Hi everyone! So this is going to just be a series of fem!Hawke/Anders drabbles, based around a post on tumblr I found inspiring fanfictions. This one is called Things You Said At 1 AM. Anders and all other characters belong to Bioware, and I'm using my Hawke, Lysa (pronounced Liza), who's a mage. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!
Also, Justice speaks in italics and Anders thinks in bold.
Anders paced back and forth in front of her mansion. It was very late, she was most likely asleep. He didn't have a clue what he was doing at her place so late, but Maker, he just had to see her. Finally, after hours of pacing, he worked up the nerve to knock on her door. Hawke groggily opened the door, rubbing her eyes. "Anders?" she asked. "What are you doing here? I don't know how it is for possessed Grey Wardens, but for us normal humans, we actually have to sleep sometimes."
He chuckled awkwardly. Even in the middle of the night she found a way to be sarcastic."Very funny. I sleep too, for your information. I just...well, I needed to talk to you."
She rolled her eyes, stepping aside. "Come on in, then. I'm guessing it's extremely important since you had to wake me up to say it."
Anders walked inside, setting his staff by the door. He followed her over to the fireplace, where she used her magic to light a fire. He smiled softly as he watched her warm her hands. She looked so peaceful. Her raven black hair was a tousled mess, and she had her night robes on. Whenever he normally saw her, she was shooting fireballs at people. He'd never seen her look so...normal. "Sorry it's late. I just...I know you're so busy now, playing mediator between Orsino and Meredith. It can't be an easy job."
"It's really not. Someone has to keep those two from killing each other, though. I swear, I almost prefer dealing with the Qunari to this."
He breathed a shaky laugh. This seemed so much easier in his head. That is, when Justice wasn't reminding him how impractical it was to have feelings for someone. "Well, I guess I'll get right to it then."
She folded her arms across her chest, leaning her shoulder against the wall. "All right, I'm all ears."
Swallowing thickly, he stepped closer to her. "Lysa, we've known each other for four years now. You've helped me in a lot of ways, more than you even know." He paused, looking at his hands. "We've grown really close, there's no denying that. Right? I mean, I'm just trying to say, I...I actually don't know what I'm trying to say." Maker, he was bad at this.
"I think I know what you're trying to say," she said, taking a step forward. They were merely inches apart from one another now. "You're trying to tell me you have a thing for me, right? That you lie awake all night, craving my presence beside you at all times. While you're treating patients, fighting templars, even in the bath." She winked at him playfully.
"Actually...yes. You're exactly right."
She began chuckling. "All right, I've had my fun. Seriously, what is it? I have a meeting with Meredith tomorrow and I'd prefer not to keep her waiting and piss her off. The fact I'm an apostate already has me on thin ice with the templars."
"Okay, well, I mean, look, we've known each other for six years. It's been a hell of a journey with you, but I couldn't imagine taking this journey with anyone else. For so long, I thought I'd spend the rest of my days alone. Because I'm a Warden, I really only have about 20 or 30 years left to live. And then when I bound my soul with Justice, I always thought I was better off alone. What would be the point getting close to anyone if I was only going to hurt them? But you, you were always there. You've been there for me more times than I can count. And a few years ago, when you fought the Arishok, you almost died..." he glanced down at the floor, trailing off at the memory of the love of his life being merely inches away from death and all he was able to do was stand aside and watch.
She smirked. "Yeah, I remember. I was there, after all. Unless I wasn't? Did I imagine the whole thing? Maybe Varric's storytelling is starting to affect me!"
He gave her an annoyed glare. Here he was, trying to confess his love for her, and all she could do was make jokes. "Are you ever serious?"
She shrugged. "Sometimes, I guess. When I'm around Fenris I'm serious, mostly because he's so broody it rubs off on me."
"I think Isabela's the one who's rubbed off on you."
"Well, yeah, but in more ways than one," she laughed.
He blinked slowly. "What? You...you didn't sleep with Isabela...did you?"
"Yeah, actually, a few years ago. She showed up here and it...it just kinda happened. I figured you knew. Everyone else did."
Anders rubbed his forehead. "I mean, I heard Varric telling someone about it, but Varric likes to tell stories so I just assumed it was...a rumor. I mean, Isabela? Really? Why?"
Lysa looked offended. She folded her arms across her chest once more, this time defensively. Shit, he hadn't meant to upset her. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Excellent work, Anders. And here I thought I would have to sabotage this relationship, said Justice.
Shut up, there isn't even a relationship to ruin, thought Anders.
Exactly. You're ruining it before it can even start.
No I'm not. I can fix this.
We'll see, said Justice.
"Um..." Anders bit his lip, rubbing the back of his neck. What was he supposed to say? That he was jealous? Actually, that might work in his favor. "Nothing, I just, I'm...I'm kind of jealous."
She cocked an eyebrow. "Jealous? Really?" Then her eyes began to widen. "Wait...you...you like Isabela?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know, for being the Champion of Kirkwall, a brilliant mage, and eloquent politician, you can be so daft sometimes."
"Then wha-" she began, but was interrupted by Anders pushing her against the wall as his lips pressed against hers. He had one hand on the small of her waist and the other propping himself against the wall. Her body was stiff and surprised at first, but after a second she relaxed, bringing her arms around his neck.
After a few minutes of heated, fervent kissing, he broke away, smiling. "Do you realize how long I've wanted to do that?" he asked.
She, too, was grinning. She pressed her lips into a thin line. "So, I think I've gathered...and stop me if I'm wrong...but, it's not me you're jealous of? I'm guessing...you're jealous of Isabela?"
"You are a master of deduction, Hawke."
She shrugged arrogantly. "Yeah, I know."
"So what, all this was just to tell me you like me? You could've just said 'hey Hawke, you're pretty amazing. Wanna hop into bed with me?' That could've worked, too."
Anders scoffed. "I want so much more than sex from you, Lysa. If that's all I wanted, do you really think it would've taken me this long to tell you? I don't like you, I'm in love with you. I have been for five years. You don't know how long I've thought about telling you. Justice doesn't approve, he's been trying to talk me out of it all this time. But I had to tell you. If you don't feel the same way, I understand. I'm an apostate, I have a spirit bound to my soul, and I'm a Grey Warden. I will never be able to give you a normal life."
"Hey, I'm an apostate, too. Even if I wanted a normal life, I'd never be able to have one. Plus, normal is overrated. I thrive on constantly running around getting involved in other people's dangerous affairs."
"This is serious, Lysa. I don't want to hold you back. You're the Champion, Meredith wouldn't dare try to arrest you. Me, on the other hand, I'm disposable. A life with me is a life with the templars constantly on our tail. And I know you hated having a life like that growing up. You wanted more than that, and now you have a chance to have a life like that. But not with me."
She grabbed his hands and laced their fingers together. "Anders, I love you, too. The sarcasm, the playing around, it's a defense mechanism. But I mean it when I say I want a life with you, whatever that life may be. If we always have to be on the run, then that's what we'll do. I don't care, honestly, as long as I get to be with you."
Eyes widening, he cupped her face softly, his thumb gently tracing across her cheek bone. "Maker's breath, I never thought I could feel this way about anyone."
She grabbed his collar and pulled him against her for a passionate kiss. Breaking away ever so slightly, she leaned to his ear and whispered. "Now, how about that going to bed part?"