A/N: This is one weird hybrid plot bunny. Idea 1: What would happen if Bakugo caught a cold? Idea 2: Is it possible to write a MHA fic without Bakugo (technically) running his filthy mouth?

So yeah… that happened.

Katsuki Bakugo did not catch colds. And that was probably better for the general health and safety of the world's population. And that fact was brought to everyone's attention when Bakugo coughed in class and nearly blew up his own desk as well as the rest of the classroom while he was at it.

The shockwave and accompanying screams echoed through the room, and flames, fire, and smoke billowed in a column from his desk. A pyre of burning math assignments smoked before his startled eyes. Shota Aizawa's whiteboard marker screeched to a halt, and gradually, the uproar settled into stunned silence.

And all Bakugo could think was, Why me?

'Waaah, Kacchan?!' Izuku yelped.

Bakugo slammed his fists on to the desk and yelled, 'What?!' right back at him, yet he was already glancing back at the smoking algebra questions. His brow creased. 'What the…'

Shota Aizawa gave him an unimpressed look. 'Katsuki — '

'Bakugo!' Ida yelled, leaping out of his chair and standing at attention, arms windmilling like some stupid windup toy. 'Are you all right? What happened?'

'I coughed, idiot!' Yet Bakugo touched a hand to his neck, more than a little bewildered. He'd noticed a slight scratch in his throat, sure, but this was ridiculous. 'What the…'

Uraraka tilted her head. Then she snapped her fingers. 'Ah, do you have cold, Bakugo?'

'I do not have a d —'

And he coughed again — more explosively than a Howitzer Impact.

Shrapnel flew; Uraraka shrieked and kicked her desk into the air, suspending it with her Uravity and holding it in front of her like some kind of military blast shield, while classmates scattered and hid under chairs and desks, doing whatever they could to get out of the danger zone. When the flames finally settled, she dared glance at him over the top of the desk. '…Bakugo?'

He was almost tempted to apologise, but that wasn't happening. 'I don't get sick!' he retorted.

'Everyone sit down,' Aizawa said. He had his goggles raised, glaring at Bakugo to nullify his quirk until everyone could get out from their various hiding places. 'And someone put out the fire.'

The students nervously took their seats. Yaoyorozu sighed and unbuttoned her blouse, materialising a fire blanket before flinging it over the mini inferno.

Mineta poked his head out from beneath her chair. 'Hey, Bakugo — '

Yaoyorozu kicked Mineta from beneath her chair before sitting, no quirk needed, and he sped over the floor in a shrieking ball of purple before hitting the wall.

Aizawa looked Bakugo up and down, and Bakugo glared right back.

'Had a cold before, kid?'

'Not on your fre — ' he coughed again, but less explosively this time. Less of a level-the-entire-school cough, to everyone's relief. 'No.'

Aizawa sighed. 'Your quirk relies on a nitroglycerin-like substance. It's famed for being unstable, and you're sick enough to be coughing hard enough to set it off. It's likely because you're covering your mouth with your hands.'

Bakugo cursed his hands with every swear word he could think of and scraped them against his slacks hard enough to rub the skin off his palms.

Aizawa glanced at the clock. 'Fine. Class dismissed. Between Bakugo's efforts and everyone else's efforts to get clear, you've wrecked the classroom. Recess for the rest of you, and Bakugo, you're going to Recovery Girl before you demolish the school.'

The class cheered. A couple of them even sent some good-natured yells in Bakugo's direction for getting them out of class early, and he repelled it all with appropriate gestures and scowls. He headed for the door along with everyone else, but Aizawa caught him by the shoulder.

'Your math homework.'

Even blowing up his homework — accidentally or no — wasn't enough if his teacher had extras. He gave the sheets a filthy look and jammed them into his pocket.

'You're welcome,' Aizawa said. He glanced over at Yaoyorozu. 'Hey, Momo, can you help me with making some new desks?' She nodded, and Aizawa turned back to Bakugo. 'And I'm going with y — '

'No way in h— ' Bakugo coughed and the blast nearly took out Shoji, who shielded himself with his arm — or arms — just in time. Shoji ran for the door and got out while he could.

Sero approached, warily, one of the last students to leave the room.

'Sero,' Aizawa said. 'Mind giving me some tape to bar the door with? The ceiling could come down and we can't have people wandering in here.'

'Yeah, sure.' Tape whirled down to the floor in ribbons from the dispensers in Sero's elbows, and he glanced at Bakugo with concern. 'You okay, bro? You could try taping your mouth shut — '

'Tape your mouth shut you piece of cr— ' COUGH

Bakugo's clapped a hand to his mouth, yet he was too slow and the flames and sparks blasted from the cracks between his fingers and spattered the carpet.

'Yikes, dude, chill already!' Sero protested, thrusting the lengths of tape at Aizawa before sprinting off down the hall.

