[Untitled]
Emily-Jennys
Ten Mile Stilts/ Beautiful Dawn
She looked out on the ocean. Gray, choppy water with white-capped waves, tossing and turning. Standing on the rocks above it, she felt strangely disconnected, as if her head was literally in the clouds and she was on high, high stilts.
"You alright, Jen?" her friend asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. This place makes me feel wistful."
"It is kind of sad isn't it? I want to reach out to those islands." Her friend pointed across the water where they could see several small mounds in the distance.
Jen Moody wrapped her arms around herself and shivered a little. The wind picked up and blew her hair every which way.
"Let's go down to the water." her friend Catherine suggested.
They climbed down the rock and further still until they reached the water's edge. Jen put her hand in and watched the waves swirl and crash around her feet. She listened to them break against the rocks and felt their pull against her ankles, beckoning her to join them.
She started thinking. She started to let everything come freely to her mind. Her boyfriend, her money, her home. Everything she wanted to keep back, tucked away in the corners of her mind. The events of the last six months were pulled out from those corners by the waves.
She felt her legs shake and she retreated from the water and sat down on the rocky beach.
"Hey! Hey… you okay?" Catherine asked, a bit alarmed.
"Everything just rushed at me." Jen said, her voice shaking, "I'm alone, I'm broke, and my building burnt down! I just need help!"
She burst into tears and Catherine wrapped her arms around her. They hugged each other and sat on the beach for minutes, for hours.
After a while, Jen picked herself up, dried her eyes, and said: "I need a place to sleep and a job."
"Atta girl! You can sleep at my place tonight and maybe we'll drive back to New Athens tomorrow and get you settled in with your mom. I'm sure she could use the company."
"I guess staying with you is out of the question."
"Yeah… I'd love it, but I've got two boys and a dog at home. Unless you want to sleep on the living room floor, I really can't offer you much."
"It's okay. You've been so good to me the last few weeks, I can't force any more on you. Thank you so much. Come back up on the rocks for a minute."
They climbed back up on the rocks and sat with their legs dangling over the edge.
"I feel like singing." Jen said with a nervous laugh.
"Then sing," Catherine encouraged her, "I'll join in after."
Jen started singing softly:
"Take me to the breaking of a beautiful dawn,
Take me to the place where we came from.
Take me to the end so I can see the start,
There's only one way to mend a broken heart."
Here, Catherine joined in with sweet, simple harmony:
"Take me to the place where I don't feel so small,
Take me where I don't need to stand so tall.
Take me to the edge so I can fall apart,
There's only one way to mend a broken heart."
Jen reached over and squeezed her friend's hand.
"Thanks." she said quietly.
"No problem." Catherine replied with a gentle smile.
They walked down the road to Catherine's car and drove for twenty minutes. Jen looked out the window, taking in the sea and the city, Cape Avril, that had been her home for the past eight years. The city that had witnessed her laughter and her tears, the city that housed her friends but no longer housed her.
She had to go. She needed to go somewhere where she wasn't quite so alone. Somewhere old and familiar. Somewhere where she didn't have to be a grown-up, where she could be a girl instead of a woman. Just for a little while. Jen needed to go home.
One More Dollar
"Bye, Catherine! Thanks for everything, you're the best. I'll call tonight." Jen said the next morning. She was going home. Home happened to be a nine hour drive away, but she had a stack of CDs and was ready to go.
She piled the last bag in the back seat of the car and drove off. It was early enough for a Saturday morning, about 7 o'clock, but Jen was relieved to be going home because it meant she wasn't a burden on her friend.
The sun was warm in the mid-morning hours and Jen actually felt quite happy. She put in a Beatles CD and sang along to Here Comes the Sun and All You Need Is Love, laughing out loud at how happy she felt. She smiled and sang to keep herself company for the next few hours.
During the last leg of the trip, she was a bit more sombre as the reality of her situation hit her. She had her car and its contents, but she'd had to borrow money from Catherine, promising she'd pay it back as soon as she could.
