I think one of the Brotherhood drove off with the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Marvel characters. Maybe it was Pietro? Anyway this is a fun one shot that crossed my mind so enjoy!
Sunday Drive
"Monkey!" Todd called out from the back seat of the van.
"It's not a monkey Toad!" Lance snapped.
"How do you know?" Todd challenged.
"I know that's how!" Lance told him. "It wasn't a monkey! It was a squirrel!"
"Squirrels aren't that big," Pietro rolled his eyes. "And it didn't have any fur on it's tail. It was a possum."
"It had some fur on it's tail," Fred pointed out. "It could have been a gopher."
"Gophers don't have tails that long," Pietro told him.
"It could be a wallaby," Pyro remarked. "No wait, they don't have wallabies in Bayville. Unless it escaped from the zoo."
"That's probably where the monkey came from," Todd nodded vigorously.
"IT WAS NOT A MONKEY!" Lance shouted.
"Yeah it was a possum!" Pietro said.
"No, it was not!" Fred told him.
"Just how I wanted to spend my Sunday," Logan's eye twitched as he drove the van. "Listening to the Brotherhood play 'Name that Roadkill'!"
"It's not exactly how I envisioned this trip would be myself," Hank sighed. Both X-Men were driving the Brotherhood in the X-Van.
"Remind me again why exactly we are taking the Brotherhood boys camping?" Logan asked Hank. "Why? They're not even our kids? Why?"
"Because," Hank said patiently. "Professor Xavier and Magneto have agreed to a truce. In order to help foster a new era of cooperation between the two teams they agreed to a temporary exchange. Magneto will work with the New Mutants…"
"While we get stuck with the Brotherhood!" Logan groaned. "Not that I'm complaining, but how did Wanda get out of this?"
"Because Ororo is giving her driving lessons," Hank sighed. "With Kitty…"
"Okay, maybe this isn't so bad after all," Logan amended.
"IT'S NOT A MONKEY!" Lance shouted.
"IT COULD BE!" Todd shouted. "IF IT ESCAPED FROM THE ZOO!"
"On the other hand…" Logan's eye twitched some more. "WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?"
"But it could have been a monkey…" Todd whimpered in fear.
"It was not a monkey!" Pietro snapped.
"I TOLD YOU ALL TO SHUT UP!" Logan shouted.
"Fine! Just tell Toad it wasn't a dead monkey in the road!" Pietro ignored the warning.
"Why couldn't it have been a monkey in the road?" Todd challenged.
"Because it's just plain stupid! That's why!" Lance shouted back.
"Well so are earthquakes in Bayville but they happen all the time!" Todd snipped.
"You wanna knuckle sandwich?" Lance made a fist.
"Don't threaten Toad!" Fred snapped. "Maybe it could have been an escaped monkey?"
"Oh Freddy not you too…" Pietro slapped his forehead. "Mr. McCoy could you please tell them exactly what we saw lying in the road?"
"To be honest Pietro I didn't really get a good look at it," Hank sighed. "But the odds of it being an actual monkey are minimal at best."
"But there could be a chance it's a monkey even if it's a little one, right?" Todd said hopefully.
"Well…" Hank breathed out. "Technically…"
"See!" Todd called out. "It was a monkey!"
"It was not a monkey!" Lance shouted.
"You had to encourage him didn't you?" Logan said to Hank. "You couldn't have just said no like any normal person! You just had to say that!"
"I didn't get a good look at it!" Hank snapped back. "Even though the odds are astronomically against it being a monkey seeing how they are not indigenous to North America it did look like it had some kind of long tail! And knowing our bizarre luck it could have been a monkey!"
"Exactly!" Todd was vindicated.
"Or a wallaby," Pyro piped up.
"Or a wallaby," Hank added. "But it is extremely unlikely that it was a monkey!"
"So you're saying it could be a wallaby?" Pyro asked.
"It was not a wallaby!" Hank snapped.
"Yeah it was a monkey!" Todd said.
"It was not a monkey!" Lance shouted. "It was a squirrel!"
"Actually it looked a little big to be a squirrel," Hank sighed.
"HANK!" Logan roared.
"I'm sorry!" Hank retorted. "I got caught up for a second! Sue me!"
"Monkey, monkey, monkey…" Todd sang happily.
"THAT'S IT!" Logan made a swift U-turn and turned the van around.
"What are you doing?" Lance could barely hold on.
"Are we going home?" Pietro asked. "Please say we are going home!"
"We are going back and we are going to look at the dead animal and see what it is once and for all," Logan gritted through his teeth. "Otherwise you maniacs will be arguing about this all night! So shut up until we get there! AND THAT INCLUDES YOU TOO MCCOY!"
"Me?" Hank looked at him. "What did I do?"
"Just shut up until we get there!" Logan snapped. A siren distracted him. "Now what?"
"I think that cop wants you to pull over," Fred said.
"No really?" Logan asked sarcastically. "You think?"
