A/N: Heyyo, long time no see. I've been battling with this story for a while now, seeing as though it's been written out for over three months, but I just now got the courage to post it. With that, I must give a shout out to Deus Praetigiatores for forcing me to grow a pair and put this out there. Plus, once I reach six chapters of this, he owes me a story for any fandom I choose, which is super exciting. Anyway, enjoy. - Nikki-J
Tightrope
"Don't worry! You'll be fine here. They'll help you get better and you will be back home in no time!"
The service worker gently guides me to the brick building. Her touch is soft, almost hesitant, as though she's afraid I will explode any second. Honestly, she should be afraid. I mean, if I can kill my family with out a single thought, then what is stopping me from hurting this chick? I clench my hands into fists, hearing the clinking of the metal bracelets as I walk. Ah, right. The handcuffs.
That was a smart idea on their part, though the only one as far as I'm concerned. None of the other decisions made by the courts were the least bit intelectual. An asylum, really? I killed people! My family to be exact. But no, 'he is a young white boy with some obvious mental issues, let's give him the chance to work through them in a mental institution.' Idiots. If I was in their positions, I would have thrown myself into prison in a blink of an eye. Life sentence, no parole. I think that's a suitable punishment for murder.
Walking through the doors of the building was shocking. Everything was white, making the place seem even more ridiculous than it already was to me. What part of white is soothing? This much white could be a mental hazard, erasing all that you knew about beauty and light and replacing it with a dull, clean color. If I wasn't already insane, then this atmosphere that these idiots set up surely would have pushed me over the edge.
I'll admit it. I am flat fucking crazy. I have no problem hurting people for things that I see as a wrong move. But they bring it upon themselves. See, I don't like people in general, but what really gets under my skin are people who pretend they understand you. That's my issue with this idiotic social worker. She pretends that she knows your exact motives and how you think and what you are going to do, but in reality all she does is put words in your mouth and tells you the universal truths instead of your own.
"Of course! Alright Ciel, if you would please follow me." A lady's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I stare at her for a moment, looking over her plump figure and thin blonde hair that only reaches her chin, making the loud makeup on her face all the more loud. I raise an eyebrow and smirk, taking a step towards the lady. Her smile falters as she turns to lead me down one of the many white hallways picking up a clipboard on her way out. I watch as she pulls out her key card to unlock the metal barred wall that blocked us from moving forward, then proceeded to a solid metal wall where she typed in a code on the keypad, opening another door that allowed us to continue on.
"This is where you will live for the duration of your stay here. There are six other patients that will be living here with you." She leads me to a door with a plaque that read "Patient A" on it. She typed in yet another code that caused the door to emit a loud buzz and click, unlocking it. She opened the door and walked in, motioning for me to walk in with her. "This is your room. The door will be locked from curfew at 10 pm to 7 in the morning, when you will receive your first round of medications for the day. The next round of medication will arrive with breakfast at 10 in the morning, then at 1 with lunch, 4 with a snack, 7 with supper and 10 before bed. Medication is mandatory and we will check to make sure it was taken."
I can't help but roll my eyes at this. There are so many ways to trick people into thinking that you have taken the medication when you really haven't so this is definitely not something I need to worry about. I take time to look around my room, admiring the white walls decorated with grey shelves and a white and grey bed pushed against it. Directly next to the door is a analog clock that read 5:14, the second hand ticking with every passing moment.
"Okay, I believe that is all you need to know right now." The lady looks down at her clipboard, "According to your chart you will have a daily session at 6 o'clock in the evening with Doctor Michaelis, though that might change due to his thoughts on the issue. You may go out to the common room and meet your new roommates. Good day, Mr. Phantomhive" The plump lady saw her way out, leaving the clipboard on a rung next to the outside of my door. I take a look at the contents of the clipboard, reading the first line. 'Patient A in Section 1: Highly Dangerous.' I chuckle to myself. Damn right.
Tightrope
I walk around the compound until I find a bunch of kids sitting around on grey couches in yet another white room.
"Look! A newbie!" One of the kids exclaim from the bunch. He stands up and walks over to me. I give the boy a once over, admiring his blonde hair that went with his stereotypical bright blue eyes. He was slightly taller than me, which was only a little bit irritating, seeing as though almost everyone was taller than me with the exception of young children.
"I'm Alois, aka Patient B, aka Highly Fucked Up. Any of those titles will do. You are?" Alois giggles, sticking out his hand. I look at the hand with a nearly disgusted expression on my face, with the main intent to stir a reaction out of the blonde. I look back up at his face.
