Watching the show 'Heroes', I've seen that there appear to be some weak points in the story. Now, I don't mean to diss the show or anything, but this seemed to be a fun way to point out some of those features …and to poke a little fun at the writers.

This is presented in the form of a dialogue.

*********

T K is in his office. He has been asked to come up with an idea for a new TV series. He has with him three of his script advisors/helpers. The first one I'm calling 'Aide' because he actually is of some help and the other two I'm calling 'stooge 1' and 'stooge 2' because they do not exactly possess the highest intellectual capacities. To provide myself with some extra material I've decided that T K has a strong aversion towards the Dutch.

T K: "Okay guys we need something new and exciting. Something that will capture the public's imagination. Think now, it has to be something original."

Aide: "How about a show where there's this plane crash on an island and we follow the survivors' lives as they try to cope with their new environment? We could call it 'Lost'."

T K (with disdain): "Nobody would watch that. That's boring. Besides that's just a revamped version of Baywatch. We need something original."

Aide: "Okay…how about a show where this guy is on death row for a murder he didn't commit. Then his brother gets into the prison and tries to break him out. We could call it 'Prison Break'."

T K: "What? No, that's an obvious rip-off of The Powerpuff Girls. We need something original."

T K (after pondering for a few minutes): "I think I got it. We'll make a show where there'll be these mutants with powers; you know like- flying, invisibility, phasing, etc. Some of them'll be good and some bad and they'll fight amongst themselves and stuff. And we could call it …mmm… 'the Not X-men'."

Stooge1: "What a great and original idea, boss."

Aide: "But isn't that just a revamped version of the X-men?"

T K (angrily): "No, you idiot! The X-men wear costumes, these guys don't wear any costumes. Can't you see that makes it completely different?"

Aide: "Um, sir, I still believe they would both be very similar and people would realize it."

T K: (after grudging consideration): "Hmmm… you may have a point. Damn the Dutch! Okay, here's what we'll do. The X-men are mutants right? Instead… these guys'll have evoluted their powers. Yeah, that ought' a do it."

Aide: "Um...do you mean 'evolved their powers' sir?"

T K: "That's what I said! Didn't you hear me, are you blind?"

Aide: "But, sir, for evolution to have any notable result it takes many generations."

T K: "What?"

Aide: "An animal can't just evolve any new ability or power like flight or whatever in one generation. It's a gradual process and takes many generations before, for example, a member of the species can properly fly from complete non-flight."

T K: "Ah, but you forget that these guys have special powers. You see their powers make them evolve faster."

Aide: "I thought they evolved their powers"

T K: "Yes."

Aide: "So…before they even have their powers, their powers somehow make them evolve their powers faster?"

T K: "Exactly. See, it's pretty straightforward."

Aide (looking not a little discomfited): "Well…we should at least change the name. We can't call it 'the Not X-men'. Why don't we call it -"

Stooge1: " 'The Y-men'!"

Stooge2: " 'Two Stupid Dogs'!"

T K: "Wait…well, these are guys who go around rescuing people and saving the day right? So why don't we call it 'Rescuers of People and Savers of the Day'?"

Aide: "…as in 'Heroes'?"

T K: "Yeah, yeah that's what we'll call it – Heroes"

(They move onto discussing the individual characters and their abilities. First they discuss the main villain)

T K: "Let's see, we need to have a really powerful villain to make the show exciting. He has to have a good power…"

Stooge1: "How's about the power to make people completely bald?"

Stooge2: "Or the ability to run really slow?"

T K: "No, no… we'll make someone with the power to steal other people's powers! Yeah that'll work."

Aide: "Sir, if these powers come through evolution, then that means it's because of their individual DNA structures. For someone to steal and use other people's DNA he'd have to be regularly changing his own DNA at will…which seems a little far-fetched."

T K: "Well, that's evolution for you. What about Bigfoot, werewolves and Rumpelstiltskin, eh? Who would've thought that they would've evolved? Aren't they a little far-fetched?"

Aide: "Sir, those are all mythical creatures."

T K (snickering): "Just like you, eh? Ahahaha"

(Both stooges laugh uproariously)

Stooge2: "Good one boss."

T K: "Now we have to decide on a name for this villain. We'll call him …mmm… 'The Dutchman'."

Aide: "Uh, isn't that a little sort-of racist?"

T K (grumpily): "Oh all right, we'll call him something else."

(They now discuss the one with the ability to fly)

T K: "Now we need someone who flies, like, whenever he wants to, without seeming to do anything, he just zooms up into the air without effort."

Aide: "Um, sir even if someone were to somehow evolve the ability to fly the laws of physics demand that he needs some propulsion system. Like, you know, birds evolved wings."

T K: "Ah, but that's this guy's power, you see."

Aide: "The power to not follow the laws of physics?"

