Never Existing
Your POV
I dreamt you had left. Gone without a single sign of ever being there. People said that you never existed but I knew they were wrong. How? You kept turning up before me and talking to those around us. I'd turn to talk to others, only to find you gone again when I turned back. It kept happening. Sometimes I would stop believing in you, only to find you there again.
At one point in my nightmare you told me "Don't think and I'll be there with you. Over think and I'll be there too." I didn't understand as I was always over thinking or under thinking but you weren't always there.
People booked me doctors appointments but I knew there was nothing wrong with me apart from the fact that I couldn't wake up. They told me that I was awake but I knew that I couldn't be.
I tried suicide a few times to see if falling asleep there would wake me up there… none of my attempts worked. This vision seemed never ending until one day everything went black.
I pushed my arms out to see if the darkness has any edges or cracks to let in light but the perfect circle of darkness showed no sign of escape. I thought that I was having one of those moments like in some books and films where they see someone come towards them, but I was all alone.
Then, as suddenly as a wing flap, I was back where I wanted to be.
***
It was strange I thought I knew that place but when I got there it was all so unusual and different. You acted like I had never been away, and I realised then that I preferred you when you disappeared and reappeared unannounced. You being around me all the time made me self conscious and nervous.
I realise now that there with you was my dream world and here with all the doctors appointments is the real world. My home.
You don't exist.
You never existed.
You turning up and going away was all my imagination.
You didn't talk to those people.
You didn't talk to me.
You never existed and for that … I'm sorry.