In Which a Porcupine Terrorizes the Mighty Decepticon Army

by murtlewikisam

Sequel to "In Which Sideswipe was Bored with a Board by a Boar while Bored." Starscream is having a rotten day, but it's about to get worse as something starts to wreak havoc in Decepticon Headquarters. Can Starscream resolve the issue before he loses his temper?

Decepticon hierarchy is as follows: Megatron is top dog at all times, Starscream is second in command, and Soundwave is third in command. Also, in this AU Sideways has been split into two mechs, one is insane and the other is slightly less insane. This story is also my brother's fault.

Disclaimer: Still don't own transformers. Hasbro and Takara are still the owners.

-In which a Porcupine Terrorizes the Mighty Decepticon Army-

Autobot Headquarters: 10:34 PM

Prowl walked towards the control room with a frown on his face. Why would Optimus Prime call him to listen to Jazz's report from Decepticon HQ in person? A written report always worked in the past.
Upon entering the room, Prowl was greeted by a grinning Optimus. Or at least, Prowl thought he was grinning. It was hard to tell. "Yes, Optimus?"
"Ah, Prowl. Sorry to call you here at such short notice, but Jazz wanted to give you his report personally." Yep, Optimus was definitely grinning. He could hear it in his voice.
"I see. Yes, Jazz? What is it?"
"Remember the boar incident from two weeks ago?" Jazz asked, sounding extremely amused.
Prowl narrowed his optics. "Yes, how could I forget." He grumbled.
"Heh, well. I just saw a pretty hilarious happening here at 'Con central!"
"Get on with it Jazz."
"Hahaha! You're gonna LOVE this..."

-Earlier that day-

Decepticon Headquarters: 9:00 AM

It was a normal day at Decepticon headquarters. Shockwave was conducting a(highly suspect)experiment with Sideways in the labs, Skywarp was getting pelted by the shrapnel, and Decepticon soldiers were interacting the way only Decepticons could. Yes, it was a very normal day.
Which was why no one expected to find Brawl(BRAWL!)passed out in the monitor room, looking quite like what the flesh bags called a pincushion.
Starscream, being second-in-command, was naturally expected to deal with it. The threat of being dismantled for spare parts upon failure just came with the job.
Starscream grumbled as he stalked through the halls. Brawl, upon waking up, declared that he hadn't seen his attacker. Which meant that Starscream now had to hunt him or her down blindly. He hated doing things blindly. He still had Soundwave checking for any Autobot communications though, because honestly, who else was dumb enough to even DARE attack the mighty Decepticons? ::Starscream to Soundwave. Report.::
::No Autobot transmissions detected. Increasing search range.:: Came the monotone reply.
Starscream hissed and punched the wall. :
:Continue.:: He ground out. When he found the Autobot responsible for this, he was going to ask Megatron to allow him the honor of annihilating it personally!
::Attention: disturbance detected in hall A-1. Recommendation: investigate.::
Starscream narrowed his optics at a couple of vehicons who were staring longer than was strictly necessary. "Get back to work!" He growled. "Or do you want me to have you assist Shockwave in the lab!?" ::Affirmative. Heading there now.:: Spinning on his heel, the Decepticon SIC headed for hall A-1, indulging in a self-satisfied smirk at how the vehicons ran at his threat.
Upon arrival, Starscream was greeted with the sight of Cyclonus covered in needles. Needles that were only a few inches long. "Cyclonus!" He snapped. "What is the meaning of this!?"
Cyclonus jumped and spun around, somewhat startled at Starscream's appearance. "Yeesh, what's with the yelling Screamer? And what are you squawking about?"
Starscream made a mental note to give Cyclonus the most boring job in the history of boring jobs later. Mostly because Cyclonus lacked the common sense to be even slightly wary of Shockwave. The lunatic. Gritting his denta, Starscream glared daggers at the heliformer. "The NEEDLES you idiot! Why are you covered in NEEDLES!?"
"Oh that! Well I dunno, I was just standing here, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I'm covered in the things! They've even shorted out my machine gun! I need my machine gun! How am I supposed to blast Autobots without it?"
Starscream cast his optics skyward and groaned. How Demolishor could POSSIBLY enjoy Cyclonus' company was beyond him. "So in other words, you don't know." He hissed.
"Not a clue!" Cyclonus said that way too cheerfully for Starscream's tastes. In fact, it actually left a bad taste in his mouth.
"Ugh...just go guard the storerooms."
"Uh...from what?"
"I don't know, and I don't care! Just go and do as you're told, soldier!"
"Aw, c'mon Screamer! Can't someone else do it? Someone who doesn't have a busted machine gun? I need to fix my precious!"
'My precious?' Starscream thought. He shook his head. "No. You have plenty of other weapons, and I gave you an order so follow it OR ELSE!"
Cyclonus made a face resembling a pout. "FINE! Sheesh, I'll go guard the storerooms from Shockwave!"
"Not Shockwave you moron!"
"Sideways."
"NO!"
"...A different scientist?"
"NOT THE SCIENTISTS! FROM AUTOBOTS YOU IDIOT!"
"Oh, so you DO care what I guard them from."
It took all of Starscream's willpower to refrain from wringing Cyclonus' neck. "Just GO! Quit wasting my time!"
"Alright! Alright! I'm going!" Cyclonus turned to head out, before he paused and looked back at Starscream. "Wait, you want me to guard ALL the storerooms? How am I supposed to do that? They're spread out through the entire base!"
Starscream glared. "Use your imagination!" He snapped before heading back the way he came.