Aizawa was looking ticked. 'Bakugo, we're — '

'I can hold it in, for g —'

COUGH

But his hands made it to his mouth in time this time, taking the impact in a cloud of smoke. He glared at Aizawa. 'Held it.'

Aizawa sighed. 'Momo?'

'Yes, sensei?'

'Can you make firecracker boy here some kind of shock-absorbent handkerchief?'

'Sure, Sensei. But perhaps a muzzle would be better?'

'Don't call me a fre — ' cough ' — ing firecracker and no way in h — ' cough ' — am I using a d — '

'Bakugo?'

'What?' he spat.

'Shut up already,' Aizawa said, and took the carbon-fibre handkerchief that Momo tossed over and slapped it over Katsuki's mouth. 'We don't need any more drama — just keep that thing on your face and your filthy language in your mouth for five minutes until you get to Recovery Girl and just go,' he said, and pushed Bakugo out the door.

Bakugo tripped and flailed, before slamming against the wall. He pulled the handkerchief off his mouth and glared at it. It looked more like a shred of Kevlar from some dead soldier's vest more than anything else.

'Heyyy, Bakugo — '

Startled, Bakugo drew breath, then choked and slammed the fabric back to his mouth but —

COUGH

Kaminari panicked and threw his arms up to shield his face in a burst of lighting, and the hallway exploded. Fully exploded. Smoke everywhere.

'BAKUGO!' Aizawa roared.

Bakugo hurled the tattered fragments of the handkerchief across the hall and yelled back, expressing his general opinions about the quality of Yaoyorozu's materialised fabrics in the saltiest language he could get away with.

'Whoa, dude…' Kaminari said, staring at him. 'Take some cough sweets or something, bro.'

'I don't have any on me cause I don't get — ' cough ' — sick, spark plug.'

'Hey. Words hurt.'

'And so do my explosions so get the h — ' cough ' — out of my face before I blow yours to bits.'

Kaminari had the good sense to run off, clearing the strewn rubble in a flying leap.

'Get moving, Katsuki!' Aizawa yelled. 'Before you blow up the rest of the school!'

Katsuki grumbled, and started walking as fast as he could. He cleared the general disaster area, only to feel a rough scratching in his throat and realise that this may not end particularly well.

'Uh…'

Hagakure, Kirishima, and Koda looked up from their conversation. Kirishima grinned. 'Hey, Bakugo. How's the cough — '

'Harden!' Bakugo yelled, and that's all he could get out before —

COUGH

When the smoke cleared, Kirishima was a charred statue, Koda was hiding behind him, and Hagakure was shrieking blue murder about what would be kind of bad if she wasn't invisible, as her clothes were lying in a burnt, tattered heap around her ankles.

'Bakugo!' Kirishima spluttered. 'You nearly blew my teeth out!'

'MY CLOTHES! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, BAKUGO!'

Bakugo strode past. 'Real loss, gravel face, and you ain't getting near me when I'm like this, Hagakure.'

He jammed his face into his elbow, and kept walking.

Only to take a breath and —

COUGH

Shrieking, and he looked up with a grimace to see that he'd startled Jiro, who had accidentally shanked Aoyama with her jack, and Aoyama had blasted his laser across the hall, and Ashido had slipped in a massive chemical puddle in her frantic dash to get out of the way.

'Sacre boeuf,' Aoyama said, aghast. 'My belt…'

'Dang it, Bakugo!' Jiro snapped.

Ashido staggered to her feet and asked, 'Are you all right, Bakugo? But yeesh, really…'

Bakugo just snarled. If he'd learned nothing else, he'd learned not to trust himself to open his mouth.

Ashido stepped through the chemical puddle with splashing footsteps, and considered. 'I might be able to make you some cough medicine — '

'I do not have a COUGH — '

COUGH

He managed to direct that one into his elbow, but it completely burnt away his sleeve, leaving the cuff clinging to his hand like some pathetic little mitten.

'Try not to say that while you're coughing, Katsuki-chan,' Asui ribbited, keeping her tongue safely in her mouth and away from any stray sparks.

Fumikage opened one eye. He was leaning against the wall further down the corridor, by Asui's side. 'I concur. Could someone inform the gentleman that he has a cough? He doesn't seem to have got the message.'

'I do not — '

COUGH

Sato and Ojiro decided to make a run for it while they still could, and sprinted down the hall.

'I do not — '

COUGH

'— have a fr —'

COUGH

' — ing cough!'

COUGH COUGH COUGH

Kirishima and Ashido glanced at each other. Shared a grin. And yelled, 'If Katsuki's in denial about his coughing clap your hands!'

Clap clap, all the way down the hall, and Class 1-A burst into hysterics.

'ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!'

Everyone flinched, and realised that Bakugo had finally snapped. About time.

