In Dreams

Written by J. M. Powell

He was very young, and he was very cold. The frigid winds mockingly whistled in his ears as he stumbled barefooted through painful snows, searching a lifeless world for what he knew would be a lifeless being. Sand or grass or snow, the outcome was always the same… but that didn't stop him from searching. Some inner torment compelled him forth like a slave master's whip, bitingly driving him toward an inevitable defeat.

His mind and heart and very soul collaborated together to torture him while never allowing him to stop. He did not harbor the strength to resist their deceptive offers of fate bearing a different outcome this time around, though he knew it to be a lie. He could not forsake the non-existent chance that it wasn't.

"Padawan…"

The call was faint, but the boy ran to it as if it was the hand of hope drawing him from the recesses of bottomless despair. "I'm coming, Master!" he gasped, almost pleadingly in his desperation to reach his mentor. "Don't go!"

"Padawan…"

It was fainter this time and the boy ran faster, his frozen feet cramping in protest. The snow thickened with each footfall as if it was alive and fighting to weigh him down; as if the world itself hungrily awaited and aided in his defeat. "Don't go!" he begged as he ran, a prone silhouette coming into his view. "Please don't leave me!"

"Padawan…"

"Here I am!" The boy tore through the final length of distance separating him from his mentor, falling at last as the snow clutched his shins with hands of ice. He crawled desperately toward the fading silhouette, his own voice raspy and choked as he screamed, "Please don't leave me again! Master, I'm here, I'm here to save you!"

"Padawan…"

This wasn't supposed to happen yet. It wasn't fair! He was still a child! The boy screamed furiously as he threw snow away from him, the air white with swirling matter as he ripped it from the earth in his agonized rage. He at last reached his mentor's side and breathed deeply as he grabbed his robe, eager to look upon his face once more.

The robe was empty.

The boy forlornly dropped it and stumbled back as if in a stupor, gazing broken-heartedly upon the void garment. It suddenly erupted into flame, crackling orange and red amongst the white of the snow.

A lone tear trickled heavily down Obi-Wan Kenobi's cheek, freezing before it reached his chin. From a distance, he heard himself crying.

It was not his own sobs that reached his ears, however. Obi-Wan's eyes sprang open, fixing upon the cooling unit that hummed lazily overhead as sleep left him. "I'm coming, Anakin," he called as he hurriedly moved to his feet and threw a night robe over his body. He nearly ran down the small corridor in his concern to reach his distressed Padawan. "What's wrong?" the young Jedi Knight questioned as he entered the boy's bedroom. "Are you alright?"

Anakin gave no response aside from sobbing even harder, his small body quivering beneath the tawny coverlets. "Anakin…" Obi-Wan began as he crossed to the center of the dark room and sat on the edge of the child's bed, grasping his shoulder in a strong hand and turning him over to face him. It was then that he realized that Anakin wasn't even awake-- the child was crying in his sleep, his face crumpled with despair as a pitiful whimper escaped him.

Obi-Wan gently lifted the boy halfway off of the bed, pulling him into what he hoped was a comforting embrace. "Wake up, Anakin," he advised quietly. "Come out of your nightmare."

"Mom," the child instinctively whimpered as he woke, clutching desperately at his guardian's robe. Obi-Wan awkwardly brushed his large hand over the boy's flaxen hair. "I'm… I'm here, Anakin," he offered, knowing that it wasn't nearly as consoling as the presence of one's mother.

Anakin took a few deep, shuddering breaths, leaning heavily against Obi-Wan's chest. He slowly gazed up at the man, his cheeks coloring as he angrily swiped tears from his wet face. "I'm sorry, Master," he quickly apologized. "I just… I was dreaming…"

"There's nothing to apologize for, Anakin," Obi-Wan interrupted him, cringing at the title that the child respectfully addressed him with. Was he even really a Jedi Knight yet? "Everyone has nightmares." I would know.

"Jedi too?" Anakin's eyes implored him curiously. He was prodding, Obi-Wan knew, as always the boy did.

"Some Jedi," the Knight answered evasively.

"How about you?" Well, to the winds with subtleties. Anakin had little patience for them anyway. He watched his mentor's face eagerly.

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes in disapproval. "That is not your concern, Padawan," he chided, though it was without true reprimand. It was rather hard to act stern after having just relieved a child of a nightmare.

