Waiting for Winter
A Word: First day of the 12 Days of JayTim. The theme was snow.
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Jason used to dread the winter.
Because winter was cold and wet and isolating. It soaked in through his too thin clothes, and found the holes in his shoes. It made him shiver and cough and want to sleep the months away. It made him stay inside and watch the slow downward slide of his once vibrant mother. It meant hanging around with the people she called friends. With their gaunt faces and hollow eyes that looked greedily for anything they could take.
It meant snow.
Fat flakes of cold that turned black on the ground until enough built up to bury the dirt of the city. Leaving the streets deceptively pure and white looking. Until feet dragged through it. Breaking it up and mashing it down with the black sludge it had covered so briefly. Turning it all into a cold and wet mess of gray. A mass that hid potholes and black ice until your feet found them. That swallowed up the loose change Jason scrounged for to get a little more food for the two of them.
It was a miserable run of months that made people walk faster, made them meaner. It sapped the energy of everyone and depleted the food and money he'd been hoarding away from the ever changing crowd that shot up with his mom. That only went away when she was gone in the cloud of her own mind. Leaving him talking to the back of her head more and more often.
Talking to her unconscious body. Hearing his own voice and slowly forgetting hers. Her laughter, her teasing, her words. The flash of her eyes and the way she'd move. It all faded under the deceptive weight of the thin woman passed out on the floor. The bundle of sticks that wandered in a hungry daze, and was increasingly harder for Jason to connect to the woman he used to see. Winter made Jason look and see. Made him question if she really was the same person, if it really mattered if he-
Jason never once let himself finish those kinds of thoughts.
Winter meant dark thoughts that scared Jason out into the cold. Up on the roof or out on the streets. Shivering and wet as he forced himself to walk until all the wrong and bad thoughts left him. Until he could take being shut up inside the apartment once again.
He used to dread winter.
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Tim used to dread the winter.
It was a cold and wet time of the year that meant he couldn't get away with nearly half the things he normally would, because his caretakers were always more vigilant when the weather turned cold. They always saw the tracks he left in the snow late at night, they always insisted on taking him when he just wanted to see a friend down the road, and would get worried if he was more than a few minutes late in any of his routines. Winter meant that people pad attention to him, and Tim felt stiffled under the constant watch.
Winter also meant holidays. A dizzying series of Events that everyone had to attend. Which meant his parents were home. Winter was the longest stretch of time Jack and Janet Drake ever spent in Gotham out of the entire year, and Tim dreaded it even as he loved it.
Christmas cheer would fill the silent home as Janet arranged for decorations, and Jack brought in friends to see his newest find. Rooms that were rarely used were lit up and filled with lights. Laughter and dancing. Tim would watch it all, dazed at the show of life, from between his parents. Would hold his mother's hand and bask in the way his father would ruffle his hair whenever someone remarked how big Tim had grown.
The beginning of December was the happiest time of the year for Tim, and even as he smiled so hard it hurt his face he dreaded it.
The lights and smiles and laughter never lasted long. A few weeks at most before his mother stopped smiling, and his father started looking strained. Before her feet started tapping in impatience at the smallest things, and his fingers twitched towards his tools and the front door. A tension always rose that Tim could feel when his parents were in Gotham too long. One he couldn't understand.
They itched to get away.
Appearances had to be maintained though, and the Drakes stayed to go to every ball and gala on offer. To laugh and smile for the city. To bring Tim into brightly lit rooms and pretend, for a month, that they wanted to be there. The tension would build at home though and it was never long before they turned on each other. Like the feral dogs Tim had once seen fight over some food that had spilled from a dumpster one night when he was tracking Batman.
It was all teeth and words that tore and hurt -never physical though, and Tim thought that was somehow worse- while Tim sat in the shadows of the door they'd shut to keep him out and listened in. Wondering why they were always happier when they were away. When they left him behind. One plus one makes two, Tim always thought as he listened and felt his eyes burn.
He used to dread the winter.
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Jason opens his eyes to a light that's too bright and rolls over to squint at the window. Tim's standing there in a pair of sweats too loose to be his. Holding the blackout curtains open and peering out the window with a detached expression on his face. The one he gets when he's surprised by something.
"The fuck are you doing up?" Jason grits out as he catches sight of the time. It's only nine and three hours isn't even a nap. Jason kicks at the sheets tangled around his legs until they're mostly straight enough to be pulled up around them both. "Get back in bed."
Tim stares for a moment longer before letting the curtain fall closed. Jason blinks in the sudden darkness. His eyes not adjusting well from the bright light. He can hear Tim shuffling across the floor though before the bed dips under the man's weight. Jason reaches out and hauls him in under the sheets and gropes for the thicker blanket he'd teased Tim for right up until the temperature started dropping.
"It's snowing," Tim says as he slots into place against Jason's side. his nose is cold against Jason's neck, but his breath tickles hot against his skin. Tim lets himself get wrapped up in the blanket and Jason's arms with a content sigh.
"No shit," Jason says. The weather had been calling for it all week so he's not surprised. He's more interested in the way Tim feels against him. In the way just having him close makes the bed a lot warmer than it was a few minutes ago. Comfortable enough to fall back asleep for the rest of the day.
"Hm, winter," Tim hums and yawns right against Jason's neck. Jason shuts his eyes and listens to the noises Tim always makes just before falling asleep. The half said conversations he keeps pushing for even though he makes no sense and won't remember it in the evening. "With the balls and dogs. I used to..."
What Tim used to do or not do fades away with a soft exhale and Jason grins into his hair. Presses a kiss to the sleeping man's head and follows him down. Winter's just another season for them to deal with. No better and no worse than any other. Not anymore.
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