Once upon a time, there lived a man. A Blond Manly… well Elf to be exact, but for the sake of the argument we shall henceforth refer to all things Male and Manly as Men.
This Blond Manly Man, who was coincidentally King of Is-this-even-a-forest-i-thought-it-was-hell, was about as Manly as any Clean Shaven, Unscruffy Man possibly could be, and was regarded quite a catch amongst his kind, where Manly Men were hard to come by. Luckily for his Deliciously Feminine Wife, she came by him. She came by him nice and good. Also, any vague sense of indecent innuendo you may have spotted in the last sentence is all in your head, of course.
One day, after Blond Manly Man's wife came once more, into the house from outside where she was enjoying the anti-sun while avoiding pesky Giant Radioactive Spiders, she announced that she was pregnant. Nine months later, the Deliciously Feminine Wife bore a Delicate Baby Boy into the world, a boy who had his father's Blond Hair, and his mother's Figure.
As the Delicate Baby Boy grew older, his beauty and splendour grew with him, until it came to the point where he was the prettiest being in the land. His Deliciously Feminine Mother, who was formerly the most Feminine Female around, soon grew angry that her son had usurped her of her title, and in the fashion of all significant wives in these times, died, or sailed away in a huff, or was otherwise somehow a non-participant in her son's life. Leaving Blond Sissy Man (for a Boy he was no longer), to decide on his own how he should be raised, what with his Blond Manly Father too busy flexing at himself in the mirror to help out.
In retrospect, Blond Manly Man realised that he should not have allowed Blond Sissy Man to relocate into his mother's quarters – or that he should have at least gotten rid of her dresses.
"Son!" He bellowed into his Dank Underground Lair – I mean, City – one afternoon, voice echoing majestically as he posed just-so to catch what little light the Deadly Forrest he lived within felt kind enough to filter. "Come hither to your king! Haste! Haste! I have the gravest of subjects to discuss with thou!"
Blond Sissy Man ca- …arrived by his father's side in a flutter.
"Oh pappa! Whatever is it?" Blond Sissy Man asked breathlessly, "I was just enjoying the-"
"Listen," Blond Manly Man snapped, glaring down at his effeminate son. "I'm going to send you on a journey. With lots of men. Big, buff men. Men who will teach you How To Be Manly, as you travel day and night, eating, talking, sleeping together. And you will not return until you've spent a good, long time with them! Do I make myself clear?"
Blond Sissy Man's eyes lit up, and a broad grin settled upon his soft red lips. "Oh, yes, pappa! Whatever you say!"
Blonde Manly Man nodded with approval, safe in the knowledge that his son would soon Man Up, and turned back to his mirror. Surely things would resolve themselves now.
The End.