She killed him. Stabbed him with a knife and pierced it right through his heart. She killed him, and yet she felt nothing.
Why?
Was there not something sad about having to kill another human being? About having to kill some innocent person, probably forced to have participated in this war? A man who had to help relay information to the Earl, infiltrating the Order as a finder and double-agent, unable to choose death like many other people?
She didn't know. All she felt was nothing. She killed him that way, too. Like it was nothing.
But the thing is, it was something. Something unheard of. Something unexpected. Something that was not... not her. Not Lenalee.
This isn't me, she thought, contemplating her past sin on the edge of her bed, in her room.
I mean, I don't even know why I did it. And afterwards, everyone was just so... surprised. Afraid.
Angry.
She remembered when she had first caught the culprit betraying the Order - no, the family. Anger had suddenly welled and risen up within her like a boiling, bubbling volcano, unable to be controlled as she launched herself at his retreating form slipping down the spiral staircase. She had knocked him right on the head, and with a knife in hand the man tried to defend himself but it was of no use. Even the thought of him trying to kill someone in her family increased her rage, and she kicked it away as he lay there sprawled on the stone steps, watching with mortified eyes in fear of death.
Nobody else was there but the two of them, the other exorcists as well as her brother having been too slow to arrive before her.
Lenalee then turned to the knife, and stepping on the man's body she picked it up, looking at her own reflection within its sharp blade. She looked back at the traitor, and his shaking body and fearful eyes made her think it's your fault. Don't ask for mercy, don't look at me with those pitiful eyes because they don't deserve pity. It made her think the unthinkable.
Then she stabbed him.
She watched as his blood began to trickle down the steps, his eyes now lifeless and his chest not breathing.
That was when Allen had arrived. He had gasped, surprised, calling the girl's attention to him and she forced herself to face him. His face looked mortified, and with anger and rage painted on it he grabbed the girl's shoulders and pinned her to the wall.
"Why, Lenalee? Why?!" His shouts echoed through the halls, and shortly after the other members of the chase came to help. Then they saw the blood, the knife and Allen and Lenalee, and the look on the boy's face said everything.
And Komui?
Komui didn't say a word. He didn't even try to deny that Lenalee might have done this, and without any form of expression whatsoever he walked away. The others watched in silence, letting Allen's emotions take the place of their words.
Again he shoved her body to the wall. "Why, Lenalee?! Answer me!" He practically screamed, and with each word the girl felt its thunder rolling across her skin.
She refused to say a word.
"Fine," Allen said quietly, and let go. Then he walked away, briskly climbing back up the steps and heading to his room.
After that, they didn't talk. Not for a week. Not for a month. Not until half a year passed and even in the cafeteria each time they passed the boy simply ignored her, and she didn't mind.
That was what scared her most, really. That she didn't seem to mind, both her actions as well as Allen's distance. But what could she do? She wanted to apologize, and yet somehow she didn't, which should've made her feel worse when it only served to fuel the fire.
If Allen didn't want to speak to her that was fine, and she would fight it. He didn't have a right to know why.
And for the thousandth time again she cried into her pillow at the thought. Tears brimming into her eyes after having just dissipated. She didn't know what was happening to her. She was changing, and it was scary. So scary. The person she was becoming was frightening. Very much so.
Why did she do that? Why does she think these things? Why? Allen's voice rang in her mind clearer than any noise she's ever heard. Why? Why?
Then she was silent.
And in that silence of her mind came a voice:
Because it felt good.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
So this is another story that's been on my phone for a while (not too long, but anyway), and I thought I might as well post it. I kind of liked the idea of Lenalee possibly having a Noah inside of her instead of Allen (or maybe they both do, still thinking about that). So yeah. As always, thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed.
- animellow