A/N: Random bit of writing I did not too long ago. Thought I'd put it here in case someone wanted to read it.
-x-
So she's gone and you really don't know what happened. She left you standing there to pretend that the world makes sense without her and that you aren't dead inside. Expectations for you to mourn, cry, scream, curse, curl up and die for a few days are withdrawn in utter surprise when you get the news. There's no crying, no screams, no chants of 'no, no, no!', because you can't catch your breath enough for that, you're too busy laughing. And they look at you, scared and afraid for you. You can see it in their eyes, they think you've gone mad.
But you haven't. If anything you've just gotten your sanity back because surely you were insane to think that it could last. She had become your everything, your world wrapped around hers so tightly that it was constricting. Or it would have been had she minded, which you know she never did. Her world was just as wrapped around yours.
You laughed because it was ridiculous. It was ridiculous because you had talked about what each other would do if one day the other just wasn't there. You've talked about how you would just lie on your bed all day with her hoodie pressed to your nose and songs that the two of you always loved would be playing in the background. You laughed because now that it's happened, you can see how absurd it was to think that it would be that easy.
There aren't any songs playing to remind you that she's not here to sing along to them. You hadn't built up enough energy and courage to ask her parents if you could have her old hoodies. It hasn't really hit you yet. You can laugh because it's not real to you. Waking up each morning you still expect her to be there, wrapped around you. And when you can't feel the warmth and silk of her skin, you logically conclude that she's gone to the bathroom. It's not denial because after you've shaken the sleep off, you remember what happened. The stitches in your side help serve as a reminder.
The day that it becomes real will probably destroy you, but until then, you'll enjoy your false bliss and continue to expect her to walk through the door any minute, continue to believe she had just gone to the bathroom, or that you can actually feel her arms wrapped lightly around your waist again, if only for the moment. Until then, you'll just smile and pretend to be sane, if it's only for the moment.
*disclaimed*