Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Bleach because such greatness can only come from the awesome Kubo Tite.
Author's Note: My pilot Bleach fic on this site. I guess Bleach's temperature is higher than Naruto's for me at the moment. I just need to take a break from the Naruto universe for a while and try to explore Bleach's wonderful world with a very unlikely, not to say risky but nevertheless a fascinating pairing if they were ever given a chance.
This story kicks-off right after the (filler) Bount arc and before anything, I humbly apologize for the expected OOC-ness in this story. I'll try my best to improve my research in their characterizations from time to time because I'm still learning and try to improve my writings every day.
CAN'T LET GO
Summary: There are things that you find precious in life that you just can't imagine living without them. But somehow, a time will come when you have to let go. From drinking buddies to close friends, these two people learn more of life in each passing days counting towards the anticipated Winter War, least expecting that they might just find what they've been searching for in each other. RenjiXRangikuXByakuya(?)
Prologue
The night when the ice-box became warm…
If only she knew she would make the mistake that one bloody fateful night, she would've chose to drink plain water or heck, even fruit juice just as long as she stayed sober.
Or if she was already drunk, she should've stayed overnight at the meeting room. Otherwise if she was lucky, stayed for a few hours until she's sobered enough to walk herself home. But so much for luck, the rain had chosen to fall rather heavily that night out of all freaking times. The almost-empty sake bottle perched loyally beside her leaning figure which sat languidly against a pillar.
She should've feel awkward when that tall and well-built dark-haired man approached her out of her concern when the whole Soul Society is fully aware of the fact that the man was a noble whose standards were higher than anyone else. To top it off, he was the infamous 'Ice-Box' of Seireitei who would never be interested in conversing with anyone, let alone a common vice-captain like her.
The strong surge of intoxication turned her cheeks a light shade of crimson but she was too self-conscious that she didn't realized that he was actually drunk under the surface of that cold, emotionless visage.
"I hate rains…" She mumbled randomly. Only Kami knows how gauche it was to start a normal conversation with an individual like him and furthermore this happened to be the first time they had ever stand this close.
"………" No response from the enigmatic man. Well, as if she expected that he will react at all.
"Well…heh…I guess I should go back now," she muttered before picking herself up and her zanpakutou from the floor and ready to walk into the pouring downpour. She stood still for two minutes contemplating on her decision to either walk slowly or make a mad dash towards the next place that could shelter her from the weather. It doesn't matter one bit to her anywhere it might be but just as long as she can put a distance between her and that remote atmosphere when he was standing close to her.
However, when she stepped into the watery pavements she expected the heavy droplets to fall heavily on her ginger locks but instead a small umbrella sheltered her from the deafening rain.
"It's not wise to walk in this weather." The same man appeared beside her with his eyes fixed still to the path in front.
"Nah…I'll be alright…"
"I'll walk you home."
In the middle of their walks, she hissed occasionally as the temperature dropped with each passing seconds. His right hand moved over to her shoulder, drawing in closer to his warmth. Just as she was about to withdraw herself from his hold, an opportunistic thunder boomed loudly on top of their heads and caused her to jumped right into his body. The softness of her breasts was pressed hard against the solid planes of his chest and that action alone was already enough to trigger the desires that he had placed in denial for a very long time.
Another thunder roared soon after, causing the lavender-eyed woman to grip even tighter to the taller man. The said man grunted softly due to the sudden and slow movement of her lithe, curvaceous body. After thirty seconds had only she realized her actions and she slowly pulled herself away, only to be caught at her wrists. She looked up towards his emotionless face, trying to offer an apology but instead he caught her lips in a hot and heated kiss, filled with an unquenchable passion.
"Wha-"
"Come…" His smooth voice lingered within her senses when he took her hands in his, guided her towards his own abode without ever looking back to assess just how stunned she was because of his own unthinkable action.
"Matsumoto…" he whispered when his solemn black orbs bored into her own deep ones.
"Uh-Just d-don't stop now…please," she moaned helplessly into his thin, pale lips.
