voldie's motives to invite a teenage-mutant-ninja-rat to his parties!" After throwing his hands up in the air sometimes saying 'Aye-oh!', Black sighed in frustration.
"What do you want?" James growled, finally coming to the conclusion that none of his other questions would end up relevant, due to their inconvenience.
"To go to the carnival! THE CARNIVAL!" Lupin cheered.
"BOB SAGET!" James yelled, causing Severus to gasp in astonishment. James would never yell his idols name out to the sky. Something must have been wrong.
"What?" Severus asked, worried for his boyfriend's well-being.
"DUMBLEDORE JUST BANNED CLICKY PENS!" James cried.
"WHAT?" Black wailed, as Lupin screamed 'HE WOULDN'T!'
"HE DID!" said James, tears running down his face.
"How do you know?" Pettigrew randomly appeared, munching on a block of cheese.
"AHHHH!" James screeched, as he picked (with his newly-discovered super strength and super intolerance towards annoying little pests) up Pettigrew and tossed him in the air.
"WHOMPY! I CHOOSE YOU!" James leaned against the Whomping Willow, using his new gangsta pose because he was that edgy. On cue, Whompy turned back on and hit Pettigrew, like a baseball.
"One hundred feet, two hundred feet, three hundred feet," Lupin started counting as Pettigrew flew. "HOMERUN!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Everyone turned around and glared at the sandy blond haired boy.
"Fine..." Lupin mumbled.
Later, the quartet went down to Hogwarts newly opened carnival. They went on several extremely dangerous rides such as: roller coasters with no seat-belts, a Ferris wheel with no cart doors, a ride that looked rather rusty as well as responsible for the death of ten students, and water slides that went straight down.
Severus ran up to the cotton candy booth and saw McGonagall handing out cotton candy.
"How may I help you?" McGonagall sounded, as if she hated life, which was basically the same as anyone who worked in a cubicle.
"I want COTTON CANDY!" Severus started to run around in circles.
"I know that. Now, what color?"
"I…WANT…GREEEEEEN!" He stopped running in circles and grabbed the poor teacher by the collar.
"Yes, and I want a job with decent pay, but we all can't get what we want. More importantly, did you take your medication today?" Severus looked at the teacher with tears running down his face.
"No…" He mumbled underneath his breath.
"The question is did you take your medication." With the worse comeback ever, James appeared from behind Severus and put his arm on the crying Slytherin's shoulder.
"Look! I got you a teddy bear, and he's green." As soon as James handed Severus the bear, he clung to it for dear life.
"Hey! Who want to go on the Merry-Go-Round?" Black cheered.
"ME!" Snape said. They ran over to the Merry-Go-Round to see Dumbledore waiting at the stand.
"Dumbledore, don't you think that these rides are a bit-," Lupin gulped, "-unsafe?"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, LUPIN!" Dumbledore got out a role of duct tape and put a piece across Remus' mouth.
"Mmmhmhmmmm!" Remus tried to speak.
"I can't hear you!" Dumbledore mocked poor, little Remus.
"MHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"
"I think I'm going deaf!" Dumbledore said in a sing-song voice.
"MHMMMM-!"
"TAKE OFF THE BLOODY TAPE!" Black yelled. As Dumbledore removed the tape, Lupin looked at Black in shock. Black had saved him!
"You were getting on my nerves!" Black declared, causing Lupin to look at the ground sadly. "Anyway, who wants to get on the Merry-Go-Round?"
"I am not getting on the ride." Lupin pointed toward the ride that was thirty feet in the air and ran approximately seventy-five miles per hour. "Look at it. It is clearly unsafe." The group looked at the ride Frank Longbottom was hanging on to the neck of a white horse for dear life. He suddenly lost his grip and flew off.
"I WAS DARRRRRRRRRRED!" he screamed, as he hit the ground.
"Well, there goes Frank." Black said. "LET'S GO!"
Suddenly, Lupin grabbed Black's arm, and Black turned around with a surprised look on his face.
"Please… Don't!" Lupin's grip tightened. Black stared into his amber eyes, and all he saw was fear.
"Fine… Because Lupin's too chicken we are not going on this ride."
"Whatever, you were the only one that wanted to go on this ride anyway!" said James, as he put his arm around Severus' shoulder.
"Let's go!" said Severus. The quartet walked happily back to the Hogwarts castle. James and Snape held hands, and shockingly, Lupin and Black were as well. (Well, mostly, Lupin was grabbing Black's hand because he was afraid that the moment he turned away that Black would go on that awful ride, run by a senile Dumbledore.)
Pettigrew kept on flying and flying, until he felt pain rise in his back. He opened his eyes to see the Hogwarts express (that was running for no reason) coming right at him. There in the drivers seat, sat the one in only Lord Voldemort, chanting 'Choo, choo, motherfucker'!
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He cried, as he was crushed to death.
Peter Pettigrew will always be forgotten.