Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a narrator who took it upon herself to screw up every story she could get her hands on. With complete and utter disregard for the opinions of others, authors and fans alike, she made it her mission to corrupt any good plot line or character development she had the means to. With the help of her tech-savvy computer and her skills of destroying anything she put her mind to, she quickly set to work on annoying the crap out of everybody. These are her stories.

The sluggish rain drizzling down Claire's window accompanied by the presence of a deranged serial killer gave her reason to believe that today would be a fun day. She sighed as she pulled on her footie pajamas with the white bunny ears and hippety-hopped her way down the stairs and out the front door.

"What are you doing?" Claire groaned, "I told you never to stalk me at this number."

"I can't live without you, Claire," Sylar shouted as the rain, mingled with his tears, streamed down his face.

"Well, I can. You broke my trust when you baked my dog into a pie that you sold at a charity bake sale."

"But the monks who ate it loved it," Sylar argued.

"Yeah, well, I loved that dog, too." She hopped through the mud in the yard and stood before him, a frown smeared across her face.

Sylar took her shoulders. "Don't you remember the good times? Remember that night I threw you off a cliff into a lake of alligators?"

Claire smirked, "Yes, that is one of my favorite memories. You were so sweet as you scooped up my parts and waited for me to reform in that bucket. But that was a long time ago, before you murdered my dog."

"I'm trying, Claire, I really am. At least I haven't killed anyone since your father last season. I'm seven and a half weeks sober! Does that not mean anything to you?"

Claire wiped her eyes. "I understand the struggle you go through to not murder everyone in sight, but I liked you better when you were psychotic, when you used to violently dismember me all night long until we fell asleep on each other's arms. Where did that Sylar go? That was the Sylar I loved most."

"You asked a question, but the answer lies in you," Sylar sang.

"Oh, so now you're blaming this on –"

"Claire!" Noah Bennet yelled from the door of the house.

"What, Dad? I'm kinda busy."

Noah flapped his jaw. "I just came back from the dead, and you don't even care."

"This is, like, the fourth time it's happened. I know the writers are stretched thin, but seriously, there has to be some other way of causing drama."

Noah twisted his finger in his ear. "Did you say something about writers? Claire, this is real life, not just a story written by some teenager who is bored at her babysitting job and feels guilty for not updating in over a week."

"Hey!" the narrator protested, "I resemble that remark."

Noah twisted around in confusion. "What was that voice?"

"The narrator," Sylar said. "Get with the program. She's only the most beautiful, funny, compassionate fanfiction author there ever was."

Claire nodded in agreement.

Noah scowled, "Great, my daughter's dating a psychopath."

"We're not dating!" Claire protested, "We're married."

"What? When did this happen?"

"Shortly after he killed you," Claire said.

"You married the man who killed your father?"

"He said he was sorry," Claire defended.

"That doesn't make it okay!"

"Look, Daddy: I love Sylar and he loves me. I've made up my mind, and I'm keeping the baby."

Noah's face scrunched up in rage. "You're pregnant?"

"Duh. Why do you think we got married so fast? The night he killed you, he came to my house and told me. I screamed at him, he cried, I threw my roller skates, one thing led to another, and we had hot, passionate sex. And the next month, I found out I was pregnant. So we got married and now I'm going to have his baby. We're going to have seven children, and we'll name one of them after you. The rest we'll name after people from our favorite anime shows. We especially enjoy Yu-Gi-Oh!"

"This baby will be named either Kisara or Seto based on what gender it is." Sylar smiled, resting his hand gently on Claire's small pudge of an abdomen.

"Claire, I forbid you from marrying him," Noah shouted.

"You can't stop me. I've already done it." Claire grabbed Sylar's face and shoved her tongue into his mouth. Then they shot into the sky and were immediately struck by lightning, but were unharmed because they are both immortal. The baby was also alright.

And then there were none.

The End