Susan had thought that it would be a good way to get back into the routine of working at the ER of County General in Chicago by throwing her name into the hat for the Secret Santa event. It was two weeks before Christmas, and it was now her turn to pull a name out of the hat to see who she would get a present for. As Chuny held the hat out to her, she smiled and placed her hand inside and felt around for the tiny strips of paper with names written on them. When she found one, she pulled it out and glanced at it. Her face fell when she read the name. Chuny glanced over and read the name. "Oh, man, you got Romano? Rotten luck!" she said with a chuckle before walking away to hold the hat out to Jerry the desk clerk.
Susan groaned inwardly as she thought about having to buy "Rocket" Romano a present. He was Chief of Staff, and the head of the Surgical department. He was her boss, and made a significantly larger amount of money than she did. And what's more, she barely knew the man, personally. She'd heard plenty about his reputation from her coworkers since returning, however, and found him to be quite intimidating. Perhaps joining in the Secret Santa event had been a terrible idea, but it was too late now. There was nothing to be done but to figure out a present that would impress her boss, and not embarrass her at the same time.
"Who'd you get?" Carter asked a few minutes later as he approached the admit desk for a chart. "I got Phil Stevens up in Radiology."
"I got…Romano…" Susan said quietly.
Carter's eyebrows rose and his eyes grew large. "Wow…that'll be…fun, I'm sure," he said as tactfully as possible. "What will you get him?"
"I have no idea, Carter," Susan said with a frown. "What would you get him?"
Carter looked thoughtful for a moment. "A soul? If you could find one this time of year at a good price. Maybe second-hand? Or maybe a book about manners; he could make good use of that."
Susan rolled her eyes and slugged him playfully on the shoulder. "You're so helpful Carter! Thanks," she replied sarcastically.
"No problem; always glad to help," Carter replied with a grin before grabbing a chart and walking away.
Susan spent the rest of the day fretting over what to get for Romano. He stopped by the ER in the afternoon on a surgical consult, and she had a chance to observe him from across the room. He was curt, quick to make a diagnosis, and utterly no-nonsense. After the patient had been wheeled out of the room for an MRI, he proceeded to yell at a nurse for being unable to read her notes on the patient's chart. "I know it's asking a lot, but if you could try to write legibly, we may manage to kill fewer patients each year and then maybe we'd have a little more money around this place instead of having to shell it all out in lawsuits!"
Susan tried not to make eye contact as he turned to leave, but he managed to notice her anyway. He walked over to her and took the chart she was working on out of her hands. He looked at it for a moment before handing it back to her. "Huh," he replied as though surprised. "At least somebody in the ER has good handwriting. Probably won't kill anybody today."
"Thanks, Dr. Romano," Susan replied, "I think…"
"Honestly, Dr. Lewis, I think you're the only one in this department with a fully functioning brain. If Weaver ever dies, remind me to make you Chief." With that, he turned and left the room, leaving Susan wondering what exactly had just occurred.
Over the next several days, she spied on Romano any chance she could. She noted that he almost always ate alone, either at Doc Magoo's or in the cafeteria. She'd always assumed he'd eat in the fabled upper crust surgeon's dining room, and wondered why he didn't. She knew he could afford it.
And while he often came across as racist or sexist, in reality, he was equally harsh to everybody with no real distinction. Susan theorized that he just chose the issue each person was most sensitive about to insult. She decided he enjoyed pushing people's buttons, not necessarily to have power over them, though he did seem to relish that, but more importantly, he did it to see what would happen. Cause and effect. What made each person tick. He was truly a man of science in all things.
One day, in the ER, Susan watched as Romano barked at Weaver. "Honestly, sometimes I don't know why I put you in charge down here. Women just don't have the ability to cope with the demands. I should have appointed a man," he snarled after seeing how full the board was, and how Weaver had been struggling to control it when they were short three doctors, due to the holidays and illness.
"Robert, I have everything under control! Why don't you go back upstairs and cut somebody else up?"