"Yeah I think he does," Fred obviously missed Logan's point.
"Cool! We get to fight the cops!" Pyro said enthusiastically.
"We are not fighting the police!" Hank told him.
"Wanna bet?" Lance snorted.
"Avalanche," Hank warned.
"Please!" Lance protested. "What do you think the cops are going to do once they see who's in here?"
"They're gonna throw us in jail!" Todd cried out.
"I can't go to jail! They won't let me burn things in there!" Pyro called out.
"Pyro, you're from Australia," Pietro said. "They'd probably just deport you. We'd get thrown in jail."
"They are not going to throw us in jail," Hank said. "Or deport anyone!"
"I dunno Beast, the kids have a point," Logan admitted.
"And you say I encourage them?" Hank whirled on him.
"Well getting into a fight with the cops is a lot more logical than seeing a dead monkey on the side of the road!" Pietro said.
"It is not!" Todd snapped.
"I never actually said I saw a dead monkey on the side of the road!" Hank looked at them.
"But you agreed that there was a possibility…" Fred piped up.
"WILL YOU ALL STOP TALKING ABOUT THE STUPID MONKEY FOR FIVE SECONDS?" Logan roared as he pulled over. "Now just keep calm and let me do the talking! Got it?"
"Fine," Lance shrugged. "You explain to the cops why you have a big blue furred fugitive from justice in the passenger seat. Unless Kelly retracted that warrant for your arrest."
"Oh dear," Hank blinked. "I haven't thought of that."
"How can you not think of that?" Lance asked.
"Yeah I mean if you're in trouble with the law isn't that like your first priority or something?" Pietro asked. "I know when my dad busted me out of jail I made sure that the cops were all paid off and everything. Well actually they were scared off which is really a funny story…"
"Not now Quicksilver," Hank groaned.
"Didn't you get off for that the day the President pardoned us?" Logan looked at him.
"Well that certainly," Hank fidgeted. "I'm pretty sure. Maybe. You know I never really looked into that. But there was another…incident the other day. But I'm pretty sure Kelly didn't know it was me."
"What?" Logan said. "What did you do?"
"I don't really wanna talk about this now," Hank gulped.
"Do you wanna wait for your lawyer to visit us in jail first?" Lance quipped.
"Is mooning a candidate for mayor a federal offense?" Fred asked.
"YOU WHAT?" Logan roared.
"It's a long story," Hanks sighed. "But I'm pretty sure he didn't know it was me."
"Sure, you can just blame it on all the other blue furred people in Bayville," Lance drawled.
"Boy I would not want to see that line up in a police station," Pietro said.
"We're gonna spend the weekend in jail aren't we?" Todd asked.
"Not me," Pyro said. "I'm getting deported."
"That is not going to happen!" Logan said.
"Yeah," Todd said. "Not if we get him to lie on the floor and pretend he's a rug!"
"I am not going to do that!" Hank snapped.
"What about an image inducer? You know like the one Nightcrawler has?" Fred spoke up.
"I see it's Blob's turn today to use the Brotherhood Brain Cell," Logan said. "Do it."
"One minor detail," Hank said. "I don't have an inducer on me."
"Here," Todd took something out of his pocket. "You can use this one."
Hank looked at it. "Where did you get this?"
"I…found it," Todd blinked.
"We'll discuss this later," Hank grunted as he put it on.
"Yes Toad," Lance said. "We'll discuss the moral implications of stealing after we finish hiding a fugitive from the police."
"Just turn on the stupid thing and the rest of you shut up!" Logan snapped. He looked at the approaching officer. "Is there a problem officer?"
"I need your license and registration," The officer said. He looked in the van and did a double take. "You know you did an illegal U-turn back there."
"Well you see, the kids were fighting and…" Logan did a quick look and stopped.
"What?" Hank asked. Apparently he did not realize that he still looked a lot like himself only that he had a huge blue beehive hairdo, red lipstick and a bright green dress.
It took a full minute for Logan to collect himself. "My wife…" He began. "Marge…Dropped her purse out the window."
"Her…Purse?" The officer blinked.
"Yeah," Logan gulped. "It has all her…hormone pills in them. You know how it is. Can't miss a single dose of her medication."
"I see…" The officer gulped. Under his breath he muttered. "No wonder you turned around so fast."
"Look I'll pay the ticket and…" Logan began.
"No, no…" The officer backed away. "I think you've paid enough. Just be careful from now on. Okay?" He ran back to his car and sped away.
"Wow, look at that sucker tear up the road!" Fred called out.
"Almost as fast as I am," Pietro was impressed.
"Well that was close," Lance said.
"Toad…" Logan took a deep breath. "I'm not even going to ask what you did to that image inducer or why. Just don't do it again!"
"Definitely don't do it again!" Hank looked at himself in the mirror. "This color does nothing for me!"
"Get a grip Beast!" Logan reached over and shut off the inducer, having Hank revert to his usual self.
"Now can we go see the monkey?" Todd asked.