She listened to Driving and One More Dollar by the Wailin' Jennys. She got a bit teary because she remembered a time when she gambled and almost lost everything. That was only four years ago, around the time she met Catherine.
Jen was in her last year of university when she first went to the Black Horse bar downtown. She was pressed for money and grabbed a drink on credit before sitting down at a table with a few people. The alcohol freed her from her usual, serious disposition and she gambled until the bar closed at 2 in the morning.
She continued to gamble, she continued to keep it a secret from her family and her friends. Three words circled in her head when she sat down with the dice: "one more dollar". Her regular income was low and she was close to being addicted to gambling.
One night, about three months after she'd first entered the Black Horse, Jen was feeling unusually risky, almost cocky. She rolled her dice and played her cards throwing her relative caution away. It seemed to be going well, but then her luck turned. She lost everything on the table, almost all the money she'd earned, and because she was drunk and angry, she slapped her opponent in the face. Stunned, he got up and shoved her into a neighbouring table. Jen kicked and screamed, he fought back and twisted her arm behind her. The bartender came and quickly broke them up, throwing him out the back door and Jen out the front door.
A woman walked out of the bar, having quietly witnessed everything, and sat down beside Jen who was sitting on the curb, sobbing.
Jen was aware of the woman, but her head pounded and she couldn't focus. The woman was talking. She had her hand on Jen's back. Her perfume was spicy. The woman was still talking.
"What?" Jen said, trying to focus even with the drinks in her system.
"I'm Catherine. I'll drive you home."
Jen nodded. A second later, she made a face and twisted herself around so she wouldn't vomit on Catherine. She spit and wiped her mouth, tears dripping off the end of her nose. She wanted to curl up in a ball and stay that way forever.
Catherine helped her up and said: "You're not having such a great night are ya? Can you at least tell me your name?"
"Jen. I'm Jen. Thanks for the help."
"You're welcome. Come on," Catherine said, gesturing towards her car, "get in."
In subsequent years, Jen couldn't believe how lucky she was to have found such a good a friend in Catherine Luft.
She'd regressed a few months ago, the desperation of her lost love driving her back to the bar. She lost quite a large amount of her savings, but Catherine had helped her out of it. Jen needed to be away from that bar for a while. She needed to go home where she wouldn't be loose downtown for a few weeks.
She smiled as she got off the highway and entered her old neighbourhood.
Heaven When We're Home
Jen stopped at one of the cafés on the main street of her neighbourhood to take a pit stop and call her mom to let her know she was in town. When the answering machine started to drone, she hung up.
"Alright, I guess I'll be eating out tonight. It's almost 5…" she said under her breath.
The drive had taken a bit longer than she'd expected, even with the shortcuts she thought she knew. She walked back inside the café, bought a cookie, and got back in her car.
She wandered the streets of her old neighbourhood, almost enjoying the sensation of the bumpy, rugged roads. She felt that they mirrored her life well, full of bumps and potholes, but in the end, she would get where she was going. She felt guilty driving around aimlessly, but she found it hard to stop and by the time she pulled up in her mother's driveway, it was almost 6 o'clock.
To her luck and surprise, her mother stood at the door waiting for her.
"Jen? Hi, sweetie! I must have just missed your call. I went out to the grocery store. Come in, you must be starving!"
"Hey Mom! What is it with you being all psychic? I didn't even leave a message."
"Don't you know mothers always know where their kids are 24/7?" Mrs. Moody joked, "What brings you back here?"
"A lot of stuff... too many things piled on top of each other." Jen sighed. She became overwhelmed with her situation and felt herself get hot behind her eyes. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry and a strange, hiccup-y sound came out of her mouth.
"Help!" she cried.
They hugged each other tightly and Mrs. Moody said: "Come take a bath and tell me about it."
Jen walked around, feeling a bit like she was in a dream. She hadn't been to the house in more than a year, not since her father passed away.
"Can you help me with my stuff, Mom?" Jen asked, going back outside to her car.
"Sure. How much did you bring?"
"A lot…" she answered evasively, "But I'll tell you about it later." She hadn't told her mother about the building because she didn't want her to worry.
