Santana found herself driving around Lima not wanting to go home. A few minutes ago she had left the high school after talking Brittany. Once again Brittany chose being with a guy over being with her. First it was Artie and now it's Sam. Santana couldn't get it out of her mind the way Brittany looked at her or rather the way she didn't look at her. During their talk it was like Brittany wasn't looking directly into her eyes but more like she was looking right through her. Brittany's beautiful blue eyes always sparkled when she looked into Santana's eyes but today the sparkle was gone. Brit told her to move on and be with people who were like her. What the hell did she mean by that? Was Brit trying to tell her that she wasn't really bisexual and that Santana was different because she was a lesbian? Santana was so confused right now on what to do with her life and more importantly what to do about Brittany. Could she really go back to being just best friends with her? When she thought about their friendship she couldn't remember when they were really just best friends. They had started their sweet lady kisses soon after they became friends and even though for most of their 'relationship' it was a secret, they were always more than just best friends.

Then there was that quick peck on the lips. What best friends kiss each other on the lips? Santana wanted the kiss to last longer but Brittany pulled away. Santana couldn't stop thinking about Brittany's eyes and how different they looked. They looked almost sad and depressed. The bubbly spirit was gone and it wasn't just when they were talking. Santana had noticed it when was back for Glease. Brittany just wasn't the same. Was Brittany depressed and did Santana do this her? Santana watched Brittany closely as she came into the choir room with the other Louisville cheerleaders. Brittany's mouth was open in shock that Santana was there. For a brief second Santana even thought Brittany might just walk out of the room. Not once during the song did Brittany seem into the music and Brittany was always moving to the beat of a song no matter what it was. Santana thought for sure Brittany would like the song. Hell even Sam looked like he was enjoying it for a minute.

Santana finally found herself pulling into the driveway of her parents' home. She knew what she needed to do when she walked in the house. She needed to tell her mother that she had dropped out of the school. She needed to tell her about Sue's job proposition to help out with the Cheerios. She needed to talk to her mother about possibly going to New York but more importantly she needed to talk to her mother about Brittany. Santana walked into the kitchen to find her mother sitting at the kitchen having tea with another woman.

Her mother looked at her with a big smile when she saw Santana walk into the kitchen, "Hi meja. How was the drive from Louisville?"

Santana walked over to where her mother was sitting and gave a hug. "It was ok. I'm actually kind of tired so I'm just going to go to my room and take a nap."

Santana's mother noticed that while her daughter had a smile on her face that there was something off about the tone of her voice. Santana was definitely upset about something. Her mother then remembered her guest. "I'm sorry Lois this is our daughter Santana. Santana this is Mrs. Parker she is here to discuss a fund raiser for the children's cancer wing at the hospital."

Santana smiled and shook the woman's hand. "I'm going to go take that nap now and let you two get back to your fund raiser planning."

Santana walked out of the kitchen and was about to walk up the stairs to her bedroom when she heard her mother's voice, "Santana, are you ok?"

Santana swallowed hard because she wasn't ok and was actually on the verge of tears. "I'm ok mami just a bit tired."

Santana's mother knew better but she also knew not to push Santana, "Ok, enjoy your nap."

Santana walked up the stairs to her bedroom and immediately plopped on the bed. She couldn't take it any longer the tears started to fall and she sobbed into her pillow. She had just settled down when her cell phone rang. She didn't recognize the number but decided to answer it anyway. "Yes, this is Santana. Oh, hi Senior Martinez."

A few minutes later Santana had finished the call with Senior Martinez, the super sexy Spanish teacher. She remembered how all of the girls in the high school would just stare at him in awe because of his hair, his teeth, his body, his tattoos, his everything. None of that changed even when everyone at school found out Senior David Martinez was gay. Not only was he gay but he had a partner and twin toddlers. Santana laid down on her bed to think. For the second time today she had been offered a job. Senior Martinez had heard that Sue had offered Santana a job helping out with the Cheerios. He had called Santana because he had recently received a grant to work with a group of elementary students teaching them all about Latin culture and of course teaching them a little Spanish too. He had been having a difficult time finding just the right person to help him out so when he found out from Sue that Santana had dropped out of the college he thought she would be perfect for the job. The pay wasn't great and it was only for a few hours a week and sometimes on Saturdays. He had remembered how passionate Santana was about making sure the students at McKinley experienced the Latin culture and not the stereotypes so many were used to seeing.