She knew she just cannot resist it when his warm lips found her own again and those strong hands of his wrapped around her tempting curves in one firm grip. They both reeked and tasted of sake but she couldn't help but notice that strong scent of green pine on his temperate and slightly-coarse skin. She let out an incoherent gasp when his lips grazed against the tender surface of her slender neck while one of his hands roamed against her back and the other against her generous mounds, delving desperately into the low necklines of her hakama. His great built crushed her smaller one in comparison against the shoji walls of his vast mansion and drowned her with his feverish kisses and fervent caresses.
And they were so high on that damned sake until they couldn't remember when he carried her in his arms as he walked towards his own bedroom, followed by the scattering haori and black shinigami clothes on the floor and the unearthly echoes of moans and cries of extreme pleasure that ensued after in the deep darkness. All from inside a room that had always been silent ever since the day, the mistress of the mansion departed from Soul Society.
The morning-after, she opened her eyes with a pounding headache while staring at the white ceilings of the room. Normally, she would've lazed around and waited until the throbbing stopped but not until she realized there was an unusual soreness on her whole body especially…… 'Oh no…what have I done?'
There was unmistakable warmth radiating from a larger and masculine figure that was fast asleep just beside her. The 'stranger's fair and well-sculpted body moved up and down slowly to the rhythms of his own breathing. His long, flowing black hair covered half of his face and since his head was turned away from her, it was even harder for her to make out the real identity of the man whom she had just spend the night with. To make things worst, that man is naked and so as she. Besides that, her breath hitched when she saw the abandoned white haori on the floor beside her. From the looks of it, that was one nasty night last night since she realized there was slight tear around the neck of the cloth. That got to resolve into one bloody conclusion; she had a one-night-stand with a captain from the Gotei 13! 'Oh sweet Lord, was it Zaraki?' Her mind screamed as she clutched the sheets tighter to her chest and a hand picked up the captain's uniform and slowly flipped it around to see the symbol embedded at its back.
Her heart skipped a bit when she saw the unmistakable kanji of the number SIX.
She quickly jumped out of the bed and dress herself with her own clothes but another shot of surprise came when she saw the picture of a very familiar face, standing just beside the night-stand.
'I just screwed him in front of his late wife.'
After that night, she had secretly hoped that he would never remembered anything or if he realized that he slept with someone, she just hoped that he'll never know that it was her. But somehow, there was a voice deep inside her that kept denying her own feelings and there was a small part of her who dreaded the fact that she had been intimately close to him yet still so far away.
Suddenly, she found solace in doing something out of the ordinary which happened to be paperwork and although this seemed to be in Hitsugaya-taichou's favor, he's still am curious and nevertheless worried of the sudden change in his vice-captain.
However, three days after that night, the tenth division had received a surprising visit from none other than the great leader of the sixth division himself.
No one could imagine the shock on her face when she looked up from the staggering paper-works on her desk.
"Ku-Kuchiki-taichou?"
"………"
"If you're looking for Hitsugaya-taichou, he's away for the moment."
"I'm not here for him."
"O-kay. Something wrong then?"
"You left this at my place," he said in a low, guarded tone as he slowly took a leathered vice-captain arm-badge out from the folds of his hakama.
"Are you sure it's mine? I think you've got the wron-"
His hand turned the badge, displaying the uncannily familiar symbol of the anemone flower that had been traditionally held high by her division. "-or maybe not."
Still avoiding her gaze, he said, "I assumed you are just as clueless of this situation as much as I do."
"……" For the first time in her life, she failed to find the words to say in a situation that demands her to be rather verbally active.
"I can assure you that it will never happen again. It's just a mistake that two adults would commit when they are drunk. Definitely without any real intentions."
"But-Don't I get a say in this?"
He raised a thin eyebrow in response, as if questioning her boldness in answering back to him. After all, she was just a common vice-captain in the 13 squads. No commoner dared to speak back at the highly-prestigious Kuchiki nobleman in such lowly-regards. "As far as I'm concerned, Matsumoto-fuku-taichou, I am trying to make this situation easier for the both of us."
"I was just gonna say that no one would ever hear about this from me. And I mean no one."
"I'm glad that we see eye-to-eye in this."