They made several trips, but in the end they managed to move everything inside. She walked up to her old bedroom and dropped her bags. Walking into the house, its familiar space, seeing the rooms that hadn't changed since she was a girl, lifted a weight off Jen's chest and made her feel like a small piece of heaven had filled this old home. She closed her eyes and sighed with relief. She could be a girl now. Just for a little while.
After dinner, Jen went upstairs to the master bathroom and slipped into the hot water in the tub.
"Mom, you can come in now." she called out.
Her mother came in with a fresh towel and sat on the edge of the tub.
"So, how've you been, Jen?" her mother asked.
Jen sighed, she couldn't hide behind small talk as she had during dinner. She knew she had to face up and fess up to her mother.
She started slowly: "You know how I've never been good with guys. But I've always gotten back on track. I've made a lot of mistakes…"
"Is this about your boyfriend?"
Jen nodded, her throat closed up and she squeezed her eyes shut. She let out a sob and turned away from her mom.
"Sweetie…" Mrs. Moody sighed, kissing her daughter's brown hair, "being a grown-up is tough isn't it?"
Jen nodded and turned back to face her mother. She got the tears out of her system and was ready to talk.
Prairie Town/Firecracker
"His name's Ryan. Ryan Tanner. I met him through a friend from work and we had lunch together one day. He's got deep blue eyes, light brown hair, and fair, fair skin. I fell for him in an instant. He was funny, clever, and he played guitar and drums. He had an apartment about four blocks down from mine and we hung out at the café near his place a lot.
One day, he asked if I would... do it. Have sex with him. This was maybe two months after we started going out. I said no. The thought definitely crossed my mind, but I wasn't ready.
He kept pressuring me though. I... didn't want to keep saying no because he really was a good guy and I did love him.
So the next time we kissed, I let it go a little farther. And again the next time. I kept letting it go farther every time, but I still held back. This went on for about three or four months. I felt kind of annoyed at myself, there was always something, almost physical, that stopped me. I think in every other situation, one would call it a conscience."
Her mother laughed a little, put her hand on Jen's shoulder, and said: "I'm proud of you for listening to your conscience."
There was a brief moment of silence when Jen's mind reeled and her heart pounded. She was going to have to admit it.
"But Mom... I... I didn't. After another month of putting it off, he got angry with me one night. Nothing happened that night," Jen said quickly, sensing something had changed in her mother's disposition, "But a week later, he invited me over and called me into his room. He said things. God, I don't even remember what he said, but we both got drunk and he was so tempting and I knew I didn't completely want to, but I did. I had sex with this guy and it wasn't... forced. No, it definitely wasn't forced... but there was a lot of pressure and it hurt and it wasn't all miraculous or amazing and I'm so ashamed and I feel terrible!"
Jen stood up and tried really hard not to slip walking out of the bathroom. She ran to her room and buried herself in the covers and bawled.
Mrs. Moody walked in and sat down on the bed, putting her hand on Jen's back. She was silent and Jen forced herself to come out from underneath the covers to see her mother's reaction. Her face was blank, but Jen knew there was more.
"Mom... are you disappointed? Are you mad?" she asked timidly.
"Yes. I'm disappointed that you went against your own proper judgement. But I know that you're an adult and you need to learn the consequences of your decisions. I can also see that you're upset by that decision and maybe you regret it. Can you talk to me about it?"
"Mom, I just feel like having sex is this huge, important milestone and I blew it. It's not like I didn't like him," she explained, "but I realize that I wasn't ready to do it with him in particular and maybe because of that, it wasn't as magical as people make it out to be. The whole relationship, all the ups and downs... we'd been on the rocks for about three weeks before we... did it... and I felt that he wasn't committed to me sometimes. A few of my friends told me they had their doubts. I should've listened to them, but when things were going well, it was amazing and I was so comfortable and happy with him. I guess I wasn't that ready yet."
"Are you still together?" her mother asked quietly.
