Summary: The saying holds true. Dad!Mori, oneshot.
"Like father like son
Two roads become one
The old and the young
The father and the son
We didn't always agree
didn't see eye to eye"
--Like father, like son, Easter
The phrase the closest thing means that something is not exactly something, but the nearest thing to it. Or, as with other ambiguous phrases, it can mean it is the something, but one did not wish to acknowledge it.
And that is what meant by the Double Black duo having Mori the closest thing to a father and them being the closest thing Mori had to sons.
XXX
There was one important skill he didn't teach both of them.
Dazai was taught how to write and read by Mori. Both of their handwriting was extremely scratchy and largely ineligible to those who didn't learn how to read it.
Chuuya, on the other hand, had been taught by Kouyou. His kanji was beautiful, calligraphic in nature.
But, Mori still taught them some useful skills over the years:
How to act
How to tie Windsor knots
How to manipulate, blackmail, and torture people
How to talk to women
How to disguise themselves and blend into any group
How to drive a car
How to take care of non life threatening injuries-cuts, bruises, pulled muscles, sprains
XXX
How to act
Age 15
Both excelled in this skill.
Dazai used it on a regular basis already, jumping from looking happy to threatening in the blink of an eye. He was great at intimidating people. People could always tell something was off with him after a few minutes.
On the other hand, Chuuya could easily channel his emotions into playing dumb, although he didn't do it often. Whenever he did, his acting was impeccable.
Because of this, their solo missions differed. Dazai was the person for meetings with other organizations, torture of high level enemy agents, and strategies of course. Meanwhile Chuuya did support, one man assassinations of non ability users, and innfiltration-both short term and long term. With his fighting capabilities, he could survive any situation he got himself into.
XXX
How to tie Windsor knots
Age 22
Today was the first day Atsushi worked at the office for real. He frowned at his tie. He had tried to tie it, but only managed a loose knot.
Dazai popped up. "Want some help?" He offered.
"You know how to tie these?" Atsushi asked, surprised.
Dazai grinned. "Yup!" He easily undid the unseemly knot Atsushi had made. His nimble fingers quickly tied it a Windsor knot, pushing it up a little so the tie wasn't so loose. He almost flinched. Dazai felt the phantom weight of a set of fingers on his, showing him how to do it. He heard the quiet word of praise-something worth all the more because of who it came from-when he did it right. Dazai dropped his hands from Atsushi's tie. He turned away, his smile dropped.
"Dazai-san?" Atsushi asked.
"Yes, Atsushi-kun?" Dazai replied. The smile was back on his face, forced there by his iron will. His hands were in his pocket, concealed to hide their shaking.
Atsushi furrowed his eyebrows. He entended a hand, quickly withdrawing it before he touched Dazai's shoulder, unsure. "Are you okay?"
"Of course," Dazai chirped.
He lied.
He wasn't.
XXX
How to manipulate, blackmail, and torture people
Age 23
Dazai was racking his brain. He was tying to think of the best option.
He stopped. A plan hit him, ramming through the other thoughts like a truck through a brick wall.
His face was neutral, a blank slate of nothingness.
Dazai muttered almost sarcastically, and perhaps nostalgically, "It's the most optimal solution."
XXX
How to talk to women, (notably, Dazai ignored all of this type of advice)
Age 18
Dazai perked up, a gleam entering his previously amused eyes. "Although I'd love to finish this conversation, I have to go talk to that lady over there." Before Chuuya could warn him against it-or grab him to prevent Dazai from making an idiot of himself-he slipped out of his seat and approached the woman in the booth.
Chuuya watched from his bar seat, turning his head to keep an eye on his partner. He realized the moment Dazai was going to suggest it, again. He groaned into his cup, pulling a hand down his face.
Dazai smiled cheerfully at the woman. "I wonder if such a wonderful lady as yourself would be interested in committing a double suicide with me?"
The woman was about to hit him-either a punch or a slap, her hand drawn back slightly to make it more powerful.
Chuuya put himself between them. "I'm so sorry about my...friend," he apologized. He backed away. Chuuya latched onto Dazai's wrist, keeping an iron grip on his partner as they quickly retreated from the bar.
Outside, Dazai whined about lost chances. He dramatically mourned, proclaiming that she could have been the one.
Chuuya grumbled about his common sense lacking, idiot of a partner and having to move to a different bar that night all because of Dazai.
XXX
How to disguise themselves and blend into any group
Age 20
It wasn't hard.
It was surprisingly easy.
Chuuya paused. He stopped pointing the knife at him. The blood on his knife moved down the blade, forced by gravity. It trickled over his black leather gloves, tainted his pale wrist, and dropped onto the floor with small plinking sounds. "Join the Port Mafia, I'll spare you," he offered.
"How could you?" Sato hissed. His fingers trembled, the air trembled along with it.
"Is this a genuine question, or a no?"
Chuuya sighed. In his tone, curiosity and clinical detachment were mixed together in equal measure. With a slight frown, he flicked his wrist, sending an arc of blood onto the tiled floor.
Sato paled. "Why?"
Chuuya quietly replied, "I have people there."
"I had people here." Sato's voice was pained, accusing.
"I know."
XXX
How to drive a car part one
Age 16
This was their regular morning, on their way to work.