And when he walked out of the room soon after, she had never talked or even heard about him ever since. The nonchalant shoulder-brushings in the main hallways turned out even colder with him, not even blinking an eye towards her direction. And that somehow irked her because of the reason that she could never forget what happened between them and yet he could easily forget everything like it was nothing. Why would she bother with the What-If's if she's the only one who had hoped that they could at least turned back to normal, just like before that dreadful night ever took place. By some means, she felt that she was 'used'. Maybe because of the fact that she was a woman and women tend to get emotionally-involved in most situations. But then again, the tumultuous feeling that she was having with the stoic, distant captain of the sixth division kind of equivalent to the way that she felt when Gin walked out from Soul Society and away from her life.
She felt unwanted and forsaken by two men that had ever managed to touch her both physically and mentally. That had ever come this close to her.
That is why she tried her very best to avoid running into Kuchiki Byakuya or even into anyone that were linked to him in someway or another. And that had triggered a concern with the people who were close to her like her captain and her drinking buddies Shuuhei, Kira and especially Renji.
These past few weeks, she spent almost every night after work either doing…well, more paperwork or just sleep in her own small apartment. Her natural, cheerful and bubbly nature had switched to more withdrawals and solemn attitude. Even Hitsugaya seemed to want his old lieutenant back who loves to slack off on her paperwork and drink the night away as opposed to the supposedly-ideal one he's having right now.
The lads were trying to get her back on track by having Shuuhei asking her out for a drink that one night. "Anou, Rangiku-san…We were hoping that maybe you could hang around together with us after work finishes today?"
With a small yet weary smile she replied, "Gomen ne. I'm really exhausted today."
"Not even for a drink of two? The old man at the bar is cracking up some really special sake for us tonight."
Her face cringed at the mentioning of the alcoholic drink much to Renji's perceptive gaze. "I don't think I'll want sake for the time being. Maybe some other times, boys?"
"But that's what you've been saying for the last few times we asked you."
"I don't feel well. I-I really need to go…" With that, she flash-stepped in an instance leaving three fellow vice-captains in confusion.
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"Matsumoto-fuku-taichou, I would love it if you could talk to me about this," Unohana-taichou took the red-headed female's hands in her own, re-examining her pulse.
"About what, Unohana-taichou? I've been giving up my daily sake intakes for the last two months if you wanna know." Rangiku let out a small laugh when she saw the serious expression on the 4th division's captain.
"That is a really wise decision, Matsumoto-fuku-taichou. Besides, it would be even better if you could avoid all alcoholic drinks and take extreme care of your health starting from now. After all, you should see what's best for both you and the little one you're carrying right now."
"Ahaha…uh, what?"
"Matsumoto, you're going to be a mother soon. And from my calculations, the child will be born during the Winter War. It's advisable for you to inform your captain and the father of your child concerning this."
There was a deep pause before she found the strength to speak, "But I-What if I don't want to keep this child?"
"Matsumoto…" Unohana's soft teal eyes widened in sheer surprise at her sudden response. "…it's your decision but you should think over this thoroughly. At least the father deserves to know."
"I understand but I do hope that you won't tell anyone about this 'outrageous' news."
The black-haired, motherly captain nodded in understanding. "I just want you to know that life's too precious to let go and a child itself is a miracle, Matsumoto. Not every woman can be granted with such miracle."
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The small patter of footsteps echoed through the hallways interconnecting the fifth and sixth division as the fair and busty female shinigami moved in medium speed. After exiting the fourth division and instead of heading towards her own building on the other far-end, her legs instinctively brought her body until it stopped right in front of the wooden doors of the most prominent division in the whole Seireitei.
A small hand rapped against the hard surface in full hesitance but she pulled all the courage she could find within her to step inside the majestically-garnished office.
"Kuchiki-taichou…"
He looked up from the stacks of the paperwork on the table. "………Matsumoto-fuku-taichou." It did take him a while before he could even mutter her name.
"I…Could you spare some time for me?"
"…There's nothing left to be talked about between us, Matsumoto. We agreed that both of us would forget everything that has ever happened bet-"
"But I'm…expecting."
"…………" If he was shocked, boy was he a good actor. Because he didn't seem to be affected with the news. At all. Just speechless and that's all.
"2 months along. I just feel that you have the right to know since it-"
"I understand."