"No. I left him about a month after we first had sex. I couldn't stand it. My self-respect took a dive because having sex against my judgement really hurt me and he was pushing me away because... I was getting really clingy. And I found out he was with someone else... So I had to take off my blinders, see him for who he really was, and leave. It was hard."
"That's too bad, sweetie. But now you've learned. Sometimes, being a grown-up isn't as fun as it sounds. You should get to bed soon. It's almost one in the morning. Good night, Jen."
Her mother gave her a long hug then left the room, shutting the door behind her.
Jen drifted off to sleep, but her dreams haunted her. They weren't like her normal dreams, they were strangely accurate this time. Her memories were resurfacing.
Jen stood in the wreckage of the apartment building and listened to her friend Meghan give a report on the incident.
"Just after one in the morning last night, firefighters rushed to respond to a 3-alarm blaze right here on Avenue Road. The cause of the fire is to be inspected further, but investigators believe it was a firecracker that was set off accidentally and flew into a gas stove, which exploded on impact. The entire building was burnt to the ground, the four people in the unit at the time were injured and dozens of others are left homeless."
Jen's apartment was on the third floor, right below the one where they set off the firecracker. The explosion had woken her up and the fire alarm got her out of bed and out the door. She remembered how she stood there trying to call Catherine and thinking: "I hope the kids don't wake up."
The scene shifted even further into the past.
She was at Ryan's door asking him if he wanted to go for dinner.
"Um, I can't tonight. Maybe tomorrow." he said awkwardly.
"You've been saying that for the past week! I want to spend a bit more time with you. We had sex for the first time three weeks ago!" she retorted.
"I keep saying no because you haven't given me a break! I can't constantly be with you... I..." he trailed off, his face was defiant and nervous and guilty all at once.
She noticed something strange. Why could she only see his face? She couldn't see past where he stood, couldn't see into the apartment. It was as if she had blinders on.
Jen reached up and pulled, the way she would if she were taking off a headband. Her blinders came off, she could see past his face, into his apartment. There was another woman. She was taking her shirt off. Jen looked at Ryan, his shirt was already off.
"What? How long have you been going out with her!" she demanded.
Silence. The other woman pulled her shirt back on and came to the door and asked: "Who's this?"
"I'm his girlfriend. Well, I was. But you seem to have taken my place. Ryan, we're done."
Jen stormed off to the Black Horse to grab a drink. She was hurting and she needed to feel like she could win again, so she sat down with the dice and the cards. She lost 600$ that night.
"Catherine? Come get me, please..." she said, her speech slurring a bit.
Catherine pulled up and Jen wept as she told her what happened.
She woke with a start, she started crying and went to her mother's room.
"Mom. Mom, wake up," she said softly, nudging her awake, "I have more to tell you."
"What is it?" her mother asked, sitting up and turning on the bedside lamp.
Jen sat there and tucked her trembling hands under her arms, unable to make the words come.
"Jen?" her mother asked concernedly.
Jen took a breath. "I... I used to gamble. At this bar. I hid it from you because I didn't want you to worry. I'm sorry..." she whispered haltingly, guilt and shame radiating off her.
Her mother sat in shocked, angry silence.
"Oh, Jen..." she said finally, shaking her head, "I'm so disappointed. Why... I can't believe it..."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Jen sobbed, her breath coming in gasps and tears running down her face.
Mrs. Moody stayed quiet, she kept to herself and acted indifferent to her daughter.
"We raised her properly. We raised her well, taught her to make good decisions, and now this." she thought.
"My apartment building burnt down. That's why I brought so much. I needed to come home. I'm sorry." Jen said through her tears.
Her mother was still angry, but she couldn't turn her daughter away, her flesh and blood, her pride and joy, even if she had made poor decisions.
She put her arm around Jen and held her close. They didn't speak, but Jen knew her mother forgave her and Mrs. Moody knew her daughter understood.
Deeper Well
Jen left the house the next morning just as the sun was rising and the moon was fading. She walked down to the river and started her jog. She ran with the sun and the moon and let herself think and reflect on why she was there.
It was much easier to think about Ryan now that she had told her mother the whole story. She felt, after all the heartache had passed, it was the right thing to do. She jumped the gun and now she was trying to retrace her steps and figure out what it was she was searching for.