Santana couldn't help but may think it was fate drawing her back to Lima. I mean who gets two job offers in one day? She knew the jobs weren't permanent and that she still had a huge decision to make about her future but maybe taking the two jobs would give her time to really think things through. The only drawback of staying in Lima for a little while longer was Brittany. Santana didn't know if she could even be in the same town as Brittany. Plus Brittany was a Cheerio so she would see her when she was helping Sue out with the Cheerios. Santana felt a headache coming so she took some painkillers and before long she was asleep.

Santana found herself waking up suddenly when she thought she heard a noise. She listened but her room was completely silent. Her room was dark now and when she looked at the clock on her nightstand it read 7 PM. She had been asleep for 3 hours. Then she heard it, it was the sound her phone made when she got a text from Brittany. It's a duck quacking, what else would it be. Santana looked at her phone like it was a going to bite her at first but then she slowly picked her phone up and read the text from Brittany.

"Do you want to join me at Breadstix?"

Santana found herself getting angry. She had already told Brit she didn't want to join her and Trouty Mouth at Breadstix for British accent night or whatever the hell they were doing. She replied, No thanks. You and Trouty have a good time."

"Please stop calling him Trouty and it's just me here. Sam had to cancel cause Mercedes had something urgent to talk to him about so they were going to Skype"

Santana immediately wondered what was so important that Sam would blow off Brittany to stay at home and Skype with his ex-girlfriend. She wondered if Sam had blow off Brit before because of Mercedes. Santana was taking too long thinking so Brittany texted again.

"If you don't want to come that's ok just say so!"

Santana could tell there was an edge to Brittany's text. "I'll come, I'll be there in about 15 minutes."

"I'll be waiting inside for you."

Santana hurried and made herself look presentable. She had been crying so much she decided to just touch up her make up as best she could. When she went downstairs to tell her mother she was leaving she found a note that she had taken dinner to the hospital for her father. Santana wrote on the same note that she was going to be at Breadstix's with Brittany.

Santana pulled into the Breadstix parking lot and all of the sudden she began sobbing again. She had no control over it and it kind of scared her. After a few minutes, she heard her phone quack signaling a text from Brittany. "Santana, if you don't want to see me just tell me! I'm waiting 5 more minutes and then I'm leaving!"

After reading the text Santana broke down even more. Brittany had never spoken to her like that before. She didn't respond to the text, she just couldn't. After what seemed like an hour or more Santana had stopped crying and was now still sitting in her car with her head leaning on the steering wheel. It was then she heard the passenger door slam. She glanced over to see Brittany sitting there staring straight ahead. "You know what Santana I'm done with you. I don't know what is going on with you. I mean you dropped out of college. You bring the Louisville cheerleading squad here to sing a song that I don't even understand. I mean what is Nutbush? Sounds kind of kinky to me. Then you bribe someone to be your girlfriend. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Santana didn't answer because she couldn't answer. Just like the text message, Brittany had never spoken to her like this. "Ok , have it your way Santana just sit there with your fucking emotional walls up and shut me out. There used to be a time when I was the only one who could break those walls down but not anymore. I defended you to everyone all through high school because I knew deep down there was a good person inside you. The person you let me see but now I'm starting to think it was all just an act. You have this way of using people when you don't get what you want. I didn't break up with Artie when you told me you were in love with me so you used Sam and David. And now you used some random cheerleader chick to try and make me jealous. You use people Santana for your own pleasure or personal gain or whatever. And I don't even think you feel one bit sorry for doing it."