Decepticon Headquarters: 10:47 AM

Starscream stared at Soundwave. Then down at Megatron. Then back. "Will someone please explain this to me?" He asked, voice devoid of emotion. The small organic creature in Skywarp's servos squirmed in an attempt to escape. Megatron was passed out on the floor, much like Brawl was, and was covered in those strange needles.
Skywarp did a bit of squirming himself under the Air Commander's piercing gaze. "Well, Megatron called me to the control room, so I hurried on over."
Starscream glared. "...And?" He urged after an unnecessarily long silence.
"As I got closer, I heard laughing, and when I got in I found Megatron just like that."
"Who was laughing?" Soundwave asked, looming from his corner.
Skywarp squirmed more, trying not to squish the creature he was holding. "I dunno, whoever it was was gone when I got there."
Starscream walked over to Skywarp and leaned down, narrowing his optics at the creature. "And what is THIS?"
Skywarp bit his lip plates. "Uh, I'm not sure. But it's covered in the needles, and it looks like it's SUPPOSED to have them sooooo..." He finished lamely, holding it out to Starscream.
Starscream stared his fellow trine member in the optics before grinding out, "And just what, exactly, do you expect ME to do with it?"
"...Something more useful than smash the spiny thing?"
Starscream slapped his servo to his face. "Ugh...fine. I'll give it to Shockwave." At Skywarp's rather horrified look, he added, "With strict orders to keep it alive." He held out a servo to receive the organic.
Relatively satisfied, Skywarp unceremoniously dropped it into the SIC'S servos. Then stood there looking quite lost. "Uh...now what?"
"You take Lord Megatron to the medbay. Brawl can wait. I'm going to take this...THING to the lab."
Skywarp saluted. "Yes sir!" He said before heading over to Megatron's side. He looked up at the door as it hissed open admitting Thundercracker. "Yo, T.C., give me a servo would ya?"
Starscream humorlessly watched Thundercracker's bewilderment at the scene. That's right. He'd been on patrol all morning. He didn't know anything about the needles. Oh, well. His broken processor, his problem. "Don't ask." He said as Thundercracker looked his way. "Now help him."
"Er...right..." Thundercracker mumbled, on the verge of a systems crash.
"As for you, Soundwave, I need you to keep scanning for Autobot transmissions. And if anymore of these attacks happen, I want to know about it immediately!"
"Affirmative." Soundwave replied, ever the dependable soldier.
"And tell whoever's on monitor duty that if they DON'T report a disturbance immediately, I'll personally deliver them to Blast Off for target practice!" And with that, Starscream stalked out of the room and towards the labs.