"Something deeper. Something that connects me to a... a higher cause," she thought, "The way the rain connects everything in the world. Not like this river. When the rivers run dry, where do we draw our water from? From the rain. From a deeper source, a deeper well. That's what I'm searching for. A deeper well to draw my life from."
Jen stopped at a drinking fountain and laughed. She had just been thinking of wells and water, hadn't she? She drank deeply then straightened up. She thought of the reasons why she had done certain things, all her accomplishments and mistakes, her moments of pride and regret.
Why did I keep doing what Ryan told me to do? Why did I ever set foot in the Black Horse? Why did I have this urge to pack two bags the night of the fire? And thank god I did! What do I really really want from life? And how the hell am I going to get there?
These questions swirled in her head, sometimes finding answers, sometimes remaining heavy burdens that crept up on her in the night or during her early morning jogs, as was the case today.
Jen sat down on a bench and began to write on a scrap of paper she found tucked in her pocket. Always partial to lists and goal setting, she took the paper and composed several lists with pros, cons, and motives of her past important decisions.
Bachelor of Arts – Journalism
Motives: creativity, travel, writing, adrenaline.
Pros: travel, networking, writing
Cons: relatively low income, slow to "climb the ranks", always on the move (less stability).
Black Horse bar
Motive: more money. (I know, it was a horrible decision...)
Pros: Catherine Luft
Cons: everything? Gambling addiction, mostly.
Ryan
Motives: I wanted someone to love and someone to love me. Like that. I did love him. And then we did it. And then I lost my self-respect... I hated myself. I caught him with another girl for god's sake! I knew he didn't feel it anymore. So I left him...
Pros: liberation, regaining some of my self-respect (maybe...)
Cons: it hurts! Losing someone you loved really hurts! And the relapse with gambling.
Goals
Find a journalism or communications-related job.
Find an apartment.
Rethink my love life.
Find my deeper well.
Jen felt better once everything was on paper, even if it was still quite vague. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was almost 9 o'clock, she'd been sitting there writing for almost an hour.
She got up, drank from the fountain again, and walked the 6 km back home.
Racing with the Sun
About four weeks after she'd arrived at her mother's door, Jen found herself in her car, trying to restrain herself from slamming the horn and yelling at the car in front of her to get out of her way. She had ten minutes until her job interview, she still had another six minutes of driving and she was stuck in a bad traffic jam.
Jen had to admit, she supposed that maybe she should've left five minutes earlier, but she was frustrated and stressed as it was, so the embarrassment of admitting that it might have been her fault didn't help much.
"Finally! Thank god!" she breathed as the bottleneck cleared.
She raced down the road. She had seven minutes until her interview. She arrived in the lobby of one of the local newspapers, the New Athens "Alt-Express", and sank down in a chair. She had three minutes to go.
Jen laughed with relief and a woman appeared from a room off to the side.
"Hello. Are you Jen Moody?" she asked.
"Yes. You must be Mrs. Howell."
"That's right. Pleased to meet you." Mrs. Howell said, extending her hand.
"You too." Jen said, smiling and shaking the extended hand.
"Come into my office and we'll get this show on the road."
They stepped into the office and sat on either side of a desk.
"So, Ms. Moody, why are you interested in working with us?"
"I'm interested in working with you because your paper covers different issues than mainstream media. Things such as grassroots movements that support the environment, global crises such as child soldiering and maternal health care, local issues like green spaces, school board regulations, by-laws like bike parking on private property. I also like the fact that your paper is a bit smaller than mainstream papers, so there's a better sense of community and... being wanted, being appreciated. I'd really enjoy being a part of this."
"That's all very true," she agreed with a smile, "Tell me about your previous experience in the newsroom."
"Well, for the past few years, I've been working as a columnist with the local paper in Cape Avril and I've really enjoyed that. Before that, I was an editor of the CAU (Cape Avril University) paper, which was run by the journalism students."
