Title: What Love Is
Author: Siren
Disclaimer: I don't have any rights to Harry Potter those belong to JK Rowling
Pairing: Harry/Sirius pre-slash
Series: Planning sequel, dealing w/ Harry and Sirius getting together
Thanks: I heap praises upon my beta Pleiades, you must read her stories, both Dichotomy of
Desire and The Forbidden Memory
Archiving: ff.net and my 2 sites (http://www.geocities.com/sirens_songs_01/index.html and
http://www.geocities.com/sb_hp_kissyou/index.html). Anyone else, ask!
******
I couldn't see his face when Harry first entered the room, just watched quietly as he and the girl burst through the door to save their friend. I'm sure I looked absolutely terrifying as I stepped out of the shadows and shut the door, my face like a skeleton's from so many, many years in Azkaban. I wasn't really aware of what I was saying, just mindless babble, at least to me, but apparently not to Harry. He was beautiful small and slender, the very image of his father, except of course for the eyes. Those eyes, those gorgeous emerald green eyes, belonged to Lily. For moments all my senses focused on his eyes; I imagined I could feel the weight of his angry gaze. Suddenly he blinked and I was back to myself.
I told the red-headed boy, surely a Weasley since no other wizards had that fiery hair and those freckles, to sit back down. I flinched when he said that I killed Lily and James, because I did kill them! If I hadn't had such a brilliant idea to switch myself for Peter they might still be alive. Harry wouldn't have the scar and be an orphan.
I watched in amazement as Harry rushed at me, grabbing my wrist and hitting the side of my face, knocking us both to the ground. Suddenly all that mattered was getting Peter, finally being free so that Harry wouldn't be alone anymore. It was an idiotic thought to have as that very same boy tussled with me on the floor, but it was all I could think of. I wrapped my hand around that perfectly smooth, white neck and pressed, babbling something about 'waiting too long' or some other rot.
I am so glad that Crookshanks decided to help me; I could have killed Harry, hurt him worse than I already had.
"Going to kill me, Harry"
As I lay on the floor and looked up at Harry I had to ask him that one question. Maybe that was my salvation. My heart tore as I heard his words.
"You killed my parents", he said as he stood above me, wand in hand. I closed my eyes fighting back tears. I forced words out of my mouth.
"I won't deny it, but if you knew the whole story--"
He interrupted me of course. Even to my own ears that excuse was ridiculous. 'Yes,' my mind whispered, 'Kill me, Harry, destroy me. I don't deserve to live. I betrayed Lily and James, all but handed them to Voldemort.' But I couldn't let him kill me; he was too young to be faced with killing someone. Too young, too innocent, too beautiful.
However, once again that damn cat had to interfere as he settled over my body, shielding me. I tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge. So I simply stared at Harry, all at once willing him to do it and not to do it.
It was then that Remus came; the girl yelled for him when we heard the footsteps. And his quick action with his wand may have saved my life. I stared at my old friend, watching him carefully as he stood in the middle of the room. For agnozing seconds he didn't speak but when he did I felt my destiny shift.
"Where is he Sirius?"
He knew, somehow Moony knew the truth. Slowly I answered him, raising my hand to point at the traitor. I could see the understanding dawn in his eyes.
"But then ... why hasn't shown himself before now?" He questioned me, I didn't respond, waiting for him to finish his thought. "Unless-unless he was the one ... unless you switched ... without telling me?"
I nodded, hoping that he would believe me. Praying that he could forgive me for not telling him. That he would welcome me back with friendship. However, my worries we eased as suddenly I was being swept into Moony's arms. In return I grasped at him as if my soul depended on it. And of course he knew why I was here.
The girl, Hermione, went crazy, yelling at him. She knew he was a werewolf.
I watched silently as Remus explained how he had known where we were; apparently our old map was still around. Peter had showed up on it, and Remus now knew the truth. He would help me. Ron (no comma) didn't want to give the rat to us, demanding to know what we were going to do with it, so of course I answered.
