I've been struck with writers block all damn week, so a little bit of drabble, to hopefully get me out of it!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the other stories - much appreciated! Reviews for this one - ditto...
Nope, still don't own anything or anybody...
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Forget The Flowers
Flowers?
You're going to buy her flowers. Unbelievable.
What's wrong with flowers?
Well, it's a little trite, don't you think? Everybody always gets the girl flowers. Hardly original…
I distinctly remember a time, when somebody around here, couldn't stop telling me how much girls like vegetation…
Yeah, well, I was trying to be funny then. It simply never occurred to me that you might actually take me seriously.
Huh. Just shows what you know. Besides, a plant did the business then, so there's no reason to believe that a plant won't be able to do the business now.
Except, this time you don't just want her to stay. This time you want to get into her pan…
No. No I don't. This is just a simple dinner, nothing more. There will not be any hanky panky of any description going on, just eating…and…and…
Yeah, it's that "and" that has me a little worried…
Nothing is going to happen…it's…way to early to start…thinking about…that…
Ha! The gentleman doth protest too much me thinks. And I use the term "gentleman" advisedly…
Oh, piss off.
Besides, flowers are the universally accepted gift from a man to a woman on a first date, so I don't see the problem.
I do.
Exactly how sure are you that this is actually a bona fide date?
Gee, let me think. I said: "Sara, would you like to go to dinner with me?" and she said "Yes."
Pretty cut and dried, I would say.
Except that the words "Sara", "like", "dinner" and "me" never actually left your mouth.
What the hell are you talking about? I distinctly remember saying…
Noooooo. What distinctly ended up leaving your mouth, was more like: "Hey, wanna grab something to eat tonight?"
Semantics.
Besides, I show up at her door with an armful of flowers and she'll catch the drift. She's a bright girl.
Yeah, well, it's good to know that one of you in this - almost, maybe, kind of – relationship, has more than two brain cells to rub together.
Oh for crying in a bucket. Fine. No flowers then.
Please, no flowers. Let's at least attempt to put some thought into this. Pretend that we can come up with something a little more inventive.
Well, if the flower suggestion is a bust, then I'm officially out of ideas.
What a surprise.
Look, when in doubt, apply reason, logic and common sense. So, the obvious question at this juncture would be: "What does she like?"
Huh?
Oh, for fuck's sakes. What does she like doing?
How the hell should I know?
She likes - listening to her police scanner.
You have got to be kidding me. If that is the best you can come up with, I would seriously suggest that we explore the wonderful world of shock therapy a little more closely.
In fact, screw that. Just beat yourself over the head with a frying pan right now and put us all out of our misery.
You know if you spent a little more time concentrating on the problem at hand, and a little less time trying to be so damn snide…
You are the problem at hand! You've know her for the better part of a decade and the freaking police scanner is the only thing you can come up with?
What! She categorically told me once that she likes listening to the police…
Yes, yes, yes, all right.
I'm starting to understand why you've never had anything resembling an actual girlfriend...
Thanks for reminding me. As always you know just what to say.
I try.
Let's just forget about this. No flowers, no gift. In fact - no date. I'll just call her and tell her something came up.
Yes, something that looks more than just a little, like a huge enormous pile of bullshit. But tell her not to worry – at least now she gets to spend the evening listening to her beloved scanner…
Kiss my ass.
Look, you might be right about one thing.
How refreshing.
Maybe you shouldn't be buying her a gift.
Huh? So now I'm supposed to show up to my non-date…date…empty handed?
I didn't say that. You should definitely give her a gift, but I'm just not so sure whether it should necessarily be something you can buy…
Oh brother, here we go…
No, hear me out. The whole purpose of a gift is to get the recipient something they really want, right?
Right…
So stop thinking about what you're going to buy her, and start thinking about what you'd like to give her.
What the hell are you talking about?
Geez, you can be hard work sometimes. Pull your head out of your ass for just one damn second and think about it.
I have thought about it. I couldn't come up with anything, remember? Apparently, that was the problem…
Holy crap. You really are as thick as bricks sometimes. Plus, I no longer have the energy to play with you any more. So sit down, get a pen and a piece of paper and write this down…that will probably be the only way to get it into your fat head...
Shoot.
Give her the one thing she wants more than anything else.
Give her the one thing you want her to have more than anything else.
Which is?
Your heart, you flaming idiot.
Forget the damn flowers.
Give her your heart.
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