"Sure, take it all out on me…" Robert rolled his eyes and started to walk away. Susan glanced at him and saw him watching Weaver out of the corner of his eye as he left. He was smiling to himself as he got into the elevator to return to his floor. Weaver was upset for the rest of the shift. Susan could tell he took great delight in manipulating people, and was impressed with how easily he could do it.
Certain people were subject to his experiments more than others. Dr. Corday, Dr. Weaver, and Dr. Benton I particular were his victims more often than not. Though, Susan noticed, they were the ones who responded the most when he egged them on. After the incident with Weaver, he tried it a few times on her when they ran into each other, but when she laughed it off, he didn't continue. Susan thought that deep down, he wasn't actually serious at all.
And there were other times when he said things that people seemed to find offensive, but to her, they were hysterical. In spite of his surliness, he was quite an amusing man. At times it was quite difficult not to laugh at his crude jokes, but she didn't want to find out what would happen if she did.
After the first week of observation, she felt that she had a firmer grasp on why Romano conducted himself the way he did. What she needed now, was to find out what he liked. To do so, she sought out Elizabeth Corday, somebody she knew to have known him for quite a long time. Elizabeth, she hoped, would know exactly what a good present would be.
"I wish I could be more help," she said apologetically as they sat down to coffee in the cafeteria. "I don't know a lot about the man, in spite of working with him for four years. He has a dog named Gretel that actually could pass for a small bear. He lives alone, but he has a mother and a niece, so he must have at least one sibling, but I don't even know if it's a sister or a brother. He lives in a large house with just him and his dog. I assume he has a maid or a housekeeper, because there's no way he could keep such a big house under control with his work schedule."
"Do you know anything else? What he does in his time off? What his favorite tv show is? What his favorite book is? Anything?" Susan was desperate for information and hoped it didn't show.
Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders and frowned. "He's just a very closed-off person. He doesn't tell anybody anything like that," she replied.
Susan couldn't understand how Elizabeth could have worked with him for such a long time and know nothing about him as a person. Sure he wasn't forthright in volunteering information, but had anybody even asked him before? Suddenly she felt sad that after all that time working with people, nobody cared enough to ask him about himself. Maybe he wouldn't be so harsh all the time if somebody actually cared about him.
"Well, do you know what his office is like? Maybe there are some clues there," she said, grasping at straws.
Elizabeth took a sip of coffee before replying. "He has all sorts of weapons on display. Knives mostly. And some model rockets on his desk."
"Now that is interesting," Susan replied, mulling the information over. She could get him a toy rocket, perhaps, or a knife to add to his collection. It was the only thing she had to go with at this point in time.
She left the meeting with Elizabeth still thinking it over. The rockets in his office was amusing, when she thought about it. Playing up his nickname. He must truly identify with the name. It was a rather legendary nickname for an even more legendary surgeon. Being a brilliant surgeon was clearly vital to him and his psyche. She wondered what his life would be like if he wasn't a surgeon.
And the knives, that was really just an extension of surgery. Tools used for cutting, but they were also weapons. Susan went back to work and thought about everything she now knew about "Rocket" Romano. A man who played up his name, gave everybody a hard time, but gave those he interacted with most the hardest time of all, and filled his office with weaponry. All of those added up to a strong sense of defensiveness in Susan's mind. Why would a man like him need to feel so defensive? His sharp tongue, that could tear a person to shreds, was often thought to be offensive, but what if Romano lived by the idea of "the best defense is a good offense"? Could all of his harshness and cruelty be a way of keeping people from hurting him? Hurt them first before they hurt you? It made her feel sad for him that he'd developed this attitude over the course of his life, and that it kept him from having true friendships or relationships with others. She didn't know why he was like that, what had happened in his past to hurt him so badly, and she supposed it wasn't her business, really. It was just the way he was, for some reason. This was the thought that Susan kept with her as she continued to observe Romano over the next few days.