"That's not a rat"
He protested, wanting to know what I meant. Moony answered him, "He's not. He's a wizard."
"An Animagus, by the name of Peter Pettigrew."
Naturally they thought we were both off our rocker, but I wouldn't be deterred. I was going to kill Peter; there was no way he would live to see the sunrise. I wasn't going to wait, and so I struggled with Moony, fighting him so I could get the little traitor. We explained the full story of how Peter had fooled us all, but I won't go into that now; it just felt so good to watch as Harry finally believed us and knew the truth. But as always, that slimy git Snape had to show up and ruin everything.
Looking back, I have learned that I should never underestimate Harry. He is, afterall, James' son, and James was ever resourceful. Snape ranted and raved and then finally managed to get hit by three Stupefying curses!
I showed them the Daily Prophet article, the one with the picture of Peter missing his toe. I (?) explained as quickly and shortly as I could what I had done after escaping Azkaban. And then the boy finally handed over Peter. I watched with glee as Moony and I forced him to change back into human form. I could finally get my revenge...for Harry, for James and Lily, and for the last eleven years of my life!
But once again Harry surprised me and spoke on Peter's behalf, stopping me from killing him but instead saying that we should hand him over to Fudge and the Dementors. So out of the Shrieking Shack we marched, Peter in chains and Harry beside me. Hesitantly I attempted to talk with my godson, who looked fay in the moonlight.
"You know what this means? Turning Pettigrew in?" I could scarcely fit the words past my lips.
"You're free." Such simple words, expressing so much importance.
"Yes...I'm also...I don't know if anyone ever told you...I'm your godfather."
And of course he knew, and my heart was relieved. He wasn't disgusted or angry. He looked at me out of the corners of those emerald eyes, and I swear I felt my heart flutter! So I did the next logical thing and asked him to come live with me. I prayed he would; I would spend eternity in Hell if it meant being in his presence more often. When he said yes, and was so excited, I wanted to weep with the joy of it. I swore that this time I would do right by him; now I would show him what love was.
Author: Siren
Disclaimer: I don't have any rights to Harry Potter those belong to JK Rowling
Pairing: Harry/Sirius pre-slash
Series: Planning sequel, dealing w/ Harry and Sirius getting together
Thanks: I heap praises upon my beta Pleiades, you must read her stories, both Dichotomy of
Desire and The Forbidden Memory
Archiving: ff.net and my 2 sites (http://www.geocities.com/sirens_songs_01/index.html and
http://www.geocities.com/sb_hp_kissyou/index.html). Anyone else, ask!
******
I couldn't see his face when Harry first entered the room, just watched quietly as he and the girl burst through the door to save their friend. I'm sure I looked absolutely terrifying as I stepped out of the shadows and shut the door, my face like a skeleton's from so many, many years in Azkaban. I wasn't really aware of what I was saying, just mindless babble, at least to me, but apparently not to Harry. He was beautiful small and slender, the very image of his father, except of course for the eyes. Those eyes, those gorgeous emerald green eyes, belonged to Lily. For moments all my senses focused on his eyes; I imagined I could feel the weight of his angry gaze. Suddenly he blinked and I was back to myself.
I told the red-headed boy, surely a Weasley since no other wizards had that fiery hair and those freckles, to sit back down. I flinched when he said that I killed Lily and James, because I did kill them! If I hadn't had such a brilliant idea to switch myself for Peter they might still be alive. Harry wouldn't have the scar and be an orphan.
I watched in amazement as Harry rushed at me, grabbing my wrist and hitting the side of my face, knocking us both to the ground. Suddenly all that mattered was getting Peter, finally being free so that Harry wouldn't be alone anymore. It was an idiotic thought to have as that very same boy tussled with me on the floor, but it was all I could think of. I wrapped my hand around that perfectly smooth, white neck and pressed, babbling something about 'waiting too long' or some other rot.
I am so glad that Crookshanks decided to help me; I could have killed Harry, hurt him worse than I already had.
