OK, so I've re-written the first chapter because it seemed to me that it was half way between a script and a story, and it certainly wasn't meant to be a script! It is basically the same, but with extra bits to expand on it.
Disclaimer... we all know it...
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"All hands brace for impact!"
A violent shudder racked the ship, followed by another.
Smoke and sparks billowed out on to the bridge of the Enterprise which the bridge officers did their best to ignore to continue in their duty.
Archer was holding on to the command chair for dear life, having been thrown from it when the unknown hostile aliens had made their first attack on Enterprise.
On the viewscreen, the alien ship appeared, with its' cannons shooting purple laser fire at the Earth ship. Its' sleek design giving it the look of the Vulcan starship Dkyr, but golden with glowing electrical blue seams throughout, and without the large circular ringed engine towards the rear.
"Hoshi!" Archer yelled
"I'm still not getting through to them sir- they won't respond on any channel!"
"Another shot coming sir!" Malcolm yelled from the other side of the bridge, whilst simultaneously working the controls to return fire, however little the cannons made an impact on the hostile ship.
"There is a hull breach on E Deck, but it is not substantial." T'Pol said, ducking as she did from the sparks shooting in her direction from the console behind her.
"Sir!" Travis shouted, "I can't outrun them at this rate- they're just that much more manoeuvrable than we are!"
"Keep trying Travis" Archer replied at the same time as doing his best to formulate a plan that would save Enterprise and her crew. He was saved from having to do so when T'Pol addressed him.
"Captain!" she said, as Archer spun towards her. "They seem to be moving off!"
Archer frowned. "Why? Belay that- are we in any position to pursue?"
"I would suggest that we do not pursue them, as Enterprise is in no condition to fight any more than we already have."
"I agree sir" Malcolm said from his station. "We should make our recovery as fast as possible, and analyse the strategies which they used, should we come across them again, so at least we can have some semblance of preparation."
Jon turned towards Hoshi. "Did you get anything at all?"
Hoshi turned towards him shaking her head regretfully. "No. They didn't make a single transmission, not to us, or to anywhere else, as far as I could tell. Of course," she shrugged, "the plus side of this is that there probably won't be any reinforcements coming any time soon."
Archer nodded towards her showing appreciation even though all he had were questions. He briefly glanced at all his officers to repeat the sentiment.
"Still, I'd like to make sure that we don't get a surprise like that again. I want all senior officers up here for an analysis of this attack within the hour. Make sure we have all the data in that time. T'Pol- you have the bridge. I'll be in Engineering."
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Archer arrived in Engineering and realised that, all things considered, he had seen Engineering in much worse a state than it was now. He sought out Trip barking orders to his staff to get things under control.
"How is it down here?" Jon asked as he looked Trip up and down assessing the stress level of his Chief Engineer as an indicator of how bad things were. Evidently, he had been correct in his first estimation, as Trip seemed to be fairly optimistic.
"Well Cap'n, I've seen worse, but I wouldn't want to try that again. What the hell happened?"
Archer studied the smoke-filled room that was Engineering as he replied. "We were attacked from behind by surprise. Not even T'Pol could figure what we might have done, and you know how she likes to inform me of my diplomatic mishaps."
"No kiddin'" Trip grinned, as they both silently recalled the Kreetassan episode from several years ago now and an eon ago, it seemed, in their travels when meeting new species was their mission, and accidental diplomatic upsets were the most of their worries. Rousing himself from the past, Jon brought Trip up to date on the latest occurrence.
"They just opened fire, not a word, nothing. Then as quickly as they began firing, they stopped and left."
"That's not very polite of them, is it now? Are you sure you did nothing?"
"Trip!" Jon glared at him "I did absolutely nothing, I can assure you! Are you taking lessons from T'Pol or something? Anyway, there's a senior staff meeting in an hour- I want all information you have by then." Nodding, Trip left to look at a PADD which had just been brought to him by Hess, and Jon took that as a polite moment to visit Sickbay to check on his crew who hadn't been so lucky.
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One hour later, the senior officers were surrounding the engineering console at the back of the bridge. T'Pol was speaking to the group:
"There is no mention of the ship designs in the Vulcan database, and I do not recall Enterprise having come across this design before either."
"Their weapons were of a completely unknown design to us as well, and unfortunately much more powerful than ours, and we're the best in the fleet. I find it worrying that they seemed to know exactly where and how to hit us. They immediately went for our weapons and engines." Malcolm said at this point, glowering as he did so at the thought of anyone having the ability to do that.
Jon frowned for a moment, thinking about the implications of Enterprise having yet another unknown enemy to add to the list. He looked up at his staff. "Is there any way that this could be related to the Suliban or the Xindi?"
"It is unlikely Captain" T'Pol answered. "We know the technology behind the Suliban and the Xindi. We have also made our peace with the Xindi. I doubt that they are looking for another reason to begin a war with Earth. The trajectory of the ship would indicate that it came from the Vulcan region of space. Although that is a hypothesis, as long-range scanners are off-line."
As she said this, the turbolift door opened and Trip came out, dirtier than he had been when Jon saw him in Engineering an hour earlier. He came and stood by Malcolm and looked pointedly at Jon.
"Tell me you have good news Trip?"
"I surely do Cap'n!" Trip answered with a flourish. "Warp engines are back online, as are long-range sensors." He looked towards T'Pol as he said this. "As for the breach, its sealed off. It won't take too long to repair though. She looks worse off than she is."
What Trip didn't say, and he intended to keep it that way, was that that the aliens had been far too close to breaching the warp core. There is something to be said for optimism and hope after all, and knowing that such a hostile species could almost cripple us within a matter of minutes would not help with ship morale. They probably all know how lucky we are anyway.
"Alright people," Archer said, clapping his hands together and breaking Trip's reverie, "Lets get back to work. I want us back to normal again as soon as possible."
At this, the bridge crew dispersed to their respective stations. Just as Jon got to his chair though, Hoshi turned to him-
"Sir, I've got Admiral Gardner for you."
"I'll take it in my ready room, thanks Hoshi" he said as he turned towards the rear of the bridge.
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Once settled inside, he called up the image of the Admiral on the viewscreen at the desk and composed himself for breaking bad news to the Admiral.
"Good afternoon Admiral! I was intending on contacting you soon- we've just had an attack by an unknown species..."
He was cut off by the look from Admiral Gardner. "I'm afraid this isn't a social call Captain- there's some bad news. First- do you happen to recognise this design of starship?" He looked away as he pressed a series of commands, and a photographic still came on to the screen in front of Jon. He frowned as he looked at the ship in front of him. An elegant golden ship with electric blue seams over its' hull...
"Admiral? When did you get this? This is the same ship that attacked us not two hours ago."
Admiral Gardner looked grim as he heard. "We got this from the Ambassador Soval, this species attacked Vulcan a week ago. The same species attacked Alpha Centauri three days ago. According to our scans, it would seem that we are next."
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So what do people think? better? worse? should I do the same to the other two chapters before I carry on? Do tell!