It was already late at night when Darren decided that he was so bored and sleepless that he probably should visit his best friend.
He knew Chris was still awake, it was 11pm and Chris couldn't sleep before 1 am. He didn't know why but he just wouldn't feel tired before.
He quickly put on a clean sweater and headed out of his apartment, catching a cab.
Darren thought for a moment, that calling Chris before standing in front of his door may be a good idea but he knew how much his best friend loved surprises so he didn't.
He felt a bit giddy since he and Chris haven't hung out that often lately and Darren had to admit that he really missed this.
Just two friends, geeking, making dumb jokes only their own awkward selves could laugh about.
The cab held in front of Chris's apartment complex.
He quickly paid the driver, smiling, getting out and rushing up the stairs right towards his friends door.
He stilled, hearing muffled voices, Chris giggling, the sound of...
...a kiss?
Why? Why in hell didn't Chris tell Darren about a boy in his life? He should have been the first one to know!
He slowly turned around, awkwardly and slowly walking away from the door when it suddenly opened.
Darren turned around in terror, Chris was staring at him, his blue shiny eyes looked drunk and tired, his hair was ravaged and there was another boy stumbling out of his apartment, awkwardly saying goodbye.
He paced by Darren, not deigning to look at him.
Darren let out a uncomfortable laugh.
"Wow Chris, I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Why didn't you tell me."
Chris eyes widened.
"Oh no, no he's not my...boyfriend he's just some guy I met earlier.", he stuttered.
Darren suddenly saw Chris in a whole new light. He had always seen him as this cute, gentle, nice boy who's biggest dream was finding the special someone.
His Blaine to his Kurt.
"S-so you don't know him?", Darren asked further.
"No, I don't...to be honest I don't even remember his name...but anyways you can come in if you want to.", he stepped out of the door, letting Darren pass.
The hazel-eyed let himself slop down on the couch, seemingly confused, his brows furrowed, looking slightly worried.
"Want something to drink?", Chris asked, waving with a bottle of wine.
Darren nodded, taking the glass the blue-eyed offered him, thanking him.
Chris sat down next to Darren.
There was a strange silence between them. None of them knew what he was supposed to say.
"Do you - do you do that often?", Darren finally blurted out.
"What? - Oh! - Bringing some guy home to have sex? Well...yeah sometimes I do...come on you can't tell me you don't do that with girls.", he laughed, his breath reeking of alcohol.
"Honestly no...I don't. I'm actually searching for the right one and I thought you were too.", Darren said, the confusion in his voice couldn't be overheard.
"Darren...look at me.", Chris took a sip of his wine. "I look like fucking Pinocchio, I have a girl's voice, a lisp, I'm pale and in no way toned. Really Darren...who in the world would fall for someone like me?", he let out a breathy bitter laugh.
Darren just looked at him, he looked terrible, his body was trembling slightly and he seemed to be absent.
"Don't do that to yourself Chris...you are an amazing guy and you'll find someone - I promise. Maybe it won't be in a week or 5 years but you definitely are too good for this. Just fooling around with strangers...that's so not you."
"I know..." Chris stated coldly.
"It's just so hard...it's not that I'm not trying to find someone...but how am I supposed to do that when most guys are so turned off by me as soon as they see me or hear me talk for the first time? I do everything I can really...I work out, I try to tan but it just never works.", his voice started shaking, trembling like his body did. Darren could see tears welling up in his eyes.
"Hey...", Darren put his arm around him, trying his best to comfort Chris's broken Frame.
Chris was openly crying against his neck now, he could feel warm wetness on his skin and had to hold back so he wouldn't just cry with him right away.
He felt so deeply sorry for his friend.
He wanted to let him know how special he was, how beautiful, charismatic and that he didn't need a low voice, a muscular body or a tan to find love.
"I love you Chris.", he whispered into his ear.
Chris was still shaken by his tears, all the emotions and pain he always tried to keep inside were openly flowing out of his fragile form.
Darren had never seen him so broken before, so hurt and it shattered his heart into a thousand pieces.
"I l-love you t-too.", Chris sobbed into the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be...it's ok, just let it all out.", Darren tried to comfort him.
Chris pulled away, his cheeks red from his salty tears, eyes bloodshot and wet, glistening in the dimmed light of his apartment.
"Sorry...I didn't mean to soak you.", he tried to smile a bit, sitting up, sniffling and clearing his throat.
"It's fine...I can live with that.", Darren grinned at him.
"Why can't you just be gay?", Chris asked, laughing softly, pressing his head into Darren's shoulder.
"Know what? That's what I'm asking myself all the time. Believe me if I was gay...we soo totally would be boyfriends.", Darren put a soft kiss on Chris's temple.
They laughed, Darren laid his arm around Chris, listening to his breathing slowly becoming normal and less erratic again.
Chris just stared out of the window in front of him, out into the dark.
Darren shifted his body.
"Promise me something?", he asked, looking down at Chris, trying to find his blue orbs.
"Sure.", he breathed.
"Don't throw yourself away just like that...it's no good. Sure sex is fun but...you shouldn't let yourself be used like that. Your heart won't be able to bear it forever and it will slowly eat you up, inside out.", Darren mumbled, his voice thick with sleep and alcohol.
Chris kept staring for a few seconds, never turning his head.
After some minutes he faced Darren.
"I know Darren...I know...", he was silent for another few minutes.
"Thank you.", he stated.
"What for?"
"For being there for me...you know...if you weren't there to comfort me I don't know if I could stand all this shit. Just work on stopping being straight and you're perfect.", Chris laughed and Darren punched him in the shoulder playfully.
"Haha...I'll try.", he winked, before pulling Chris into a gentle hug.
"Just remember...you're special and you do matter."
"Ok.", Chris whispered, wiping away some of the wetness on his cheeks.
"I think I'll go now.", Darren said, slowly getting up.
Chris got up as well, hugging his best friend goodbye.
He was standing in the door, watching Darren leave, when he turned around again.
"Keep that all in mind boy!", he said warningly, and beamed at him one last time before heading out to the street.
Chris closed the door.
He stood alone in his empty, way too big apartment.
His heart was wrenching and there were more tears forming in his eyes.
He shook his head as if he wanted to shake off his sadness but it didn't work.
Chris let himself fall on his couch again, grabbing the bottle of wine, drinking.
He could still smell Darren's cologne and he could still feel his soft touch.
"What the hell, I'm drunk...that's probably the only reason I notice this.", he thought to himself, laying down on the couch, his nose buried in the fabric, breathing in the other man's scent.
"It will all be gone tomorrow.", he thought to himself before drifting into a deep sleep.