Or pulled the pins off his figurative grenades.

'I AM GOING TO KI — '

'Kiss us?' Hagakure asked.

'Hey, Todoroki,' Kaminari said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. 'Bring some ice, man, Bakugo just got burned bad.'

Todoroki looked the carnage over, then walked off. 'That's not my concern.'

Jiro whistled. 'Whew, and the hits just keep coming.'

Flames and sparks poured from Bakugo's hands. Ashido's eyes widened, and she looked down the hall at Todoroki's retreating back. 'Uh, Bakugo — '

'Don't care, Ashido!'

Izuku shouldered his way to the front of the crowd, yelling, 'Stop, Kacchan!'

'Bakugo, wait!' Uraraka pleaded.

He stopped, one moment from blowing this hall and this class and this school and everything in blast radius to kingdom come. 'Why?'

She stammered, gesturing. 'W-We're worried about you…'

Worried?

He almost lowered his hands, but then Iida interrupted. 'What she means to say is we're worried you're going to destroy the school. Cease this wanton destruction at once, that is an order from your class president — '

'RACK OFF — '

COUGH

A single spark touched the trail of spilled chemicals that Todoroki had tracked down the hall.

'May the carnage be swift,' Fumikage said.

BOOM

Sparks, flame, fire, smoke, it all whirled down the hall in a vortex of shrieking and yelling and shattering windows and a lot of obscenities screamed at top-volume until it blasted into the teachers office at the very moment that All Might opened the door and walked out.

The doorway shattered. A gaping ring framed the blackened superhero. All Might blinked. '…Oh my… goodness.'

'BAKUGOOOO!' Aizawa roared.

And as Bakugo dropped to his knees, shell-shocked, he realised that no expletive could accurately convey his emotions on seeing a stunned and completely black All Might at the end of the hall.

Let alone the fact that Todoroki was blackened like chip that had fallen to the bottom of an oven tray, and looked like he wanted to freeze Bakugo's blood in his veins and then internally puncture his skin with icicles made of blood.

All Might coughed. He waved away the smoke with a hand. 'Young… Bakugo. Did I do something to upset you recently?'

'N-No. It was an…'

He forced the word past his teeth.

'Accident.'

As the rest of Class 1-A dispersed — through holes in the walls or through proper doorways — clutching their tattered clothes and arguing loudly with each other, all about one thing, Bakugo, All Might approached from one end of the hall and Aizawa stalked towards him from the other.

Bakugo got to his feet, his mouth hidden behind his elbow. Because the last thing he needed to do was blow the Symbol of Peace's face off. It also saved Aizawa hauling him off the floor with his stupid metal scarf.

'Sorry, All Might.' Aizawa shoved Bakugo forwards, pushing him towards Recovery Girl's office.

'Sorry,' Bakugo muttered.

'Kid's got a cold,' Aizawa continued, 'and I couldn't see him past the rest of the kids to prevent the damage. Let me throw him in here before the complex comes crashing down around our heads.'

'I ain't got a — ' Bakugo coughed, but normally, with Aizawa's livid gaze locked on the back of his head.

'Ah… I see. Best of health, young Bakugo!' All Might boomed, and Bakugo caught a glimpse of a salute before Aizawa forcibly hurled him into Recovery Girl's room.

Bakugo collapsed onto a stool.

Recovery Girl gave him an unimpressed look.

Bakugo pointed to his throat, managed to rasp out, 'Cough,' and one kiss later, he was recovered.

'Gross.' He scrubbed away the sensation and flopped onto a stretcher bed. The mattress springs screeched wildly. He covered his eyes with a hand and waved vaguely in Recovery Girl's direction. She could take that how she wanted.

'You're welcome, and keep your fluids up.'

A few moments later, the door creaked open, and Bakugo lifted his arm to see Uraraka slip into the room.

'Bakugo?'

Recovery Girl glanced over, then turned back to her laptop.

He glared at her. 'Get lost.'

She took a deep breath, and steeled her expression. 'I brought you some cough lollies…'

'Don't need em,' he snapped, and she flinched, fumbling the plastic packet in her hands and accidentally sending it floating through the air until it drifted to a halt, bumping against his head.

He blinked.

And she went into panic mode. 'Sorry!' she yelped, hands failing, wavering between retrieving the packet or running for her life, before opting for the latter and sprinting out of the room

'Isn't that nice?' Recovery Girl said.

'She can take her garbage and…' His words dissolved into a mutter, as he didn't want to get thrown out for swearing when he still felt like all his limbs had been blasted off and then jammed back in their sockets.

Bakugo stared at the packet. A stupid, sparkly pink foil-and-paper tube.

He ripped the end off and jammed one of the lollies between his teeth, crunching it.

'Brat,' he said.

And he collapsed back onto the pillows.

The End

A/N: Reviews welcome, and thanks for reading!