T K (after some thinking): "Yep"

Aide: "Sir, that doesn't make sense."

T K: "You know what doesn't make sense?"

(Everyone stares at each other for a few seconds)

Aide (a little apprehensively): "What?"

T K: "What?"

Aide: "What doesn't make sense?"

T K: "Um……the Dutch! They don't make any sense at all! But that doesn't stop them from existing."

(They now discuss the one with the ability to manipulate time and space)

T K: "We'll have this little Japanese guy with the ability of space-time manipulation. He'll be one of the good guys."

Aide: "Sir, there's one problem with creating a person with the power to time-travel. Like if he's a good guy he'd have to keep going back in time to prevent major calamities, like the holocaust."

T K: "Are you crazy? Everyone knows the Japanese and the Jews are mortal enemies."

Aide: "What?"

T K: "That's right. Can't stand each other."

Aide: "I thought the Japanese hated the Chinese?"

T K: "They hate them, too."

Stooge1: "And the Dutch."

T K: "THE DUTCH! WE HATE THE DUTCH!"

(Everyone stares at each other for a few seconds)

Aide: "Sir, are you Japanese?"

T K: "What? No, sorry, got a little carried away."

Aide: "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, why do you hate the Dutch so much?"

T K: "Well, you see I bought this watch once for thousands of dollars. But 5 minutes after buying it, it stopped working."

(Everyone stares at each other for a few seconds)

Aide: "And… that makes you hate the Dutch because...?"

T K: "Well, underneath was printed 'Made in Dutchland'."

Aide: "Dutchland?....Sir, I think you mean Deutschland."

T K: "Possibly… the Dutch don't even know how to spell their own name, ha ha."

Aide: "Um, sir, actually Deutschland is Germany."

T K: "What? Yeah, right. And England is actually Spain. And New Zealand is actually Australia, right? Haha. And…um…Nigerialand is actually Canada, right?"

Aide: "Nigerialand?"

T K: "Whatever, now –"

Stooge2 (sweating profusely and looking very nervous): "Boss, I don't think I can hide it from you anymore…I have to tell you…My great-grandfather's third wife's second cousin was Dutch."

(Few seconds of intense suspense)

T K (leaping up and strangling Stooge2): "You Dutch son-of-a-*&##$! I'll show you!"

Aide (attempting to restrain T K): "Sir, please!"

T K (after almost killing Stooge2): "You're right, you're right. Must control myself…but if he ever tries to sell me a watch…God help me."

(After order is restored)

T K: "Now, we need to think up some more powers to keep the show enjoyable. You know, some interesting powers - new and unique ones like…"

Stooge1: "The power to eat baseball bats!"

Stooge2: "The ability to turn into a mango at will!"

T K: "Hmmm… those are both awesome powers, but I think I'm looking for something a little different…let's see, we could include characters with the power to phase... heal by kissing... control fire... enter dreams…"

Aide: "Sir, doesn't it seem as if we're just randomly throwing in powers to try and keep the audience's interest instead of forming a coherent storyline?"

T K: "But that's exactly what we're trying to do! Do you know how hard it is to form a coherent storyline? Shakespeare tried it and look where it got him! His best story was about an ugly duckling."

Aide: "What? Sir, I think you may have – "

T K: "No no, coming up with new powers is the best way to keep people watching. And each season we'll throw in newer and crazier powers! Ahahaha (laughing evilly). Yes, like the power to change things (conveniently) into gold and the ability to create vacuums/vortexes at will."

Aide: "Sir, I think you should know that organisms develop new attributes in – "

T K (confused): "Organisms?"

Aide: "Uh, animals, sir."

T K (more confused): "Aminals?"

Aide: "Um, you know, things that move around…things that are alive"

T K (still looking confused): "…are you talking about my socks?"

Aide (exasperated): "Sir, evolution doesn't randomly give out new attributes or powers. They happen in response to survival pressures. Like when the climate gets colder animals-things develop thicker coats to cope with the new conditions."

T K: "But creating temporary vortexes is a very important survival trait! How else would you get rid of yesterday's trash?"

Aide: "Sir, I don't think- "

T K: "Exactly. Now what else can we put in the show? Ah, I know, we'll include this group that goes around abducting people and studying their powers. And we'll give them the brilliant name, 'The Company'."

Stooge2: "Awesome idea, boss"

T K: "Shut up Dutch-boy. Ooh, and we'll put in subliminal messages telling the viewers to kill all Dutch!"

Aide: "Sir, we can't do that."

T K: "But they try to sell people watches that don't work! Can't you see they need to be exterminated? How can we live in a world with faulty watches?"

……..

And so, it was in this way that Heroes was born.

Thank you T K… wherever you are!!

(No Dutchmen were harmed in the making of this fanfic)