Robert was his usual surly self, and Susan even experimented with treating him kindly to see what he'd do. When she brought in Christmas cookies to share, she offered the plate to him when he came down to do a surgical consult. He looked at them suspiciously for a moment before finally taking one and handing the plate back to her. "Thanks," he said quietly as she smiled at him. "These are the first Christmas cookies I've had this year," he mentioned casually while reaching out to grab another. "Usually my…" he stopped himself and cleared his throat. He frowned and started to walk away. "There's plenty of work to be done down here, better get back to it and stop standing around gabbing all morning." He spoke forcefully and harshly to her. Susan frowned and looked down at the plate of cookies. What had just happened?
As the day went on, she continued to ponder the enigma that was "Rocket" Romano. Why would a man who seemingly disliked everybody and everything even participate in Secret Santa? He was never satisfied with anything. How could he possibly like what she or anybody else at the hospital could get him?
In a bold move, Susan followed Robert home that night to see what his house looked like. She could hear his dog bark in greeting from where she was parked in her car. It must be a giant of a dog. But there were no signs of Christmas from where she could see into his house. The shades hadn't been drawn, so she had a good view of the living room. No tree, no decorations or lights inside the house or out on the porch. Nothing in the yard either. She saw Robert smile as he played with Gretel. That was the first sign of happiness she'd ever detected from him. She was struck at what a handsome man he truly was, when he wasn't frowning or scowling. She wished he would smile more often, because when he did, he looked like somebody she could be good friends with.
As Susan drove home that night, she tried to put together all the pieces. Robert wanted a Secret Santa present, for some reason. But he had no signs of Christmas at his home. He hadn't had a Christmas cookie until she'd offered him one. He hadn't finished his statement, but he'd implied that normally somebody else made them for him but hadn't done so this year, for whatever reason. He had no wife or children, only a dog, a sibling of some sort, a niece, and a mother. He was a very defensive man who rarely, if ever, let somebody into his mind and heart. Why would he want a present?
That night, Susan's mother called and talked for nearly a half hour about Christmas plans. By the time she was done, she was ready to throw the phone across the room. As she ate Pad Thai out of the carton with chopsticks, she wondered what it would be like to spend Christmas all alone, with nobody to bother her. It would probably be wonderful. Nobody to ask her when she planned on getting married. No parents squabbling all day long, which usually left her with a splitting headache. Just silence. It sounded so ideal to her. Suddenly, a vision of Robert, alone in his dark house came to mind. He was probably going to spend Christmas alone. All alone with a big empty, undecorated house and nobody to give him a present. Only his dog for company. It might be horribly lonely.
Like a lightning bolt, it hit her: That was it. Robert put his name in the Secret Santa hat, because he had nobody else to give him a present. His mother, normally the one who would spend Christmas with him, no doubt, and make him cookies, was unable to this year, for some reason. Perhaps she was on vacation, or ill.
All of this was conjecture, of course, but it made a lot of sense. A man who didn't have any close friends, and was facing Christmas by himself with no other chance at a present then if he signed up for one. How tragic.
And like a second lightning bolt, Susan was struck with another idea: She knew exactly what to get Robert for Christmas. There was still plenty of time too. She spent the rest of the evening making a list and checking it twice before going to bed.
The next day was her day off, and she spent her time shopping for items on her list for Robert. It would be a rather involved project, but she knew she would succeed in getting him the perfect Secret Santa present. Christmas was two days away, but there were still plenty of good things still available. By the end of the day, she was exhausted, but happy from being able to cross off everything on her list.
The day after was Christmas Eve, and Susan woke up to feel butterflies in her stomach. Would she be able to pull it off? What if Robert hated what she'd gotten for him? What if it made him so angry he made her life miserable like some of the other unlucky people she worked with? It was too late to change her mind about his gifts, so she had no choice but to go through with it. The hardest part would be getting through the day without spoiling it on accident. She put her present in her car and drove off to work, playing the scene out in her mind.
It was painful to watch Robert throughout the day as more and more people received their gifts and he didn't. Each time he came into the ER as the day went by he was in a worse and worse mood. Susan knew then that she'd been on the right track at least. This was something very important to him, though he wouldn't dare let on. She hated making him suffer like this, and had to force herself not to say anything. Even though he wasn't always the nicest person at all times, she hated to see a person in pain.