Rangiku's eyes twitched in annoyance. Even in this situation, he still wanted to have the last say. Obnoxious bast-
"I know that this is as hard to you as it is hard for me. After all, we both know that this is unintentional." He cradled his head in his hands and let out a heavy sigh. He had never expected that it will turn out like this. The first time he had ever been with a woman ever since Hisana died, albeit even if he wasn't sober when it happened, he succeeded in knocking her up. The only chance of having a child that he had hoped for had died along with Hisana the moment she let out her last breath. The only woman he had hoped to be the mother of his child had long passed away.
He didn't love this woman who was standing in front of him. As beautiful and as alluring as she might be, he could not and will never love her. He could not accept her, let alone the child she's carrying. Even more so when it happened by 'accident'. Just imagine how scandalous it would be when people found out that he, of all people had succeeded in knocking up Seireitei's most desirable woman! Did he mention before that it was fortuitous?
And there was a saying that 'Women are really observant' and Rangiku proved the saying to be true when her instincts felt like she knew just what he was thinking about. Trying to stifle her hormonally-driven emotions, she took a very deep breath as an attempt to hold back her anger against the possible insult that she'll be facing. Well, not that she can beat him into it.
"I'm gonna save your noble-ass the troubles by not keeping this child. It's better of being unborn than being brought to this world not being acknowledged by its own father," the shudders in her voice betrayed the steely and stubborn spark in her lavender eyes.
He was the least surprised of her nonchalant remarks and provocative terminology but more of taken aback with her quick but obviously-firm decision. "Are you threatening me, Matsumoto-fuku-taichou?"
"No, I'm trying to save your dignified reputation, Kuchiki-taichou. Everything ends here. This I can promise." Any sane people would've noticed the venom inside her bitter words.
And she left without saying another word, nor posing a last glance. She had a life to live, with or without him. Even when she walked out from the main entrance of the sixth division's main office, she failed to notice a tall figure standing stiffly against the building walls, clutching his hands in a well-guarded ferocity. His black eyes had never left the silhouette of the woman who walked out with an unusual disturbance in her reiatsu. Her spirit pressure was too intense, mixed up with rage and confusion.
'Rangiku-san…don't you care about yourself?'
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When she entered the bar, the all-familiar face of Kira and Shuuhei greeted her sight with the cheerful blonde waving to earn her attention to where they were sitting.
"Hey Rangiku-san, fancy seeing you here. How are you feeling?" Kira asked her just as soon as she placed herself beside Shuuhei. Casually brushing her locks away from her heart-shaped face, Rangiku let out a small sigh. "I think I'm doing alright. Well at least, better than before."
"Maybe you've overworked yourself?" The dark-haired vice-captain of the ninth-division turned his head towards the woman, lifting his sake glass every once in a while. The glint within his eyes reflected just how much he was concerned about his fellow vice-captain and former academy senior.
"Sorry I'm late. I got caught up with a few stuffs back at the division," a husky and composed voice was heard when a new figure approached the group's table.
"Hey Renji!" Kira let out a small laugh. "No worries. You're just in time. Besides, you're just what we need to cheer Rangiku-san here."
"Didn't I just say I'm alright, Kira?" The only female in the group grumbled as she made an annoyed face at the man in front of her.
"You're crankier than usual, Rangiku-san. Don't tell me it's the time of the month now?" Kira said innocently, unaware that he had just provoked the said woman into a mild rage. "Kira, you better shut up before-before….I hate you!"
Renji took a seat beside Kira as he heard Shuuhei trying helplessly to calm the woman down despite the fact that she was threatening the 3rd division's vice-captain in child-like manner. "You better apologize or I don't wanna be friends with you anymore!" Rangiku screamed at the now laughing blonde in front of him while the other two tattooed-men shook their head in amusement.
Well, that is until Rangiku decided that another possible use of the sake bottle is to knock the air out of someone and how it would look better on Kira's head rather on the table.
"Rangiku-san, NO!" They just realized how serious she was but thankfully Renji was quick enough to catch her hand before the bottle managed to touch Kira's forehead. She huffed in frustration instead when the red-headed man loosened her grip on the porcelain and placed it down gently where it originally stood. As their eyes clashed that one brief moment, Renji understood that she was frustrated or bothered with another thing that is burdening her mind and that Kira just happened to push her at the wrong buttons and involuntarily became an unfortunate 'victim' of the current situation.
Letting out a nervous laugh, Shuuhei casually ran a hand through his hair and suggested, "I think some sake would calm you down, Rangiku-san. Why don't you have some?" and he (nervously) poured the rice wine into her sake glass.
