It Looked Like Rain
"Well as soon as the nurses are ready we will have you transferred up to Darwin, Mr Gregory. Then we shall be able to better observe your heart." Joseph smiled tightly at the elderly patient and placed his stethoscope back around his neck.
He hovered awkwardly as Sacha made a clumsy joke and excused himself. The pair walked away together both distinctively aware they have never had a proper conversation.
"Well thank you for coming down." Sacha grinned at him. It was a busy day and the ward was crowded so he appreciated the other mans promptness in helping clear a new bed.
Joseph seemed distracted, with his hands in his suit trouser pockets he glanced around as if he was trying to be discreet. It did not quite work.
"What, oh yes. Well we all have to try and help each other in this place." Joseph gazed over the other mans blond head as he spoke absently. If Sacha was a more hot tempered man he would have felt annoyed.
"She's not here you know." He whispered conspiringly.
Joseph's confused gaze snapped back to Sacha's before he rearranged his face into a more neutral expression. "What?" He questioned an eyebrow inching towards his hairline.
Sacha rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "Jac, she's not here. Of at some kind of budget meeting or secretly forming brilliant evil genius plans. I really wasn't listening when she told me."
For a moment Joseph spluttered and Sacha was sure he was going to deny it but then he seemed to change his mind and except his colleagues knew more about him than he was comfortable with. He tilted his head and gestured with a sweep of his arm that he would like to continue the conversation in a more private area so Sacha led the way into the quiet staff room.
"How did you know?" Joseph asked as he shut the door and leaned against it.
With an opportunity for an improv break Sacha headed directly to the box of doughnuts that sat temptingly on the worktop. He offered the box to the other man who looked mildly disgusted at the sugary treat so Sacha shrugged and took a big bite out one with chocolate glazing.
"Well it's hardly a secret is it? I've heard the stories out you two and then there is the sexual tension." He swallowed his mouthful as he talked.
"Tension." Joseph tested the word as if it was from a foreign language.
"And then the fact that you were snogging outside Maternity Theatre One the other day." Sacha added jollily.
Joseph's eyes widened in uncomfortable surprise, he innately found himself disliking the word 'snogging' as much as he disliked talking about his complicated relationship with Jac. It was not something he had quite figured out in his own head yet. The new trust between them was tentative; the only thing he understood was that when he was desperate she was the one he wanted near. She was the woman he had never been able to let go.
"Oh don't look so shocked. A public corridor in a busy hospital is hardly the place if you don't want people to talk." He stopped for a moment and made a face. "It's not subtle or that romantic either. Do you think Chrissie…" Sacha trailed off remembering that this slightly painful conversation was not about his own lack of love life.
It seemed odd to Joseph that Sacha would even recognize subtle when he was dressed in the loudest, ugliest shirt that ever existed. "That um, that was not planned." He scratched the back of his neck unwilling to say anything more. He had been grateful for Jac's help and inspired by her surprisingly gentle honesty and amused by her protective sarcastic humor. For the first time ever they were open and on the same page and kissing her had felt like the most natural thing in the world.
"I don't see how this is any of your business Mr Levy." Firmness crept into the politeness of Joseph's tone.
Sacha seemed unfazed as ever at the warning. "Oh I know, don't really want to think about you smooching either." But his dopy smile thinned as he considered what to say next. "Jac has been smiling lately. Not a full out girly smile but not that little mocking thing she does either but a few genuine smiles. Its like she might almost be happy."
And suddenly Joseph was back to a time he was convinced he would die in a quarantined operation theatre. 'You couldn't stop smiling. You looked like someone else.' He wanted to be the reason she would smile. He forgot all about walking out on the conversation.
"I might not completely understand the situation and I didn't know the pair of you when you were together but Jac's in love with you. She would never admit it but I can see it in her eyes. And I know that things are really bloody messy."
"That's an understatement." Sasha's sudden seriousness was a little off putting and Joseph found himself answering back sardonically without thinking. Only now things might not actually be as complicated as they always seemed. Underneath all the complications his feelings for Jac had always remained the same.
Sacha pulled himself up to his full height, doughnuts forgotten. "You are the only person in the world she's willingly let get close to her. But you have a son and Faye and there is no way you can put Jac before your own child. You have the power to do the one thing she's most afraid of. You could really hurt her and I really don't want that to happen."
Joseph narrowed his eyes at the other man, the intensity of his words making Joseph examine him closely for the first time. "Why would you care so much?" He asked genuinely curious with just a little bit of jealousy bubbling inside.
Sacha's eyes widened "Oh you think me and Jac…No we've had this conversations. She's too pointy. She's a friend, a really good friend and she doesn't have anyone else. I just want to try and protect her."
The frankness was refreshing and Joseph was glad that Jac had someone that was willing to look out for her. She had always seemed so painfully alone. He had a new admiration for the other doctor and a new urge to try and reassure his worries. It was like being back at school meeting his girlfriend's father for the first time.
"I would never intentionally hurt her." He said firmly, eyes a darker shade with conviction.
"But it might not be that simple." Sacha smiled tiredly.
"It rarely is." Joseph slumped against the door with a matching smile. "I do love her and I'm glad she has you." He admitted.
Sacha's smile grew into something a little sillier and a little more familiar and he nodded in a silent show of respect. "Just please don't tell her this talk happened. I don't actually want to be dead." He gestured like a bad mime artist and grimaced at the thought of what Jac would do to him.
"Oh she won't just kill you; she'll slowly torture to death." Joseph laughed gravelly, a fondness evident in the creasing of the corner of his eyes.
They shared a quite comfortable moment of amusement. In the background the voices of the nurses floated through.
"I know she's scary and damaged and frustratingly complicated but underneath it she's more vulnerable than I think either of us comprehends." Sacha spoke softly and Joseph had nothing to say in reply, the blonde man was right and he knew that better than most.
"I should be getting back to Darwin before Connie realizes I'm missing." He said finally pulling himself to stand up under his own esteem.
Sacha nodded and bit into his bottom lip looking as if he wanted to say something more but couldn't find the words.
"I do appreciate you wanting to protect her and I understand." Joseph found himself trying to be reassuring.
"I know." Sacha tilted his head, "I was just thinking that it might not matter what you feel or want. There might be just too much getting in the way of a happy ending."
Joseph had a newborn son, an unstable wife he was in the process of divorcing on top of his own issues and his history with Jac. He struggled to find a solution that would make them all happy.
"Your right," He agreed "But I have to take the chance."