Decepticon Headquarters: 11:20 AM

"So what is it?" Starscream asked, looking between Shockwave and Sideways.
Shockwave glanced down at the creature. "I believe it's what the humans call 'Hystricomorph hystricidae'. More commonly referred to as a 'porcupine'."
"The spines on its back are identical to the ones you gave us from Brawl, Cyclonus, and Megatron." Sideways added, looking rather befuddled. "It uses them as a defense mechanism."
There goes the idea that the Autobots were behind it. Or maybe not. They could have planted it here. How exactly they got on the moon in the first place was another matter. "Do you have ANY idea how those tiny needles managed to take down Brawl and Lord Megatron but not Cyclonus?" Starscream asked, glaring at the creature. He had half a mind to LET Skywarp play his game of 'smash the spiny thing'.
"Not a clue." Sideways huffed.
Whatever Shockwave was about to say got cut off by a barrage of spines tearing around the room. Starscream shuttered his optics and shielded his head with his arms, the spines slicing at his frame like daggers.
After what felt like an eternity, the cutting stopped. Starscream hazarded a peek through his arms and, upon seeing no needles, inspected the damage. His frame was covered in cuts, some rather deep. Sideways was not any better and was staring down at Shockwave, who was on the floor and unconscious from several incredibly deep gashes, with wide optics. The porcupine, for its part, was gone.
"So that's how it is." Starscream hissed, a creeping rage seeping into his voice. "Sideways!" He barked, startling the scientist. "Grab Shockwave and follow me to the medbay! We're going to have a chat with whoever is conscious, and then I am going to KILL that organic pest!"

Decepticon Headquarters: 11:39 AM

Starscream glared the sharpest daggers to ever be glared at Brawl. "You don't remember anything." He said, repeating what Brawl said a few seconds before. And a few hours before that. "You are absolutely ONE HUNDRED PERCENT sure of this?"
Brawl nodded, still in pain as his injuries were ignored in favor of repairing Megatron. "Yes sir. I'm sure."
Starscream wanted to hit something. In fact, he WAS going to hit something. The only question was what he was going to hit first. Would it be Brawl's stupid, useless face? Or would it be that organic menace? Decisions, decisions. Suddenly, a thought hit him. "How...curious that this occurred while you were on monitor duty." He started. "Almost as if someone doesn't want anyone watching the monitors."
Brawl stared at him, not getting where he was going with this. "Uh...I...guess?"
The sound of a large transformer regaining consciousness caught Starscream's attention, and he turned to see Megatron waking up. "...What happened, and who did it?" Megatron growled.
Starscream inwardly groaned. He was dreading this part. The part where he had to tell his leader what happened, hoping for the love of Primus that Megatron would believe him. "Er...well you see Lord Megatron, it seems that an...organic...creature..."
"A porcupine." Sideways huffed.
"Whatever. That thing is the cause. It's been using rather sharp...needles to do this."
Megatron stared at Starscream blankly as the room fell silent. It stayed that way for a few minutes as Megatron processed what his second-in-command had said. Finally, he broke the silence and said, "Either you're an idiot, or you had best show me proof. And even then, you're still an idiot."
Starscream grimaced at that. Ugh. Just what he needed. Getting insulted by his leader when he was just trying to do his job. Curse those Autobots! This was all their fault! "Well...the creat-"
"Porcupine!" Sideways huffed again.
Starscream glared at the scientist. "FINE. The PORCUPINE is currently still at large after it attacked Shockwave, Sideways, and I." You know, Sideways was being awfully annoying right now, and Cyclonus seemed more than willing to keep scientists out of the storerooms...hmmm...
Megatron narrowed his optics at the Air Commander. "Then you had best catch it then. Preferably before it incapacitates all my soldiers, if what you say is true."
Starscream was no idiot, despite what Megatron thought of him. He detected that hidden threat of dismemberment. "Yes, Lord Megatron."
::Hey, uh, Starscream?::
::What is it Skywarp!? And make it quick!:: Apparently, Skywarp got to be the lucky Decepticon on the receiving end of Starscream's anger.
::Yeesh! What's got your circuits in a twist?:: Skywarp retorted indignantly.
::Skywarp...I am this close to throttling SOMEONE in this base and if you don't spit out what you want RIGHT NOW, it's going to be YOU!:: Starscream hissed. Just imagining pummeling Skywarp was making him feel a little better. But only a little.
::Fine! Fine! I wanted to ask if you let that creature go or not.::
Starscream narrowed his optics. Why on Cybertron would Skywarp want to ask him that? Did he want to squish it that badly? ::For your information, no I did not. And if you think you're going to get to crush it when this is over, think again. The only one killing the porcupine is ME.::
::Porcupine? So that's what it is. And if you didn't let it go then it must have escaped.::
::Who said it escaped!?:: Starscream growled. Oh, Skywarp was correct in that it had, in fact, escaped, but HOW DARE HE assume Starscream had lost it without being told that that had happened! ::What makes you so certain it ESCAPED!?:: Why did he keep Skywarp around again?
::You said you didn't let it go, and It's following me right now! What other explanation IS there!?::
Oh. Right. Because Skywarp was useful at the strangest of times. ::...Where are you.:: That wasn't a question. It was an order.
::In front of storage room 27.::
::Do NOT move or so help me I'll tear off your wings and BEAT you with them!:: And with that oh-so-friendly goodbye, Starscream signed off. "Unless you have something else you want me to do, I need to head to storage room 27. The PORCUPINE," He said with a pointed look at Sideways, "Is evidently stalking Skywarp right now."
Megatron barely gave Starscream a sideways glance as he angrily motioned for him to move it or else.
Starscream spun on his heel and marched out of the medbay, making a beeline for storage room 27.

