XxXGodsXxXMessengerXxX- (Angie) So, my sister ,XEdwardXxXLoverX, and I decided to stay up all night on New Years...(cause it was past mid-night and everything) and ended up getting really bored. We ended up coming up with the idea of writing a story. But I mean really...who gets bored and decides to write a story like this?...no one other then us......here it is! Please review, it makes us smile...8D
Disclaimer - WE DON'T OWN TWILIGHT! but i do own this neat light thingy i got for christmas...yay me!
PROLOGUE
The people we pass in our lives will ultimately affect our future. And for me, the people passed would surely lead to a negative ending. But after everything that happened I still had hope for a positive outcome. After all the trials and errors, I still believe there was some good left in the world. Even when everyone seemed to try their hardest to bring me down, I still believed.
I tried to make life as easy as possible for the people close to me, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to control. I could tell how this affected the ones I loved, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. The waves of depression and worry that constantly surrounded me didn't help my emotional state what so ever.
Watching the person I cared for the most suffer, I couldn't help but feel guilty. If anything I only caused her more pain. She constantly gave up everything to make me happy and enjoy life to the fullest. She did so much for me all the time, and I couldn't do anything to help her. So, right now as she lay on the hospital bed, weak and vulnerable, I couldn't help but feel like I caused it.
Looking at the one who has been with me through it all, is happily accepting the darkness that is calling her name. As I constantly try to help her I find my own personal and mental problems pulling me away from her and society.
CHAPTER ONE
Bella
I'm getting tired, but I know I can't go to sleep yet. I have to keep an eye on Jasper. I know, I know, It sounds like I'm babying an 18 year old, but he needs me.
He thinks he doesn't need me, but he really does. I've kept him safe for the past two years that he has been diagnosed with narcolepsy.
I looked over at the seat next to me and saw his honey blonde hair had fallen onto his face as he had just gone under one of his 'sleeping spells'.
They usually don't last long – his longest one is only thirty minutes –, but I still worry about him.
We've been on this plane from Phoenix to Forks, Washington, for about three hours now. The flight itself is four hours long; and yes, I'm aware of the fact that he has plenty of time before I should even begin to worry, but I can't help it.
I have always been the one to look out for him when he was like this. Renee never really cared about anyone but Phil.
I shivered at just the thought of him. He was the reason for all of the problems in our life. Every sour moment I can think of, his face always appears. If Renee had never met him, it would have saved us a lot of strife.
I turned back over to look at Jasper again. He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Like, he didn't have to deal with the normal everyday problems that we had.
His usually creased eyebrows were relaxed. His perfectly angled nose took slow and steady deep breaths showing he was really in a deep sleep. As I kept looking at him I saw his eyes slowly begin to pry open.
Beautiful deep blue orbs came into view as I stared. His pale face smiled at me and I smiled back.
As I look at him, I feel the total opposite of how my facial expression appears. Pity and sadness run through my veins.
He always knows my true feelings, but can I really help it? Everything we have had to put up with, is it actually possible to feel something else when I look at him?
As he turns his face away from me, obviously seeing through my façade, I start feeling like shit because we both hate it.
Jasper turned his face away from mine and he sighed. "Don't" he barely muttered at me; making me sigh in return.
"You know I can't help it. I'm trying" I tried to whispered back, trying to apologize. He knows me so well I should have known that he would see past it…he always does.
"Do you know how much longer until we land in Port Angeles?" He asked quickly changing the subject. Not wanting to talk about his condition. I shook my head in response.
I called for a flight attendant, they should know. As we waited I looked over and just smiled at him. At first he just looked at me with a serious face…just staring at me. Stupid me was thinking he may be having another spell and my smile slowly starts to fade.
Then he throws a peanut at my face. One of those hard nasty coach peanuts, hitting me square in the nose.
My jaw dropped as he was still looking at me with a plain face. So I grabbed my bag of peanuts and started laughing. I start trying to open the bag and not being so successful in the process ripped the bag opened and the peanuts flew everywhere.
One, might I add, landing on the flight attendants forehead… I try to hide my giggles as Jasper turns around to see a very red lady.
"Why hello," Jasper said politely trying not to laugh. "I have a question, if you wouldn't mind answering." When he finished I had my head in my hands from laughter.
"What is so funny Bella? We are trying to have a conversation here, so if you would so please." He said making me laugh just a little harder, if possible.
"What is the question? I have other things I need to take care of and I don't have time for immature little kids." She spat back at the both of us.
"Well…If you must know that badly…The question was…Why do you smell so bad? I mean really…Ya stink." Jasper said a little slowly, the excitement is catching up on him causing him to slur his words together.
This was one of the things I loved about Jasper. No matter what was going on, he always tried to put a smile on everyone's face.
While the lady stomped away Jasper and I high-fived and busted out laughing. His head started to droop, bringing me back to reality. Back to this hell holewe have officially decided to call our life.
I turned away from him knowing it would only upset me further; making me want to get off this plane faster to get my tool. My tool that has helped me through everything I couldn't handle myself.
Needing to call for the attendant, I pushed the button over my head once again; wanting to know the answer to the question Jasper was suppose to ask earlier. When I saw someone else coming, a smile grew on my face knowing I wouldn't have to deal with the other girl.
"Yes, did you call?" The girl asked. She had red hair that flowed beautifully down to her mid-back. Her green eyes bore into mine waiting for a response. As I opened my mouth, she slowly become impatient and started clanking her foot.
What is wrong with these people lately? "I was wondering when we were going to land." I asked shyly.
"In about a half an hour or so. Anything else you want?" She asked, I guess she didn't like me, but what else is new.