After lunch, Abby Lockhart tracked her down and gave her a silver-wrapped box with a large red bow on it. "Merry Christmas!" she cried, smiling as Susan took the box and opened it.
Susan laughed as she took out a lovely green scarf with matching hat and gloves. "Abby, it's supposed to be a secret who I got this from," she admonished her lightly before giving her a hug.
"I know, but I hate surprises," Abby replied with a shrug.
"Well I love this, I'll wear it all winter!" Susan declared before they were called away to work on a trauma.
Susan was glad that her shift ended not too long after Robert's, as it allowed her to run to the grocery store and buy some last minute items before driving to his house. He'd be home well before she was.
It was dark inside Robert's house when she pulled up. She didn't see his car, but knew from her last trip, that he parked in his garage. She hoped he was home. All her plans would be ruined if he wasn't home right now.
It took several trips from her car to his porch to unload everything, but after about five minutes, she was done. Wearing the clothing Abby had given her, to stay warm, she took a deep breath, reached out a hand, and knocked on the door with the small metal knocker.
Immediately, Gretel began to bark and Susan could hear her on the other side of the door, scratching and trying to get out. "Gretel! Get away from the door!" she heard Robert cry from somewhere inside the house.
It took a minute, but finally, the door opened to reveal Robert Romano's sullen face. He looked at her with a mixture of surprise and suspicion. "Dr. Lewis, what are you doing here?" he asked, looking out onto his porch and seeing bags and boxes everywhere.
Susan's heart pounded and she took another deep breath to calm down. "First off, I would just like to say that I did put a lot of thought into this. I hope you'll like it." She spoke rapidly, having finally found the courage to speak and not wanting to chicken out now.
"Like what? Susan, what is all of this?" Robert stepped out onto the porch and folded his arms.
Susan looked around the porch, and smiled slightly. "I have something to tell you, Dr. Romano," she continued, "I'm your Secret Santa. I know I'm giving away the surprise, but I have no choice. You are a hard man to shop for, you know. You have so much already, and I don't know you terribly well yet, so I was pretty nervous about picking your name out of the hat. I thought long and hard about it and I finally decided that what I would get you for Christmas was…Christmas." She smiled sheepishly and waved her hand out to indicate all the bags on the porch. "I have everything you need. If you let me in, I'll set it all up for you."
Robert's face was unreadable as he looked down at the bags. "I thought…" he stopped himself and shook his head resolutely for a moment. "I was expecting a present at work," he concluded quietly.
"I hope I didn't upset you, making you think you weren't going to get anything," Susan replied, "but as you can see, it had to be done this way." She bent down and picked up a long, narrow box containing an artificial Christmas tree with multi-colored lights on it. "It's getting a bit cold out here. Mind if I start bringing this stuff inside?"
Robert stepped out of her way and grabbed a bag of supplies in response. Within minutes, everything was in his living room. Gretel bounded up to Susan, demanding to be pet in greeting. "Oh, what a wonderful dog!" she cried while scratching Gretel's head. She reached into a bag and pulled out a large dog bone with a red bow taped to it. She took the bow off and handed Gretel the bone. "Here you go, just for you," she said as the dog settled onto the floor to chew happily on her bone.
Robert smiled as he watched Gretel play. "There's so much stuff, where do we begin?" he asked.
Susan handed him a couple bags she'd just purchased from the grocery store. "With these," she said. "These are groceries, so I'll let you put them away in your kitchen."
Robert gaped as he glanced into the heavier of the two bags. "A turkey? I was going to have a tv dinner…" he commented.
"I figured as much," Susan replied as he walked into the kitchen. "There are supplies for a full meal with all the trimmings." She took the time with Robert out of the living room to pull out stockings for him and Gretel, and set them on the mantel above the fireplace. There was a fire in the fireplace that gave off a cheerful glow. She filled the stockings with the stocking stuffers she'd purchased the previous day. The next morning, Robert would wake up and open them, and the thought made her grin. She'd had fun buying him silly things, like a Pez dispenser, and she'd found a small toy rocket that was now carefully wrapped. And Gretel would have more toys to go along with her bone.