She hasn't been drinking for a while and how she was craving for the bittersweet taste of that bloody sake. It's about bloody time too. She needed to rebound into her old life that she thought she had almost lost and taking that freshly-poured shot is her first step towards her 'recovery'. Unohana's words were long forgotten and all she could see was that deliciously-tempting wine.
'Bottom's up. Oh, how I missed you my dear sake.'
"I think you should skip on the sake again tonight. Alcohol might not help much with the stress." The same hand stopped her own again, putting a good resistance between her and the glass. Not only her, but it was also much to Shuuhei and Kira's surprise as they realized the sudden change in Renji's tone; which is a far cry from his usual laid-back demeanor.
"What's wrong with you Renji? Since when do you care what I should or should not drink hmm?"
"Since you, yourself are not concern for your own health and well-being."
"What makes you think that I'm sick?"
"When was the last time you got drunk?"
Her eyes widened in absolute astonishment. That one sentence coming from his mouth bore a deeper meaning that only she and a certain someone will understand.
'Oh shoot. He knows!…'
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The silent walk back to her quarters from the bar didn't last long enough. As soon as there was no one in plain sight and sense, the female shinigami bombarded her companion with the one question that she had been restraining herself from asking before. "How did you know?"
"I…accidentally overheard this morning-"
"What? That's not nice, Renji."
"Well, I was on my way to see him. I knew there was someone else inside his office, just never thought it was you."
"…What else did you hear?"
"Not much but no one will hear from me about what happened or what is happening between you and Kuchiki-taichou."
"Good."
"But sooner or later, people will definitely know."
"No one will know. Ever……Hey, I really need to have some sake tonight and you owe me a drink. Do you still have some in your place?"
"You're still thinking of drinking even when you're-" His onyx eyes hardened that instant as the truth dawned upon him. "Are you serious, Rangiku-san?"
She tore her gaze away from the taller man beside of her; not wanting to see his expression, not wanting to know whether he would or would not be judging her decision. "I don't have a choice. I can't keep it."
Renji's steps were brought into a halt as he watched her walked forward on the empty streets before turning around to face the younger vice-captain of the sixth division. "I don't care if you're starting to hate me because of this, Renji. I'm not proud of what I've done but I really can't do this on my own."
"Does Hitsugaya-taichou know about this?"
"Good God, of course not. I don't want him to be mortified of a mistake that I did. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way. He's been there watching my back for all this time that I can't let my slip-ups affect both him and the division. If that's not enough, add your division in the situation; it's only going to be 'disastrous'. You should know Kuchiki Byakuya better than I do." She could only stare helplessly at the starless sky above as she gave her explanation. Her dainty fingers clutched nervously at the golden chain around her neck, as if finding solace in the sole action.
"You're thinking of 'disposing' your own flesh and blood just to save somebody else's reputation?"
"It's too complicated and I'm not strong enough even to defend it on my own. It's better off not existing…"
Shaking his head, heavy-heartedly he sighed. "It's not my place to have a say in anything but whatever decision you will take, you should have no regrets about it Rangiku-san. Besides that, what would Hitsugaya-taichou feels if he finds out that you are hiding something like this from him? Maybe, just maybe you gave him less credit than he deserves. Well, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't living itself is a risk on its own?"
"Renji…I never knew you were into philosophy…"
"Rangiku-san…." He can't help but smile at her nonchalant remark.
At least she still has her sense of humor despite all the complications.
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To Be Continued…
Preview of Next Chapter:
She's back to her old self but Hitsugaya is more perceptive than every one thought he would ever be especially when Matsumoto had been frequenting to fourth and six (?) divisions in secrecy, too many visits to be true. Rangiku had to make the most difficult decision ever all on her own while Renji saw more to his friend than what meets the eye.
Author's End Note: First and foremost, thank you for even make it to the finishing line of this page and could bear with what had been written. XD On the other hand, to all Byakuya lovers, I truly apologize for writing him the way he was in the fic. I need to use it as a triggering part for the development between Renji and Rangiku. But it's not the last time he'll be appearing in this story. Don't worry, I'm not making him the antagonist because there's always a possibility for either characters to change their decisions anywhere along this story. Till next chapter.