Warnings: Don't go on any further if violence and blood makes you nervous/grossed out...
I am finding it very difficult to sleep tonight. It's not the bad noise mixture of the rain beating against the heavy metal roof of this place we're hiding in; it's not the rhythmic thunder growls… It's another empty birthday coming to a close. I never sleep until it officially ends, not until a near by clock tells me it's twelve in the morning and the next day; I only have an hour to go until I feel a little at peace. This year, I wasn't spending it laying down and staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come, because if I did, I would've gotten water in my eyes from the dripping ceiling. I was staring at a wall as if it had the most interesting thing on it. There was nothing else to distract me but my thoughts, but my thoughts makes me feel worse.
My chin rested in my hands with my elbows getting sore because I've sat like this for hours. After Duster and Kumatora crashed I was alone again. They've tried to cheer me up but it didn't work much…it's just not the same. I gave them a false sense of correctness though; fake smiles. Fake smiles are the worse, but they're also a kind of shield. They are the worse because they are empty, false, and full of lies. The receiver may or may not feel them, but getting such a thing should be seen as an insult, especially when they try so hard to make me happy… Sort of like a, 'No, sorry. Your offer failed. I'm rejecting anything else you try.'
When I sighed, I hadn't realized how heavy they were. Heavy from my burdened heart maybe… Despite waking at five in the morning today, getting dragged around outside for hours and fighting monsters until the storm brewed, I was still not the lightest form of tired.
It's hard to enjoy a birthday when the one I was born with or the one who bought me here wasn't here to celebrate it with me. The other half of me that I held the hand of when we blew the candles out on the count of three after whispering and agreeing on a wish together… Or a special cake from our tender mom. This is year four I went without a cake or any of that, I just can't celebrate it anymore, it feels like I'm cheating it…that I shouldn't have one anymore.
So much for getting past my disturbing thoughts. Five out of sixty minutes went by… What can I do for myself? The window making strange clicking noises took me out of my mental cursing because they were abnormal. I looked to my right and saw…rocks? Looking down…it was Claus again. He was holding onto a medium sized brown box, looking up at me excited that he finally got my attention. His hair was dropping from the rain, making it heavy and wet. He was waving at me, telling me to come out I think. Not again… not this again…
I think the window would've click for hours on end if I didn't go. Whatever these…things were, they were as stubborn as Claus himself used to be. I gotten up from my seat and grabbed a bat; his bat and headed my way to the outdoors. It was a bit of a struggling push to open the door because of the harsh wind; it was so harsh you can hear it howling threats at you. I heard him running his way over and I tried to keep my guard, I was never good at any form of fighting.
He kept his distance from me and held the box into view. I said nothing so he talked first. "Happy birthday, bro."
"Happy birthday to you too," I replied. I decided to 'humor' the situation to see where it would go.
"I know you miss me, so I think I'll give you something that's apart of me; something important." he smiled, but it made me very uncomfortable…
"What…Claus?" I was growing scared, and I hated how it showed in my voice. Who knows how whatever likes to torture me will handle me now…
"I won't tell you to close your eyes because I've always found that game stupid so…" he trailed off and opened the box and tossed the lid aside. When I saw what was inside, I gasped and felt the shock of fear flow through my senses. When I continued to stare into the box I could swear it was still beating in there… "Bro..? What's wrong?" I saw the tear in his shirt showing the bleeding hole once it was out of view... I tightened the grip on the bat I held despite his concerned voice… "Take it and hold it while it's still warm!" I bit the bottom of my lip still staring at the 'present' in the box. "Bro, why don't you want my—" And I swung the bat clear across his face. The box flew out in a distance as he fell to the ground with a cry. "No…"
"Why did you do tha—ah!!" I hit him again. "Stop!!" And again. "Stop!!" And again. "Stop it, Lucas! Stop doing this to me!!" And again… "LUCAS!" Was his high screechy cry when I swung down harder.
I didn't want to hear him talk anymore…I didn't want him here. I didn't want this anymore. Why won't they go away?! Why do they come for me?! What do they want?! After another swing…I noticed he stopped moving. Stopped screaming… And looking down… parts of his body was swollen…especially his swollen face and purple eye lids… There was blood…and the sight made my stomach turn especially since I've caused that.
I was never one to hurt and kill but yet…I could do it to Cla—no…something that takes his form…But it still stands point. He seemed…dead, so I took my leave…
"Lu...cas…"
I felt that same spark shoot through my senses and turned around. It felt more like a burn now. He was rubbing his bloodied face and eyes whining like he was trying to look at me…into my eyes again. I hated it… I rose the bat up again but was grabbed from behind! "A-ah!!"
"Stop it, Lucas! Stop swinging at nothing!!"
"K-Kuma?!—ah!!" I didn't know who was grabbing me and it was making me incredibly nervous. My heart was racing and I was ready to thrash and kick my way free.
"Lucas, get a hold of yourself!"
Is it really Duster? Is it really Kumatora..? Is it..? How can I know and be sure of it? How did I know if I was even safe? Everything felt so overwhelming right now. "G-get off of me!" I screamed and began my thrashing in 'Duster's' hold. His hold on me only gotten tighter. He began to drag me off into the house with 'Kumatora' holding onto my struggling legs. As I was being held and carried off against my will, 'Claus' only stared at me holding his waist and face crying… Looking sorry for me.
Inside, I was tossed into a bed and felt myself being restrained. "What are you doing to me?! Stop it! Stop it, please!"
"I'm sorry, Lucas! But you're doing it again! You may break someone's face in! Please rest!" It's rare to ever see Duster this way, I couldn't believe if it was him or not.
"You're not Duster. You're not…you're not…" I felt the tears pooling in my eyes, they stung, just like how everything else stung. I was now tied and left alone on the lower level of this left over shack. They must've been watching me… The thunder flash made me wince because it was so dark… Then I heard banging on the window near me. Looking up to it, 'Claus' was banging on it like he was trying to get in, like he was worried for me and wanted to get me out. I didn't understand this...I didn't understand anything anymore. I didn't want to see it or the thunder flashes anymore!
I closed my eyes tight with nothing else left for me to hide away… Thinking of mom's song whenever it was like this..."With sadness set out…No matter where I am…I will still be in your life…" A loud chime bellowed through my ears and I felt everything stop. The flashing, the banging on the window…everything stopped. I felt the air swoop out of me too; silence. "I want to show you…warm moments and dreams… When I close my eyes…" I felt…sleepier as I tried to sing this to myself…already skipping over words out of being barely here anymore… "If I call out…" I yawned and felt my body loosen from being so tense from before…I couldn't even continue anymore.
It must've been the next day.