"Ciel. Ciel Phantomhive." Alois looked at his rejected hand and brought it back to his side, but still had a stupid grin plastered on his face. He looked me in the eye.
"So, I guess you are Patient H. Well, that means that you are the least intimidating here, making you not my problem. So, friendly advice, leave me alone, kay?"
At this, I laugh. I tried to keep it in, I really did, but this was funny. Anyone who thinks they are better than me in any way makes them instantly beneath me, because they obviously aren't. "Some friendly advice, huh?" I laugh. "Well, let me offer a piece of my own, kiddo. I'm Patient A. Now I'm not sureif that makes me crazier than you or not, and frankly I do not care, but f there is anyone to leave alone, it's me, got it? I have absolutely no conscious, making it 10 times easier for me to kill you without another glance. Now, think before you speak. It might come in handy next time." I chuckle.
The blonde stands in awe, with big eyes that were almost as large as plates. I watch as he mentally shakes himself straight to regain his composure, then glaring me in the eye. "It does not matter what letter you are! I was here longer, I killed my brother. Hell I killed my whole village. And I have absolutely no problem putting a little brat like you in your place." At this I laugh harder.
"Are you really going to test me before understanding my own abilities and stories? You are a fool, a speck of dirt under my shoe." At this he gasps, pulling back his arm in an obviously threatening motion, then launching it forward at me. I move to block his weak attack, but the punch was already intercepted.
I look up at the person who so rudely interrupted my first fight in the lovely white institution to see a tall man in a white lab coat. His slightly messy raven black hair framed his face pretty damn well, and those crimson eyes weren't atrocious either. Said man looked down at me with a disappointed look on his face, which pissed me off. I mean, the guy doesn't even know me! Don't give me that, 'I thought you were better than this' look. The man turns and looks at the blonde bastard who's hand was still caught in the raven's grip.
"Alois. I am pretty sure fighting is not tolerated here. You know better. I am quite disappointed that you picked a fight with a kid who hasn't even been here for a full hour. Go to your quarters until our session." Alois stuck his tongue out in an immature fashion and stalked back to his room once the raven loosened his grip. The raven turned his attention back to me.
"It is time for our session, Mr. Phantomhive. Let's go." The raven gently puts his hand on my shoulder, this is the second time today someone has treated me like a time bomb. I shrug his hand off and motion for him to lead the way. I don't need people's pity.
Tightrope
The raven's office seriously surprised me. The walls were a pale blue and his furniture was brown. His desk was messy and cluttered as were his bookshelves, which bugged me to no end. Yeah, I'm OCD. Just another one of my adorable quirks. I watched as the raven walked in and sat at his desk, taking a folder out of the bottom drawer and flipping through it.
"So, my name is Sebastian Michaelis. I will be your psychologist during your stay here. What is said in here stays in here and won't be told to any other staff or patients. This is a safe place to talk about the issues that plague you. Do you have any questions about this process or anything you would like to make me aware of before we start?"
For a flip second, I take my eyes off of the man's unkempt desk "Yes, in fact, I do. Your desk is going to be the end of me. I can't concentrate on a word that comes out of your mouth until that mess is cleaned up." I glare at the mess on the man's desk. How could someone let things get so messy, and not even bat an eyelash? It just boggles my mind.
The raven flips through the file some more, "Ah yes, your file does say that you have a strong case of obsessive compulsive disorder. Well, if you have such a problem with my office, why don't you clean it up for me? This way, I get a clean desk and you get a clean mind." I know, this isnt a fair set up. I have to do all the work while he gets to laugh at me. But it's literally tearing me up.
"Fine." I reach up to grab the folders that were scattered across his desk.
"Ah, I will take those." My shrink reaches his hands out for the files. It was only then that I decided to take a good look at their labels, Ciel Phantomhive, Alois Trancy, Michael "Joker" Ray, Alejandro "Snake" Sampson, William "Jumbo" Jones, Peter Mason, Wendy Mason, Savannah "Beast" Davlin, Charlie "Dagger" Shadix. These must have been the names of my fellow inmates.
"Oh, looky here! I wonder what Mister Alois Trancy has done to get stuck in this hell hole." I begin to open the folder before the file was snatched out of my hands. I glare up at my shrink. "I was reading that."
"And you know that you aren't allowed to. Those are private, for my eyes only. Absolutely none of your business Mr. Phantomhive." Dr. Michaelis tapped the folders on the desk in a vain attempt to straighten them before placing them in a draw in his desk. "Now, as you clean, I'd like to ask you a few questions."