Decepticon Headquarters: 11:46 AM

Starscream stared down the hallway outside storage room 27, taking in the scene. Skywarp was once again holding the porcupine, who looked strangely content; and Cyclonus and Demolishor were behind him, seemingly discussing something. Stalking over at a brisk pace, Starscream had had enough of porcupines. He was about ready to exterminate the whole species. Or at least get someone else to do it. "So here's the-" current bane of his existence "-porcupine."
Skywarp jumped slightly and faced the SIC. "Oh! There you are! And yup. Got it right here!" He said, proudly. Sheesh, what was he expecting, a medal? A pat on the head? A 'good job'? As if. He didn't even deserve a 'good boy'.
Starscream glanced(or rather glared)at Cyclonus and Demolishor. "And just what are you doing?" He snapped.
Cyclonus looked over. "Using 'my imagination' to guard ALL the storerooms of course." He huffed. "And by 'imagination' I mean drafting Demolishor to help me."
Demolishor nodded at that. "Why? You don't have something you need me to do, do you?" Poor Demolishor. He looked so hopeful that Starscream would have something else for him to do. Normally, Starscream would keep with his plan of making Cyclonus guard the storerooms by himself. This was not a normal day. Starscream was in an extremely bad mood, and by Primus he was going to make everyone else just as miserable as he was. Time to crush Demolishor's hopes and dreams.
"No. Help Cyclonus." Starscream internally smirked at Demolishor's downcast expression. There. Feel his pain Demolishor. FEEL IT.
"So that's the thing that busted my machine gun?" Cyclonus asked, squinting(quite angrily)at the porcupine. "...It's tiny!"
"Uh, Starscream...why are you all scratched up?" Skywarp chimed in, staring at the Air Commander.
Starscream glared at Skywarp. "That's none of your business!" He hissed before directing the glare at Cyclonus. "And yes, it is." Back to Skywarp the glare went. "Now hand it over so I can-" The world was suddenly dark as Starscream's vision was once again clouded with needles.
"OOOOW!"
"YEAARG!"
"MY ROCKET LAUNCHER!"
"WHAT ON CYBERTRON!?"
Starscream forced his optics back open and glared, fuming, at his now VERY damaged frame. With more cuts than he cared to count, it seemed like he had to go to the medbay for repairs himself. And probably get chewed out by Megatron in the process. Joy. Looking up, he found Demolishor to be mostly unharmed. Cyclonus looked absolutely mortified as he stared down at his ruined rocket launcher. And Skywarp was...!? Starscream stared. There wasn't a scratch on him!
"..." Skywarp stared at the porcupine, clearly not understanding what just happened. "...Uh...Starscream..?"
"What." Starscream said flatly, ignoring Skywarp's attempt at conversation. "WHAT." He was much more focused on Skywarp's undamaged...ness.
"...Starscream."
"WHAT!" Starscream screeched, causing the other three mechs to wince.
"What? What's the matter?" Skywarp did not seem to enjoy having his audios assaulted by sudden, high pitched, noises.
"HOW ARE YOU NOT DAMAGED!?"
"It fired outwards! I don't think it was aiming at me!"
"Well why not!? You and Cyclonus are the ones who deserve pain the most, yet you're both standing there with the least damage!"
"Hey!"
"HEY!"
Starscream scowled. This was ridiculous. Those Autobots would pay. He swore on Primus' spark they would pay. "Skywarp...follow me to the medbay." He forced out, voice shaking with barely-contained rage. "And take that slagging pitspawned PIECE OF FILTH with you!" Megatron wanted proof? He'll give him proof. And then he was going to crush the little meat sack and OBLITERATE the Autobot responsible!

