Dude man dude, I don't own Death Note.
Quick note: I wrote this an extremely long time ago, before Death Note was even finished in Japan. I knew only bits and pieces from my super twin Tina (MUCH LOVE, TINA-TINA! SUPERTWINS!) who told me about the characters, then did a Misa impression so excellent, it inspired this nonsense. I don't know if I'm going to finish it, but let's see what you think!
Matt maneuvered his car down a busy street. He carelessly shot through an intersection, ignoring the cars honking insanely at him. With a spin of the wheel and a bit of brake stomping, he slid perfectly into a parallel parking space, leaving a train of burnt rubber.
Mello walked out of the building, arching an eyebrow at the trail of destruction. "Next time, try to cause less than five accidents on the way here." Matt chuckled darkly as he got out of his car. He patted the hood affectionately.
"Not her fault she's a showstopper."
Mello snorted. "Come inside, you idiot. The boss has something for you."
"Something for me?" Interest piqued in Matt's voice as he followed Mello into the imposing building. Matt couldn't help thinking about what the Mafia bosses had for him. A new car? No, the bosses knew Matt could never abandon his beautiful baby. A gold watch? Hell no, Matt was a modern man, he used his cell phone. Gun, maybe? He didn't think so. His gun was good, and a decorative one would be of no use to him. What else would a boss give to one of his best hit men? Mello opened the door.
Oh my God. No way.
The boss was sitting at his dark gray desk in a dark gray suit, his dark graying hair slicked back in typical Mafia style. Next to his desk was a girl, all pink and black, with bright blonde hair. Two tiny ponytails accented her cheerful little face, which was covered in makeup.
"Matt, my boy," the boss said genially. "Have a seat." Matt looked incredulously at Mello. Mello twiddled his eyebrows suggestively, winked, and left, closing the door behind him. Matt slowly sat down, his eyes flicking back and forth between the girl and his boss. "Now, you've been on the Kira situation for quite some time now, yes?"
"Um, three months." The girl grinned. Matt felt his face heat up a bit.
"Excellent." The Mafia boss smiled around the stogie he was munching on. "I think you deserve a break, yes?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Of course! I know you don't have a girlfriend Matt," he shook a finger at a red and sputtering Matt. "So I got you one!"
"You-you-"
"Hi!" The blonde girl cocked her head to the side. "I'm Misa-Misa!"
"Misa-Misa?" Matt was thoroughly weirded out.
"Or just Misa."
The boss grinned widely. "She's great, eh? She's a model in Japan!" The boss got up, slapping Matt on the shoulder so hard he nearly choked. "Have fun with her!"
"Boss-"
"ALRIGHT," he interrupted, still with that fixed grin. "You two run along. Have fun!" The boss forcibly shoved Matt out, Misa obediently following behind. The boss winked. "She likes nice cars," he whispered. "Bye bye!" The door was firmly shut in Matt's astonished face. Mello was cracking up.
"MELLO," Matt got in Mello's face. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because," Mello wiped his eyes. "Your suffering is my comedy!"
"And your broken face is about to be my sweet revenge." Mello stopped laughing and pouted. Matt looked over to Misa. Misa grinned brightly. He turned back around with a sickened expression. "Mello, what am I supposed to do with her?"
Mello shrugged. "Screw her, I think. She came to us, honestly. She said….what did you say, Misa?"
Misa threw her arms up in the air and shouted, "I want to whore myself out to the Mafia!"
"Yeah, that." Matt's eye twitched.
"You have got to be kidding me."
"Have your wicked way with me! Yay!"
"You do realize this is totally repulsive, Mello, right?" Matt gestured to the bouncing girl.
"I like it any way, from any angle!"
"I mean," The boys stared at Misa, who was dancing wildly. "Look at that."
"GENTLEMEN, I AM READY TO BE F-" Matt slapped a hand hastily over Misa's mouth.
"Will you shut it?" he hissed.
"Look, the boss wants you to have her, so I think you should keep her."
"For how long?"
"Two weeks." Matt's eyes goggled out of his head. "Just put up with her. You really don't want to reject a present from the boss." With a sigh, Matt dropped his hand from her mouth.
She instantly said, "Misa-Misa is going to screw you!" Matt slouched off, Mello shouting.
"Don't kill her! We have to pay her agent two million if she dies!"
"OOOOOOH!" Misa exclaimed, jumping up and down. She pointed at Matt's car. "Is that your car?"
"Yes," Matt grunted.
"I LOVE IT!" Misa raced over and tackled the car, causing her skirt to fly up and expose her pink underwear. The entire street was staring.
"You moron! Get in the car!" Matt quickly ducked into the car, his face as red as his hair. Misa crawled in, seemingly oblivious to the traffic jam she had caused. Matt revved the engine, slid down his yellow sunglasses, and shot like a bullet into traffic.
"Woooooow, you drive fast!" Misa giggled. "What's your name?"
"Matt."
"Matt." She whipped off her jacket. "Let's have sex!"
More to come. Review plz!