You'd think going out with the captain of the football team would be great. He is after all at the head of the high school social ladder. He's fit, handsome, has lots of friends, he's even kind of smart. I think at least half of the people here who are into boys have a crush on him. And you know, it's totally understandable considering the facts stated above. So flipping out when he asked me out was in the order of things. Don't get me wrong, we were friends already, with me being into sports and all. But I always thought he would go for the Aynsley Norris kind of girl. You know, cheerleader, great hair, great make up, always smiling and the entire package that goes with that. But damn, I'm not gonna complain…
…Okay I am going to complain. We had been going out for a few months now, so I guess it was normal for him to stop accepting my half attempts at escaping whenever he tried a subtle approach, and confronting me with his will to sleep with me. I mean, it is high school, it's to be expected to have sex with one's boyfriend after a certain amount of time, yeah? That's what happen in every high school based TV show anyway. It's what I hear in the hallways, at parties, whenever a group of friends is talking. This subject always comes up. But I never was interested in sex, with anyone.
"But how could you know if you never had sex with anyone?"
These people terrify me and piss me off. I personally never thought about my sexuality, I just assumed I was bi or something like that as I am equally attracted to people regardless of their gender. Meaning, not attracted to anybody…But well, I don't know why, when Paul confronted me and asked me, face to face, if I wanted to sleep with him or not. I gave in to these people, and said yes. As expected, I did not really enjoy it. Hell, I don't even think he enjoyed it. Okay granted, I'm probably terrible in bed. I didn't know what to do with…anything. My hands were moving almost randomly, I'm pretty sure I was stiff as a board. Anyway, yes, not a good night.
But do you know what was worse than that night? The day that came after that. It began alright. I arrived early to run some laps before first period, as usual. Getting my legs working, some air in my lungs, the wind was reddening my cheeks and swiped the thoughts of the past night off my head. Better, I didn't even run into Aynsley and her group of cheerleaders who tended to make a habit of whispering behind my back. So all was good, until I received a text from Art while I was heading for lunch.
"Hey Childs, meet me at the library asap."
Strange. Granted, he was my best friend, but we rarely spent any time together at school if not during practice. So I jogged to the library, where he was waiting for me. I found him at the entrance, arms crossed and a frown on his face. But then again, he always had a frown on his face.
"Hey dipshit, what's up?"
"Beth, erhm…you haven't seen Paul today?"
"No…why? Wanna hook up with him?" My attempt at humor only seemed to darken his face. "What?"
"He…kind of talked about what happened last night to everybody. Well, no, his football team. Which includes Chad, who told everything to his girlfriend. And you know how gossip and Aynsley usually go…"
My heart seemed to stop for a few, to then only beat faster than ever. My throat was suddenly dry and my hands began to tremble before I tightened them into fists.
"I wanted to tell you before you went to the cafeteria." Art continued.
"It's okay." I dismissed the thing with a wave of hand. But how I truly felt (scared, betrayed, worthless, panicked…) appeared in the brusqueness of the movement. My eyes had darted from Art to fix the floor. "Thanks." I whispered before turning my heels.
I am not prone to crying. I'm really not. But as I walked through the hallways, felt the eyes of so many people on me, laughing at me, talking behind my back, my strength faltered. I kept my eyes on the floor as I strolled as quickly as possible, and didn't see someone coming my way. The collision was violent enough for them to drop their bag, no, purse. I mumbled a "Sorry" and was to keep on walking when I felt a hand on my wrist that made me look at the girl.
"Hey, it's not polite to not apologize clearly when you nearly kill someone with your battering ram of a head. Oh, it's you."
Perfect hair, perfect make-up and a smug smile on her face. Great, I really wanted to come across Aynsley Norris right now.
"You could at least help me and pick up my stuff that I dropped, because of you. Oh no, wait, I wouldn't want a cold fish to touch my things. You appreciate the comparison Elizabeth? You'd better, that's your boyfriend for you."
