Harry Potter and the Olympic Peninsula
By: Blarglesnorf
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did you would be reading this in a published book and not on a Fan Fiction website.
Quick Note: I figured I would say this here instead of cluttering the summary. This is NOT SLASH. Shocking, I know but I'm afraid if you want to see Harry bouncing up and down on Edwards frozen meat popsicle you are going to have to go elsewhere. Fans of Edward/Bella will also be disappointed. Also worth noting is Harrys family status. He does not have a long lost twin. Bella is not his forgotten older/younger sister. Harry has no living relations, and no that doesn't mean he has undead ones.
If you don't like any of that or dislike anything else in my story, please feel free to leave a whiny review bitching about it and I'll happily laugh at you. There may also be some mocking.
Warnings: Swearing, violence, sex, drinking. This wont be a fic for kids.
Onwards!
Chapter 1 – With the throw of a dart.
Small apartment, outskirts of Manchester, England.
11:36am(GMT)
Sunlight fought it's way through the heavy curtains to dimly illuminate a small one room apartment littered with all manner of rubbish. Empty beer bottles, old take out cartons, ripped up news papers and unopened, half burnt letters poking out of a pile of ashes. Pushed up against one wall was a single decrepit bed holding an unshaven, unwashed and completely hungover young man by the name of Harry Potter.
A slight breeze blew through a jammed open window and shifted the curtain enough to let in a sliver of light directly into Harry's eyes, making him hiss and pull away sharply. With a curse he swung himself out of bed and stumbled over to the rusted sink, running the cold water and shoving his head under the cold spray before taking a few mouthfuls and throwing himself backwards onto the lone chair at the wonky table.
He looked at the paper on the table, the headline "Boy-Who-Won Still Missing 3 Months On!" filling half the front page. Scanning over some of the article at the bottom he grunted in disgust at the phrases that jumped out. 'Friends concerned', 'Minister vows to keep looking', 'Numerous unconfirmed sightings', 'Goblins confirm he's still alive', 'Dumbledore expresses disappointment in Mr Potter'.
While none of them pleased him, the last forced a growl from his throat and a harsh wave of his hand. The paper flew off the table and ripped it's self to shreds, littering the small room with the scattered remains of another Daily Prophet.
"Friends?" he croaked harshly, "Fucking traitors!" A grimy window pane cracked. "Minster 'Boot-licker' Weasley wants to keep looking? Useless brown-noser couldn't find his arse with a locator spell!" Several beer bottles crumbled to sand. "Goblins giving out information on their clients? What a shock!" What little paint that remained on the walls started flaking away. "Dumbledore is disappointed in me? GOOD!"
With his final shout the table collapsed, the remaining beer bottles exploded violently, three months worth of shredded newspaper caught light and the window exploded outwards. The chunk of plaster falling from the ceiling and bouncing off his head made Harry realise he probably needed to calm down and fix the mess he created before the entire apartment block burnt down.
"Not that this shithole burning down would be a bad thing." he muttered while unsheathing his wand and waving it at the flames, causing them to die almost instantly. Eleven inches of Holly swished once more and the window rebuilt it's self (dirt and grime included) and a third flick sent the head abusing chunk of plaster back into place in the ceiling.
A dull hooting brought his attention to the only other occupant of the room, his owl, Swift. Seeing the young Eagle Owl sent a painful twinge through his chest as he was once more reminded that Hedwig was no longer with him. Upon seeing he had his humans attention, Swift hopped along the pizza box strewn kitchen counter and dropped the brightly wrapped object he was carrying on the floor.
Harry grunted and made a 'come hither' motion, causing the package to fly into his hand. "Thanks Swift. Owl treats are..." Harry trailed off, looking around the depressing room. "...Somewhere. Help yourself."
Swift snapped his beak harshly and fluttered to the top of the doorless fridge where he happily dug into the owl treats. Harry unwrapped the package and smiled when an atlas fell out. He knew he could count on Xeno Lovegood to get what he wanted without fuss. With the skill of long practice he ignore the painful clenching of his heart as Luna's smiling face drifted past his minds eye.
Jabbing his wand at the atlas, he told his magic to pull out each individual page and hold them in the air separately and watched happily as it did so. A slight twisting of his wand made the pages dance around each other randomly and an application of willpower made them keep doing so until he told them to stop. A gesture of his non wand hand caused a food encrusted spoon to fly in front of his face where a spiralling slash of his wand made the metal flow as if liquid until a simple throwing dart hovered in mid air before his face.
Grabbing the dart and turning towards the floating atlas pages he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and threw the dart forward. Just before he heard the dart impact the wall behind the floating pages he felt a subtle flair of magic, causing him to jump to his feet, open his eyes, a second wand dropped down into his left palm and immediately encased him in a protective bubble of magic while his Holly wand started flicking around detection spells at a rate of three per second.
After several minutes scanning, a spell to enable him to see magical traces and a consultation with the wards around his current apartment, Harry could find nothing and slowly relaxed. He dispelled the bubble shield from around him and holstered his second wand, won from Dumbledore 6 months before Voldemorts defeat. After glancing around once more he shook his head and decided he imagined the magical flare.
"Getting worse than Mad-Eye." he muttered with a humourless chuckle.
