Where You Are
Pinkstranger
Disclaimer: I do not own anything or anyone from Mass Effect; they belong to the wonderful Bioware people, whom I thank whole heartedly for such an awesome game to take up my free time. LOL
Author Note: This is just a small three part story that I've been toying around with for a while. I finally decided to share it with everyone else after I read Evil Sapphyre's "Heaven Sent". If you haven't read that one, I suggest you do. Anyway… hope you all like it.
Rated M for suicidal tendencies and sexual content.
Chapter 1
Kaidan threw himself down onto his bed, if had been another long day of endless meetings. He couldn't be happier to be 'home''; not to mention that he felt the beginning of a migraine pounding behind his eyes.
Slowly he sat up and reached for his migraine medicine the movement causing the holoframe on his nightstand to flicker to life. Kaidan froze as he stared at the bright blue eyes of a love long gone, Alexis Shepard.
He quickly forgot about his migraine as the pain in his head was overshadowed by the pain in his chest. He gently picked up the holoframe and traced the outline of her face with his thumb.
"Alexis." He whispered in his raspy baritone voice. "I miss you. I wish you were here right now. No one believes us about the reapers. How can I convince the council without you?"
She had been gone for six months, six extremely long months, yet it still felt like he had lost her yesterday. He could still smell her perfume, taste her lips, and feel her hands on his skin anytime he closed his eyes.
"It's not fair!" Kaidan yelled into the darkness of his empty bedroom. He was suddenly engulfed in a blue aura as he anger quickly boiled over. "She had so much left to do! The galaxy still needs Commander Shepard! I still need Alexis!"
Kaidan noticed the objects swirling around the room, and took a few deep breaths trying to calm himself down. His biotics muted to a low hum and the objects fell the floor. He was going to have a mess to clean up in the morning.
"Damnit!" Kaidan hissed as his migraine hit full force. He gently rubbed his temple as he sat the holoframe back in its place on the nightstand and grabbed his medicine. He could feel his pulse pounding at his temple as his vision began to grow blurry. Why do I put myself through this? He silently wondered as he prepped the hyponeedle.
He glanced at the holoframe once again before slamming his eyes shut against the pain. Without a second thought he blindly fiddled with the hyponeedle before injecting himself in the thigh. After a few moments the world began to spin violently as his already blurred vision began to tunnel. He focused on Alexis' brilliant eyes as breathing became harder and harder. I'm coming Alexis, wait for me. Kaidan thought as everything went black.
Kaidan was still in a foggy darkness as he felt a gentle hand on his cheek. "Kaidan... Kaidan, wake up. Look at me." His eyes flew open as he recognized her voice.
"Alexis?" He gasped as his whiskey eyes met her sky blue ones. She smiled at him. "Alexis! I've missed you so much!" Instantly he pulled her against him as he lay on the ground. She sank deeply into his embrace, enjoying the feel of his arms around her again.
"Why Kaidan?" She cried into his shoulder. He didn't even pretend to not understand what she was talking about.
"Because I couldn't go on." He shook his head at himself. "I sat through endless meetings trying to convince the council that the reapers are real only to be told that you were crazy. I was even warned that I could be considered unstable. Lex, they could have locked me up saying that my implants finally drove me over the edge. What was I supposed to do?"
Alexis pulled herself out his arms and sat up. She stared at him, her eyes burning. "Damnit Kaidan! You keep fighting! That's what you're supposed to do! Keep fighting!" She pounded a fist into his chest as she spoke.
"I'm not you Alexis!" Kaidan sat up as well, for the first time taking notice of his surroundings. They sat in the middle of a green grassy meadow, with clear blue skies. The sun was shining brightly and a light breeze gently blew around them. Even though he was sitting on the ground, he found he was not uncomfortable. In fact it was no different than if he had been sitting on a bed. It was really a beautiful place.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Alexis snapped. Her angry tone broke into his silent observations.
"I can't carry the weight of the galaxy alone Alexis." He replied quietly as he locked eyes with her again. "I can't do this without you." Her eyes softened as she placed a hand on his cheek.
"Kaidan, you were always the strongest man that I ever knew. If anyone could have made it through this, it would have been you. I was always there with you." Kaidan captured her hand in his own and pressed a kiss into her palm.
"I know. I felt you all the time." Kaidan whispered. "I could feel you hand on my shoulder when I was frustrated, your kiss on my cheek when I was lonely, and just your presence during those meetings. I knew you were there."
"And here Ash said that you wouldn't be able to tell I was there." She smiled at him, her brilliant eyes twinkling with playfulness.
"You've seen Ash?"
"Yeah, she likes the beach, that's where she hangs out most of the time." Alexis chuckled. "But I prefer the meadow here. Growing up on the streets I never really had the chance to play in the grass. I love to lay here and run my hands over the ground. It's comforting."
Kaidan didn't reply, instead he pulled her to him once again as he claimed her soft lips. He felt her melt into his embrace and he deepened the kiss as his fingers entwined themselves into her golden locks. Her lips parted as a small moan escaped her throat. Kaidan took the opportunity and slipped his tongue into her mouth, savoring the familiar taste of her.
Alexis broke the kiss and sat up once again, lust burned brightly in her eyes. "Shirt, now." She ordered. Kaidan gave her a lopsided grin as he slid his t-shirt over his head, revealing his chiseled chest. Her hands were on his bare skin almost immediately, gently caressing his chest and abs. It was then that Kaidan noticed that Alexis was in a dress. He'd never seen her in a dress, or even a picture of her in one.
"You look great when you show off your legs." Kaidan beamed.
"You never got to see my feminine side, Kaidan." She chuckled. "I used to wear dresses and skirts anytime I wasn't on duty." Alexis then gently kissed Kaidan's neck, sending shivers down his spine.