She was in the middle of setting up the tree when Robert rejoined her. "What do you mean, 'You figured'?" he asked while kneeling down to help.
Susan blushed. It hadn't taken him long to figure her out. "Well, I spent the entire time after getting your name observing you. At work. And one time at your house, from my car. But only once, and not in a creepy-stalker sort of way," she confessed hurriedly. "I just wanted to see if you had any sort of decorations up, and you didn't."
Robert looked at her for a minute, taking everything in. "That was a lot of thought and effort for somebody you don't even know that well," he replied. Together they stood up, placed the pieces of the tree together, and began to fluff the branches. "Most people don't bother. Most people don't care enough."
Susan shrugged and grinned at Robert. "I'm not most people," she said. When the tree was ready, Robert plugged it into the wall and they watched as the bright, happy lights turned on. Susan took out a few boxes of ornaments and handed one to Robert. They decorated the tree in contented silence.
When the tree was done, Robert turned the radio to a station playing Christmas music while Susan proceeded to decorate the rest of the living room and the front hallway. "If you tell anybody from work about this…" Robert called out from the kitchen as he poured glasses of eggnog for them.
"Your secret is safe with me," Susan promised as she took one of the glasses from his hand and took a sip. The last thing she did before declaring herself done, was to set three wrapped gifts on the skirt under the Christmas tree.
She sat down on the couch to continue drinking her eggnog as Robert looked around the room. "This is the most festive I think it's ever been here," he commented before sitting down on the other end of the couch. He sipped his eggnog and looked down at the glass in his hand. He was quiet for a minute before looking up at Susan. "My mother died earlier this year," he confessed quietly, an action most unlike him, under normal circumstances. "Usually she came here and did the whole Christmas thing with me, so I didn't know what to do this year…"
Susan's heart broke as she looked at Robert. What sadness to have endured. But she knew he would hate being pitied, and kept those feelings to herself. "You have so many people at work who could be your friends, Robert," she said. "Why didn't you tell anybody?" Throwing caution to the wind, she set down her glass on the coffee table and moved down the couch until she was next to him. She threw her arms around him and hugged him fiercely. He was rigid for a moment before returning her embrace.
"I'm not a very popular man at the hospital," he replied quietly while still holding onto her. "And I don't plan on changing that any time soon."
Susan pulled away from him and shook her head in wonder. "Well, I hope you don't mind if we end up being friends," she replied, moving back to her glass of eggnog. "I think I'd like that, if you don't mind."
Robert smiled and nodded his head. "Just don't take it personally if I yell at you occasionally at work. I do have a reputation to uphold," he said in agreement.
They sat in front of the fire for an hour, talking and laughing before Susan looked at her watch. "I should go," she replied, standing up. "I'm glad you enjoyed this, because I sure did."
Robert walked her to the door and helped her into her coat. As he opened the door for her, she turned to hug him again, and kissed his cheek before stepping out onto the porch. "Hey, I just had a thought," he said, poking his head out the door. "I happen to have a huge turkey and all the trimmings for tomorrow, and nobody to share it with. What are your plans for tomorrow?"
"I was going to find some way to get out of going to my parents' house for lunch."
"Want to join me instead?"
Susan grinned and nodded her head. "I'd love to. I can come early to help you cook."
"Be here around ten? I'll have breakfast ready," Robert promised.
"Ten it is." She turned and walked down the steps before turning back to look up at Robert again. "Oh, and Robert?" When he looked at her curiously, she continued, "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Susan."
Susan walked to her car and got inside to drive home. Robert watched as she got in to make sure she drove off safely before returning to his house. He brushed his hand against the cheek she'd kissed and shook his head. A small smile crept onto his face as he walked into the living room to sit down by his Christmas tree.
The next morning, Robert opened his stocking, and laughed to see the toy rocket Susan had gotten for him. It was just the thing he needed to cheer him up during his bittersweet Christmas. Looking at the rocket, he realized that he was a very lucky man, having a person in his life who cared enough to go such lengths to make sure he had a wonderful holiday. Of all the presents Robert got that year, Susan's friendship would be the most important and precious to him.