Brittany stopped talking and Santana still didn't say anything. Santana couldn't believe she was hearing these words come out of the mouth of the woman she loved with her whole soul. Brittany wasn't even crying it was like she had kept all of these feelings inside for a very long time. "I know I hurt you when I wouldn't break up with Artie and I have apologized for that many times. I never meant to hurt you but you hurt me too when you would broke up with me. You had promised me that we would be together forever even if we couldn't physically be together. Then you broke up with me out of the blue. Yes, it was hard for me not having you around every day and maybe I was depressed but you didn't even give me a chance to work through it, you just up and broke up with me. And then when you find out I'm dating Sam you went into bitchy Santana mode once again and tried playing games. I have just one question for you, why don't you think about how other people are feeling when you cut them down or play games with their lives? Something must have happened to make you like this."

Brittany was now breathing a little heavy because the more she talked the more emotional she got. "I mean sure you were always kind of bitchy but not in a hurtful way. Then after sophomore year, the summer you got your boob job you started being a first class bitch sometimes. I still don't get why you got the boob job or why your parents even let you do it. You are so beautiful just the way you are. Then when you were forced to come out and we were officially a couple I saw the sweet Santana again. Hell, you even became friends with Rachel. So I want you to tell me right now why you are such a bitch sometimes? There has to be a reason why."

Brittany waited for several minutes for Santana to respond but she still just sat there with her head leaning on the steering wheel. "You know what Santana, like I said I'm done with you. You won't even talk to me so I can only assume one thing, you never really loved me and it was all just a game to you. Just like everything else is a game and you are ok as long as you are winning but the minute you aren't winning you turn into this person who will hurt anyone to get what she wants. I really hope you find happiness one day Santana." Brittany opened the car door and was ready to get out when finally Santana spoke.

"I couldn't even protect my own flesh and blood." Santana's voice cracked. Brittany waited for Santana to say more but nothing she was met with silence.

"Santana, I have no idea what you are talking about it."

"I couldn't protect him or her. I guess I am Satan like everyone calls me."

Brittany was still confused and as much as she wanted to get out of the car something about the tone in Santana's voice told her she needed to stay. "San, you know I'm not the brightest color in the crayon box so you've got to tell me more."

"Finn, the night I slept with him I got pregnant. I didn't tell anyone I was so scared and then about 9 weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. I felt like such a failure I couldn't even keep my own child safe. I was scared but at the same time I knew I wanted to keep it."

Brittany was in shock, how could she have not known that her best friend was suffering so much. "Why didn't you use protection? I mean you were the one who made me practice putting condoms on cucumbers and told me to always use protection so I didn't get pregnant or sick. Why didn't you follow your own advice?"

"I don't know. It was Finn's first time. I had never been a guy's first so I guess I thought I wouldn't get pregnant. Pretty stupid of me."

Brittany let out a sigh, "It's my fault. I was the one who told you to go after Finn. If I hadn't done that you wouldn't have had to suffer so much."

Santana finally looked at Brittany, "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I know to some people it may sound crazy that I was and still am sometimes upset about losing the baby. It's just that I did this to the baby, I should've protected him or her more. I should've quit Cheerios and not been jumping around so much. I should have quite Glee and stopped dancing so much. I wasn't fit to be a mother and I never will be. I can't believe my mother went through it three times. She had two miscarriages before I was born and then one after I was born. How did she handle it?"

"Maybe that's something you should ask her San. It's something she would understand if you told her about your miscarriage. Your mother may have suffered but your father and her kept trying and they got something pretty awesome out of it, you. Having you must help with the loss of the three babies."

"No, I can't tell my mother not now too much time has gone by and she will be mad that I didn't tell her when it happened. Besides, if I want to have a baby some day in the future it isn't going to happen."

"Why San?"

"Because it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant. When I first got to college I got sick. I had terrible pains in my side so my roommate took me to the ER. The doctor told me I had cysts on both of my ovaries and that when I have my period they flare up and that's why I was in so much pain. Remember Brittany how every month I would suffer so and you would lay in bed with ma and hold me. Anyway the doctor told me I should make an appointment with a gynecologist and get treatment for my cysts because they are just going to get worse and that because of them it would difficult for me to ever get pregnant. So you see when I got pregnant it was a once in a lifetime chance and blew it." Santana was now crying once again.