After a few more questions, Mrs. Howell said: "I'm very impressed! You know, it's unusual that we hire straight from the interview but you are, by far, our best candidate. So... when can you start?" she asked, smiling at Jen.
"Whoa! Well, thank you! I didn't think I'd get in just like that!" Jen laughed, feeling lighter than air, "I can start... let's see, today's Thursday... I can start Monday morning."
"That's what I like to hear! Congratulations, Ms. Moody." Mrs. Howell said, shaking Jen's hand again.
"Thank you very much, Mrs. Howell. You won't regret hiring me."
"I hope not!"
"See you Monday! And thanks again!" she said as she headed out the door.
Jen came home to her mother's house and smiled. She laughed and her eyes were bright, things were really starting to look up.
"Mom! I got the job!" she called through the house.
"Just like that? Good for you, Jen! Come take a look at this. I think I found an apartment for you."
Jen climbed the stairs and went to the computer to see what her mother had found. This was a new addition to their list of potentials, but it was one of the most promising places.
"This is almost too good to be true!" she said excitedly, scrolling down the list of amenities.
The rent was bearable, 500$ a month, it was right downtown, an easy ten minute walk to work, it had all the regular features inside, and parking was only 40$ a month.
"This is great! Thanks, Mom." Jen said, giving her mom a quick hug.
"No problem. You should probably get on the phone with the landlord. This place might be taken pretty quickly."
Jen dialed the number on the screen, then took the phone to her room. After several rings, someone picked up.
"Hello?" a male voice said.
"Hello. My name's Jen, and I'm interested in renting an apartment. Could I speak to the landowner please?"
"That's me. Are you interested in seeing the place?"
"Yes, I am. When can I come by?"
"Actually, you can come today if you'd like. There was another appointment, but they cancelled. So if you'd like, you could come by in about half an hour."
"That sounds fine. Thank you very much, sir."
"See you soon."
"Goodbye." Jen said, hanging up the phone.
"Mom, I need to take down the address, then I'm going. He wants me there in half an hour."
"The address," Mrs. Moody replied, "is 1402 Broadway Street. Broadway is parallel to Dalhousie on the east side."
"1402 Broadway, parallel to Dalhousie, east side. Got it," Jen repeated, "Thanks!"
Jen hopped in her car and drove smoothly for about ten minutes. Fortunately, most of the rush hour traffic was on the opposite side of the highway, people leaving downtown and going home to the suburbs. It was a bit harder once she got off the highway, but she managed to make it with ten minutes to spare.
Jen sat down in the lobby and sighed with relief.
"Thank god I'm early! Not like my job interview..." she thought, laughing nervously, "I got the job though, so I'm happy. That's one thing over and done with."
A man came down the elevator a few minutes later.
"Hello," he said, "Are you Jen?"
"Yes, I am. Jen Moody, pleased to meet you." Jen said pleasantly, standing up and shaking his hand.
"I'm Michael Collins. Thanks for coming. Shall we go up and check out the apartment?"
"Sounds good." Jen replied.
Jen looked around the apartment and loved what she saw. It wasn't big, there were only four rooms: a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and dining room, and a living room. The living room and kitchen had huge, almost floor-to-ceiling windows and the apartment was on the south side of the building. Jen loved how the light poured in.
The size wasn't a problem, she could easily live there as long as it was just her and it came pretty well fully furnished. It was also in a great location downtown.
"I really like it!" she sighed, smiling at the landlord.
"I can tell!" he laughed, "So I'll need two references and I'll try to get back to you within a week."
"Sure. I'm from out of town, so the calls will be long-distance. If you want, I can give you their email addresses, if that's easier." Jen offered, writing down the contact information of her previous landlord and her employer at the newspaper she worked for in Cape Avril.
"That'd be great. The more information, the better. Thanks." he answered, taking the paper and giving it a once-over before putting it in his pocket.
"Alright, well thank you for letting me come see the place, I really like it."
"You're welcome. You seem like a good candidate. So I'll give you a call in about a week and we'll go from there. See you, Ms. Moody."
"Thanks, Mr. Collins. Bye!"
