This was written at 3 in the morning. It is currently 3:40 in the morning; so be warned, this is unbeta'd and vaguer than an half-mad seer in a badly written fantasy movie.
Warnings: sort-of vague angst, spoilers.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my brain-vomit.
Through a hazy dream, he sees them, bloodstained and desperate, half-dead and barely able to stand, gazing up at him like he was their final ray of hope.
His vision is half obscured by dreams of happier days; teasing a younger, simpler village-girl Rem about meaningless crushes, or arguing with Izana over a completely non-existent "chocobo obsession". Sometimes when he blinks he sees days that almost were, but could never have been. Not in this turn, at least.
Sometimes when he blinks he sees bloody red, war-torn l'cie; too tired to even stand, let alone fight Agito. Then sometimes, he sees smiling children, lying pale and lifeless and surrounded by debris; but somehow they smile like it's the happiest they've ever been-
Through a dream; he sees himself, fighting Agito beside them - beside Rem - and none of them fall. None of them are bloody or desperate or half-dead. Nobody looks up at him like he's the only ray of light they've ever seen in a completely obliterated world-
Sometimes, when he breathes, he can feel his nose burn with the dust and the tangy smell of blood in the air. Sometimes he swears he can feel his lungs moving like an unused muscle, and for a split-second his heart shatters his ribcage before falling still.
Sometimes he can smell the scent of pine desks and clean carpet and the smell of fresh parchment. These times he can feel laughter leaving his lips like an apology; because he's so sorry, because he never laughed like he laughed in the village, because he doesn't know why he's sorry and because he doesn't know why he never laughs anymore.
But he confuses himself, because he cannot blink. He cannot remember. He cannot see. He cannot feel. He cannot breathe. He can't do anything but watch them through that hazy dream and mix up what could have been with what was and what might be. Time, something he used to resent so much, no longer exists.
Sometimes he wonders if he exists anymore.
Sometimes he wonders if he ever existed in the first place.
Just as an end note - this takes place when Machina is in crystal stasis. It's an au where Rem and him never wake up. It's my own theory that while l'cie are semi-coherent in crystal stasis, they also dream and might even end up going mad.
If you enjoyed, review. If you didn't, still review! I haven't posted anything online for give or take 3 years. Criticism is welcomed, but no flames, please! :)