I grab a bunch of miscellaneous items and straighten them out, putting the writing utensils in the pencil cup and the papers in a neat pile. "Go for it shrink man. I have nothing to hide." I brush off any crumbs and wrappers from the desk.
"Alright. I know you killed your family. Why?" I smirk and plop myself back into my seat.
"Straight to the point, I like that. I killed them because they deserved it. They were murderers. So, I gave them what they deserved." I cross my legs and tilt my head.
"Murderers? What do you mean by that?"
"Exactly what I said. They killed people. People who kill others deserve to die."
"But you killed them. Do you feel as though you deserve to die?" Dr. Michaelis grabbed a pen and a notebook, waiting for my response.
"Of course! Did you not hear me? People who kill deserve to die themselves." I watch my shrink scribble on the pad of paper. "That's why I believe the court was so stupid in their decision. Why let a murderer go free? No wonder this country is such a mess." Michaelis looks up at me and sighs.
"I believe they let you go free because they saw potential in you. They feel as though you can be rehabilitated. They see you as a smart kid, someone who can overcome their bad decisions."
"Well they are stupid. I did it because I knew that I was already long gone. I'm psychotic!" I glare at the idiotic man in front of me. How come no one gets it? How come no one understands?
"I don't believe that, Ciel. I think you are perfectly sane. Sure, there might be some psychological issues, but believe me, for I have had my fair share of experience with crazy people. You are not like any of them in the slightest."
"You are just as stupid as the rest of them. I don't deserve to breathe after what I did. I don't deserve a second chance. No one deserves a second chance after committing a murder." My glare sharpens. "If I am not crazy, why did I kill my parents? No sane child would do such a thing. No sane child would do such a thing and not feel guilty about it. I am in no way, shape, or form sane, Doctor. I am thoroughly fucked up."
"Everyone is fucked up, Ciel. Each of us have our issues in our own ways. But you aren't crazy. You don't feel guilty because you feel as though your actions were justified and that by killing them you were saving more people, am I right? And if you were psychotic, you would not have let Alois walk away from that skirmish unharmed."
I sat in silence. He got it. He understood my motives. No one thought like that. Not when it comes to me. They all told me I was crazy. They all said that I had a mental condition that prevented me from being able to feel guilt and to choose right from wrong. But he got it. He didn't tell me some universal truth. He told me my truth. He doesn't think I'm crazy. He thinks I'm sane. He got it.
I stare at him in awe. "I...then what's wrong with me? There has to be some sort of problem with me, with my mind."
"Nothing is necessarily wrong with you, Ciel. You just have a different way of thinking. No way of thinking is right or wrong. Thoughts are us, they are our justification, our ways of solving problems. Your way of solving problems is making sure the problem never comes back, hence your conclusion to kill your parents.
"Now since not a lot of people think the way you do, your actions are considered "wrong" by society, but others who do think like you would say that your intentions were pure and your actions were correct. Unfortunately though, those people are few and far between which means that your way of thinking will not be accepted by the majority. Because of this, the only way to rehabilitate you in the way that the court wants is to change the way you think."
"That is ridiculous! This is all ridiculous! Change the way someone thinks? Impossible. And not just because it's physically impossible, but because I wouldn't let you alter a thing about me. If I'm not crazy, why would you have to do anything?"
"I personally think that the whole concept is wrong, but that doesn't make it impossible. The main way to, to a point, successfully change the way you think would be through electro-shock therapy, which I am completely against. The idea of punishing one for how they think and function by electrocuting them is inhumane and one I'd rather not possess, but it needs to be done in order to be able to deem you ready to go back into the real world in the courts eyes."
"No. No. There is no way in hell I would let anything like that happen. Besides, I shouldn't be back in the real world. I murdered my family for godsake. Who in their right minds would let someone like that back on the streets? Maybe it's them who needs to be locked up in here, not me." I can't help but direct my anger towards him. This whole thing is pretty damn messy for someone who is allegedly "not insane."
"Maybe so, but they aren't the one's here. You are. I am afraid our time is up for today. You will be prescribed the standard antidepressants for now, taken twice a day after breakfast and dinner. Thank you Ciel, you are now dismissed for dinner." Michaelis shuffled his papers in his hands before tapping them on his desk to straighten them and slipping them into my file.
I get up with a huff and make my way out of the stupid office. I'll show that raven just how crazy I really am.