Decepticon Headquarters: 12:14 PM

"So this is the cause of all this chaos." Megatron said, glaring over at Skywarp(well, Skywarp's servos)from the medical berth.
Skywarp squirmed. Megatron was almost repaired, and he did not look happy. "Uh...er ...apparently? Yes?"
Starscream smirked. It was about time someone else got glared at by Megatron today. "Yes it is. It attacked Demolishor, Cyclonus, and I. Strangely, it didn't attack Skywarp." He stated, adding his own glare to Megatron's.
Megatron's glare deepened. "It seems nuisances enjoy the company of nuisances."
Skywarp opened his mouth and closed it again as he fidgeted under the combined glares of his leader and commander. It was almost as if he wanted to say something.
"If you have something to say, Skywarp, then spit it out." Starscream snapped. He was enjoying being on the giving end of misery, and he wasn't about to stop now. "I don't have all day." It was strange how easily he had slipped into using the flesh bags' time measurements.
Skywarp shrank back at Starscream's tone, seemingly hoping that the floor would just swallow him up. "Uh...well...um...I...I THINK it was...well I COULD be wrong but I think it was aiming at...at...you?" He mumbled.
Starscream's scathing reply was stopped before it could start by Megatron holding up his servo in a 'wait' manner. "And why, exactly, do you think this creature was aiming at Starscream?"
Looking positively shocked that Megatron wanted to hear him out, Skywarp continued, "Like I told Starscream, it fired its... needles right? Yeah, needles. It fired them forward, and the only one in front of me was Starscream. Demolishor and Cyclonus were off to the side." He explained. "They were...what's it called...collateral damage?"
Starscream frowned. That was... surprisingly intelligent of Skywarp. Though given Skywarp's usual level of intelligence, he supposed that that wasn't saying much. Such a shame though. He was all ready to tell Skywarp to shut up quite colorfully, and then he has to go and say something useful. Scrap. However, if the Autobots WERE behind this (and they most definitely were, Starscream was certain of this), it made perfect sense to take out the heavy hitters and high-ranking officers rather than dimwits like Skywarp. Though that didn't explain Cyclonus...perhaps they just keep missing.
Megatron seemed(a little)intrigued himself. "Well Starscream, it seems as if this creature wishes to incapacitate you as well."
"Like I'm going to let some tiny organic pest do that to me." Starscream scoffed. Before he could scoff more, the three Decepticons quieted as a strange hissing sound filled the room. As one, three pairs of optics shifted to the porcupine, who seemed to be glaring at the SIC.
"Seems to me like it took that as a challenge, Starscream." Knock Out said, smirking from where he was fiddling with a piece of Megatron's armor.
Starscream glowered at the medic. "Challenge or not, I refuse to be taken down by a non sentient organic!" He spat before giving the porcupine a downright caustic look. "Lord Megatron, what do you want me to do with this useless piece of flesh?"
Megatron eyed the porcupine as it slowly crawled up a weirded out Skywarp's arm. "Kill it, naturally."
Starscream smirked. "With pleasure."

