30 November

Dear Man Journal,

I have finally come up with a name for you! Prepare yourself... Ralph!

Okay so maybe Quil thought of it but still. Anyway...

Dear Ralph,

So my day started pretty normal. Which means it sucked. I woke up to the nice sound that is... Leah screaming at me.

"Seth! Lazy ass, get up! SETH!" and it didn't end there. Oh no, she wouldn't just let me pull my pillow over my head. Instead, she decided to batter my door down, not that it makes a difference considering that no-one ever knocked, and shredded my covers, and pillow, just to get me out of bed. And do you know what she said?

"I told you not to use my razor!"

And then she stormed out, leaving my room like a freaking bomb site.

Thanks a lot sis.

And who even gives a shit that I may, or may not, have used her razor to shave a tiny bit of stubble?

And there may not have even been any stubble.

Stupid wolf genes. Stupid never growing up. Stupid razor.

So, all in all, Leah is a bitch. In all ways possible.

And now that my room was in ruins I wasn't exactly going back to sleep. And no way in hell did I plan on cleaning up. So I did what all people would have done in my position.

I phased into a massive ball of fur and jumped out the window.

Yeah, I know, I'm awesome.

And there were no voices in my head -except for Stew and Davey, but they're always there- which was no surprise since it was unbelievably early.

Stupid people who get to sleep in longer than me.

So it was just me, Stew and Davey.

Which is extremely lonely. And boring.

I decided to take a run over to the Cullen's place since they never slept.

"Hey Rose," I said when I got in.

"Seth, I have just learned to put up with dog smell, I'm not prepared for wet dog."

Needless to say, I stopped shaking the rain out of my hair.

"Seth!"

And that is why I love Alice. She is always so cheery, makes me feel welcome.

"Don't tell Jasper that."

"Hi Edward."

"Tell Jasper what?"

"Hi Jasper."

"That Seth loves Alice."

"Thanks Edward." Hint the sarcasm.

"Oh Seth you're so sweet!" Alice squealed.

And then I suddenly felt really emotional. And I wanted to cry. And a little tear may have slipped out.

"Oh, is wittle Sethy crying?" Jasper said in a really babyish voice.

Twat.

"Now, now Seth," Edward smirked.

Ass.

"You've got quite a temper," Edward was full out grinning now.

Watch out, that rock of a face might crack.

"I hate you guys!" I shrieked. Yes, shrieked. Like a hormonal teenage girl. "You especially!" I glared at Jasper and then stormed out as they all killed themselves laughing.

So, when I finally got back to La Push, I headed right on up to Quil's house. And guess who answered the door? Embry. Well who else would you expect to answer the door at Quil's house?

"Hey Embry. Have you moved in yet?"

"Very funny Seth. I stay in my house."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Occasionally."

"That's better." And then I walked in because if you wait to be invited inside you would be standing in the rain for a month.

And there Quil was, asleep on the couch.

"Did you steal his bed?" I asked Embry.

"No. I won the bet."

"Nice."

"Yeah."

And that was the genius that was, a conversation with Embry.

"Hey Quil, get up!" And I may have kicked him. Just a little bit.

Hey, in my defence, I didn't get the nicest wake up call this morning either.

"Go away Ralph!" Quil mumbled and then turned over in his sleep.

Ralph! What an awesome name!

"Who the hell is Ralph?" Embry asked.

Who the hell cares? You, man journal, have a name!

"I dunno." I shrugged.

And thus the name Ralph.

~*~

1 December

Dear Ralph,

Today was even crappier than yesterday.

Yes I know what you're thinking.

How can that even be possible? Well it is.

And you're lucky I can even write here. It is taking all my strength.

I have been through the wars today.

So I woke up and looked to my door. Which wasn't there. Do you know what was there?

Jake.

With the creepiest grin I have ever had the privilege to see spread across his face.

And I may have shrieked.

"Jake! What the hell are you doing?"

"You look cute when you sleep."

"I believe you're confusing me with Nessie. Now tell me the reason you are standing at my door, watching me sleep. And do I need to call the cops?"

"Shut up Seth!" Leah shouted. "I paid him."

And that is the sad life that my sister leads. Spending her money on getting some creep to watch me sleep.

It is unreal.

So anyway, I got up and grabbed a pair of cut-offs and a shirt that were, ever so elegantly, lying in a heap on my desk. Then I went into the bathroom to get changed since my room was lacking privacy of any sort.

"Hey Seth," Jake said as I went into the living room where Jake and Leah were fighting over the remote and eating an entire months worth of food. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"Hey Jake."

"What about me?" Leah, of course, had to-

I just adore my sister Leah!! She is the absolute best person to ever walk this Earth. I should bow down at her feet considering I am just a big, girly, shit-face and I-

Oh my God! Do you see what happens when I leave to go to the bathroom? Someone has to go into my completely communal bedroom and start writing in my diary. Leah!!