Jen was quite happy that night as she settled into bed. Her two main goals were met, she had a job and she was fairly sure she would have an apartment, all within six weeks of being home. Which was pretty impressive, she thought.
She remembered another line of a song that the Wailin' Jennys covered: "Oh hard, hard times that you had. Oh hard, hard times... but today you're mighty glad."
She laughed to herself and slept comfortably the rest of the night.
Glory Bound
Three weeks after Jen settled into her apartment at 1402 Broadway Street, there was a knock on the door. It was about 9 o'clock on a Saturday night. She looked through the little peephole and quickly opened the door.
"Catherine!" she cried, hugging her friend, "how are you? I'm so glad you're here!"
"Hey, Jen! I'm fine, how've you been? I'm so excited to see the place and I'm so glad everything worked out!"
"Honestly, I'm so lucky. I love my job, this apartment's great, my neighbours are nice, I'm just happy. Even before all this... with the gambling and Ryan and everything. You really helped me through everything." Jen said, her voice getting softer and softer. Her gratitude threatened to overwhelm her, but Catherine put a stop to the tears.
"Now don't cry just yet! You still have to show me around!" she said in a mock-accusing tone, putting her arm around Jen's shoulders.
Jen laughed the tears away and showed Catherine around. Then they sat on the couch in the living room and Jen served them both a cup of tea.
"So, how've you been, Catherine?" Jen asked.
"I've been fine, the kids and Jacob and the dog are all well. The kids'll be starting school in about two weeks. Aidan is going into Grade 4 and Kyle's going in Grade 2. Nothing huge has happened since you left, but we all miss you! You'll have to come for a visit soon!"
"I will! I've been busy, you know, new job, new apartment. It's great though, like I said, I really enjoy my job. I'm a reporter for the New Athens "Alt-Express" and I focus on local stuff mostly. I volunteer at festivals when I can. It's summer, there's always a lot going on. I've been here about three weeks now, I mean here in this apartment. I think things are finally starting to be more stable."
"Good for you. You deserve to have some good times. All the bad stuff you've been through..."
"Yeah, but thanks to you and my mom, things are looking up. I'll have my moment of glory. Actually... I kind of already have! They've been small things, like getting this place and meeting awesome people through interviews and going for walks along the river, but I'm really happy. I think I'm on the right track and I won't be heading back anytime soon."
"That's awesome, I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks Catherine. You know, you're honestly the best friend I've ever had. And it's because of you that I'm on the right track."
"Why thank you! But it's not just because of me. You are a strong woman, Jen. You made this happen," Catherine gestured around the room, "You got that job. You've got an awesome relationship with your mom. You did it, Jen. You did it."
"Aww, Catherine! Thanks for always being there for me. Gimme a hug!"
They hugged and laughed, celebrating Jen's wonderful new path.
"So, do you have a place to stay the night?" Jen asked after they stopped hugging.
"Actually, I was hoping I could stay over with you. If that's alright. I know most people wouldn't like it –"
"Oh no," Jen interrupted, "it's totally fine!"
"See, I knew you'd say that! You know me too well! I'm not one for strict social conduct. I never could figure out why it was so bad to ask people how old they are or why people don't like hearing that you're well off."
"Me neither, I just know I shouldn't do it. But back to you sleeping over, you're very welcome! The couch pulls out and I have extra sheets and stuff."
"Thanks a lot, Jen."
"No problem."
Half an hour later, they were both ready for bed and Jen walked into the living room again.
"Thanks again Catherine. For everything."
"Hey, that's what friends are for. I read somewhere once, that friends multiply joy and divide sorrow."
"I read that too! It is so true. Right now, this is one of my glorious moments. Me and my best friend in my new apartment."
"For sure! Goodnight, Jen."
"See you in the morning." Jen said as she shut off the light and went to bed.
One Voice/Parting Glass
On Catherine's last night in town, Jen decided to take her and her mother out for dinner, to thank them for all the help and support they'd given her the last few months.
"Great, so you can come for seven?"
"Yeah," Catherine said, "Where is it again?"