-The following scene is too graphic and was cut for its excessive violence-

"Starscream? Starscream! Screamer! Wake up!"
"Back off, Skywarp, he needs space...and get that thing off your head!"
"Wha-? I just put it on the floor! How'd it get up here so fast!?"
"I don't know, and I don't care. What I want to know is how it managed to drop kick Starscream with those stubby little legs."
"...You know what, Knock Out? That IS a good question. That and how it threw Starscream into the wall."
"Will you two shut up and fix my Second-in-command?"
"Shutting up, sir."
"Fixing, sir."
Starscream groaned as he slowly onlined his optics. Why did he feel like he just had a wrestling match with Grimlock? "Ugh..."
"I wouldn't move if I were you, Starscream." Knock Out said, looking up from Starscream's arm.
Starscream grumbled, but took his advice as he was in pain absolutely everywhere. "What happened?"
"Well," Skywarp chimed in from his spot at Starscream's other side, "You went to go kill the porcupine, and it may or may not have kicked your thrusters."
Starscream gave his trinemate a look that could strip the paint off a mech. "That's impossible."
"That's what I thought too, but here we are."
"And why is the meat sack on your head?" Starscream wanted to yell that question. He really did. But he was in too much pain to even bother.
"AGAIN!? For Primus' sake! Get off of me!" The black jet grumbled, grabbing the porcupine and dropping it back on the floor.
"You know, Skywarp," Knock Out started, giving the mech in question a curious look, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that it liked you."
Skywarp made the most off-put face and glowered down at the porcupine. "As awesome as I am, I do NOT want an organic following me around." The porcupine responded by crawling right back to Skywarp's leg and starting to climb.
"Looks like you're stuck with it whether you want it or not."
Starscream scowled at Skywarp. "Why haven't YOU tried to kill it?"
"Are you serious? I don't want it angry at me too!" Skywarp replied, looking almost terrified at the very idea. "Besides, you said that the only one killing the porcupine was you."
Ugh. Why did Skywarp HAVE to remember random tidbits of information like that. Honestly! Giving up on murdering what was CLEARLY the spawn of Unicron, Starscream instead decided to turn his attention to finding the Autobot responsible. Ooooh when he found that Autobot he was going to tear him apart piece by piece! ::Soundwave, report!:: Apparently his pain didn't effect his ability to snap over comms.
::No Autobot transmissions detected.:: Came the prompt reply. ::Dead End: reporting in shortly.::
::What is Dead End doing?::
::Dead End: on monitor duty.::
Great. Whose idea was that? Dead End might not even sound the alarm if Unicron himself were knocking on their do-wait. Wait! That's it! That was the Autobots' plan! Take out whatever(slightly)competent mind was watching the monitors, and get him replaced by either a moron or a pessimistic freak! Those slagging Autobots! They wouldn't get away with this! He wouldn't let them! ::Keep scanning the airwaves. Starscream out.:: After Soundwave signed off, Starscream quickly established a new line. ::Dead End! Report! Now!:: Yep. Definitely able to snap over the comms.
::What's the point? We're all going to die anyway, why delay the inevitable?:: Cheerful as always, Dead End.
::I am not interested in your thoughts on our so-called impending doom! Give me your report you pessimistic piece of junk!:: Starscream, ever the example of patience and understanding, was at his wit's end when it came to dealing with his subordinates. One of them was going to get clobbered and if he didn't move out of range soon, it was going to be Skywarp. Knock Out was at least being useful. All Skywarp was doing was being the porcupine's jungle gym.
::Fine. Halls 1 through 45 are all clear, Cyclonus says storerooms 1 through 30 are clear, the motion sensors have picked up nothing unusual...for now. It's only a matter of time until that changes.::
Starscream ignored the last part of that sentence. It was a bunch of slag anyway. ::Keep looking! There's an Autobot SOMEWHERE in this base! I'm sure of it! Find him so I can KILL him!::
::Yes, sir.:: Dead End replied unenthusiasticly.
Shutting down the commline with a huff, Starscream glared bitterly at the porcupine who was once again on Skywarp's head. The Autobots HAD to be behind this. It was the only rational explanation. In fact, with its strength, Starscream was starting to doubt that the porcupine was actually organic. That stupid scrapping inventor Wheeljack must have made it. It only LOOKED organic in an attempt to throw them off. Obviously.
Now, it was time to shut down the Autobots' plan and end this charade. It had already taken down Brawl, Shockwave, Megatron, and himself, after all. "Skywarp, have you noticed anything...unusual about that creature?"