Walking over to the atlas page currently being pinned above the rickety bed he flicked his wand at the rest, causing them to reassemble into a book which promptly dropped onto the slightly singed floor. Examining the dart pinning the remaining page to the wall he wondered for a half second if he actually did feel the slight flare of magic after all.
"That's either been magically aided or it's one hell of an odd occurrence." he muttered. Poking the page where the darts point cleanly entered the page directly through the 'O' of his soon to be new home.
He sighed slightly and wished he hadn't been quite so drunk when he made a magical oath a few days previously. Honestly, swearing to clean up, sober up and move to a new place where no one would know him probably wasn't the smartest thing he could have done. While it was true he could easily get around the oath by moving somewhere new where no one knew him then immediately coming back here to wallow in self pity and booze, he had decided it was probably a good thing to made a fresh start and quit wasting his life. A life given to him by the blood and lives of many of his friends.
Still, moving somewhere no one knew him meant he had to get out of England, but he had no problem with that. He was sick of his homeland and no longer felt like he had anything keeping him here. A decision made easier by the antics of the newly restored Ministry and Wizengamot. After the conclusion of the 'Second Uprising', moving to any country and staying openly magical was also out as, much to his intense displeasure, his was a household name the magical world over.
"Well Swift," he said softly, glancing up to where his new companion was gleefully stuffing his beak with owl treats, "I guess I better get us packed. Sooner we get out of this dump the better."
Swift hooted loudly and hopped up and down several times making Harry chuckle. He looked once more at the atlas page still pinned to the wall.
"Well Forks, Washington, USA, ready or not..."
~Several days later~
Somewhere between England and America, Atlantic Ocean.
16:22pm(GMT)
BOY-WHO-WON ABANDONS HOMELAND!
Article byDieter Purports
Shock, anger, fear, joy and indifference are just some of the feelings of the Witches and Wizards of Briton today after the shocking news that the Boy-Who-Won, Lord Harry James Potter, 6 times Order of Merlin recipient, defeater of You-Know-Who, 3 times winner of Witch Weeklys most charming smile award and the Magical Worlds most eligible bachelor is leaving the land of his birth for good!
Last night, shortly before the close of the Wizengamots bi-weekly session the missing Lord Potter apparated directly into the middle of the chamber (a feat long thought impossible) and demanded to be heard. After a lengthy shouting match between different members of the Wizengamot, during which the young hero stood silently, the members of the assembly were suddenly struck dumb by a silencing spell cast by Lord Potter. For those who don't know, it has long been impossible for anyone to cast any kind of magic inside the Wizengamot chambers. It seems no one bothered to tell the young Lord Potter this.
After silencing the assembled Lords and Ladies, Lord Potter proceeded to state in no uncertain terms that they could all go and "[vigorously fornicate] themselves" and he was "done dealing with their [Hippogriff manure]". He then told the assembly that he was leaving England and the Magical world and warned that anyone trying to locate him would be dealt with the same way he dealt with the former Dark Lords followers, that is to say, harshly.
Finishing his address with a two fingered salute to the head of the Wizengamot, Albus Dumbledore [See picture: Left], Lord Potter apparated out of the chamber and directly to the steps of Gringotts where he vanished inside. Witnesses conducting business inside the bank say he walked directly to the Head Teller and was quickly ushered into a private meeting room and was there for some hours. Unnamed sources inside the bank claim that Lord Potter withdrew all items and moneys from all vaults under his control despite protests from the Goblins. The Goblins of Gringotts refused to comment though from the anger this reporter saw in the eyes of the Goblin asked, it is quite possibly true.
Despite numerous attempts we were unable to contact Lord Potter and- cont. pg 2,3,4,5
"That picture is getting framed." Harry said with a grin as he watched Dumbledore's expression as his photo-self repeatedly 'saluted' him. He folded the paper up and tucked it into his bag before stretching, popping the joints in his back and shoulders with a satisfied groan.
He looked around his current position and smiled. He was unable to see anything for miles upon miles except rolling blue ocean and slowly darkening skies. Our young hero was currently floating on a large bouncy castle he had conjured somewhere near the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, laying on his back and resting after apparating just over two thousand miles towards America. Not wanting to leave a paper trail that could be followed, Harry had chosen not to travel via airplane or boat and lacked the skill to create portkeys that could travel more than a few hundred miles, though his portkeys were not able to be stopped by wards.
And so, the young Potter had decided to apparate across the Atlantic. Even given his very large magical ability he was unable to simply apparate from England to America, so instead he apparated himself roughly 2,000 miles towards his destination and 1,000 feet above the ocean. Slowing his decent with one hand, he conjured the afore mentioned bouncy castle and after slapping up a quick notice-me-not, settled down for a short rest.
Standing up and stretching once more he slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and fished around for a minute. Finding his prize, he took a large swig from a silver hip flask before belching out a large amount of steam. Harry looked westward towards his new, yet completely out of view home and gave a smile as he felt the Firewhiskey warm his body. Tucking away the flask he bounced several times on the castle, each time getting higher. As he reached the apex of his final jump, he waved his hand to dispel the castle and gave his body a slight twitch, vanishing with a barely heard pop.
~End Chapter~
A/N: Well here is my first foray into writing. Good? Bad? Ugly? Shoot me a review, let me know if I should bother with the next chapter. Questions you may have will be answered unless I'm keeping the answers for a reason or they will be revelled in the coming chapters. If you do ask a question, please make sure you have PM'ing turned on so I'm able to answer you.