this is for mew&mor's weird pairings competition 2012, and all credit for discovering this pairing is theirs. (yeah, it's a bit different from my usual work, haha, but i kind of like this pairing. I'll do more of my usual stuff, and something extra special and...next-gen for fix number 30, and that brings me to the fact that this is my 25th fic! Thank you guys so much for reading all of my stuff, it means so much!

All he's ever heard about the Hat is good. Some weird, some outrageous things, but there's so much mystery to it all, he can't help but be fascinated. "It's mad," some tell him, "Brilliant," others say, and poor Fang's never seen the Hat to judge on his own. Until that day, of course.

/

Suddenly Hagrid comes rushing into the hut in his frazzled glory, proclaiming he needs to see Dumbledore. Fang whimpers some, and his owner soon growls that he can come along.

Fang bounds happily up the steps to the Entrance Hall, but comes to a halt, uncertain of where to turn. Students are everywhere he turns, and they're shooting him confused glances- some of the younger students even look frightened- but Fang doesn't jump, doesn't bark. It's a treat, going up to the castle, and he doesn't want to ruin it.

They wind through the corridors, Fang following his master happily. Right, left, left, long stretch, and turn to…ah. Hagrid stops to chat with famous Harry Potter for a minute. After saying goodbye, they continue on their way. They need to ask for the Headmaster's permission to preform a special charm. Fang keeps barking at the pen of some creatures Hagrid keeps outside and Hagrid keeps yelling at him for barking. He's uncertain why his owner wants to protect them.

A large wooden door flanked by a stone gargoyle stands in his wake. Fang looks at Hagrid curiously, wondering what ridiculous word he'll say to allow them to see Dumbledore.

"Oh, uh, Cockroach Cluster."

Fang jumps slightly at Hagrid's voice, but calms down when he sees the gargoyle move aside and stairs appear like he's seen several times. They spiral upwards and Hagrid bursts into the room angrily. He yells about how the Potter boy is innocent, but Fang blocks everything out except his own thoughts, which are centered on one thing, and one thing only.

There, on the shelf next to some intricate figurines and knick-knacks and tchotchkes, is the Sorting Hat, almost as famous as Harry Potter himself. He wants to ask at least fifty things at once ("Why'd Hermione Granger get into Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw?" and "Why are Weasleys Gryffindors?" among other things). He soon remembers they don't speak in the same manner, and Fang thinks that maybe if he could just get the Hat onto his head, he might be able to ask some of them.

He backs up clumsily, nearly hitting Dumbledore's desk, and earns a glare from Hagrid and an amused smile from Dumbledore, but they keep talking about the Potter boy. He runs (tries to sprint, but the space is rather confined) and takes a leap (messy jump) and lands on the rug, splaying his four legs in all directions.

Hagrid grumbles something about Fang being a "bloody all-round mess," while Dumbledore laughs, unabashed.

Fang shakes it out, letting the comment roll off his shaggy back. And so he tries again. This time, the Hat falls to the ground as Fang has knocked it (him?) off his post on Dumbledore's shelf. The bloodhound can't manage to get the Hat on his head, but if he lays on his side and cocks his head a bit, it's almost as if the Hat is on him. He tries thinking, "Hello?" to see if the Hat's on right, or if it can even understand him.

"Stupid dog. I was composing next year's song, and you've made me forget the new part I had."

Fang growls a "Sorry," to the Hat, but his tail is wagging out of control because the Hat understands him. "You can understand me?"

"Didn't you just think that? Now, I know you had some questions for me so, both Hermione Granger and the Weasleys' will prove themselves worthy of Gryffindor in time."

"How do you know? And, if you can tell what will happen, is the whole Chamber of Secrets thing going to end soon? Those people won't be stone any longer?"

"No," the Hat proclaims, "they will be fine. But a deeper threat will continue to exist." Fang shivers slightly- this deeper threat sounds terrifying, and the way the cap says it chills his bones.

"Then why aren't you doing something about it? If you know what this is?"

The Hat stays silent for a moment before he continues. "I am not the-"

"C'mon, Fang," a gruff voice breaks in. Giant hands take the Sorting Hat off of Fang's scruffy head with a, "Sorry, Professor," to the Headmaster.

And Fang is dragged away.

/

A week or so later, a large scarlet bird with golden tail feathers swoops into the hut. It carries an old piece of parchment and drops it in front of Fang. Hagrid is out teaching on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. He messily paws at the parchment and unfolds it to reveal a near mechanical scrawl.

Fang, It was a pleasure to meet you last week. I'm sorry we had the misfortune to cut our conversation short. As I was saying: I am not the only one to know about the misery we will soon face. Professor Dumbledore knows more than I, but I am nearly certain you will make it through the impending war, Fang.

For a dog, you seem to be highly intellectual, and I am glad we see eye to eye. It's funny, I set a…standard, of sorts, for myself. The same level of intelligence is a must-have for someone I would look for in a companion. I'm chuckling as I write this, Fang, because, as I think of it, I wouldn't mind being with you for a…another thousand years.

Sortie

And Fang wags his tail because, if he's alive in another one thousand years, he wants to be talking to Sortie for the rest of them.

and...I can believe I just wrote 968 words about the romantic relationship between a hat and a dog.

and that's 25.