It was close to noon and the bar was mostly empty except for a few families and a single man at the bar. Dean was dressed in his fed suit and had stopped for a quick drink between interviews with family and friends for the case he was working. Sam was back at the bunker with Cas so he had taken the case alone hoping to keep his mind off his graceless angel back home. Ever since Cas had fallen he had been struggling with everything. Sleeping was a huge problem since never before had he ever felt the need. Dean had spent more nights recently than he was willing to admit, staying on the couch with the TV on so he could be just conscious enough to react if Cas called from where he was supposed to be sleeping in Deans room.
Dean was pretty sure that Cas would be able to sleep easier if he didn't match Dean's every drink with a Redbull of his own. Cas would cry and drink can after can claiming that it was supposed to give him wings. Not even Sam had the heart to tell him he needed to stop. So it continued and Dean lost more sleep than usual trying to keep Cas in bed, hoping that it would be the night he wouldn't wake. He knew Sam would be more than willing to stay up instead but every time he offered Dean would shoot him down, claiming he had research he needed to do anyways.
"You need another?" The blonde barkeeper had been worried about him from the moment he sat down. He must have looked like a train wreck in a suit with the dark circles finally becoming visible beneath his eyes.
"I shouldn't, I need to be able to drive," He smiled at her before finishing off the last of the bottle.
"So whats with the mid-day drinks? Not often anyone without there set of problems drinks before five or six at least." He smiled again pushing the bottle to the side so he could rest his arm on the counter. There wasn't really anyone else to help so he probably seemed like the most interesting case in the room.
"A uh, friend of mine has been staying with me and he hasn't been doing to well." Dean said with a little chuckle thinking of how simple it sounded.
"Is he sick?" she asked pausing as if asking might upset him.
"Not exactly." He said deciding maybe another beer wouldn't be such a bad thing. Although he really did need to get to the local police station. The best lead he had gotten was that the three victims had been friends until a fight about a month ago.
"So good friend? or it it that their more of a nuisance," she asked wiping the counter, occasionally looking up to see if the other customers seemed satisfied.
Dean wasn't really sure how to answer the question. Of course Cas wasn't a nuisance. His entire relationship with Cas seemed to be complicated. There was nothing between them. Nothing more than a great friendship. But Cas meant everything to Dean, even that year with Lisa and Ben didn't seem to mean as much as every moment with Cas. He was almost glad when she had to go get the bill for one of the families. It gave him an excuse to slip out and finish the job. Leaving some cash tucked beneath the glass bottle he left unnoticed, sliding into the drivers seat of the impala feeling more exhausted than when he had gone in.
Maybe leaving had been an over reaction but he really did need to get back to the job, he convinced himself to make up for leaving the beautiful blonde without a goodbye. He hadn't expected to talk about Cas, even though it seemed like exactly the kind of thing that would come up. It was no question that Cas was the reason Dean hadn't slept in days, but really he didn't mind that much. Talking about it was the real pain. Having pain and acknowledging it were two different things. It shouldn't really bother him as much as it did. He had gone through so much pain that somehow something as small as a crying angel shouldn't bother him as much as it did but it seemed to be the most pain he could imagine. The only thing worse could be losing him.
Maybe calling Sam would help. He could ask about Cas and get some info for the case at the same time. Sitting back in the cool leather of his baby he got out his current phone and dialed the number he knew would reach Sam. After just one all-to-long ring the familiar voice of his little brother sounded on the other end, accompanied by the sound of Cas in the background asking who was on the phone. Just the sound of the two voices safe at home made him feel better.
"Hey Sammy, can you check for any missing persons reports for around the 28th of last month?" Dean asked adjusting the phone at his ear.
"Sure thing, give me a second." He could faintly hear the click of the keys on the computer as Sam searched for what he had asked. Cas seemed to be saying something to Sam in the background but Dean couldn't decipher what it was. "Uh yeah there was a girl about the same age as the victims, report was filed the 27th. Body found in the river less than a week later. A Sally Evans, buried in the town cemetery,"
"Alright I should be back in couple hours. Why don't you two go out for burgers and I'll be back when I can," Sam agreed and his goodbye was echoed by the softer sound of Cas, obviously shouting from across the room. Dean smiled and hung up the phone, turning the car around to be on his way to the cemetery.
Digging by himself was not something he was used to and he almost felt bad for so often making Sam do it all. The fact that an angry spirit was on his ass for digging her grave only added to the difficulty, but once it was done he felt better. Knowing he had saved lives was what he lived for. Sure the rush was nice but without the reward at the end it would make getting up in the morning a hell of a lot harder. Looking at the clock on his phone to see it wasn't to late he almost turned in the opposite direction as the bunker to see if he couldn't get a night with the bar keeper who was talking to him earlier. Somehow the thought of going home to Cas and Sam won the war in his mind.