I jerked my arm away from her grasp and went as fast as could to the one place I knew would be deserted at that time, the auditorium. My eyes were slowly filling with tears as I made my way to there. It took all I had to not give up and just cry there, in the middle of the school. But my pride was already enough damaged for one day. I waited to be the safety of the auditorium to let my tears burst out.
I hated this school, I hated these people, I hated myself for not being a normal teenager, a normal person. Yeah sure. Paul was handsome, had a lot of friends, was kind of smart, and a total asshole. It took me a good fifteen minutes to calm down and for the tears to dry. That's when I noticed that I wasn't alone and that the universe really didn't want to give me a break. Sitting there, mildly uncomfortable, trying not to stare at me, was Alison Hendrix. One of the theatre geeks, who also happened to follow Aynsley around and hence, was prone to gossip.
"Okay, I'm here, go on. Make fun of me and report everything to your dear Aynsley. I haven't got enough already." I told her, harshly.
"Ehm…sorry?"
"Don't play innocent with me. You're practically glued to the girl. I know that you know. You should probably do it now, when I haven't enough strength to get up and punch you." Still nothing? This was seriously getting on my already fragile nerves. "Come on! It's not complicated! Hahaha, worthless bitch, you're not even capable of fucking someone well! See! Not complicated!"
She winced at my words. "Please, do not swear. What are you even talking about? Are you here to make fun of me? That is what you all do, the jocks, no? Pulling pranks at the "theatre nerds"?"
"…you're kidding, right?"
"You know, I have enough of you lot. Always going about who is sleeping with who. This is beginning to resemble a harem, this can't be healthy."
"Yeah, no, if I could go and have sex properly, I probably wouldn't have the problems I have now."
"Again, what are you talking about?"
"You really don't know." I said, a little bewildered. Her eyes were a mix of confused and annoyed. "Oh fuck this, sorry, I better fill you in myself. At least there will be one person here who'll hear my version before Paul's."
The silence had been hovering over our heads for a good two minutes now. I had regained the strength to get up and sit on one of the seats. Alison was frowning, visibly thinking about the whole thing. She finally took a breath.
"So. You slept with your soon to be ex-boyfriend even though you weren't particularly interested in having sex. It wasn't groundbreaking. And now, the whole school thinks you're a "cold fish" in bed because he said so."
"That's a good summary yeah. Frankly, I can't be mad at him. If I were a normal person with normal needs and stuff, it'd be a lot easier."
"No no no, that won't do. You have to be mad at him."
"I…have to? What do you mean?"
"Well, he had no right to talk about it. Some people are just not interested in sex, it's not a big deal, and not of anyone's business."
"What? It's not a big deal? You're not gonna say it's a natural need that everybody has, and that I'm not normal or missing something?"
"Now, this is just ridiculous. You are probably just asexual, this is alright."
"…asexual? Is that a thing?"
"Of course it is! Look it up!"
"How do you know that stuff anyway?" I hadn't realized a smile had made its way to my face. And it only grew when I saw Alison blush and avert her eyes.
"I hum…like to have an organized mind. Having labels is practical for that. When a friend of mine, Felix is his name, told me he was gay, I did my research. It turns out that sexuality is vast, and because of my tendency to organize things…I had to find labels. It still shifts over time with new ones coming regularly, but yes. That is how I know that stuff, as you say."
"Oh my god. You're a dork!" I snickered.
"I am not!" She seemed so indignant, it only made me laugh more.
"Thanks anyway, y'know, for not making fun of me. I had my fair share of that. You're a good person Alison." I said, once I recovered my seriousness.
"Not a problem Beth. You are not bad for a jock." She said with a smile.
"Hey!"
So! That was my contribution to Ace Beth Week! I hope you enjoyed it! I may continue this later. Sorry for the grammar mistakes and others...
And again, Happy Ace Beth Week \o/