They all made it into the car, more or less awake. None of the three was a morning person. Mori already had his first cup of coffee, his eyes sharp. Dazai was trying to go back to sleep, his cup of coffee clasped tightly in his hands. Q complained loudly. A look from Mori shut him up.
Dazai yawned, sinking down further into the passenger seat.
Mori glanced down both sides of the four way street. Only a car or two, no cops. He pulled out, quickly jumping the car over the median. He sped up, they were a bit late. "Don't do that when you're driving. You could hit someone," Mori idly said, looking over at Dazai.
Dazai grumbled an affirmative.
XXX
How to drive a car part two
Age 23
"Watch out for that car," Kunikida warned, tense yet restrained. His hand gripped his pen, knuckles white.
Dazai hummed in acknowledgment. He lazily turned the wheel. The car skidded past, almost scraping the paint off the other car.
"Dazai-san?" Atsushi shakily asked. He had a bad feeling that they had overlooked something.
Dazai turned his head. "Yes, Atsushi-kun?"
"Do you have a license?" Atsushi gnawed on his bottom lip.
"I can drive," Dazai cheerfully said, waving the concern away, avoiding the question entirely.
"Oh." Atsushi smiled, relieved, not yet processing Dazai's words. Then he froze and stared at Dazai in terror.
Dazai smirked, jumping the median before his coworkers could react. He pulled into a side road, squeezing past two cars.
"Dazai!" Kunikida and Atsushi protested, terrified.
XXX
How to take care of non life threatening injuries-cuts, bruises, pulled muscles, sprains
Age 21
His hand slipped, the stitch tightened abruptly. Chuuya flinched. He cursed a blue streak as he continued to stitch up a gaping wound on his arm.
Chuuya slathered on antibiotic cream. An infected wound could be deadly for a fighter.
He put on a patch. He couldn't depend on the sticky adhesive to keep it on all day. Fortunately, Chuuya had an ample supply of bandages and was experienced in wrapping wounds. It was easy to wind a roll around his arm a few times. He held the bandages in place with his teeth as he tore off a piece of surgical tape. He taped the end and tore off another piece. He cut the other side of the bandages with a pair of scissors and taped it.
Chuuya sanitized the tools he need to and put them away, still wincing at the pain from the tender wound.
At least he didn't have to do it for a second person. His grimace darkened into a sad, bitter look. Yeah, if Dazai was still around, he'd have definitely gotten hurt a few times.
XXX
Conversation
Age 24
It was an odd thing for members of the Armed Detective Agency to watch Dazai and Mori. The two men sat in the small place sectioned off for clients.
Kyouka had hid behind Atsushi immediately after Mori walked in. Atsushi had tensed up.
Dazai intercepted Mori, a casual smile on his face. They exchanged words briefly. It was only after Dazai relaxed his shoulders that his coworkers realized he'd been as taut as a bow string before. Dazai led Mori to the waiting room.
Fukuzawa was out. The only people with the nerve to even try to push the Port Mafia Boss out the door were the same people who knew just what a horrible idea that was. For this reason, Mori was left to Dazai. Although...the rest of the Agency kept an eye on them, ready for whatever cunning plan Mori would pull.
It was Ranpo who noticed it first, as he often was. They had the same expression on their face at times, those smiles-the ones you couldn't tell were sincerely felt or just cruel mocking. Then it was the hand gestures, the innocent looks as Dazai and Mori pretended to play dumb about something...
The door opened. Chuuya Nakahara, a Port Mafia Executive entered. He completely ignored the Agency members, heading straight towards the waiting room with confident strides.
Dazai shifted over on the couch for him, putting his feet up on the table after he did so. He immediately insulted Chuuya.
Meanwhile, Mori politely greeted Chuuya, sipping at the tea Dazai had made.
They accommodated each other flawlessly. There was no question about Chuuya being there. He joined in on the discussion of city events and political maneuvering. He successfully managed to waylaid the conversation into which of Yokohama's bars were best for information gathering and hustling, something he considered a bit more interesting.
Dazai whispered something to them, something he had learned at a dive bar downtown. Apparently, it was rather juicy.
Chuuya snorted.
Ranpo narrowed his eyes. All three of their smirks were the same, as if they'd been copied and pasted onto each face.
Kunikida had enough. He coughed, taking a step into the waiting area. "How do you know each other?" He, like the rest of his coworkers, didn't know there was this level of familiarity between Dazai and the mafiosos.
Mori smiled, casually. He leaned back into the sofa slightly, but his back was still straight as a rod. He was deceptively relaxed. "Kouyou and I mentored them."
Dazai waved a hand, nonchalant, as if it was nothing big. "Mori was my guardian when I was a minor." He grinned as he continued, "And Chibi's the other half of Double Black, my partner."
Ranpo caught onto the unspoken words. He was feeling an uncharacteristic amount of shock. This was information...he wasn't expecting.
Chuuya gave Dazai a glare for the nickname but otherwise ignored it. "It's unusual for you two to be sappy," he muttered, half-joking half-sincere.
Mori smiled cordially. "Well, it is an unusual day, isn't it?"
A/N
Yet another Dad!Mori oneshot. Yeah, I'm definitely stuck writing these. There's going to be at least...maybe, five at this point?
The 'don't do what I'm doing when you're driving' idea is taken directly from my siblings and parents. Literally all of them have said this to me after doing something on the road that's a bad idea.
But the specific idea of jumping the median is from UnderHisWings/SonderQuil.
-Silver