"Sam? Cas?" Dean called into the dark study of the bunker. He knew there was someone here because he could hear someone coming down the halls. Not until the lights came on did he see it was Sam.
"Dude, what are you doing back so early? Shouldn't you be at a bar or some chicks house or something?" Sam said in a half serious tone. Even standing in his pajamas he looked less tired than Dean probably did.
"Shut up," he muttered coming down the stairs to sit at the desk that was there. Putting his feet up on the table, hanging his jacket across the back of the chair beside him. "Where's Cas?" Dean asked realizing he didn't hear anyone else in the bunker.
"Right where I expected you would be," Sam said from across the table from Dean looking a lot less at home with his hands folded in front of him. "When he wouldn't shut up I gave him some gum and this girl thought it was the cutest thing," He laughed recalling what a sight it was Castiel only half understanding that he was being flirted with until she had offered to take him home.
Dean though felt almost angry. Cas wasn't supposed to be out with some girl. He was supposed to be here with Dean drinking Redbull and not sleeping. No matter how selfish it sounded he couldn't help that it was the first think he thought. After days of caring for Cas he couldn't just leave. Sam didn't seem to notice that Dean's face looked as if he had just failed a hunt. He felt as if he had been hit by an unseen blow to the gut. The air in his lungs was gone and he didn't even know why. He should have seen this coming for some time now.
"You just let him go? Your sure he's okay?" He didn't sound as angry as he had hoped he would. His voice almost broke in the middle. This was so unlike him. He felt empty, like when he spoke to Lisa and Ben after Cas wiped their memories. But this was nothing like that. Cas would be home in the morning and everything would be back to how it was. He couldn't think of any reason it should feel like this.
Actually he could think of a reason but that couldn't be it. He was absolutely not in love with Cas. That was impossible. Dean wasnt like that. He didn't have a problem with people who were but that just wasnt him. He liked women. In fact he loved women. Cas could not be an exception to that.
"Of course he's fine, you've done it how many times?" Sam was starting to see through the barrier Dean had tried to keep up. "Dude, is something wrong?" Sam asked, concern ringing through his voice.
"Of course something is wrong!" he tried hard not to shout dropping his face into his hands he sighed. "It's just been a long day okay," He should probably go to bed, maybe a nice long sleep would clear his head. Clear Cas from his head. He could not be in love with Cas. There was no possible way he was in love with Cas. He did not love Cas. Sam had quieted down, leaving Dean to that single thought floating through his head. You'd think it wouldn't be as hard to be convincing when the only person you had to convince was yourself. Right now was when he needed that drink.
"Honestly Dean, you look like you've seen a ghost," Sam couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Dean would probably look a lot better if he had seen a ghost, in fact he would probably be excited compared to his current state of sleep deprived depression he seemed to be in. He was almost surprised when Dean didn't laugh at the stupid joke, or say anything at all. "Have you seen a ghost?" He joked trying to cheer up his older brother.
Dean was silent for a moment, his mind all at once whirring to a stop. The thought set in, quickly spreading through the entirety. It was as if a switch had gone off. It was not at all idea he had been hoping for but thinking it through it really explained everything. He felt almost sick with it like years of feelings hit him like a brick wall all at once.
He scanned up, seeing that Sam was looking at him like he was crazy. Hell, he felt crazy. Even he had a hard time following everything he was feeling. Sam looked so utterly lost, it had to be such a rare emotion for the ex-college boy who always seemed to have some sort of lead.
"What is going on with you?" He asked his chin now resting on his propped up hand.
"Nothing... Long day," Dean said realizing that his mind really was made up. There was no reconsidering. One thing was for sure though, he couldn't say anything to Cas. Everyone he loved left him or died, even Sam had left a few times. He couldn't risk anything happening to Cas. Luckily sucking it up and dealing was something he dealt with on a regular basis.
"How long has he been gone?" Dean asked not looking up.
"Maybe an hour?" Sam answered, wondering why that of all things, was what Dean was thinking.
"Then knowing Cas he'll be calling soon," Dean took out his phone faster than Sam could reply, hoping that by some miracle Cas would call soon.
"Why are you suddenly so obsessed with Cas?" Sam asked slightly amused "I'm sure he's fine without us for one night,"
"But what if I'm not fine without him.." Dean muttered under his breath, green eyes glued to the screen of his current phone. He wasn't sure if Sam had heard him but he didn't care. Not while Cas was out with some woman.
"Dude are you... In love with Cas?" Sam asked a teasing smile creeping onto his face faster than Dean could shoot him down.
"No. Well... Shut up!" Dean kept his eyes on the phone, trying to avoid what he expected to be Sam's hilariously amused face. Sam couldn't stop himself from laughing. He had kind of been expecting this for a while but the amusement having it confirmed was only matched by Deans embarrassed flush.
"So you love Cas," Sam chuckled, repeating the fact as Dean just ignored him.