Anakin was far from abashed by his guardian's scolding. "But I'm concerned about it," he insisted. "I want to know."

Obi-Wan sighed defeatedly. "Yes, Anakin, I have nightmares," he admitted in an exasperated tone. "Are you appeased?"

"No," Anakin frankly replied. "What kind of nightmares?"

"None that are your concern," Obi-Wan repeatedly tersely. He stood and eased Anakin back onto the pillow. "Go back to sleep." The young Knight turned away, hurrying toward the door lest Anakin persist any further.

His feet simply were not as quick as the inquisitiveness of a child's mind. "Is it the nightmares that make you talk in your sleep?"

Obi-Wan froze momentarily in the doorway, not turning to face the boy. "I talk in my sleep?" he repeated incredulously. He glanced over his shoulder to see Anakin nodding, and not without the traces of a concealed grin.

"I haven't told anyone about it… yet," Anakin added innocently, though there was a threatening manner in which he stressed the last word. Obi-Wan walked back to the center of the room, appalled at how quickly Anakin could go from teary-eyed innocence to invasive mischief. The Jedi Knight folded his arms as he towered over the boy, every indication of disapproval sketched across his stern face.

Anakin slapped a hand over his mouth as a decidedly unintimidated snicker escaped him.

"What do I say?" Obi-Wan demanded, realizing that the silent-pillar-of-authority approach would be of no assistance with Anakin Skywalker.

Anakin's expression suddenly grew gentle, even tentative. "Not much," he admitted softly. "You talk about Master Qui-Gon a lot, though."

Obi-Wan uncomfortably glanced at his own bare feet. "Oh," he replied dully. He was a Jedi Knight, and a child was reducing him to one-syllable-speech? And yet, he could think of nothing to say.

"Do you dream about him?" Anakin quietly pressed after a moment of silence. As Obi-Wan glanced upon him with a scowl, the boy quickly added, "Mom always told me that a dream will come true if you keep it a secret. So I figure, its good to talk about the bad ones so they can't ever become real, right?"

Obi-Wan smiled wanly at the innocent perception. "That's one way to look at it," he indulged. "Yes, I do dream about Master Qui-Gon." His looked away and his voice was quiet, as if he were afraid to speak the words aloud. There is no fear, he reminded himself. At least, not for me.

"I dreamed about him once," Anakin offered. Obi-Wan turned back to the boy, prepared to console him, but was surprised to find that Anakin was smiling. "We were sitting on a log in the middle of a forest, watching something burn, though I couldn't see what it was." Anakin paused to take care of a pesky itch on his nose before continuing. "Master Qui-Gon told me that some things in life don't make sense and don't seem fair, but that the Force balances everything out in the end. I'm not sure what he meant, but I felt safe with him."

Obi-Wan gazed steadily upon Anakin for a silent moment, not sure of what to say. Helpfully, Anakin took his turn. "What do you dream about him?"

"I dream that I am searching for him," Obi-Wan quietly relayed. "And that I never can find him."

Anakin scrunched his nose in consideration. "Maybe you should stay where you are next time," he finally suggested. "Mom always told me that, if I ever got lost in the marketplace, to stand in one spot and let her find me."

Obi-Wan allowed himself to smile, touched by Anakin's innocent sincerity. "Thank you, Padawan," he whispered as he ran his palm over the side of the boy's head. "I'll do that next time I find myself in a dream."

"I'm sure he'll find you," Anakin assured his mentor as Obi-Wan tucked him back into bed. "I wandered off from Mom a lot, but she always found me. Parents are good at stuff like that," he commented through a yawn as he closed his eyes, drifting back into slumber.

Obi-Wan gently shut Anakin's bedroom door and paced the corridor into his own room, considering what had just transpired. Had he not rushed to his young companion to comfort the crying boy? Anakin had never even divulged in Obi-Wan whatever nightmare had disturbed his young mind. Instead, the little Padawan had unknowingly consoled his Jedi Master. Obi-Wan smiled wistfully as he reached his bed and reclined against his pillow.

Again he dreamed about the slain Master Qui-Gon Jinn. For the first time in countless nights it did not bring the young Jedi distress, but instead a deep and settling peace.