Title: Stars
Genre: General
Rating: G
Summary: Ten year old Anakin Skywalker muses on feeling alone.
I'm standing outside on the balcony with my arms folded on its rail, my chin resting on my arms, looking up into the night sky. It's a lot different from the night sky in Tatooine; here, you can see flashing speeders and all sorts of other vehicles lighting up the dark sky as they whoosh by, long lines of them, in all directions. You can't see the stars as clearly, but if you look real close and long enough, past the speeders, past the glowing signs and buildings, they're there, twinkling just like they did back home.
It seems like they'd be so close together, the stars I mean. When you look up at them, they don't seem so far apart. You can point, and then move your finger just a little bit, and there'll be another star twinkling, right there. But it's not really like that. Really, they're so far, far away from each other. Miles and miles and miles away. It's kind of like me.
I feel like that a lot, here in the Jedi temple. I'm surrounded by other people that are like me, other kids, other padawans, who're training to be Jedi knights. But they don't like me. I know they don't. They think I'm strange, they don't want to talk to me. I've tried, but if they say anything, it's not much, and I think it's only because they want to be polite. My master says it's because I didn't grow up in the temple, and because I have a gift. Because I'm the Chosen One. I'm not even sure what that means, really. He says they'll get past that in time, but it's already been a year, and it's still the same. I pretend it doesn't bother me, but sometimes, it does. Sometimes I wish I didn't have a gift. But if I didn't, I wouldn't be me. And when I think about it, I don't think I'd want to be anyone else but me. It's what my mom always told me. My mom.
I miss home. I never liked the heat, and I never liked being a slave, but there, I had my mom. I really miss her. I wish that I could see her. I wish I could show her everything I've been learning. I wish she could rock me like she used to when I was sad. I wish I could hear her voice, and see her smile. But I can't. I'm not sure if I'll ever see her again. It hurts so much. It's like a really bad stomach ache, but way deep down inside of you. It scares me; it's always there. My master knows and helps me to meditate. To use the Force. It helps, but you know what? I think it'll always be there, I think it will always hurt.
My master is a great man. I'm so lucky. He's real patient, and he's a real good teacher. He knows a lot. I think he's the best master in the temple! Besides Master Yoda of course. I wish he'd smile more though, he's so serious. I really like him, but sometimes… I don't think he likes me; I don't think he wants me. I wasn't chosen like the other padawans in the temple. Master Obi-Wan didn't choose me. I was supposed to learn under Master Qui-Gon, but after what happened on Naboo, Master Obi-Wan took me on. Sometimes I don't think he wants me. Sometimes I think he blames me. But maybe, maybe if I work real hard in everything, maybe Master Obi-Wan'll like me more.
There is a light breeze in the night air, and I feel a presence behind me, bringing me back to the balcony.
"Anakin?"
I turn, and see my master approaching.
"I've been looking for you, padawan. What are you doing out here?"
"I was just looking, Master. At the stars," I say, pointing to the stars shining above.
I try to forget what I've just been thinking. It seems silly now.
But my master looks at me closely. He knows.
He comes and stands beside me, resting a hand on my shoulder, also looking up towards the sky. We are both quiet.
And for a moment, I'm not completely alone.
End.