I quickly shook my head and she walked off.
I looked over at Jasper once more and wish I hadn't.
Memories flashed through my head of things we could no longer do together. Like go to the movies and hang out with our friends. Or simply going grocery shopping for Renee.
Why did things like this have to happen to Jasper? It affects my life just the same, I'm the only one he has left. I know he doesn't mean to bring this type of pressure onto my life. He feels that he is supposed to be watching out for his little sister. I'm sixteen now, I can take care of myself.
Which back fires as him being eighteen and can do just the same. Hearing a ding I looked up and saw we had to buckle up, we were about to land. Looking over I made sure Jasper was still buckled from the beginning, which he was.
The lower I knew we got to the ground, the more and more butterflies filled my stomach. I haven't seen Charlie in about 14 years. We were not really given the chance to come see him, but lately, Renee would do anything to relieve the tension around the house.
We would have liked to visit him; there was no doubt in my mind that he would be a great dad to us. We never really tried to go visit because of the constant rain that seems to always fall. It just always makes me feel depressed to gaze up at the sky and see dark gray storm clouds.
When the plane hit the ground, Jasper began twitching his hand, trying to regain his control of his movements. His cataplexy (see below for definition) usually didn't last long. He seemed to have been totally relaxed, and was limp in his seat. He started to fall forward, so I gently pushed onto his chest, sitting him up in his chair. After a minute or two, he sat up straight and turned his head to smile at me.
He grabbed my hand in his and I squeezed back. We both stood when we were allowed to leave. He started grabbing our stuff out of the storage above our heads and started walking towards where Charlie was waiting for us.
I felt kind of bad, I wasn't carrying a thing. Trying to snatch them from him he made a quick right turn, obviously spotting Charlie. He wore the biggest smile on his face. I could easily tell where I got my brown hair and eyes. His laugh lines and crows feet were very noticeable when he was smiling so big.
Jasper and I walked hand-in-hand up to him.
"Bella, Jasper! Good to see the both of you!" Charlie said, giving us each one-armed hugs.
I internally cringed from him. I couldn't stand to be touched from anyone except Jasper. I always tried to put up a pretense so he wouldn't worry about me. Every time someone touched me, I saw Phil in the back of my mind swinging his hands at me. Striking me with a blind fury that was entirely unjustified.
"Nice to be back in Forks Dad." Jasper said, a small smile starting to show on his face.
"Let's go get your luggage, so you guys can get settled at the house." Charlie suggested.
We all nodded and went over to baggage claim. Nobody would let me carry anything as we walked over to the police cruiser.
Yes, you heard me right. Charlie was the chief of Police in Forks.
I opted to sit in the front, not wanting to sit behind the bars between the seats.
"Just so you know, school doesn't start for another two days. So you have those days off" Charlie informed us. I'm glad that we had a few days to settle in, because honestly, I didn't feel up to going to school and be the object of everyone's stares.
Charlie didn't try to make small talk during the drive from the airport in Port Angeles to Forks. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, instead it was peaceful.
When we finally arrived at the house, Jasper and Charlie each grabbed the luggage. Leaving me empty handed yet again. We walked into the small 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. It still looked as small as it did all those years ago. There wasn't a single thing different that I could notice.
Jasper and I helped each other unpack and just hung out in my room for the remainder of the day. Only going downstairs to get some of the pizza Charlie offered us. We weren't trying to avoid Charlie, we just needed our space to get settled and he didn't seem to mind. That was another thing I liked about him. He didn't feel the need to hover.
Once Jasper finally left to get some sleep for the night, I was left alone and finally let down the walls I tried to keep up around him. I curled up on my bed and just started letting everything go. I cried for everything that has happened to us in the past two years. I closed my eyes and saw Phil's face contorted into rage as he screamed at me.
I sat and reflected on what has happened in my life and let it suffocate me. I began hyperventilating at the thoughts that swirled around my head. I turned my head to shift my gaze over to my end table. I knew what I wanted to do, what I had to do.
Quickly, I reached over to the table and grabbed my razor blade. I didn't even think as I took it across my arm. I instantly felt relief as the pain flowed away like the blood on my arm. I felt numb all over, and it was the best feeling I could have experienced. I stumbled my way across the hall into the bathroom, first checking to make sure no one was in the hall.
Once there, I grabbed some tissue to stop the bleeding. I wrapped it in gauze and pulled my long sleeve over it. I walked back across the hall to my room and collapsed on my bed. Feeling both numb and disgusted with myself at the same time.
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Narcolepsy: a disabling disorder of sleep regulation that affects the control of sleep and wakefulness. It may be described as an intrusion of the dream sleep (called REM or rapid eye movement) into the waking state. No matter how much they sleep, they continue to experience a irresistible need to sleep
cataplexy: (loss of muscle tone) ranging from a slight buckling at the knees to a complete, "rag doll" limpness throughout the body. sudden, brief episodes of muscle weakness or paralysis brought on by strong emotions such as laughter, anger, surprise or anticipation
XEdwardXxXLoverX: Just want to let everyone know that I and XxXGodsXxXMessengerXxX, neither have, or know anyone that has narcolepsy. Everything we write has been researched excessively before adding it to the story. Not everyone that has narcolepsy thinks like Jasper, and not everyones family is as stressed out as Bella is. We don't mean to offend anyone that knows someone, or may have this themselves. We both were up late on New Years and thought 'I WANT TO WRITE A STORY!!' If anyone was offended, we are really sorry and didnt mean to do so. :D
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and PLEASE PRESS THE BIG BUTTON AND REVIEW!!
p.s. medical definitions above found at: sleepnet (dot) com (slash) narcolepsy