Brittany found tears coming to her eyes too. "Did you ever make an appointment to see a gynecologist? Does your mother know about the cysts?"

All Santana was "No".

"San you need to tell her. She's your mother you need her support. And one other thing, you aren't Satan and you did nothing wrong to cause your miscarriage. It happens sometimes. My mom had one so there are a lot women who would understand what you've been through. " Brittany reached over and touched Santana's arm and to her surprise Santana pulled it away.

"Don't touch me. After everything you have said tonight it's clear you don't want me to be a part of your life anymore, not even as your best friend. You said twice that you were done with me. So just leave."

"San, I'm not going to leave you after all of the stuff you have just told me. Let me be here for you. Please."

"No, Brittany you called me a bitch more than once. So in my best bitchy voice I am telling you to get the fuck out of my car right now."

Santana's words hurt Brittany as much as if she had plunged a knife into her heart. "I'm sorry about all of that it's just I've been keeping those feelings inside for so long. But I understand why you lashed out at people especially Finn. You were grieving Sweetie."

"Don't fuckin call me Sweetie. I'm not going to ask you again to get out of my car now."

Brittany did as Santana asked and got out of the car. She had barely shut the door when Santana started the car and quickly drove off.

When Santana got home her parents were already in bed which she was thankful for because she just wanted to forget about tonight. She changed for bed and then once again cried herself to sleep. Brittany on the other hand couldn't even cry herself to sleep. She felt bad for the things she had said to Santana but on the other hand if she hadn't said those things Santana would've never told her about the miscarriage and her physical problems. Deep down Brittany knew Santana could be a bitch and she really didn't like the way she used people sometimes but she understood what was going on in Santana's head a bit more now.

Not being able to sleep Brittany found herself outside of Santana's parents' house. Brittany still had a key. No one had asked her to give it back. She quietly unlocked the door and then she knew she had only a few seconds to turn the alarm off. When Santana's parents had gotten the alarm Brittany had set it off so many times because she couldn't remember the pass code that the police said they were going to get a court order to disconnect it. Once inside Brittany went to the alarm keypad and quickly punched in the six digit code. To her relief the alarm was now disarmed. She would never forget the code again because Santana had made it into a game, a 'sweet lady kisses' game plus more. Let's just say by the time Santana got through with Brittany that night she will still remember the pass code when she's 100 years old.

Brittany quietly walked up the stairs and opened Santana's bedroom door. The light from the full moon shown through Santana's windows and lit the room up. Brittany could see Santana all curled up in bed. She looked so small and so defeated it broke Brittany's heart. Brittany took off her sneakers and gently climbed into bed. Santana felt the movement and immediately cuddled up to Brittany but a moment later Santana's eyes flew open realizing someone was in bed with her. She knew it was Brittany because she could smell her shampoo. Santana sat up in bed. "Brit, you need to leave now and please give me your key back."

Brittany didn't move, "No."

"Come on Brit I'm not playing games. We aren't 12 years old. This is real life and the fun and games are over. So please leave and give me the key."

"No."

"Fine but I am not sleeping in the same bed as you so you can sleep on the floor."

"No."

Santana was getting angry as she laid back down and looked directly into Brittany's eyes. "You aren't going to sleep in my…." Santana couldn't finish the sentence because when she looked in Brittany's eyes the sparkle was back just a little. Brittany reached over and touched Santana's face. Santana put her hand over Brittany's. They hadn't touched like that in months. "San, I know this is real life now so no more treating it like a game ok?" Santana nodded her head 'Yes'.

Brittany leaned over and kissed Santana on the forehead. "Let's get some sleep it was a long day and night for both us. Tomorrow we can talk calmly about everything if that's want you want?"

Santana couldn't hardly find her voice so it came out very quietly, "Yeah, I want to."

"Good me too and San, I'm so sorry about the baby. You would have been great mother."

Hearing Brittany say those words made a feeling of emotional warmth flowed through Santana's body.

It wasn't long before they both fell asleep. There wasn't any cuddling but they slept as close as they could get to one another. Tomorrow could be the day that decides if they have a future together or not. It would be there first talk as adults.