"It's called the Dove and Laurel. It's about a 15 minute drive from here, but it's nice. Okay, fine, it's a pub, but it has good food! And don't worry, I have taxi money for later... just in case."
"Good call!" Catherine laughed.
They parted ways for the rest of the afternoon, Jen ran errands and Catherine visited another friend in town.
Around 5 o'clock, Jen called her mother and this time, she picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Mom, it's me."
"Hey, Jen, what's up?"
"Well, I want to take you and Catherine out for dinner tonight. Can you come?"
"When and where?"
"How's seven at the Dove and Laurel?"
"Sounds good, I'll see you there."
"Great, see you!"
Her plans were set and Jen had an hour and a half to kill. So she took another piece of paper and lay down on her bed and wrote.
"I'm so grateful that Catherine and my mom have been so supportive. Catherine really helped when we were back in Cape Avril, even all those years ago. All the stupid, stupid things I did... she helped me through it all. She made me feel less alone, it wasn't my one voice, my one heart, against the world anymore. It was the two of us. I know I would never have come out of this the way I have, without her."
Here, Jen paused and flipped on to her back. She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. She laughed and sniffled and wiped the tears off her face. Thinking about everything made her emotions rush at her. The pain of her past, the gratitude for her outcome, and hope. Hope and a certain shedding of the past. Letting go of all her past burdens, laying them to rest. She laughed again and turned back to the paper.
"Mom is amazing too. I told her everything. I had to! She wasn't happy, but she has supported me since. I'm very glad she's forgiven me. I think that we've both decided that yes, I made some really bad decisions and mistakes, but it's all in the past. Leave it behind, look ahead. Now there are three voices. Three beautiful voices... including my own. All the harm I've done... it's all come back to bite me. But I have forgiven myself. I've regained my self-respect and I realize that I am a strong person. I'm strong and I have two very supportive women to turn to. Things are looking up. Finally.
"This is the sound of all of us,
Singing with love and the will to trust.
Leave the rest behind; it'll turn to dust,
This is the sound of all of us."
- One Voice, by the Wailin' Jennys."
Jen smiled and tucked the paper into a drawer in her nightstand. She checked the clock, it read 6:15. She went to the bathroom to wash the telltale signs of her tears off her face, then grabbed her purse and headed out the door.
They met at the Dove and Laurel at 7 o'clock, as planned, and sat down at the table.
"I'm buying, order whatever you want." Jen told them.
"Are you sure, Jen? I brought money." Mrs. Moody offered.
"Yeah. It's a thank-you gift for both of you. For helping me through everything and being there for me when I needed you and for supporting me through all the hard times. So yes, I'm sure I can pay."
Jen's mother put her arm around her and rubbed her shoulder.
"Thanks, sweetie." she said, a motherly smile graced her lips and lit up her eyes.
Catherine reached across the table and put her hand over her friend's.
"Thanks, honey." she said with a schoolgirl's grin.
"You're welcome. Both of you." Jen replied with a grateful smile.
They ordered, they ate, and now they were having their last sips of wine.
"I propose a toast," Jen said, giggling a bit, "To Catherine and my mom, for being the best friends and family I could ever hope to have. All the bad things we've done in our lives, none of it matters right now. We're going to enjoy tonight and have a good time."
Jen filled the glasses to the brim.
"Cheers!" she said, laughing and smiling at them.
"Cheers!" they echoed back.
The sound of clinking wineglasses and laughter filled their ears as they drank their last glass of the evening.
... Goodnight, and joy be with you all.
Bibliography
Moody, Ruth; Mehta, Nicky; Luft, Cara. 40 Days. 2004
Ten Mile Stilts
Beautiful Dawn
Heaven When We're Home
One Voice
Parting Glass
Moody, Ruth; Mehta, Nicky; Chvostek, Annabelle. Firecracker. 2006
Prairie Town
Firecracker
Moody, Ruth; Mehta, Nicky; Masse, Heather. Live at the Mauch Chunk Opera House. 2009
Driving
One More Dollar
Deeper Well
Racing with the Sun
Glory Bound