They continued kissed and caressing each other on the soft ground, gently peeling away their remaining clothing until they both lay naked in each other's arms. Kaidan pulled Alexis' nude form against his body. "Aren't you worried that someone will see us? We are out in the open."
"This is my space Kaidan; no one can come onto the meadow unless I let them." She replied. "Everyone has their own ideals of the afterlife Kaidan. Mine is this meadow, it's calming and peaceful. Ashley prefers the beach, lounging around the water all day. You… You prefer to be anywhere that I am."
"Mmm… Can't argue with that." Kaidan laughed. "An eternity of this…" Kaidan trailed off as his arms wrapped tighter around her waist.
"It's about to get even better." Alexis grinned as she climbed on top of him. She kissed him passionately.
"Oh Alexis!" Kaidan moaned as she slowly lowered herself onto him.
"I've missed you Kaidan." She whispered in his ear as she started moving on him at an excruciatingly slow pace. Kaidan clenched his jaw, resisting the urge to grasp her waist to force her to move a bit faster.
"What are you doing to me, woman?" Kaidan ground out between his clenched teeth; even so Alexis knew he was enjoying himself. "Your slow movements are going to drive me insane."
"I know." She grinned.
"Are you testing my will?"
"Possibly." She replied as she began another slow decent.
"I don't have much left in me Alexis, you win." Kaidan grinned as he took hold of her, rolling her body beneath his own and burying himself deep within her.
"Kaidan!" Alexis cried out after he had established a steady rhythm.
"Stay with me Lex." Kaidan whispered against her ear before kissing his way across her cheek. "I love you." He whispered before he claimed her lips with his own, his tongue delving deep into her warm cavern. He felt her body tighten around him and he deepened the kiss as he felt his own release as well.
Tired and sated, the couple collapsed to the ground, again holding each other tightly. After a few moments Alexis sat up and looked into Kaidan's eyes. "I'm going to miss you Kaidan." She said sadly.
"What?" Kaidan sat up as well, panic rising in his chest. "What are you talking about Alexis? I'm right here! I'm not going anywhere!"
"You can't stay here Kaidan, it's not your time yet." She replied. Now sooner had she spoken than did Kaidan feel an electric shock course through his body. He fell to the ground again wincing against the pain, but maintaining eye contact with Alexis.
"I won't leave you again Alexis!" Kaidan cried out as already the perfect world around him began to fade. He felt another shock course through his body. "Please!"
"I love you too." Alexis said as a single tear streaked down her ivory colored face. "I'll always be here."
"No!" Kaidan fought to stay with her in focus, but his vision began to blacken. "Alexis!"
"Good-bye Kaidan." Her voice was the last thing he heard as the darkness consumed him again.
Kaidan's eyes fluttered open as he heard voices around him. As the room came into focus he noticed Councilor Anderson speaking with a doctor. Glancing around the room Kaidan quickly concluded he was at a hospital. He tried to move, but only caused his whole body to ache. He let out a low moan causing the two men to look in his direction.
"Good to see you awake Lieutenant." The doctor greeted him. "You've been unconscious for the better part of two days."
"What happened?" Kaidan rasped out.
"You must have had one heck of a migraine; you overdosed on your medication." The doctor explained. "Luckily one of your neighbors saw a flash of your biotics through your window. Thinking that you must have been attacked, she called c-sec. We were able to revive you."
"Sounds like I owe my nosy neighbor a 'Thank You'." Kaidan replied.
"You sure do." The doctor chuckled before looking to Anderson. "I'll leave you two alone then."
Kaidan watched as the doctor left the room and Anderson's dark eyes fell harshly onto Kaidan.
"Alenko, I know that you're hurting right now, but that doesn't excuse what you almost did the other day. The medical staff believes that you accidentally overdosed, and I'm inclined to let them think that. It doesn't do any of us any good if people think you're suicidal."
"Sir?"
"Alenko, you're being promoted and will be working directly for myself and Admiral Hackett. We need you to investigate any and all leads we have on the reapers. You can't do that if your mental stability is being questioned."
"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry Sir." Kaidan replied as his eyes fell to his lap.
"I know what it's like to lose a loved one Kaidan. You can't let this consume you. She wouldn't want that."
"I know Sir." Kaidan nodded.
"You really did love her, didn't you?" Anderson asked. Kaidan's gaze snapped up to the older man. "I knew all about you two a long time ago. I'm not condoning what you two did, but I respect the fact that you two remain professional until the very end."
"How…" Kaidan couldn't even form the whole sentence.
"The way you two looked at each other told me that something was there. Then Virmire happened and I knew… The way you defend her so passionately against the council only confirmed it." Anderson stated, but quickly continued upon seeing the panic rising in Kaidan's eyes. "I only caught on because of how well I knew Shepard. Your secret is safe."
"Thank you Sir." Kaidan visibly relaxed.
"They want to keep you here another night, just for observations. I'll send an escort here in the morning and we can get the paperwork in order for your promotion, Lieutenant Commander."
"That's going to take some getting used to." Kaidan sighed.
"It'll grow on you." Anderson nodded. "I'll see you at 1100 hours tomorrow."
"Thank you Sir." Kaidan weakly saluted before Anderson left the room. Kaidan sank back against the bed. "Why couldn't I have stayed?"
Kaidan felt something gently stroking his hand and a ghostly kiss on his cheek. He lightly smiled. "Don't worry Lex; I'm not going to do that again. I promise. I'll carry on and make you proud."
"I know you will." A gentle voice whispered in his ear. Then there was nothing, and Kaidan sat alone in the empty hospital room.