So as I was saying Leah was getting the attention on her so I said, "Leah, go die."

"Love you too, Sethy-poo!" Leah cooed. It just so happened to rhyme.

Yeah, like she hadn't been planning that for three days and then on the fourth day practising saying it and now, on the fifth day, she had finally got it off her chest.

"So Jake what are you doing here, well that is, other than eating my food?" You see? I have wit and humour. Not to mention my dashing good looks.

"Oh yeah, I came round to tell you that Brady called a pack meeting at sunset," Jacob said in his best James Bond voice.

"Sweet."

Whenever Brady calls a pack meeting fun is guaranteed.

Oh, how he reminds me of when I was younger. He's fifteen. Those were the days when I couldn't phase into the coolest thing ever. But who cares about that when I'm eighteen? Well, in a few months. But still! Okay back to Brady, he is like unbelievably fun. He comes up with the most random plans that some of the older, more mature (boring) wolves turn down. I never have, never will, turn down one of Brady's plans.

"I'm in."

Jeez, why did Leah have to ruin everything?

I'm nearly eighteen and she still hovers about everywhere like my babysitter.

"Seth, get off your high-horse. I'm in the pack so I'm invited. I couldn't care less what you do."

And that is why I love my sister.

"Okay, see you guys later."

And here I am. In my room, writing in my trusty guy journal. Ralph. Well, I'll write later. See ya.

Ltaer

Heggo Raphl!!

Thdt wds akainf ad ejddqaagf ed!!! Sie gere-

~*~

2 December

I think I am going to die.

My head hurts that much.

But I will write through the pain. So, Ralph, here is what happened yesterday.

At sunset we all met at Brady's house – his parents were out obviously.

Everyone that had any sense of humour was there. Obviously, Sam was ruled out. Kim wouldn't let Jared come after Brady's last 'meeting'.

But other than that everyone was there.

Embry was in his usual spot on the couch placing bets. Leah was smirking in the armchair, making Paul think she was teasing him. Quil and Jake were most likely discussing barbies and other little girl crap. Brady was upstairs doing God-knows-what and Collin and I were having a very mature discussion.

"So the egg came first."

"Nu-uh it was the chicken!"

"Egg."

"Chicken."

"Egg!"

"Chicken!"

"Who cares?" Leah shouted.

Collin and I gave her a 'look'.

"So Collin, got any idea what Brady's planning?"

"Hell yeah."

Life's unfair. Why did I never know these things?

"What?" Collin asked. "You honestly think Brady comes up with this stuff himself?"

True. Brady bet me in the brains (or lack of) department. And that was saying something. So, being Collin's best friend was a good idea for Brady. Since Collin's a total bookworm and knows lots of random facts. And Brady's job in the friendship, you ask? Get the hot chicks.

And they're scarce when you look like a lanky thirteen year old.

"And before you ask-" Collin said. "I'm not telling."

How the hell does he read my mind when we're not in wolf form?

"You're easy to read, Seth," Leah said.

Which made me think, HOW DO THEY KNOW THIS?

"We just do," Embry smirked.

The aliens are invading! The aliens are invading!!!

I controlled myself, though. I didn't scream once. Correction, I didn't scream once after Jake said, "Seth we spend a big amount of time in your head. We know how you think."

And then we heard a bang. And I seriously expected some aliens to appear.

But it was just Brady.

And he's unbelievably uncoordinated for a wolf. Especially, when he has a tray of glasses in his hands.

"What is that? Do I even want to know?"Leah asked. She's such a wet blanket.

"This, my friends, is scientific genius," Brady grinned.

"Explain."

"Well," Brady started, "I couldn't help but muse over this whole not-being-able-to-get-drunk thing. There had to be some way!" Brady headed into the kitchen and we all followed eagerly. "So, one day, I decided to pay attention in class."

There was an audible gasp.

"Yes I know, shocking, isn't it?" Brady began setting the glasses out along the table. "And that day I learnt that if you done something, I wasn't paying enough attention to know what, to loads of bottles of soda you could get about eight litres into this tiny little amount," Brady made a space of about two inches in-between his fingers.

"And luckily, I pay attention in class," Collin said. "You see, you have to-"

"BOO!!" We all shouted.

Collin rolled his eyes. "Fine then."

"We don't care about the experiment," Embry stated.

"Yeah, we want to know what this is all about!" I finished.

Brady grinned devilishly. "I may have found a way to get drunk."

Everyone except Leah cheered.

"Oh my God, this is the biggest waste of time ever," Leah complained and turned for the door. "Don't wake me up when you get in!" She added to me before leaving.

I shrugged. "So make with the drinks!"

"Calm down Seth." Collin revealed a glass full of yellow liquid.

"Is that pee?"

Embry's just so elegant isn't he?

"No it's beer. Lot's of it," Brady separated the beer between three different glasses. "There's only enough for three people, who's it gonna be?"