"It was not a monkey," Lance said.
"It was too!" Todd said. "Even Beast agrees with me and he should know!"
"Maybe I should have stayed behind and taught Kitty and Wanda how to drive," Hank closed his eyes. "It definitely would have been less painful."
"Monkey!" Todd shouted.
"Squirrel!" Lance shouted back.
"Has anyone considered the possibility that it might have been a bear cub?" Fred thought.
"That's it! Shut up! All of you! We're going to find out what it is so shut up until we get there!" Logan snapped as he started to drive the car again. "I don't wanna hear it!"
"I wonder if they'd have let me burn the boat a little," Pyro spoke up.
"Boat? What boat?" Logan asked.
"They one they'd put me on if they deport me," Pyro explained.
"They'd probably put you on a plane Pyro," Pietro said. "A plane not a boat. You'd burn a part of a plane."
"Oh," Pyro said. "That wouldn't be very smart now would it? I mean if I started a fire on a plane the whole thing would go up like that. And then where would all the passenger's luggage be?"
"Not to mention the passengers themselves," Lance remarked. "The same thing would happen on a boat."
"Nuh, uh," Pyro held up his hand. "We'd be surrounded by water. We could put out the fire and restart it whenever we wanted. Also all the luggage would float."
"I wonder if monkeys float?" Todd thought aloud.
"OKAY HERE WE ARE!" Logan shouted as they stopped. "Now we're all gonna get out and look at the stupid dead thing and find out what it is once and for all! And after this I don't want to hear anything more about monkeys! Got it?"
"Geeze, somebody took an overdose on his grouchy pills today," Pyro grunted as he left the van.
They got out and stood around the animal and looked at it. No one spoke for a moment. "Well I be darned," Pietro blinked. "It is a monkey."
"I told you!" Todd stuck his tongue out at Pietro.
"A stuffed monkey," Lance rolled his eyes. "It's not real. It's just a toy!"
"It's still a monkey, Lance," Fred told him. "Toad won the round fair and square."
"We could just leave them here," Logan looked at Hank. "Say we lost them. No one would know."
"Charles would know," Hank reminded him. "You remember, the telepath?"
"You're right," Logan sighed. "He's really annoying isn't he?"
"Yes he is," Hank told him.
"Eww! Toad put that down!" Pietro cringed.
Todd had picked up the monkey. "I'm gonna take him home."
"You are not taking that diseased thing with us," Pietro said.
"Why not?" Fred asked. "It's probably cleaner than Toad is."
"He's got you there, Pietro," Lance admitted.
"We can burn the monkey!" Pyro flicked his lighter.
"You are not burning my monkey!" Todd held it away from him. "Don't you touch my monkey!"
"Here Pyro," Pietro used his super speed and grabbed it from Todd. "Knock yourself out." He tossed it to him.
"Pull!" Pyro grinned as he used his powers to shoot out a huge flame.
Todd was quick enough to grab the monkey with his tongue before it lit. Unfortunately the stream of fire hit some trees behind him. "Stay away from my monkey!" Todd hopped away.
"Come on! I just wanna burn it a little!" Pyro chased after him, sending out flame balls with his powers and lighter. Of course they missed Todd and were hitting the trees instead.
"Watch it you maniacs!" Lance shouted. He tried to send a tremor to cover the flames with earth but instead the trees that were on fire toppled and hit other trees. Those trees that were not on fire soon caught on fire. "Okay that did not go as planned."
"Now why am I not surprised the Brotherhood has set the forest on fire?" Hank groaned. "Again."
"Now can we leave them behind?" Logan asked.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY MONKEY!" Todd yelled as he hopped around.
"Avalanche! Enough with the tremors!" Pietro ordered.
"Well I don't see you doing anything!" Lance shouted back.
"I love the smell of burning stuff in the morning!" Pyro admired his handiwork.
"OW! It's getting hot around here!" Fred yelled. "Mr. Logan! Mr. McCoy we gotta…" He looked behind him in time to see the X-Van tearing off down the road. "That's not good is it?"
"No, but maybe we'll get a ride from that police car," Lance heard sirens approaching.
Meanwhile in the X-Van. "Charles is definitely not going to be happy with what we did," Hank remarked.
"I don't freaking care," Logan said as he drove away. "I ain't going back for 'em!"
"Good!" Todd popped up in the back seat. "Now nobody can hurt my monkey!" He waved it happily. "Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!"
"Toad how did you…?" Logan blinked.
"Oh people try to ditch me all the time," Todd waved. "I'm getting good at sneaking into cars. And now I've got my monkey to sneak in with me! Anybody wanna sing the monkey song?"
"No, no, no…" Hank banged his head on the dashboard.
"You know I miss the days when we were fighting the Brotherhood," Logan grumbled.
"Well maybe after this incident you might get your wish," Hank told him "Something tells me between this, Wanda and Kitty's crash course and the New Mutants the truce is going to end quite quickly."
"It can't end soon enough for me!" Logan roared.