Title: Missing Piece of the Puzzle
Author: Ainahim
Rating: T, to be safe.
Pairing: Axel/Roxas
Summary: One-shot. Axel wonders why he feels, why Roxas feels. Maybe there's something important that no-one in the Organization is supposed to realize.
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is not mine, and Axel and Roxas are not mine, nor have I kidnapped them, gagged them, and locked them in my closet for further use. No sirree…
…
Axel sat alone, his gaze on the ceiling, his uniform blending into the dark chair and the otherwise darkness of the room. There was something wrong here. His gaze traveled once again to the stolen letter. He should never have picked that note up. It wasn't his to read, it was Roxas' secret…but he had been curious and he had read it.
They didn't talk about it the first time it happened. It was definitely a surprise, but it wasn't unwanted. That was what had scared both of them. The kisses, touches, sighs, and whispers were completely wanted. But they were Nobodies; the entire time they had been in the Organization under Xemnas they were told that they shouldn't feel. That there was no such thing as feeling if the being had no heart. This type of contact was completely forbidden.
They were afraid the second time it happened. Why had Axel knocked on Roxas' door, and why did the boy not even hesitate to let him in? Afterwards their looks of horror bored into each other's faces and Roxas hurriedly dressed and left his room to think. Axel wasn't surprised, considering he wanted to do the same thing, but since Roxas was leaving the red-head decided to stay in the blonde's room. The crumpled up piece of paper on the side-table had caught his eye and before he considered what he might be doing, he picked it up. No. This was Roxas'…once again it didn't stop him and he opened it, his eyes scanning the handwriting.
None of this makes any sense. I'm here because I'm lost, like the rest of the Organization. All we want is a way to be whole. We want to be able to feel because we can't have hearts. I feel that empty space where it's supposed to be. I feel it all the time.
But sometimes…when I look at him, at Axel…that empty space widens, and it aches. It aches so badly and it makes me cringe.
I do NOT feel. I cannot feel. So why do I want him like this?
Why did I let him do that? None of us are ever supposed to. We're not even supposed to want to.
If that ache tells me right, there's something missing. There's a missing piece of the puzzle that Xemnas hasn't told us. Maybe he doesn't even know. But I will find it.
…this note was never written.
And so it ended. Axel rose from the bed and set the note on the side-table once again. He got dressed and took a seat in the chair. Roxas was right, he thought, watching the ceiling as if it might spell out an answer. There was a missing piece. Why did they want each other so badly?
He should have never read it, because he knew what it was like. The red-head felt that ache. He felt that ache so much sometimes when he would go back to his own room he'd throw fire everywhere, trying to burn everything and yet not burning anything. It never worked. The ache was always there. The want and the need. Axel closed his eyes, thinking.
That emotion that he couldn't name was there. Part of it, at least. But where did it reside? What was the missing piece? What did Axel and Roxas and the rest of the Nobodies have that could possibly give them any feeling?
It's good…for the…
Axel's eyes snapped open. That was it. People had spoken of it, he remembered. He didn't know how he remembered…but there weren't just emotions in the heart. There were emotions in…yes, feeling resided there too. Nobodies still had that, and that's how they could feel at least minimally. That's how they could want each other to this degree. It wasn't necessarily a full emotion that people with hearts had, but it was enough. It was enough to make Axel wait for Roxas to come back.
When the blonde walked into the room, Axel rose and embraced him from behind. Roxas' breath hitched.
"Axel…"
He held on tighter, and he felt the smaller hands rest on top of his. Then the younger Nobody tensed, and he knew he'd seen the note uncrumpled.
"Why do we do this, Axel? We can't keep going if we don't know why."
"Because, Roxas," he murmured lazily before lowering his mouth to the other's ear and whispering, "you're good for my soul."
The body he was embracing relaxed and he could tell there was a smile on his face.
That answer was enough for both of them and it let them back to Roxas' bed once again.
…
A/N: Please tell me that makes sense. I mean come on, Nobodies are the body and the soul. I know my soul can feel to a certain extent…so yeah. I just had to write AkuRoku, it's such a loverly angsty pairing.