"Going to kill me, Harry"
As I lay on the floor and looked up at Harry I had to ask him that one question. Maybe that was my salvation. My heart tore as I heard his words.
"You killed my parents", he said as he stood above me, wand in hand. I closed my eyes fighting back tears. I forced words out of my mouth.
"I won't deny it, but if you knew the whole story--"
He interrupted me of course. Even to my own ears that excuse was ridiculous. 'Yes,' my mind whispered, 'Kill me, Harry, destroy me. I don't deserve to live. I betrayed Lily and James, all but handed them to Voldemort.' But I couldn't let him kill me; he was too young to be faced with killing someone. Too young, too innocent, too beautiful.
However, once again that damn cat had to interfere as he settled over my body, shielding me. I tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge. So I simply stared at Harry, all at once willing him to do it and not to do it.
It was then that Remus came; the girl yelled for him when we heard the footsteps. And his quick action with his wand may have saved my life. I stared at my old friend, watching him carefully as he stood in the middle of the room. For agnozing seconds he didn't speak but when he did I felt my destiny shift.
"Where is he Sirius?"
He knew, somehow Moony knew the truth. Slowly I answered him, raising my hand to point at the traitor. I could see the understanding dawn in his eyes.
"But then ... why hasn't shown himself before now?" He questioned me, I didn't respond, waiting for him to finish his thought. "Unless-unless he was the one ... unless you switched ... without telling me?"
I nodded, hoping that he would believe me. Praying that he could forgive me for not telling him. That he would welcome me back with friendship. However, my worries we eased as suddenly I was being swept into Moony's arms. In return I grasped at him as if my soul depended on it. And of course he knew why I was here.
The girl, Hermione, went crazy, yelling at him. She knew he was a werewolf.
I watched silently as Remus explained how he had known where we were; apparently our old map was still around. Peter had showed up on it, and Remus now knew the truth. He would help me. Ron (no comma) didn't want to give the rat to us, demanding to know what we were going to do with it, so of course I answered.
"That's not a rat"
He protested, wanting to know what I meant. Moony answered him, "He's not. He's a wizard."
"An Animagus, by the name of Peter Pettigrew."
Naturally they thought we were both off our rocker, but I wouldn't be deterred. I was going to kill Peter; there was no way he would live to see the sunrise. I wasn't going to wait, and so I struggled with Moony, fighting him so I could get the little traitor. We explained the full story of how Peter had fooled us all, but I won't go into that now; it just felt so good to watch as Harry finally believed us and knew the truth. But as always, that slimy git Snape had to show up and ruin everything.
Looking back, I have learned that I should never underestimate Harry. He is, afterall, James' son, and James was ever resourceful. Snape ranted and raved and then finally managed to get hit by three Stupefying curses!
I showed them the Daily Prophet article, the one with the picture of Peter missing his toe. I (?) explained as quickly and shortly as I could what I had done after escaping Azkaban. And then the boy finally handed over Peter. I watched with glee as Moony and I forced him to change back into human form. I could finally get my revenge...for Harry, for James and Lily, and for the last eleven years of my life!
But once again Harry surprised me and spoke on Peter's behalf, stopping me from killing him but instead saying that we should hand him over to Fudge and the Dementors. So out of the Shrieking Shack we marched, Peter in chains and Harry beside me. Hesitantly I attempted to talk with my godson, who looked fay in the moonlight.
"You know what this means? Turning Pettigrew in?" I could scarcely fit the words past my lips.
"You're free." Such simple words, expressing so much importance.
"Yes...I'm also...I don't know if anyone ever told you...I'm your godfather."
And of course he knew, and my heart was relieved. He wasn't disgusted or angry. He looked at me out of the corners of those emerald eyes, and I swear I felt my heart flutter! So I did the next logical thing and asked him to come live with me. I prayed he would; I would spend eternity in Hell if it meant being in his presence more often. When he said yes, and was so excited, I wanted to weep with the joy of it. I swore that this time I would do right by him; now I would show him what love was.