Author's Note: This is really just my secondary story so I'm not sure how often this will be updated, but I'll try my best. Just a warning- all of this is complete nonsense and is not intended to make much sense canon wise. I don't own anything about this story except the rather ridiculous situations I am putting these characters in.

Please Enjoy

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"…So then I said to her," there was a little chuckle, "I said, Bellatrix darling, that man was a muggle!" There was a loud laugh, "Oh Nagini you silly snake! Whatever am I going to do with you?"

Draco always felt uncomfortable around the dark lord, but it was particularly bad when he was having his special snake time.

Draco was sure the snake didn't like him, and the feeling was quite mutual. Nagini always made him feel uncomfortable because he knew that it would talk about him behind his back in parseltongue. It was probably all 'oh master do you know what Draco did today?' and then the dark lord would naturally inquire and then the giant ruddy snake would probably say tell the dark lord about how he snores or how he tends to sing those damn catchy muggle songs in the shower and Voldemort would laugh. God it was worse than going into a muggle shop!

"Who's a good snake?" the normally creepy voice was nothing short of adoring, "You are! Yes you are!"

It's not a bloody dog! It's a snake, a god damn snake!

Draco tried to compose himself. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door to the guest room of Malfoy manor.

"Come in Draco," the voice was all creepy and dark-lordy again. Draco opened the door and walked into the room. Voldemort was sitting in the armchair by the fire with the bloody snake lying half on his lap. He was stroking the great reptile idly.

"Did you remember to cut the crusts off this time?" the dark lord despised crusts on his tuna sandwiches; it completely threw off the bread to fish ratio.

"Of course, my lord." Draco said really hoping that this wasn't going to be one of the days where good old Voldey would want to chat. Chatting with the dark lord was always uncomfortable. "Where would you like me to put this?"

"You can just put that down here," the almost man motioned to the table beside his chair.

Draco obeyed and put the plate he was carrying down. "Anything else I can get for you, my lord?" He bowed his head slightly.

"Did your elves remember to buy more pumpkin juice this time?" Voldemort asked.

"Yes my lord, would you like me to get you some?" Draco felt like a servant. Why on earth did he have to do this? They had house elves for this! He was the heir to Malfoys for merlin's sake, he shouldn't be fetching drinks for anyone.

"No you can just send an elf up." The man picked up the sandwich in one hand while petting Nagini with the other.

"Yes my lord." Draco bowed and headed for the door.

"Oh and Draco,"

Oh shit!

"Yes my lord?" the boy turned to the dark lord.

"You don't need to always call me 'my lord', we live together now. You may call me Lord Voldemort if you wish."

"Yes, of course m- Lord Voldemort. I am honored." He bowed again and made a hasty retreat. He had a feeling this was going to be the longest summer of his life…