I wasted no time in snatching a glass. Embry and Brady had the others.

"Is it safe?" Quil asked.

"Probably."

That's reassuring. Not.

"Cheers!" Brady clinked his glass to all of ours before downing it. I followed suit and before long all of the glasses were empty.

"Well?" Collin's eyes were wide. "How do you feel?"

"Normal," I moaned.

"Brady?"

"As normal as I can be."

"Not very then. Embry?"

"Nothing. You're a failure Brady!" Embry slapped his shoulder and smirked at Brady's crestfallen look.

"Let's go watch TV," Jake said as he trudged back in to the living room.

"I've got to go," Quil said. "I'm taking Claire out tomorrow."

We all laughed at him.

"Big date at the kiddie pool?" I teased.

"Don't forget to take your blankie!" Brady threw a pillow at Quil which was quickly batted back.

Quil smiled wryly. "Haha, guys. Hilarious. You're just jealous that I imprinted and you losers didn't."

"Later Quil."

"See ya Embry."

And that was that. We all sprawled out on the floor and chairs and settled in to watch some crappy game show.

Five minutes later I said, "I need a whizz." As I was heading up the stairs to the toilet I started to feel really dizzy. I was spinning. And then I was falling. I crashed into the wall at the bottom of the stairs.

"Seth? You okay?" Jake towered over me.

"Yeah, I'm f-f-fine!" I spluttered in between laughing.

"What's so funny?"

How could he not see this? His hair was sticking up all over the place. It was freaking hilarious.

"Guys!" Jake shouted. "Did someone drug him?"

And then realization dawned on poor Jakey.

I was drunk. But, of course, I didn't realize that at the time. I was having too much fun laughing at Jake's crap hair.

"Jake! Little help in here!" Collin shouted from the living room.

Jake frowned and then hoisted me upright. "Come on."

And I swear I almost pissed once I got in the living room. Brady was draped over Collin, trying to kiss him.

"Get off me!" Collin shoved Brady and he rolled on to the floor.

"Hey, Sethy-boy! Give me a biiiiiiig kiss!" Brady slurred.

Embry walked in from the kitchen with a dopey smile spread across his face. "I dropped the food!"

"Embry you idiot! Brady's mom is gonna freak!" Jake, who had been keeping me upright, stormed of to the kitchen leaving me to stumble, break a vase, and then fall.

"That's it guys!" Collin shouted. "Brady you are gonna be dead!" Collin slapped Brady's head before shoving him to the front door. "Out! You too Seth!"

I crawled my way to the front door, still in hysterics with Embry on my tail – not literally.

Paul was still lying in the armchair laughing so hard I thought he was going to choke to death.

Collin slammed the door, leaving the three of us, in a heap, on the porch.

"Watcha wanna doooo then?" Brady somehow, miraculously, managed to stand up and started stumbling down the path.

"Let's go for a walk!" Embry cheered and started skipping down the path. My head was spinning but I decided to throw caution to the wind and follow Embry on his skipping escapade.

Soon the three of us were skipping along the roads of La Push like three little girls having the time of our lives.

After skipping for ten minutes our spirits were lagging and we were getting tired. Brady's feet were dragging along and my arms lacked any bounce. Embry, however, was still going strong and skipping higher than ever. Until his foot caught and he crashed to the ground.

"Are you ooooookay?" I slurred.

Embry waggled a finger, ushering me and Brady closer. Once we were all huddled together Embry whispered, extremely loudly, "I fell in dog shit!"

And then we were all rolling on the ground, laughing like hyenas.

"Seth w-w-was that you?" Brady snorted.

And that's funny right? Dog shit? 'Cause I'm a dog? Yeah not so much but at the time I thought it was freaking hilarious.

And do you know what I thought was even more piss-your-pants freaking hilarious? When police sirens were blaring and a cop car pulled up next to us.

"I need you boys to get in the car," the cop said as he started pulling Brady up off the ground and shoving him into the back seat. Another car pulled up at the curb and who stepped out? Charlie. Charlie freaking Swan.

"Seth?" Charlie pulled me up and helped me into the car. "I'm not finished with you," Charlie said as he slammed the door and went to speak to the other cop. After that he got in the drivers seat and pulled out onto the road.

"Seth you are too young to be drinking! And your mother is not going to be pleased!" Charlie scolded. "You're lucky I'm not taking you down to the station!"

"'S'alright, calm down!" I slurred as my head lolled. "I didn't do nothing."

And then I passed out.

So here I am, with the world's biggest hangover. My head throbbing, the whole shebang. And on top of that I'm grounded. Yeah my mom went absolutely mental at me. She says I'm lucky I wasn't arrested or something like that. I mean, calm down!

All this because I was laughing too loud in La Push.

***

A/N: Okay guys, that was my first try at something like this so if you liked it review, if you hated it review and if you want more review. Right now it's a one-shot though...

REVIEW!