Skywarp looked at Starscream blankly. "Uh...it drop kicked you and threw you into the wall. That's preeeety unusual."
"Not that!" Pain be scrapped. He wanted to yell, slag it!
"It's also shooting more needles than should be possible."
"Not that either!"
"Well, what do you want me to say! Literally EVERYTHING is unusual about this organic!"
"That right there! It cannot POSSIBLY be organic and still be able to pull off everything it has! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!"
"You shouldn't yell, Starscream." Knock Out tsked.
"It looks organic to ME..."
"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT!"
"Starscream. Stop yelling." Knock Out tried again.
"I AM NOT AN IDIOT!"
"YES, YOU ARE!"
"Your vocalizer is damaged."
"I HAVE A DETAILED MAP OF EVERYWHERE I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY HEAD! IT'S KINDA HARD TO THINK AROUND THAT!"
"I KNOW THAT, AND I DON'T CARE!"
"There are needles everywhere in it."
"YOU AND THUNDERCRACKER AREN'T THE ONLY ENERGON SCIENTISTS HERE YOU KNOW!"
"AND YET YOU'RE STILL AN IDIOT!"
"Starscream."
"THEY DON'T LET IDIOTS BE SCIENTISTS!"
"THEN EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"
"Listen to your doctor!"
"I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU!"
"THEN SHUT UP!"
"Starscream!"
"YOU SHUT UP!"
"NYAAARG!"
"STARSCREAM!"
"ENOUGH!" The two screaming jets both shut their mouths with a loud snap as Megatron's shout rang throughout the room. "Both of you stop bickering this instant! OR ELSE."
"Yes, Lord Megatron."
"Yes, Lord Megatron."
Suddenly, the door hissed open admitting Lugnut and Blitzwing. And they were carrying an unconscious and excessively pincushioned Thundercracker.
"Sorry to interrupt your screaming match, but we found this near storage room 12." Blitzwing said, his cold personality currently in charge.
It was at this moment that Starscream realized he had Cyclonus, Demolishor, Dead End, and Soundwave all trying to contact him. In pain and wishing he had listened to Knock Out about the screaming(not that he'd ever admit to that), he warily opened a community comm link. ::What?::
::Finally, Screamer! I've been trying to get a hold of you for a whole two minutes!::
::There's something in storage room 12 that you'll want to see.::
::Not that it matters-since he's going to die anyway-but Thundercracker seems to have been attacked at storage room 12.::
::Disturbance detected: storage room 12.::
Starscream turned the information over in his processor. Thundercracker was attacked at storage room 12-that must be the disturbance-and there was something that he needed to see? Wait. Thundercracker looked like a pincushion. Starscream turned his gaze to Skywarp's head and sputtered-the porcupine was still there! Autobots! ::I'd come, Demolishor, but I'm afraid that I am a little...indisposed, at the moment.:: Indisposed and pincushioned, that is. ::What is it?::
::The flesh bag wasn't alone.:: Cyclonus chimed in.
"Tell me Knock Out, did something get knocked loose in Starscream's C.P.U.?" Megatron asked, a bit(but only a bit) confused by his second's insistence that the porcupine wasn't organic.
::...What?::
::I said: it wasn't alone.::
::Is it an Autobot?:: Please be an Autobot. Please be an Autobot. Please be an Autobot.
::Nope.::
Slag. ::Well then what is it?::
::More of them. There's gotta be like, thirty at least.::
What.
::They're holed up in storage room 12.::
WHAT.
::And they ruined my laser rifle!::
WHAT!?
"Starscream? You don't look so good. What's going on?" Skywarp asked, mildly concerned.
"'Don't look so good'? He has sparks flying out of his head!" Knock Out snapped.
"NNEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"

Autobot Headquarters: 11:01 PM

Prowl couldn't help but grin as he shook with silent laughter. His wish was granted: the Decepticons had to deal with murderous organics. Ha!
"See! I knew you'd love it!" Jazz laughed, smiling a mile wide.
Optimus Prime was incredibly amused as well. Especially at the part where Megatron got attacked. "Do you know who was laughing when Megatron was attacked?"
"Yep! Our good old 'friend' Sideways." Jazz replied. "The crazy one."
"How did you avoid getting caught? Starscream sounded like he was really determined to find an Autobot."
Jazz looked at Optimus with mock offense. "Screamer? Catch the king of stealth: the Jazzmeister himself? Prime! I thought you had more faith in me than that!"
"Well," Prowl started, serious demeanor back in place, "You know what we need to do now, right?"
"What?" Optimus asked, raising an optic ridge.
"The only logical thing, of course." Prowl replied, looking between his leader and fellow third-in-command with a creeping look of MISCHIEF. "We tell ALL the other Autobots of this, NATURALLY."

-The End-